-37-
Aimee stood before ICU suite number 5. She took a deep breath. She asked Iola to give her a few minutes before sending Maddie in. She didn't wish to confuse the youth, even if she already had a fair grasp on the relationship between her and her mother. She pushed the door open and leaned into her walker and moved forward.
Callie and her eyes met instantly. Aimee began to weep without a word having been spoken by either. She pushed her walker aside and worked her way over to Callie's bedside and bent down. The two embraced.
"I really, I just can't seem to find the words..." Aimee began. Callie smiled to her and shook her head slightly.
"You don't need to find words, girl. I am just so very happy to see you are still alive and with me!" She said and began to sniffle herself. Aimee took a deep breath and sat down. She blinked several times, searching for the words she could still not seem to find.
"Oh my God, Callie. I am just speechless. When I found out what you did. But why on earth would you do such a thing? Jumping in front of a bullet!?" She shook her head in disbelief. "We don't have a history. I mean as much as I know we have these feeling. I just never imagined anyone would...could..." Callie smiled to her.
"Well, it seemed like a good idea to me. You were in danger...and I had to protect the woman I..." Aimee closed her eyes and looked down. Callie paused.
"Are you ok, girl?" Aimee nodded. She opened her eyes.
"Yeah. I am. I mean, that word. It's a big word. And I don't want you saying it if you are whacked out on some drug and your faculties are not..." Callie held out her hand. Aimee accepted it. She held her hand tightly. The energy felt between the two was very strong.
"Well, I am on some pretty heavy duty pain killers, girl. But I am pretty sure I know a feeling of love when it crosses into my life." Aimee nodded.
"Me too. I feel every bit as strongly about it. But, I am worried."
"About?"
"Well, you are a married woman with children. One of which I have gotten to know pretty well over the last few days. We have come to really like each other. Or that is my hope. We were out in the waiting room and she was in my arms the entire time." Callie again smiled and looked off to the side.
"She must like you. She is not one to do that with just anyone. Not even auntie very much anymore. But I am glad to hear that. I know when I was coming to a bit earlier, I heard the two of you talking a bit and you seem to have a good rapport with her."
"She is a wonderful girl. I just don't want to make any more trouble that I have been." Callie looked at her a bit questionably.
"Already been? I guess I am a little confused by that statement." Aimee looked down and cleared her throat.
"Well, I met your husband...briefly." Callie closed her eyes.
"Oh, it begins to make sense..." She sighed and tightened her grip on Aimee's hand. "I feel so bad that I was not able to be awake and set him straight."
"Well, Iola did help out with that, a bit. But that is what makes this so all, rather, difficult. I am just so happy you are back with us..." she paused and looked at her. "With me." Callie nodded and smiled.
"Well, the feeling is mutual. I am rather glad to be here among the living again. I am not sure I can explain how it felt to be out of it. I mean being in a coma is not something I ever thought would happen to me." She looked concerned as Aimee looked as if she might try again. "You have been through so much. Well, I don't know all the details. I know when I asked the nurse about you she said you were recovering from being attacked. But she did not go into detail. I remember that night. I saw him through the window of the chapel and it looked like he was going to shoot you up with heroin. Then I went in and..." her words faded as a distressed expression came over her face. Aimee shook her head and patted her hand.
"Don't think about that right now. You need to get stronger. We can't stress over that night right now. It won't do either of us any good." Callie took a deep breath and nodded.
"Yeah, you're right. I just wish I could forget all of it. Since waking up it all seems so fresh in my mind." Aimee nodded.
"Truly, I know what you mean. But hey, you need to get that out of your mind. Maddie will be in any time. I asked Iola to hold her back for a few so we could talk a little. I didn't want her to, you know, get weirded out if she heard me say..." her voice cracked.
"Say what?" Callie asked softly.
"Well, say thank you for saving my life. And that I...I love you." Aimee's moist eyes focused into Callie's. Callie returned the expression.
"I love you, too." She said and signaled Aimee to come closer. Their eyes remained locked and Aimee leaned in. Their eyes closed and lips met. It seemed like the kiss lasted for several minutes.
A faint cough in the distance broke the spell and their heads turned to see Maddie standing in the doorway.
"Oh my." Aimee whispered and her face turned red. She quickly sat back down and shook her head towards Callie. "I'm so sorry."
"Why be sorry?" Maddie asked as she walked slowly towards the bed. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I should have knocked." Callie smiled to her daughter.
"There is my baby girl!" She said with open arms. Maddie rushed into her mother's arms and they hugged tightly.
"Momma, I missed you so much! I am so happy..." She said as they continued to hug. The embrace lasted several moments. Both Callie and Maddie shedding tears. Callie looked at her daughter and smiled broadly.
"I am so glad you are here! I love you so much, baby. I thought I wouldn't see you again."
"I love you, too, momma." They both turned to see Aimee, who was still looking a bit flushed. Maddie reached over and placed her hand on Aimee's shoulder. She looked up. A cautious smile creased her lips at seeing the youth was not disturbed by what she walked in to see.
"I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable, Maddie. Or get confused." Aimee said quietly. Maddie sat down on the edge of the bed next to her mom. She gave Aimee a look of a young teen wondering what the big deal was.
"So you and my mom love each other? That wouldn't confuse me or make me uncomfortable." Callie raised an eyebrow. This attitude, while welcome, was a bit of a surprise to her. But, perhaps a good surprise.
"Well, baby, I think Aimee is just worried that you might think we are, well, showing disrespect to your dad. Or that momma is married and not married to Aimee. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable either. I know this is all very much of a new and surprising thing. You found out I was shot, and then you found out that Aimee and I are more than just friends." Callie looked down with a thoughtful expression that turned to feel more than just a little shame for the situation that had presented itself to her daughter. "I am so sorry, baby. I wouldn't consciously do anything that would make you feel that you were in the middle of something or that you had to choose a side or anything. I feel bad that I am not a better mother. I let you down and that's not alright." Tears fell down her cheeks. Maddie shook her head and smiled kindly to her mother.
"Momma, don't cry. I am not a baby any more. I know things happen. Half of my friend's parents are divorced." Callie's eyes widened. Aimee looked down and closed her eyes.
"Who said anything about a divorce?" Callie asked. Though she knew the scenario in which Maddie was seeing lent a fair amount of consideration to the topic. Maddie gave a shrug.
"Well, mom. It wouldn't be the end of the world. And I don't want you to think I suddenly felt this way because of, well, the thing between you two." Callie took on a sorry expression.
"Oh, my sweet girl. I wish I could say there was an easy solution to all of this. And well, I don't mean what Aimee and I feel for each other. I mean for how things have been for some time now. I know so much of this is my fault. But you need to know that no matter what, your dad and I both love you so much." Maddie nodded and gave her mother a reassuring look.
"I know that, mom. I don't blame you...or dad. I just kind of figured this was always normal for families to have this happening." Callie rubbed her hand along Maddie's back.
"Well, baby. I don't think your father and my marriage, and our parenting style is really normal. It's hardly ideal, that is for sure." She sat quietly in thought for a moment as she considered how the last five years had been more of a series of brief quality family moments amidst an ocean of rationalizing and throwing money at problems.
Maddie leaned over and hugger her mother again and smiled to her.
"It's really ok, mom. I am sorry for using the divorce word like that. I guess I just wanted to say if that happened, I would be, well, ok." Callie exhaled slowly. Her failures as a parent were becoming more apparent. And this was most definitely a situation that couldn't be ignored, rationalized or made to go away with a financial contribution.
"Baby girl, I don't want you to fret, no matter what. I am just happy to be alive right now. I think that if situations change, they will change for the better no matter what happens. I am much more aware. I have been given this chance to come away from a very bad situation and make something more of myself. I am going to have to sit down with your dad and have a very open and honest conversation. It won't be easy, but nothing good is easy." Maddie nodded and looked to Aimee then to her mom.
"I won't worry. But I just want you both to know that if you guys do decide to take your feelings to something, or well, a place that has you being together, it's ok with me." Callie nodded.
"Well, baby, I appreciate knowing that. But I can't say what will happen. I need to see your sisters and then your dad and, well, do some deep thinking. It will all take some time to figure out. I know that I will be here for a fair amount of time recovering..."
"Is it ok if I stay here while that happens?" Maddie asked anxiously. Callie sniffed thoughtfully.
"Well, baby, I might be here for a while. This was a pretty serious injury. The doctor says I should recover fine. They ran a lot of tests and he said everything is very encouraging. But it will take time."
"But, auntie said she will be staying until they release you..." Maddie persisted. Aimee smiled to Callie.
"I don't see why she shouldn't be near you, Cal. I think she is good for your recovery. The doctor told me that I could be discharged in two days since I am getting around ok. And, well, I am not going anywhere either until you are discharged. I am sure Iola and I could keep an eye on Maddie." Maddie's eyes lit up and she put her arm around Aimee and smiled back at her mom.
"See, Aimee can watch me!" Callie looked at the pair and a smile creased her lips.
"Well, you two make a good argument. Lord knows I would love to catch up with my oldest. So, when I talk to your dad, I will tell him that you can stay here. I'm sure he won't object." Maddie rolled her eyes.
"Oh, I'm sure he won't, too." She said with that as a matter of fact tone you would expect from a young lady her age. Aimee coughed as Maddie looked at her, and nodded.
"Oh, yes, I had heard that your dad sometimes engages the assistance of the hired help to watch you and your sisters."
"Sometimes? Try All the time." Maddie scoffed. Aimee looked down, a bit saddened by the reaction.
"Well, I know it may seem easy right now, but try not to cast too much judgment on your dad. I did that a lot when I was your age. And well, I kind of wish I could take a lot of it back now." Maddie looked at her. Aimee could sense that the youth was thinking better of what she said already. She nodded soberly.
"I guess you're right. I shouldn't be so hard on him I guess."
"You are a pretty smart young woman." Callie said adorningly as she studied her daughter's expression. "I am proud of you." Maddie turned a bit red from embarrassment.
A moment later a knock came on the door and a nurse stepped in. She smiled to the group.
"If you could finish up, the doctor would like to make sure Mrs. Morton gets plenty of rest tonight." Aimee and Maddie both nodded towards the nurse.
"Yes, of course." Aimee said sheepishly. She had forgotten that their visit was supposed to stay on the brief side. "We will say our goodbyes for the evening and come back tomorrow."
Three days passed. Callie's condition improved, which allowed Fenton, Iola and Maddie some much needed rest at a local hotel a couple blocks from the medical center.
Today was the day Chet had returned to visit his wife.
Callie sat upright in her bed sipping coffee as she watched her husband sitting in the chair at her bedside. The conversation up to that point had been the usual mix of concern and pleasantries that often came with such situations. Perhaps they were waiting for each other to make the first move towards the talk. The talk they both knew they needed to have to determine the immediate future of their marriage. Chet continued looking down at the floor.
"Why did you do it, Cal?" he asked softly without looking up. Callie couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
"Which Do It are you referring to, Chet? Why did I jump in front of a bullet for a woman I seem to not have that long of a history with? Why did I leave Atlantic City for any point west that led away from the Hamptons? Why did I do such a crappy job at being a mother? Why do I drink too much? C'mon sweetie, you have to be more specific." Chet looked up with a bit of surprise on his face. He was not expecting that type of candor from his wife. He took a breath.
"Well, I didn't mean..." Callie held up a hand.
"No need to be kind, Chet. I have come out of this realizing I have so many faults and have been rationalizing or making excuses for many of them for some time." She paused and looked at him with a smirk. "This doesn't mean you are the clean and perfect saint in this affair."
"I'm far from that, Cal. I know that." He said soberly. "I just mean, if it had come down to it, I wonder if you would have thrown yourself in front of a gun for me." Callie closed her eyes.
"Don't make this about you." She looked off peevishly, then looked back at him. "But I suppose it's a fair question to have. But you damn well know that posing silly hypothetical scenarios as a way of determining who I love more..." Chet looked up with telling expression on his face. He swallowed hard and looked down at the floor.
"I guess that's an answer. Even if it wasn't the one I was hoping for." Callie looked down at the cup she was drinking from. She wished she could have a cigarette.
"Chet, I honestly don't know what the hell I want at this moment. I just know what I don't want. And that is to carry on as some Long Island snooty rich bitch who ignores her children half the time.
"Are you wanting a divorce, Cal?" Chet asked with a blank expression, still absorbing what she was saying. Callie rolled her eyes.
"Jeez, you and Maddie like to toss that word out there casually." Chet looked up to her.
"Maddie was saying that?" He asked with a somewhat stunned expression. Callie nodded.
"Yeah, Chet. She did. And for the record it wasn't because of Aimee. I think she had found her voice enough to say that a divorce isn't a horrible thing when you are a kid that lives in the middle of two parents who are dysfunctional. So yeah, good for us. We both get to share the award for parents of the year. We have a daughter who has given her endorsement that we get a divorce. Makes you proud, huh?" Chet shook his head. Sadness painted on his face.
"No, not at all. But we have to do something. Call a truce. Even if it's just a pretense. We've got to start being civil to each other." Callie smirked and shook her head.
"And add hypocrisy to the problem? They'd see through that in a minute. That's not the answer."
"Well, we've got to do something!" Chet said. Callie took a deep breath and nodded. She looked down once again.
"You're right. And at this point I think the only answer is a separation." Chet looked at her. His look wasn't that of outright shock to the situation. But he had been taken aback that she had said it.
"You think that will make them feel more secure? A broken home?" Callie's eyes met his.
"Better to come from a broken home than to live in one." Chet starred out the window for a moment as he exhaled slowly, taking it all in.
"It's a big step, Cal. Are you sure you don't want to reconsider?" Callie had wondered if he had asked her that as it seemed called for to feign objection without really meaning it. Callie shook her head.
"No, it just seems like the best course of action for now. And if you want me to be completely honest, it's not just about the girls who clearly need more from me than I have been giving. It's Aimee. I don't know exactly how or why, but she makes me feel wanted. Important. I just think that it might be bad if I didn't at least get to know her better and see what may happen. You can relax. I am not going to invite her to live with me or anything... before you think I am stepping away from one relationship to jump right into another. I do think I would like to go back to Bayport. Iola is there, grandparents, and people I've known most of my life. Maybe even renew my investigator license and get back into what I trained so much for...once upon a time." She out the window, doing her best to avoid direct eye contact with him. She took another breath. "And there is something else..." Chet looked over to her fearfully.
"What's that, Cal?" Callie closed her eyes, tears fell from them down along her pained face.
"Uhm, back in Atlantic City...I uhm..." She began weeping. Chet took a breath and managed a wry smile to her.
"Frank?" He asked quietly. Callie's eyes grew wide.
"How...how did you know?!" She asked, starting to weep even louder. Chet reached forward and placed his hand on her shoulder and looked at her.
"He told me. Or I guess I should say he confessed to me. He had heard about you being shot, and I guess he wasn't sure if you were going to make it. He called me about a week ago. He was very stressed. He said something completely dumb happened in Atlantic City. Something that you both regretted. But he thinks he was to blame. He said that you were rather drunk and maybe being a little flirty. And instead of turning you away to sober up, he took advantage. He said he knew even when it happened that it was wrong and he was so full of guilt." Callie look up to him. Chet didn't appear to be angry over it. Perhaps a bit saddened.
"I'm sor..sorry I did that. I did..didn't mean to." Chet nodded.
"Well, Cal. One thing I do know is that you never were into Frank ever since we were together. I just chalked it up to an unfortunate case of wrong place and wrong time. For whatever its worth, I forgive you." Callie sniffled and shook her head.
"I so regret doing that. I am so sorry." Chet shook his head.
"I'm not going to hold a grudge, Cal. I suppose in all honesty, this thing you have with Aimee is a harder swallow for me. But I guess I am no saint either." Callie's eyebrow perked a bit.
"Is there a story there, Chet?" Chet nodded.
"Yeah, but it's not a very interesting one." Callie inhaled deeply.
"No, I guess it really wouldn't be." She said with a blank expression. "But I think we both have reason to step back and breathe the air. And if at some point we feel we want to work on this marriage, we will know. If we come to have a better relationship as friends, then I guess we will know that, too."
"Yeah...I guess." Chet said, a tone of regret in his voice. "What about the girls?" Callie raised her brows and nodded.
"Yes, I suppose we do need to figure that out." She said thoughtfully. "But my first instinct is that we both need to be there for them. I would suggest maybe Carly and Ellie spend half the time with each of us. As for Maddie, she seems to be pretty attached to me at this time, which is honestly refreshing. I would have gotten shot earlier had I known it would have melted that ice of distance we had for so long." Chet gave a chuckle at the statement. Callie shrugged.
"Better to laugh at the tragic, Chet. I am damn lucky. I know that. And I feel terrible for all the hell I have put my family through. But if I don't keep some sense of humor through some of this, I will not be good to anyone. Least of all myself." Chet nodded soberly.
"I think you're right. As far as the girls go, that would be fine. I think I need to find that place where I had the time to be a better parent. I mean not so obsessed with making sure we were financially secure." Callie smirked at him.
"Hun, I think thirty million dollars is pretty secure for most anyone on the planet. You can now safely spend time with the kids without fear of going into the poor house. I think the stocks and other investments will take care of themselves." Chet tugged a bit at his shirt collar.
"Well, it's more like seventy million at this point. Figured you should be updated given that you have half interest in that." Callie shrugged.
"Whatever, Chet. Yeah, I am happy I have financial security, but with that comes certain trappings. I hope you have come to realize what some of them were as much as I have."
"Yeah, I know. It's a curse." Callie shook her head.
"I just mean it's a sorry substitute for the things that really matter. Why do you think I never allowed you to tell Maddie she has a ten-million-dollar trust fund? Hell, the way the interest compounds on it, there will likely be more when she comes of age." Chet looked down from side to side.
"Well, estimates are it will be around fourteen million at that time." Callie closed her eyes and shook her head.
"Chet, I don't give a damn! I don't want Maddie to to give a damn. I don't want Carley and Ellie to care either, when they are old enough to know. It won't buy them happiness."
"I never said it would. I just want them to be taken care of." Callie threw her arms up, almost dislodging her IV in the process.
"Chet, taken care of is a house to live in that you don't have to worry about getting thrown out of. A Decent car and a lifestyle that doesn't predispose you to not giving a damn about others or even yourself. How many guilty nights I have gone to sleep thinking about how my kids will turn into little rich snobs that no one will stand. How many more nights I have rationalized it the way you do thinking it will all be ok." She paused and looked at him. "I am no saint. I know that. I can be a materialistic bitch with the best of those Long Island money whores. But unlike many of them, it doesn't make me feel all that good at the end of the day! Why do you think Iola never took you up on being wealthy? She knows full well you would have set her up with millions in security. But she told me many times that she just doesn't want that lifestyle. And for that I am a but envious of her and her will." Chet held up his hand.
"Ok, ok, I get it. I know the money is a sore subject. I am just letting you know that you have free reign over half."
"Reassuring..." Callie sighed.
"I don't mean to stress you, Cal. I really don't. I wish that perhaps things had happened differently with the money. I know I wish things had happened differently between us. I wish we could maybe..." Callie gave a wry smile.
"The two pretty much went hand and hand I'm afraid. But I am not writing any absolutes here. I don't know what's going to happen with us. But to make any extreme choice right now... well, to do so would be premature. But, Chet, I need some time, baby."
Chet looked down, his face painted with dejection. He nodded slowly. While this was not some absolute kiss off, it did offer up some pretty big uncertainty in terms of what the future would bring for them. He looked at Callie with moist eyes.
"I understand what you are saying. I understand the need to do what we are doing. But I can't say that...I mean I hope this isn't anything permanent. I do love you." Callie looked back with equally damp eyes. She nodded.
"I guess it all is up to what the future brings and what we make of it. What changes we make for ourselves and each other. I love you too, baby."
After visiting with Maddie, Chet left the hospital. He got into his rental for the drive back to the airport in Pittsburgh. A saddened expression was still plastered to his face as he drove. The car stereo played a familiar sound. A song from many years ago. Bob Dylan's Abandoned Love.
I can see the turning of the key
I've been deceived by the clown inside of me
I thought that he was righteous but he's vain
Oh, something's a-telling me I wear the ball and chain
My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost
He's always off somewhere when I need him most
The Spanish moon is rising on the hill
But my heart is a-tellin' me I love you still
I come back to the town from the flaming moon
I see you in the streets, I begin to swoon
I love to see you dress before the mirror
Won't you let me in your room one time before I finally disappear?
Everybody's wearing a disguise
To hide what they've got left behind their eyes
But me, I can't cover what I am
Wherever the children go I'll follow them
I march in the parade of liberty
But as long as I love you I'm not free
How long must I suffer such abuse?
Won't you let me see your smile before I turn you loose?
I've given up the game, I've got to leave
The pot of gold is only make-believe
The treasure can't be found by men who search
Whose gods are dead and whose queens are in the church
We sat in an empty theater and we kissed
I asked ya please to cross me off your list
My head tells me it's time to make a change
But my heart is telling me I love ya but you're strange
So one more time at midnight, near the wall
Take off your heavy make-up and your shawl
Won't you descend from the throne, from where you sit?
Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it...