The Dragonlords Secret

by Nessieken123

I own nothing all rights belong to BBC Merlin ... Fanmade story ... Hello I'm Nessa Emrys, or Ness as I like to be called. I'm a maid servant to Prince Arthur and the youngest twin of the great Merlin Emrys. You see I'm not the ordinary little sister as Merlin wishes me to be, nor am I in fact ordinary at all. Come sit and read, trust me you will see

33. The Search of A Forgetful Queen

Chapter 32 - The Search of A Forgetful Queen

Arthur's POV*

I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery, humming the twins to sleep. Looking down I smiled at both of the sleeping babes in my arms. God were they so beautiful! Once they were good and asleep, carefully I stood and laid them in their bassinet. The twins were inseparable and unless together would not sleep through the night. I covered them both with a light blanket and blew out the candle out in the room. Slowly I walked out of the nursery and cracked the door to where I could hear them if they awoke. I sighed as I looked to the bed. God did I miss Ness!

Walking behind the screen, I changed into my night clothes and stared at the clover necklace upon my neck that Ness had given me. Tears formed in my eyes as I clutched the necklace in my hand. It had been six months now. Six months without the love of my life. Six months without my best friend.

I finished changing, but couldn't bring myself to lay down and sleep. I walked to the heavy wood door and smiled at the two knights guarding my door. Shutting the door carefully behind me, I signaled Edmund one of the young knights.

"Sir Edmund. "

He bowed to me and smiled, " Your Highness. "

I chuckled slightly at the young knight , " Could you retrieve Lancelot for me please. I have somewhere I need to visit, Lancelot is in the knights quarters of the castle. "

"Right away my king!" He replied and walked briskly away

" Your Highness, " William spoke up , " Would you like me to listen for the children? It shouldn't take Edmund long to retrieve Lancelot. "

" Thank you William, but I will wait for him. There's something I would like to tell him anyhow, " I replied with a small smile to the young knight.

William had joined the knights two months ago. Leon was quite proud of his baby brother becoming a knight, however Helena their sister was less than thrilled. William was about seventeen and broad built for his age, despite his size, he was very quick on his feet and one hell of a swordsman.

The two of us stood in silence until we heard footsteps rounding the corner. Lancelot smiled to me but easily could tell something was wrong.

"Arthur, is everything alright?" He asked his hair slightly disheveled

"For the most part, I shall tell you in my chambers, " I responded and turned to Edmund, " Thank you Sir Edmund. "

He bowed in reply before standing back at his post with William. Looking back to Lancelot I held open my door for him to enter and as the two of us entered, I shut the door softly to not wake twins.

"What's going on Arthur?" He questioned looking to me with his hands on his hips

" I need to see her, " I said painfully

" The talk of her today hurt didn't it, " he stated knowingly

I nodded sadly, " Could you watch them for a bit? You can sleep on my bed if you need to for now. "

" I will be fine awake Arthur, I can handle them for a while, " he replied smiling sadly

" Thank you Lancelot, if it weren't for you and Merlin these past six months -" I began only to be interrupted

"Your not the only one who lost someone Arthur, she was our family too," he began and rested a hand upon my shoulder , " Losing her was not just your burden to bare but ours as well. Always remember we are your family too no matter what Arthur. "

"Thank you," I choked out trying to gain composure of myself

"You are more than welcome Arthur, now stop thanking me," he chuckled causing me to smile , " Go and see her Arthur, take as long as you need. "

I nodded to him and peeked in on the children to see them both still sleeping. Cracking the door once more, I put on my jacket and nodded to Lancelot. As I walked out of my chambers, I tried to will back tears that were threatening to spill. I walked faster and hurried into the garden breathing in the fresh cool air. Looking around the garden I choked back a sob as I laid eyes upon the bench I had made for her. Walking to the bench, I ran my fingers across the engraving and struggled to catch my breath as I let the tears fall freely. I smiled at the lillies as I looked next to the bench and I pulled out my knife to cut several. She always loved lillies especially in the spring. Once satisfied with the small bouquet in my hand, I took a deep breath and walked down the beaten path to the apple tree. I buried her next to Ella on that cold day in November, the palace burial chambers were too cold of a place to bury her and knowing my Ness, she would want to be by our angel.

As I approached the apple tree I bent down to Ella's grave,and placed a few lillies upon it, " Hello my Angel, daddy loves you very much. " I said to her grave.

Standing slowly I looked to Ness's grave and instantly fell to my knees crying. I placed a hand upon her tombstone as my body racked with sobs.

" I need you so much Ness! I can't do this alone, I need you. My heart aches even more with each passing day my dear. I miss you so much it hurts to even breathe. I know you wanted me to move on if you passed, but I can't. My heart will always belong to you my dear and you only. "

I cried and let the flowers fall from hand as I spoke to her

"Our sweet pea said her first word today, she said Mama. I wish you could have heard her Ness. Bailey set Lancelot on fire today, he conjured a dragon in the fireplace. Poor Lancelot was his victim, apparently he gets his micheviousness from you. Anessa looks just like you though even with my blonde, she has your eyes and freckles. Each day they grow more and more, and each day I can see more of you in them. I wish you were here, I miss you so much. I wish it me instead of you... I love you Ness, with all my heart."

I laid on the cold soft ground a top her grave, my hand still upon the stone as I cried, my body ached as I sobbed and my chest tightened with sorrow.

Merlins POV*

I ran to Arthur's chambers in a hurry to tell him the good news. I couldn't believe Ness was indeed alive. A million questions went through my head about her. Where was she? Why hadn't she came back? But the main question was how? How did she come back?

As I ran through the citadel I couldn't contain my excitement, and for the first time in six months I felt happy again. I ran as fast as my legs would allow me through the main doors and up the steep staircase in the foyer. I passed several knights who with no doubt wondered what the hell was wrong with me, but that was the least of my worries. Running down the hall that led to his chambers, I saw Sir Edmund and William at guard by his door. I smiled big to the both of them and opened the heavy wood door causing not Arthur, but Lancelot to jump.

"Holy shit Merlin," he yelled at me as he wiped hot tea off his clothes

" Sorry, " I said and searched around the room for Arthur

"He's not here right now," Lancelot said aloud knowing who I was looking for

I peeked in the nursery and smiled at my niece and nephew sound asleep, curled into the other. They both looked like angels as they slept. Cracking the door back to how it was left, I walked to Lancelot and hugged him tightly . He hugged me back, but after a moment pulled away and looked worriedly at me.

" What are you so happy about? " he asked me

I smiled once more and searched through my pocket for the crystal. Pulling it out, I held it up to Lancelot , " This is what I am happy about."

" It's a crystal Merlin, " he stated looking confused still

" Yes it is a crystal Lance, but it is not just any old crystal. This crystal you see is from the Crystal Caves, it is magical. When I touched the crystal earlier I heard Ness's voice, all she said was, "Where am I ?" ... When I left earlier I went to the clearing to see Kilgarrah. When I asked why I heard Ness all he said was "You know how young Warlock," and " To follow my heart. ", I explained.

" What does it mean Merlin?" He asked

" It means this crystal didn't appear without meaning. It means there is a reason I heard Ness's voice Lance. It means Ness is alive. "

"After all this time? Are you sure Merlin?" he asked with a smile upon his face.

" I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life Lance. She is alive I can feel it, " I responded grinning at Lancelot.

"Haha, " Lancelot laughed and wiped tears away from his eyes, " She's alive! "

"She is, sissy is alive Lance," I said joyfully.

A cry erupted from the twins nursery, and I knew right away it was Anessa. I started to walk towards the nursery but was stopped by Lancelot

"Go you know where he is, I'll handle the children," he said with a smile and I nodded

" Thank you, " I replied as I made my way out of the door and into the hall

I walked briskly to the garden picking a few flowers for Ella's grave. As I reached the path, my heart broke at the sound of Arthur's sobs. Walking down the path, I saw Arthur laying upon her grave in his night clothes, his knees drawn up to his chest crying hysterically. As I approached him I heard him mumbling"Why" repeatedly. I laid down the flowers for Ella and ran my hand upon the stone, before kneeling down and rubbing Arthur's back.

"Arthur," I whispered and watched as he sat up wiping his eyes

He didn't even reply, all he did was nod.

"I figured out the meaning of the Crystal, " I said as I pulled it out of my pocket

He looked at the stone in my hand and I in return took his hand placing the small crystal in his.

"It is magical and from the Crystal Caves, " I began and continued as he looked up to me with sad eyes, " The crystal possesses magic and once I left your chambers earlier I spoke to Kilgarrah. I asked him why I heard Ness's voice and he basically told me what I had already known deep down from the moment I heard her voice. With help from Gaius I was able to confirm my suspicion Arthur. "

"What," he choked out sobbing again

"Ness is alive Arthur, Ness is back. " I explained and gathered my brother in law in a hug as he cried tears of joy.

"We have to find her," he choked out between sobs

"We will Arthur, we will. "

~Two Months Later~

Ness's POV*

I moaned as he kissed my neck, feeling his cock twitch against mycore. I grinded my body against his and smiled as I heard him moan, feeling his hot breathe upon my neck.

"Mmm, Ness tell me what do you want," he whispered seductively into my ear licking my earlobe.

"You," I panted " I want you . "

"As you wish my dear."

I awoke suddenly to the rooster outside my window crowing. I sat up in my straw bed and sighed sadly as I looked out my window. For weeks now I dreamt of a man, a handsome blonde head man with eyes as blue as the sea. I always in my dream called him sweetheart, nothing more. He seemed real, the dream seemed real. It was almost as though it were a memory instead of a dream. Looking down to my chest I gripped the crystal hanging upon my neck, it was all I had left from my life before. It was my only possession.

Throwing the blanket off of me, I swung my legs to the side of my bed and slipped on my flats. Standing up slowly, I walked from behind the curtain and into the main room of the hut. Grabbing the kettle from the table, I put water upon the fire to boil. As I walked towards the coat rack, I heard snoring and I chuckled lightly. Gwaine and Percival were still sleeping upstairs, no doubt tired and hung over from the tavern. Grabbing my shaw, I exited the hut quietly to collect eggs for breakfast.

Since waking up on the hill overlooking the village two months ago, I learned to love living in Argen. Argen was a small village in Lot's kingdom filled with magic and peace. The country was peaceful and for some reason felt familiar to me. As I gathered the eggs from the hens nest box, I couldn't help but think of the man in my dreams. Who was he? Was he even real? My heart skipped a beat as I thought of him. Standing up from the damp ground, I brushed off my dress and picked up the basket of eggs. I smiled as I looked down at my burgundy dress, it was quite beautiful. I stayed living with Gwaine and Percival, both men were sweethearts to me and very respectful. I learned fast that Gwaine was a ladies man, and a drunk as well, he loved his ale a little too much. Percival on the other hand, was a gentle giant and had been through his fair share of hell. A few days after I moved in with the both of them, I learned just what hell Percival or Percy as I like to call him, had been through. Three months before I showed up, I found out that a witch had terrorized the village Percival was from. The witch had killed many women and children, two of them had been his wife and daughter. At the young age of twenty -six already was he a widower. My heart ached as he told me of his past when giving me a trunk of his wife's old dresses to wear. Since that day, I did my best to care for the clothes and be gentle with them.

Walking back into the hut, I sat the basket of eggs upon the table and took off my shaw. Rolling my sleeves up, I tied my apron around my waist and pinned my long curly red locks into a side ponytail. I learned quickly that I indeed could cook, and I enjoyed doing it very much so. Both Gwaine and Percival were horrible cooks, it was no wonder that Gwaine asked if I could cook when he helped me that night.

Grabbing the basket of eggs, I began humming as I cracked them one by one into the hot pan upon the fire. As the eggs cooked, I cut the left over bread I had made from the day before and sat them on a plate in the middle of the table. The kettle began to whistle and I pulled it off the fire carefully placing it next to the bread. Every morning I drank tea with my breakfast and almost every morning used the boiling water to make a tonic for Gwaine, seeing as he was almost always hungover.

As I gathered the eggs from the hot pan, I heard a shuffle behind me quickly I turned to see Gwaine holding his head, no doubt hungover.

"Good morning Gwaine," I said with a smile as he sat at the table

"Morning Ness," he replied grumbling

I chuckled slightly as he laid his head upon the table, " Let me guess the tavern? "

"When isn't it the bloody tavern," he murmured .

I wiped my hands on my apron as I walked to the cupboard. Looking through the shelves, I found the herbs I needed to prepare a tonic for Gwaine. I frowned at my supply of herbs seeing how lightly stocked I was and knew that I would need to search for more later. I pulled a glass from the cupboard and dumped the herbs into it, before walking back to the table.

"Here we are," I said as I poured the kettle of water into the glass, " Drink it, you'll feel better."

Gwaine sat up and took the glass from me, " Thank you Ness. "

"You're welcome," I smiled , " Are you hungry? "

"Very much so," he replied smiling

I gathered him some of the cooked eggs and bread from the table, along with fresh grapes from the garden onto a plate in front of him.

"There we are."

" Thank you, " he said as he placed his hand upon mine squeezing it gently.

" You are most welcome.. Do you feel any better? "

"A little.. How did you learn to make tonics Ness?" He asked as I sat down

"A dream I suppose, " I began and sighed , " About two weeks ago, I dreamt I was in a room with an older man. The man seemed to be a father figure to me in some way. Anyway the man was explaining to me the main properties of healing and the four elements from which they came from. I awoke one morning and walked around the valley, out of nowhere the tonic I gave you popped into my head. Ever since then I have been making it among other things that I don't remember every knowing how to make. "

"Ness what if these dreams, aren't just dreams but memories? " Gwaine asked me seriously.

"I don't know Gwaine, " I sighed, " I just don't understand why. Why can't I remember? Why can I do so many things but have no recollection at all of doing them? Why do I have these dreams that appear to be so real, but can't remember anyone's names? Why do I feel strongly pulled towards healing and magic? Why Gwaine do I have the stretch marks of a woman who has been with child? But most of all, why did this happen to me? "

I began to cry as I finished speaking and wrapped my arms around myself. I heard Gwaine whisper , " Oh Ness. " and pull me into his arms as I cried.Gwaine held me close in his arms for what felt like hours before the two of us heard a voice from above walking down the stairs.

" What the bloody hell did you do now Gwaine? " Percival asked worriedly

Sniffling I pulled back from Gwaine and stood up walking to Percival. I wrapped my arms the large man and held him close.

"He did nothing Percy."

" Are you sure miss Ness? " he asked me as hugged me back

"I'm sure Percy.. Come breakfast is getting cold, " I assured him smiling

I listened to Gwaine and Percival 's playful banter as we all ate our breakfast, both men were silly and acted as brothers. I couldn't help but smile at them.

"Ness?" A voice said pulling me from my thoughts

"Yes?"

" What are you going to do today? " Percival asked me

"I suppose I will clean up around the hut, and later gather herbs for my collection," I replied, " What about you and Gwaine? "

Gwaine smiled to me, " I have to mend the fence around the field today along with Percival. "

"You must be careful and wear your gloves," I told them both, " I would hate for you to get splinters as bad as you did the last time you messed with that bloody fence. "

"Yes miss Ness," Percival replied smiling

I watched as the two of them finished their breakfast and sat their napkins and silverware down. Standing from my seat, I sat down my tea and began clearing the plates from the table.

"Thank you Ness, it was delicious," Gwaine smiled and kissed my cheek

" It was indeed, " Percival quipped and kissed my cheek as well

" I'm glad to hear it, please be careful today, " I replied to them both as I washed the dishes

"Aren't we always," Gwaine laughed

I couldn't help but smile at them both as they left. My smile soon faded and was replaced by tears once more. My heart ached and longed for the life I had before. I loved my life now, but if what Gwaine said was true and my dreams were memories, who was this blonde man I grew to love.

Arthur's POV*

"Are you sure about this Arthur?" Merlin asked as we rode through the forest

" I'm sure Merlin, we have checked the other four kingdoms, "I stated looking to my brother in law.

" If she was back home mother would have told me Arthur, " Merlin replied

"I know which is why we are not going to Ealdor, Merlin," I quipped as we arrived at the border between Camelot and Lots Kingdom.

"Arthur, Ealdor is the closest village in Lot's kingdom to Camelot, the other's are a half a days ride from here," Merlin informed me worriedly

"I know Merlin, but we have to find her," I began as we descended down the hill into the kingdom, " We will have to be careful traveling, Morgana and Morgause are at large. If they were to see me traveling from Camelot or hear of it, I fear for Bailey and Anessa. "

"Me too Arthur," Merlin agreed.

Two months had passed since we discovered Ness to be alive. My heart swelled with happiness when Merlin told me and I couldn't help but cry tears of joy. It has been eight months now since I had saw my Ness. Eight months since I had felt her touch and warmth, eight months since I had heard her voice. With every passing day, I grew more and more eager to find her and for two months now I searched endlessly. The twins were getting bigger , Bailey was now standing and crawling and Anessa had learned to take her first steps. Both children proved to be fast learners and already could say a handful of words.

The air grew colder as night fell upon us, and together we agreed to make camp by a nearby creek. As I unloaded the horses for the night, Merlin started a fire and began our dinner. As I rolled out blankets for us, I came across Ness's wedding ring in my satchel. I sat on a nearby log, staring down the small silver ring in my hand I tried to will back tears. I was eager to find her, but couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't returned. Why would she have stayed away from our children? Why would she have stayed away from me? The on!y answer I could think of, is that something was wrong, but what?

"Arthur," Merlin called bringing me out of my thoughts

" Yes Merlin? " I asked as I placed the small ring up in my pinky finger

" Dinner is ready, I made stew, " Merlin replied

I nodded and wiped my eyes before standing from the log to join him. The two of us ate in silence for most of dinner. Merlin however broke the silence as we washed up the dishes :

"What's wrong Arthur?" He asked me and I sighed taking the ring off my finger

"This Merlin, I found this in my satchel and it made me worry. "

Merlin looked at the ring as I held it out to him, " We will find her. "

"I know Merlin, but what if the Ness we find isn't the Ness we once knew? What if the Ness we find is in danger or hurt? What... what if the Ness we find, didn't want to be found at all?"

" Arthur if she could, she would return, I can sense her, " Merlin started as he took a seat next to me, " When I feel her emotions, she is an open book. Ness hasn't used magic since her return, her mind is open and she is confused. She at times is happy, but other times I can sense sadness. I began to feel her emotions about a week ago and I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. Despite all that may come, I have hope in Ness and I have hope that we will find her Arthur. "

I stared in shock at Merlin not knowing he could sense her once more, " Why didn't you tell me? "

"I didn't want to worry you," he replied

" Why? "

"Because I am worried too Arthur, and for both our sakes I needed to remain strong and optimistic. Being able to sense her is a good thing Arthur, it means that she is becoming more of herself since coming back. It means she is getting stronger once more. "Merlin explained

" Wouldn't she have came back as strong as before? "

" That's what I thought as well, but from what Kilgarrah said and I quote , "When a soul is brought back from death itself, it must mend and repair itself to become whole once more. " Basically when Ness came back, and I still don't understand how, her body was weak along with her magic. Her soul is having to heal, and with each passing day her body along with her soul, are growing stronger, " Merlin continued to explain and I looked at him confused.

"Then why hasn't she came back and let us help her?" I questioned

" Because I fear Ness can't come back, I fear Arthur she may not remember, " he replied sadly.

My chest tightened painfully at my brother in law's words, how could she not remember? It made sense after all this time, but the thought of her not remembering hurt deeply.

"I fear it as well Merlin, it would make the whole situation make more sense," I began and sighed , " It hurts though, just thinking that she may not remember us. "

"I know Arthur, but I would rather it be the reason than her being in harm," he stated as he stood from the log, stacking the dishes.

"What is the closest village from here Merlin?" I asked.

"Well we passed Ealdor already a few hours ago, that means we are getting close to Argen, " he replied as he put the dishes back in his knapsack.

"How do you know for sure though?"

"The river, it runs through the white mountains. Ealdor sits at the bottom of the mountains several miles across the river. The closest village to Ealdor is Argen and it sits upon the river away from the rest of the villages, " Merlin explained.

"How much further is Argen?"

" An hour or so on horseback I would say, but there are several steep hills to climb so maybe longer. "

" First light then? " I asked.

" First light, " he replied, " we better sleep while we can, I'll set up a protection spell to alert us if anyone comes near. "

I nodded and walked to my pallet of blankets. As I laid down, I looked up at the stars and couldn't help but think of Ness. I prayed to God that tomorrow I would find her and I prayed for her well being. Sleep soon started to claim me and quietly I fell asleep with the image of my Ness plastered amongst my closed eyelids.

TO BE CONTINUED...