Porcupine

"She will live," the lone hyena announced as she finished tending the lead female dog, "but she will not hunt for several weeks."

"We'll take care of her," another dog answered. "We always take care of each other."

I remained deep in thought. The king had granted this unusual hyena permission to roam the savanna with her Ladder of Corporate philosophy, but how did the other animals always seem to know where to find her? If she had been around for as long as she claimed, why had I never seen her? Had she simply blended in with other hyenas, or was there more to her story than she claimed?

A small head popped out of the ground. "Zazu, sir!"

"You're not the gopher!" I replied.

"He's not feeling well today," the gerbil explained, "so he asked me to fill in for him."

I knew this gerbil, unlike the foolish hamster I had met, was a native of the savanna, having inhabited the wilds of Africa for generations.

"Have you a matter to report?" I queried.

"Indeed, sir. The porcupines are bullying the hedgehogs."

I arrived on the scene just in time to see the porcupines cramming fruits onto the hedgehogs' quills, causing them to tip over from the weight.

"Now see here!" I scolded. "What is the meaning of this childish nonsense? I demand that you cease this foolishness at once!"

"They don't take us seriously!" a hedgehog complained.

"That's because you're tiny," a porcupine remarked. "What's so threatening about you?"

"Our quills are harder and sharper than yours!" the hedgehog retorted.

I placed my wings on either side of my head and began rubbing in an unsuccessful attempt to ease my discomfort.

"We have a reputation for shooting quills," a second porcupine stated. "It's not true, but we have a reputation for it anyway."

"We have a reputation for eating bugs that harm plants," the hedgehog answered evenly, "and that's very true."

"Our North American cousins have barbs on their quills!"

"Our European cousins are used in stories that humans tell their offspring!"

"Enough of this!" I exclaimed. "What is the purpose of this quarrel? You both have different niches to fill in the Circle of Life, so why bother disputing? Have you nothing better to do? If you cannot make peace, I shall have to report you to the king!"

A second hedgehog replied, "They say we look like sandburs!"

"And they say we look like cacti!" a porcupine added.

"Last chance!" I responded. "Will you make peace, or will you answer to the king?"

One of the porcupines smirked. "I'd like to see Simba try to make us stop fighting!"

"Even he's not that stupid," a hedgehog agreed.

In desperation, I began to think of all the animals I knew. Surely one of them could negotiate safely.

"Very well," I began. "King Simba shall never hear of this matter; however, I may find myself in need of advice from Rafiki."

At once, both groups began to calm themselves and speak civilly to each other. Everyone on the savanna knows Rafiki fears no one, for he is quite deft with his staff, resorting to force when wisdom and persuasion fail, and he never tolerates foolishness…except for his own, of course.