Happy new year! To celebrate this, two chapters!

Tohru put the knife back on the counter and looked by the window. The estate has been under tension since Ren announced that the traditional zodiacs gathering of new year won't happens this year. Yuki have been really saddened by the news but the worst have been Kisa and Momiji reactions. However, Rin said that she did not cared, but Tohru was sure of the opposite…Rin have been acting strange lately. Tohru wished they could be closer, but Rin did not like company, she had decided to respect this.

She was also worried about Kyo. However, the cause was different. When school will he over, he will be imprisoned. Tohru bit her lips in a tight line and decided to resume cooking when she heard the sound of geta tapping on the wooden floor behind her. She stood silent and continued to prepare the head of family today's lunch. The upper maid came and clacked the tray on the counter brutally, making the young girl jolting.

"That Akito is so spoilt! I can't believe it!" Roared the woman and Tohru put the knife down, confused. "Wha-what happened?" The maid blinked, as noticing Tohru's presence and smiled gently. "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you were here" she softened out her voice. "It's just the young master refused to eat today too!" she said, her irritation coming back. "He annoys me so much! Doesn't he know all the time you take to prepare his meals? Argh, if I had the right to force him…" she groaned, looking at the untouched plate that Tohru prepared early this morning.

"I-it's okay I don't mind…" said Tohru, genuinely, she didn't mind about her plate however, she was really worried over Akito-san. It has been days since he hadn't eating at all, or very few… "You should watch out Tohru-chan, nice guys finish last." She said in a maternal way. Tohru simply smile and put away the rice, she already has this discussion many times and she disagreed each time, being gentle wasn't failing. She wondered why Akito did not wanted to eat at all…Was it because he did not like her cooking? It was strange, the weeks before, he had been eating it all.

The maid left the room, leaving Tohru alone with her thought about Akito. Was he feeling bad? Was he sad? What happened? Tohru wanted to know. She always wanted to meet that person. Akito was the one who let her live here, in the Sohma estate, it's thanks to him that she had the chance to become friends with such amazing people like Kyo, Yuki, Momiji, Kisa, Hatori-san and all the rest of the zodiac. Even mister Kureno, she hasn't talked a lot with him, but it was each time enjoyable, and…He was the one Uo-san was in love with. When she said that to Arisa, she and Hanajima have squealed like kittens. Kureno was somebody really nice. Tohru wondered why she hadn't saw him in the past two weeks now.

The soup boiling brought her back to reality and she stopped the fire. December holiday have started and she was now working full time in Akito's house. Kyo and Shishou have been against it, saying that a young girl like her should enjoy her free time but Tohru was really glad to work for the family head, really. Yuki-kun simply asked her to prepare the best dishes for Akito because he never has the chance to eat heart-warming foods, and it made Tohru really sad. She wanted to ask Yuki more question but most the time, he simply shook his head and looking at her sadly. 'He is a very lonely person…' he had said and Tohru wanted to ask him why nobody was by his side. Then she remembered that he does have Yuki and Kureno and even Hatori, but Tohru wondered if it was enough? This man never gets out of the house, never meet new people… Tohru couldn't help but felling deep sorrow for this solitary person.

She really wanted to see Akito and be by his side, she did not want this person that she had never met being so sad because…Because she knew that this person was important for the zodiacs. She remembers talking with Ritsu and he had asked her if Akito too would be ashamed by him wearing girl clothes. 'I don't want him to hate me…What if he laughs too if he saw my appearance, what if being sorry won't be enough?' he said in a tight voice. She remembers Haru anger when the maid announced the cancelation of the new year banquet, Yuki and Kyo had to stop him before he would say something he would regret, and then Momiji regretful expression when he explicated Tohru how much he waited new year to feel Akito happiness. 'Even if I can't see him directly, I'm happy to be with him at least one day…But now…'

Tohru understood there were a strong bond between god and his subjects, one that the Sohma family was trying to break, but why? Why would they cause all of them pain? Wasn't their life already so hard? She sighed sadly before turning her head where she just heard the upper maid and Ren's favorite talking about Akito. "Urgh…This boy is just a pain…"

"Should we tell to Madam Ren?" whispered the other woman in a careful tone. "No, let's not disturb her about this little thing, it's bad for her temper…" she had just answered. "Let's continue to leave him food and if he refuses, let's call Hatori as last resort."

"Hum…Excuse me." Said Tohru hesitantly, feeling like she had an opportunity to do something. She uneasily played with the sleeve of her iromuji kimono. "Ma-maybe I can be the one serving master Akito today's food...I mean…" she started to stammer and the upper maid calmed her with a gentle tap on her shoulder. "It's okay Tohru-chan, breathe" she laughed. However, the favorite stared at the young girl a moment, pondering.

"Well…It's worth the try, if you success to feed that spoilt kid, it's better than nothing." She sighed and Tohru couldn't help a big smile growing on her face. She was going to meet Akito!

She quickly rushed back to the kitchen, excited to prepare the best meal she ever done, wanting the man to taste it and to show it to him, it needed to be a feast. She looked at the soup and she wondered if it was fancy enough. Today was a big day!

She continued to prepare vegetables and thought about doing it in tempura. She also rummaged around in the shelf and found enough to do gyoza and seasoned udon. As she prepared it all, she also cooked side dishes like wafu dressing or chawanmushi. She wanted to impress Akito and she was determined. Many maids came in kitchen looking at the girl with a bewildered expression. The upper maid called her softly. "Tohru-chan, he will probably won't eat it, you don't have to try so hard…" but Tohru quickly shook her head as she prepared onigiri. "No, no! I want to do my best!" she assured with a shiny smile before resuming her squeeze around the rice balls she was doing. She made a cat without thinking and was embarrassed. Thank god Kyo was not here…

The clock rang twelve without her noticing and she panicked, putting all the dishes she prepared on a tray only to yell in shock when she realized that she had made too much and that she couldn't put them all on it. She will have to go at least twice between the Akito's part of the mansion and the kitchen, Tohru did not mind, she was determinate. She put plates on the tray and walked in direction of the master living room.

It was the first time she walked in that part of the house and she had to refrain to sneeze. It was much colder than in the kitchen and air was more humid. She heard Hatori said that Akito get easily sick and Tohru wondered if the humidity wasn't one of the causes. Hesitantly, she knocked at the door to receive no answer, so she slid open the door if her foot. The living room was empty and dark. Unsure of what to do, she set up the table and opened the window. She hoped that Akito won't mind. She looked back in the hallway that was probably giving to Akito's private room before coming back to the kitchen and taking with her the rest of the meal. She let herself wipe sweat off her forehead when she saw the table all set. But still no Akito…

She wondered if she has to wait for him or if it was better to go to get him. She walked back and forth between the living room and the entry of the hallway, hesitating. She did not want to look rude in front of Akito but she remembered that the maids said that he wasn't eating…What if he wasn't getting out of his room at all? Feeling a cold sweat ran along her back, she rushed in the corridor and stopped when she heard something like sob behind fusuma door.

Tohru eyebrows went up before they twisted in a sad frown. Yuki has told her that Akito was lonely and a sad person. She suddenly tapped on the paper door and the sob stopped immediately. "Go away!" a brutal voice that made Tohru jolt said. "A-Akito-san, this is Honda Tohru!" she presented herself

"I said go away! Are you fucking retarded!" Tohru gasped, she didn't like the language Akito used but she said nothing. The situation somehow reminded her of Rin, as if Tohru was an enemy. Like Rin, Akito was using defense as the best attack. Tohru played with her fingers anxiously. "Akito-san, please come out, your lunch is ready…" she said softly, hoping that Akito would come out. "I'm not hungry, now get out!" Tohru frowned, she refused. She refused to let Akito don't taking care of himself as he should do.

"Please Akito-san, if you don't eat, the others will be really sad." She begged and she heard a creepy sneer at the other side of the doors and creaking sound. "The others? Who? Let me laugh!" he said, almost madly and Tohru suddenly realized of the complete solitude Akito-san have been under and the effect it had caused on him. It was only at this moment she noticed Kureno absence. "Yu-Yuki-kun to start" she heard a scoff "and, Hatori, Kureno! But also Kisa-chan, Hatsuharu-kun, Momiji-kun, even Kyo-kun and Rin-san in their owns way! They all care deeply for you and they all would be sad if something bad happened to you!"

"…It doesn't matter anymore…Nothing matters…" she heard another sob and Tohru put her hand on the door "Akito-san…It's not true…" she said in recomfort. "What do you know?!" He yelled and his voice sounded really feminine, in shock Tohru stood silent, not knowing what to say.

"Momiji-kun was really looking for new year banquet…He said that even if he won't really see you, being with you for one night already made him happy…" She said and the door slide just enough to let pass through it Akito's hand who grabbed her by her obi. "Really?" said a quiet voice and Tohru nodded, finally smiling. "Yes! He has told me that last year he practiced a lot just for you!"

"This is stupid…I barely saw him…" Akito answered and Tohru could hear a hint of laugh in the voice. "Even still, he wanted to do his best for you!" She affirmed and Tohru did not need to see to know that Akito was smiling.

"Will…Will you eat with me?" Asked Akito after another silence. "I-I don't like eating alone…" Tohru exhaled a genuine smile. "Oh course Akito-san! I have so many things to tell you! I've wanted to meet you for a long time!" She suddenly bust out her joy, happiness filling her pitched voice and she clapped her hands together in delight. The door opened more and Tohru finally saw the hidden Amaterasu.

Their expressions froze and before Tohru had a second to understand what was happening and who she just saw, Akito was bringing her forcefully in the room, almost throwing her on the floor and Akito closed her fusuma doors soundly. Tohru stared at the other person with wide eyes, she already saw him…Her? Yes, she remembered, Akito was… "Shi…Shigure-san girlfrien-" but wasn't Akito a man?

"Shut up!" Akito screamed before pouncing her against the wall, bony hand of her lips. "Shut the fuck up! Don't talk!" Tohru obligated and took this time where Akito had stuck their palm so hard against her mouth to study the appearance of the person covering her. First of all, she noticed how red and dry the eyes were and how it was contrasting with the sickly whiteness of the skin. Yuki had described Akito as a Greek status; however, this tone of skin was looking more like dead's. She also noticed how skinnier the body was in comparison of the time Tohru saw Akito by Shigure's side.

Akito frowned and reluctantly put the hand away. "Don't say a word" Akito warned and Tohru nodded. "Is somebody else with you?" the voice was quiet. "N-no" Tohru answered before gasping and shaking her head. Akito exhaled loudly and kneeled down, showing fatigue. "Akito-san…Are you alright?" she asked.

"Do I look alright for you?" Akito spat, palming the forehead. Tohru kneeled down next to the shivering body "No…I'm sorry…" she just replied, she wanted to help Akito but she didn't know how to. Akito was now hiding the eyes behind hands. Uneasy, she wondered if she should call for Kureno, but she remembered that she did not saw him yet. "Akito-san…Where is Kureno-san?"

"She fired him!" Akito sobbed and it broken Tohru's heart. "I'm alone, alone!" Akito added, suddenly grabbing both of Tohru sleeves and looking at her with such desperate eyes that Tohru felt like crying. "I'm never going to see him again! No Kureno! No Yuki" Akito said before the voice broke down in a hiccup and god wrapped arms around the body like a scared child "No Shigure…" Akito sobbed more and Tohru couldn't held back a tear before taking the weak body in her arms. "I'm with you right now Akito, you're not alone…" she said, trying to recomfort the chief but only brought more tears on the face. They stood in that position until Akito stopped crying.

Akito separated from Tohru embrace and rubbed the eyes. Tohru smiled gently, causing god to blush before sniffing and looking away. "Really Akito-san, I'm so shocked that you are Shigure-san lover!" she exclaimed "Shigure told me that you are his girlfriend, but everybody is telling me that you are a man, so I was shocked!" she giggled and Akito pouted. "Actually Akito-san…Sorry if I'm rude but…What are you? Yo-you don't have to tell me of course!" she made a gesture of the hands, panicking by the sudden glare of the person.

Akito studied her for a moment before opening the kimono and showing her the birth of her small breasts, red marks could be seen. Tohru eyes widened in horror, Akito was a woman. "But…Why? Why is everybody calling you a man?" Akito stared a moment before putting her kimono back. She never answered though and Tohru looked sadly at the woman in front of her. "It must hurt isn't?" Akito slowly nodded. She looked so fragile and Tohru knew that she needed somebody right now.

Smiling gently, the girl stood up and showed Akito her hand. The chief stared a moment at it, wondered if she should take it or not. Even if this Tohru was willing to be by her side, won't Ren take her away too? Like she took away all the people she wanted to be with? But Akito hated it, being alone. She felt like a lonely rodent. She swallowed and slowly took the hand the girl was offering her, as if she was scared it would disappear as soon as she touched it.

Tohru helped her to stand up and they both walked to the living room, holding their hands. Akito had a thought about Mine, she too has been really gentle with her. Why all women weren't like she or Tohru? They both sat at the table and Akito had for a little second the impression that Tohru was Kureno. The illusion quickly melted and Akito felt the need to tear away her eyes from Tohru's shape, she looked at the table instead and stared at the numerous plates on it.

"I won't eat that much…" she groaned in a small voice, still dry from her cries. Tohru laughed. "It's okay! Eat as much as you want! Don't force yourself! And we are two, we can share!" Akito heart made a painful beat at the words Tohru uttered, it reminded her Shigure's when they had eaten together at the Izakaya. She wanted to see him so much. She had to keep herself from crying but a traitor tear slid along her cheek. Thankfully, Tohru thought it was because of her she was crying and not because of that deep hole in her chest from Shigure's absence.

Tohru quickly filled a bowl of soup for her and poured her tea. "Sorry if it's a bit cold…" apologized Tohru; Akito ignored and drank it. She preferred that way when it wasn't burning her tongue. Tohru beamed genuinely and Akito wondered how comes that girl wasn't tired of always smiling. Tohru took udon noodles and dipped it in sauce, Akito followed. "It's so great to eat with somebody isn't it? That's why you weren't eating your meals before right?" Asked Tohru, making the conversation. Akito nodded half-heartily.

It was half true. She was so used to eat with Kureno that eating alone made her remember how alone she was, it reminded her of the situation she was in and everything she have lost. "I understand Akito-san, when my mother died, I felt so lonely. Even if I was trying to not cry because I know it would have hurt her, I couldn't because it was so hard to held the tears back…" Akito stared. She hated Ren, she could die Akito would dance on her corpse. But, what was saying that girl was descripting what she was living right now. She missed Kureno and Shigure so much.

Trying to think about something else, Akito grabbed an onigiri. It was animal shaped, as always. "You are the one who made them." She said; it was not a question but Tohru answered a "yes!" nevertheless. "I think it's cute that way, Kyo-kun often say it's strange for him to eat a cat-shaped onigiri." She said with a smile. Akito frowned, studying her food "Kyo…The cat uh…"

"He is very nice and hard-working! You should see him when he is at the dojo!" Exclaimed Tohru with passion, she continued to talk about Kyo for the next minutes endlessly that Akito stopped listening and was slurping her noodles instead, with an air blasé. At first, she was really interested in everything she could learn about the zodiac, even the betrayer cat, but at the end, she had the impression to have one of Shigure's light novel heroine talking about her love interest. Akito always found funny the gap between his light novels and his more serious books. It was as if it was two different person who write it, yet, the style was somehow the same.

"A-ah, sorry, I talk too much right? Hiro-kun often tell me that." Akito averted her eyes and tightened her hold on her chopsticks. Hiro was the sheep. She tried to not yell, but she couldn't help but having the impression that Tohru was taunting her. She talked non-stop about the people Akito desired to meet since she was little. Yes, she was jealous. Deathly jealous, but she was also tired. "It's just…Akito-san, can I ask you a question?" She rolled her eyes and made a gesture of the hand. "Go ahead."

"Well…Will you really imprison Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked in a quiet voice and Akito's eyes narrowed. "It's…" She blinked, dumbfounded. She did not expect this question nor finding herself being unable to answer. She felt like a coward when she turned her head away. "It's the tradition…"

"It's unfair!" She talked back. "Locking somebody forever is terrible!" She added vividly, shifting her position. Akito looked at her right in the eyes, cutting out everything she had in mind. "You think I don't know how it feels to be imprisoned?" Akito asked in a cold and warning tone. If she let her instinct run wild, she would have screamed at her. But Tohru just stopped herself and bowed her head in silence. Akito continued to eat, picking a gyoza and swallowing it.

She remembered that day in the cat café. At this moment, she had felt really close to Kyo. After a long silence where only she was picking food, Akito sighed irritably and talked. She couldn't support this quietness anymore. "I often think about the fact he will end like me." She said and her voice sounded like an echo in the silence in the cold room. Tohru slowly lifted her head and Akito noticed tears in the corners of her eyes, she ignored them. "I thought that maybe, both he and I weren't different, maybe that's why he isn't a part of the zodiac… No one can be so close to god without punishment." She finally said, like it was a statement.

"…Nobody should be imprisoned if they done nothing wrong, not Akito-san nor Kyo-kun…" she just said, her breath shaking. "Are you really alright with it Akito-san?" This time, she couldn't retain her yell. Her anger and resentment erupting, exploding. "Of course I'm not! But do I look like I have the fucking choice?!" She slapped her hand on the table, making the plates jumps. This time Tohru did not jolt, she stood here with a grave expression. "You think I do loves staying here by my owns?! You think I enjoy it?!" Akito asked madly until being out of breath and Tohru still stood still.

The girl gently put her palms around Akito's hands and smiled. "Then Akito, if you're tired, why don't you try to break free?" Akito paled at the idea of trying. She felt Ren's angry eyes and fists on her, she remembered the ruined flowers and the destruction of her phone. "I can't…" she whispered

"Akito-san-"

"I said I can't! I-" she hugged herself, trying to imagine her zodiacs around to comfort her, but it was useless and she was alone, alone, alone. "I can't do it by myself…" she finally admitted. Tohru moved beside her and put her hand on her shoulder, but Akito slapped it away. Tohru did not flinch and she looked at her with an understanding sadness. "It must have been hard…All these years…" Akito hugged herself tighter. If only Shigure, Kureno, Yuki or Hatori were with her… If only she had her zodiacs close…She couldn't bear it anymore.

"Akito-san…Do you want me to do something on your behalf?" She said, her voice suddenly full of joy and encouragement again. "I will do anything you ask me!" She said, mimicking a warrior gesture. Akito lifted her head to look at her with incredulity. "Why would you do it?"

"It's because…I owe you a lot." She answered in a quiet beam, Akito did not understand. "What are you saying, we never talked before!" Tohru tilted her head cutely. "Yes…But you allowed me to live here, and thank to you, I've made a lot of friends." The zodiacs, Akito wanted to scream. Why was she still rubbing it on her face? It was unfair, unfair, unfair. Akito was the god, Akito was the one feeling them through her skin, she was a nobody, she was...

"And I want to be useful for you. If you want, I can be your messenger! Nobody will suspect me, I'm a maid, they think I'm in their sides!" she said. Did she think they were in a spy movie? "Akito-san, I really want to help you! Maybe I can start with Shigure-san!" Akito stopped breathing.

"You…You could do that for me?"

Tohru nodded, beaming genuinely.