Chapter 29

A year. Korra couldn't believe it. It had been an entire year since everything had happened. The Red Lotus, the Earth Queen, the poison, Zaheer, all of it. A year since she had been beaten so badly physically and emotionally that the world had lost their Avatar in order for her to heal.

Korra had been trying so hard to be more positive. She told herself that just six months previously she couldn't walk more than a few steps without collapsing. And now here she was running around the compound, gaining back her strength and endurance.

The running was one of the few things Korra was able to do that helped keep her mind calm. She wasn't nearly as fast as she used to be, and she was beyond sore at the end of every run; but each day she got a little stronger, a little faster. The steady rhythm of her feet hitting the ground one after the other, the cold air kissing her face and filling her lungs, it was strangely meditative and at times brought a sense of serenity she sometimes felt when she actually managed to meditate. She wondered what Tenzin would think of that…

Running was also a reminder of how far she had come, and it gave her hope that she could soon return to the world and be what she was always destined to be. Avatar Korra could make a comeback.

Nearing the end of her fourth lap, Korra spotted Katara waiting for her on a bench, a smile stretching her face.

"I thought I'd find you here. How many laps today?"

Korra stopped in front of her teacher and friend, breathing hard but smiling. "Four so far. I think I might have enough in me for another."

"That's excellent. How do your legs feel?"

"A little sore but not too bad. It's more of a good pain, if that makes sense," Korra explained as she grabbed her bottle of water and guzzled it down.

"Yes, it does. The soreness will get better over time and you'll find yourself back to where you were, if not stronger."

"I'm already so much stronger now Katara. I'm ready!"

Katara sighed and shook her head. They had already had this conversation, many times.

"Korra, I told you last week you're not ready to resume sparring or the rest of your combat practice and I won't approve it until you are," Katara explained, her voice soft but stern.

"But I am! Look how far I've come! I just did 4 laps around the compound. Six months ago I couldn't walk-"

"And 2 years ago, you could do 15 laps and barely break a sweat my dear."

Korra felt her guts twist at the harsh reminder of what she was once capable of and was even now still so far away from.

"That's not fair. I know I'm not that strong again yet, but I can be. I need to push myself Katara. All you're having me do is run and weight train. It's not enough. The Avatar can't be in fighting shape without actually fighting."

Korra had been trying for weeks to begin sparring again. She felt like a part of herself was missing but it was right there for her to grasp if only they would allow her to do so. But everyone refused. Katara had told her when she first asked, (and all the times after) that she wasn't ready and would not approve it. Korra had fruitlessly appealed to her father. She was sure, as a warrior, he would understand. And he did, but he told her that he was a father and a chief first, and she wasn't ready. Korra had gone to each the many guards, white lotus members and even some of the villagers, but no one would spar with her. No one would go against Katara's word. It was beyond frustrating.

"Korra, I'm not saying you won't be able to spar again. Just not yet. You can't rush your healing. It's true that you've come so very far. I also agree that you need to push yourself. But as your healer, and your friend, I'm telling you that you're not ready and you need to be patient."

"Then when will I be?! When I can do 10 laps? 20? Or maybe by the time Republic City is under attack again, or when the Earth Kingdom completely crumbles. Will I be ready then!?" Korra yelled, all of her frustration having built up and flowing past her control.

Katara, for her part, just sat there and stared at Korra with a soft and aggravatingly knowing smile on her face. What was it with old people and their ability to look smug, kind and stern all at once?

"Alright Korra."

"Wait, what?" Korra stood there dumbfounded, her mouth hanging open an embarrassing amount.

"You heard me. I'll approve your request to spar and confirm it for both your parents and the White Lotus," Katara explained. That same look still on her face but now with something added to it, something slightly…devious?

"O…ok. Great. That would be-"

"But."

Korra groaned. Of course.

"But what?"

"But only once you can beat me," Katara told her as she stood up and walked a few paces away as she opened her water skin at her side.

"Beat you? Katara…. but…what?" Korra was confused. This wasn't what she had wanted. She'd only wanted leave to start sparring with the white lotus members so she could get back in shape. What was Katara playing at?

"We're not going to spar Korra. I meant it when I said you're not ready. No, we're going to play an old game. If you can tag me without getting hit with the water, you win. I will approve your sparring. If not, then I win, and you will pretend to be patient and wait until I say so."

Korra had played this game many times when she was younger, especially with the other waterbenders. The rules were simple. A waterbender stayed in the center of a drawn circle and could not move out of it. Everyone else had to try and get to that person and tag them without getting wet but they themselves couldn't bend. The bender couldn't use any more water than what they had in a water skin so there couldn't be any giant waves to get multiple people at once. Not being able to move outside their small circle, which would be about 2 yards wide, and having to rely on their bending to defend themselves was a great way to train but also have a lot of fun.

Korra had once been able to successfully defend herself against 7 of the other village children and had even played on the other side before. She'd always been good at this game and that's what it was, a game. It wasn't fighting, and even though she was up against Katara (someone she had never seen play this game before), surely, she could do this. Afterall, it was mostly running, and that's all she had been doing lately.

"Well?"

"Ok, you're on."

"Glad to hear it. Shall we?"

Korra nodded and readied herself. Katara drew a circle with her foot around herself but Korra was surprised to see just how small it was. Was she not planning on moving at all?

After finishing the circle, Katara readied her water and nodded at Korra who nodded back. They were both still but many moments before Korra finally decided to make the first move and bolted towards Katara.

Korra may not have been as fast as she used to be just yet, but she still neared the circle with her mentor quite quickly. Surprisingly, Katara had yet to make a move and Korra knew well enough that it had to be coming soon-

"Aaah!"

There it was. With only a few yards between them Katara flicked her wrist and a small wall of water from her waterskin had appeared in front of Korra who barely had time to skid to a stop as she leaned backwards to avoid getting wet and fell backwards on her butt. It wasn't dignified by any means, but she didn't care. Growling, she hurried to stand and backed away from Katara to get her bearings.

"Nice stop."

"Ha ha. The game's not over yet!"

Katara smiled and nodded and Korra felt herself getting angry. She could do this!

Korra bolted to Katara's left and circled the older waterbender before darting forward again, noting that Katara had not even turned her head to watch Korra's progress. Was she not going to even try? What was sh-…

"Aaah! Whoa!"

Korra had to stop and duck quickly to avoid the missile of water that was aimed right at her head. But just as she stood and readied herself to run again, she sensed it coming towards her once more and dove to the side, tumbling into the snow and hurrying to her feet. She eyed her surroundings warily as she stubbornly ignored the growing tension in her legs.

The next several minutes were much the same. Korra would come close to Katara's circle and tagging her mentor, when she would suddenly have to divert or outright dodge the onslaught of water Katara would bring against her. Later, when Korra wasn't quite so sore both in body and mind, she would marvel at the ability her waterbending master had with the use of so little water on hand. What Katara must have been like to fight with in her prime…

"Had enough?" Katara asked.

"No, I can get you," Korra told her, breathing hard. She was covered in sweat and her legs were aching like they hadn't in ages with the constant and sudden movements she had to make to dodge the water and not lose the game.

"If you need to stop Korra, we can."

"No!" Korra yelled and bolted again towards the circle and Katara. She dodged the water again and again, continuing her path towards the circle. Korra saw that Katara had split the water she had into 3 separate missiles and they were all coming towards her. She dove forward, narrowly missing them as she rolled and continued, her legs on fire but it didn't matter. She was going to win, she was going to do this, she had her…

"I win."

Korra stood there in shock, her hand inches from the waterbending master and so close to victory. But it wasn't to be. Korra had missed the fourth missile of water that Katara had formed. It was small, no larger than a pebble she could find on the beach of Air Temple Island. But it was right there in front of her face and before she could react, it gently splashed her right between the eyes.

Katara had won.

Korra sank to the ground and tried to catch her breath. This was the most exertion she had had in so long and she was easily as tired as she would get on the days when she had to push herself still to walk a few steps. Her legs were just as sore now as they had been then as well, if not more judging by the feeling of fire ripping through them.

"You did well."

"I lost."

"Doesn't change the fact that you did well Korra. You must focus on the positive, at what you have accomplished instead of what you have missed," Katara advised, sitting down gently on the ground next to Korra, who was silent and fighting the tears that tried to form.

"How are your legs?"

Korra didn't respond, instead looking away and not wanting to admit that her friend had been right. It was childish, petty even. But she was so angry.

"Korra, I didn't suggest this game to you just to show you that your legs are not yet healed enough to take on the strain of sparring. I did it to show you that you yourself are not mentally or emotionally ready."

Korra's head whipped back to face Katara, her face a mask of horror and hurt at what her friend had said.

"Korra, listen to me. The moment your legs started to hurt you should have, at the least, been more cautious with them. I agree you have to push yourself, but not to the point of harm. You have to be willing to not only know but accept when it is time to hold back or stop. Understanding this is a key part of sparring AND healing. If you cannot do this, you are not ready to fight, and you will not heal.

You are allowing your fear and your guilt to harm your healing process. It clouds your judgement and it makes you angry. You won't be ready to fight until you can control this part of yourself. And you will not fully heal until you find peace with what happened to you."

"You're saying until I can accept it, I won't heal? I can't be the avatar?" Korra gasped.

"Korra, you've never stopped being the avatar. It's part of who you are. Having to stop and take a break to heal doesn't change that fact. You are the avatar. Being the avatar is not just about fighting and traveling the world. It's being a beacon of hope and peace. What you're doing here, willing yourself to get better and come back from what was done to you, that is inspiring to many even if you don't see it.

When I say you won't heal, I mean in spirit. Your body will heal, in time, but until you accept and make peace with your past, your spirit won't fully heal. It will take time Korra, but you can do this."

Korra was silent as the tears flowed freely down her face. She knew Katara was right, but it would take time to accept. Time she had and needed to utilize.

"Here, lets head to the healing hut and get you sorted out."

Katara stood and helped Korra to slowly stand. She had to lean on Katara more than she liked as her legs were still burning. They made their way silently to the hut as Korra reflected on everything Katara had said.

"I think 10 laps will be a nice goal."

Startled, Korra looked down at Katara who smiled back up at her.

"What do you mean?"

"When you can do 10 laps around the compound, you'll be ready for round 2, and we'll play our game again," Katara explained, smiling.

Korra thought about it and realized it be would good to have a goal in mind that wasn't just 'get better', 'get back to Republic City', or 'fulfill your destiny'. Ten laps. Yes, she could do that.

"You're on, Katara. And thank you."

That night, Korra lay in bed and reread all of the letters she had received in the last couple of months from her friends. Especially the ones from Asami. By now, she had them memorized. But she loved to read Asami's neat handwriting. It made it seem like Asami was closer to her somehow.

Korra had written back to Asami, and only Asami, but she had yet to send the letters. She had only written 2 but when it came time to send them, she hadn't been able to. The letters were so sad and depressing to Korra. Yes, she had celebrated walking again, and then running. But it hadn't felt like enough. She wanted to write to Asami that she had truly triumphed. That she was back to her old self. But she wasn't there yet.

Logically, Korra knew that was silly. Asami would have been ecstatic to know all that she had managed to do in the last year, heck the last 6 months alone. But Korra always faltered. She knew that not writing back to her friends hurt them, especially Asami. And yet, they never let on in their letters.

A small part of her wondered if her lack of response would prompt an impromptu visit from Asami. Would she return home one day to find the engineer there waiting for her? Angry words spilling from her about the lack of letters and a fierce hug holding Korra close?

But Asami didn't come, her letters Korra's only connection to her friend. To the girl she might really love.

"I'm coming back Asami." Korra whispered as she slowly but surely eased herself into under her covers for the night. The road was already so long, and she still had so far to go. But she would find the patience that Katara advised, and she would do it.

Sorry! I had a sudden project dumped on me the week I posted the last chapter and that has taken up a lot of my time. I'm on vacation and hoping to get one or two more chapters out in the next week or so. Hoping. No promises because I hate breaking them!

Thank you to all who have read, reviewed, favorited and followed this fic. Your support means so much. We're going to get to the end together. :)