Chapter 38 - We Need to Talk, Legosi

"Yes? What is it, senpai?" Legosi asked, tilting his head.

"First of all, your friends are cool. I forgot to say," the deer said. "And it's good to know how the drama club feels."

"Of course! They're my family." Legosi paused. He had felt it for a while, but it was his first time saying it out loud.

Louis nodded. "Family can be anyone. I didn't realize it until I saw you with those canines. I guess the drama club is the closest thing I had to a family, and I always took advantage of it." He looked down, thinking about what Haru had said about the whole school being sad that he was gone. "If none of this had ever happened, I wonder if I'd still be my old self..."

Legosi went silent. He wondered too.

"I don't get how they could forgive me so easily? Is it because they feel bad for me?"

Legosi hummed thoughtfully, hand still laced with Louis'. "That's possible, but I think they can tell you've changed."

"I'm trying to," Louis said, crossing his arms. "But I still have my worries. It's confusing. If all of this happened because I got kidnapped...? Then wouldn't the logic be to be grateful? It doesn't make sense." He didn't understand how something so horrible could have lead to something so incredible.

"That's another huge concern of mine," he explained. "You saved me. After that, I started thinking about you a lot. After you saved me the second time, when we were in bed, I knew I loved you. But...Is it real? Am I just confused? I want to believe it is." He put a hand to his head. "What if it doesn't work? What then? Are we moving too fast?"

Legosi looked down, trying not to show his hurt at the thought of Louis not actually loving him. But, he had to! Right? Legosi just had no words. Instead, he let go of his hand and held his arms out, inviting Louis to come to him.

Louis went into them willingly, his ears drooping. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay." Legosi whispered. "All I know is...I love you. And those feelings are real. I don't care what my feral instincts tell me."

Louis swallowed. "..."

"I think I've loved you for a long time now, senpai...You've always caught my attention, even when I first joined the drama club."

Louis' eye moved to his. "..."

Legosi moved his nose to his neck, breathing in his aroma deeply. He couldn't believe he could have Louis like this, now. And they lived together! He was all his.

He drew back and met Louis' gaze with his own. "We'll...we'll make this work. Okay, senpai?"

"I'm sorry I said such harsh words, I just...Don't want this to be...A phase of my life." He looked sad. "Do you want to tell me more about how you felt when you first joined?"

Legosi smiled. He knew Louis needed some comfort right now, so he indulged him. He brought them to lay on the bed, holding Louis from behind, his head level with his as to not get poked by his antlers. "Well, the recruiter said I should join, and I had nothing else to do, so I did."

He nodded. "Okay."

Legosi immediately went off topic. "Kai said something interesting once, actually. He said the recruiter only went after animals with...peculiar life circumstances. I'm still unsure if that's true, but the way he explained it was convincing. I'm not sure how the recruiter could know all that stuff about us, though." Legosi remembered pondering what sort of things Louis went through to be recruited...now he believed Kai even more.

The deer nodded,looking at the ceiling. "I guess that makes sense, we all have a history."

Legosi shifted uncomfortably, recalling his own history. How did that recruiter know? "Well, anyway, stage crew and art department was the only thing really open for me, so I took it. I was always interested in stuff like that, but never really explored it. I was kind of bad at it at first, if you remember..." It was strange how long they had known each other, considering they had only really started talking that very year.

And now this.

Louis laughed a bit. "Oh, I remember, you could never center the spotlight."

"You must have been really annoyed." Legosi held Louis a bit closer to him, stroking his chest slowly. "I think I'm pretty good now, though."

"Of course you are."

Legosi had a sudden thought. He was unsure if he should voice it, but he decided to anyway. "Senpai, did you take to acting to escape your circumstances?"

Louis moved his head. "What do you mean?"

"Taking on the roles of others to escape yours." The wolf hoped he wasn't overstepping anything.

Louis blinked. "I felt like the only way to not be me was to be someone else."

"Well, now you are you." Legosi grinned, slipping his face over his shoulder, bringing it next to Louis' face.

Louis stared at the blankness of the ceiling. "I hope this is me and not just...another act in a play." He was silent for a moment and when he felt it was too long, he cleared his throat. "Anyway, tell me more about how you fell for a male deer."

"Well, you were an herbivore that commanded such attention and you were never afraid of me. Those two things drew me to you. And I think...I put you on a high pedestal. It seemed like you were so untouchable that someone like me could never even begin to reach you." Legosi nuzzled against his cheek. "But now I know we're both only animals."

Louis turned around in his arms and moved a hand to Legosi's cheek. "Legosi, I've been thinking about something a lot ever since you said it...It's on my mind more than usual lately."

"What's that?"

"I think I'd rather you kill me." He said, point-blank.

Legosi felt like his world just shattered in that moment. "Wh-what?!" He looked terrified. He instinctively squeezed Louis against him, twisting their legs together.

"After everything, that's the conclusion I came to."

Legosi shook his head. Or at least, as much as he could in their position. "Well, I'll never try to eat you again, I know it!" His voice shook with uncertainty.

"We're both wearing rose colored glasses right now. Let's be careful, okay?" He had a very serious tone. Those were scary words.

Legosi didn't want to admit it, but it was true. As good as this all felt, they were in unknown territory and needed to step carefully. "I...I don't ever want to leave you, senpai."

"I know."

"We'll take this one step at a time. If we ever feel there's a problem, we'll talk about it openly."

He squeezed his shirt. "I mean it. Legosi, I can't kill you. You went through so much. It's clear I wasn't even meant to last this long. I was supposed to be eaten before I was ten!"

Legosi's eyes screwed shut. "Stop! Don't say things like that, senpai! I can't bear to hear it!"

"But it's true, Legosi"

"But you're here now!" Legosi flipped Louis on his back, raising himself up so he was looming over him. "You're alive! Please, take responsibility for my life and I'll take responsibility for yours!" He bit his lip, trying not to cry.

"Legosi! Calm down!" Louis' hands were back against the bed as he looked at his panicking mate.

"You calm down! You need to stop saying you should be dead! I didn't save you just for you to wish I hadn't!" His eyes went wide, hands covering his mouth. He moved back, giving Louis space. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean...to say it like that."

Louis looked to the side. "I...never said that."

"I-I know! I know! I just! That's how it felt!" Legosi looked back at him, eyes wet.

"Well it feels like that all the time for me!"

Legosi hugged his legs against his chest, looking away again. "I'm...I'm sorry. We shouldn't argue like this. We just got together and we're already doing it." He took a breath. "I need to try to understand you, instead."

Louis stayed laying back. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Legosi exhaled through his nose, looking back at Louis with a soft expression. He crawled over to him, flopping down on his side and hugging him tightly around his midsection, nuzzling his muzzle under his chin. "It's okay. I just get so scared when I think about you not being around anymore...again."

"That must have been painful, knowing how you felt."

"Same for what you had to go through. But we're together now."

"I just have so many doubts. Sometimes I just think the universe is trying to right the wrong." Louis said. "It's always on my mind and I hate it."

"Well...I won't let it. I'll save you every time."

Louis looked back at him. "Those are bold words."

"I'm...a bold wolf?"

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

Legosi sighed. "It's okay."

"I guess I said some pretty rash stuff." He closed his eyes, his mind working. "I guess all these emotions have just been building up and tonight I let them out."

Legosi laughed softly. "Just like I did with Bill."

Louis blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I did it more violently than you did...But, up until that point, for my entire life pretty much, I just held back. Pushed down my feelings and willed them to go away. But they didn't go away. And I got so mad that night, that I couldn't just do that anymore. And everything spilled out…"

The deer sighed. "So that's what that was about."

"What did you think it was about?"

Louis looked at the ceiling. "I didn't even care what it was about, only that you did it."

"Sorry again, about that. It was pretty stupid. I don't even hate Bill anymore."

"I can't even imagine what you did to Alpha."

"I can't even remember anymore. I just had to get you out of there."

Louis smiled, making shapes with his mind on the ceiling. "I guess that's true."

There was a long silence, the only sounds coming from the light on the ceiling and their steady breaths. Legosi had brought one of his legs up to wrap around Louis' thighs, bringing himself even closer.

Louis made a small grunt and put his hand's Legosi's hips.

Legosi stirred slightly, breathing out slowly. "I love you...senpai."

He huffed. "I love you, too." A pause. "You can call me Louis."

"Louis...senpai."

"I meant just Louis. We're equals, Legosi." He rubbed his hand down his side, slowly.

Legosi shivered at the touch. "Okay...Louis."

The deer leaned down to kiss his wolf. His knight. His lover. Doubts clawed at his mind like razors, but when he felt the warmth of Legosi's breath, he wasn't sure.

Legosi met Louis' lips, closing his around them softly. Louis' flat teeth gently brushed his fangs.

The herbivore didn't mind. It actually felt nice. He brushed his hand across Legosi's head and breathed softly.

Legosi pulled away, just enough to speak. "I still can't believe I can have you like this, to myself. And you allow me to. I can't thank you enough, senp-...Louis."

Louis licked his cheek. "Just like that."

Legosi looked at Louis with a quizzical expression. He licked him back, only on the nose.

Louis licked his other cheek.

Legosi leaned in, licking his forehead, his ear, his cheek, down his neck. He let his affectionate canine instincts come forth, covering Louis in wet, sloppy kisses.

Louis laughed at the feeling of his tongue across his fur. "I-I didn't realize this tickled so much!"

Legosi licked his collarbones, stopping when he heard Louis say that. "H-how is it?" It was a strange thing for a canine to do this to a non-canine.

"I think I could get used to it..." Louis whispered.

Legosi rubbed himself against Louis' now wet fur. "Mmm, that's good." He was getting sleepy and the deer could tell.

Louis thought of ways to keep Legosi awake. "U-uh...Um...Can I try it on you?"

Legosi blushed a bit and his tail twitched. "Go ahead."

The deer moved. "Uh...Lay down. And maybe take your shirt off." A pause. "No wait-"

"Hm?" Legosi was already moving the straps from his uniform off his shoulders so he could remove his shirt.

Louis blushed and sighed. "Just...continue..."

Legosi let the straps fall and then unbutton his vest, removing it and tossing it aside. The tie was next, coming off rather easily. And finally, the white shirt was removed after a few more seconds. He laid on his back, arms at his side, looking at Louis expectantly.

Louis inspected him, his hand under his chin, as if looking at art.

The wolf covered his face. "Wh-what is it?"

Louis got on his knees, beginning to remove his own shirt.

Legosi peeked out between his fingers, his heart beginning to pound.

Louis stretched the collar to get past his antlers. Am I really about to lick a dog...like a dog...

"Do you...need to not wear a shirt to do this?" Legosi asked.

Louis was still taking it off. "No, just thought you'd enjoy it more. I can turn off the lights if it's weird…"

Legosi gulped. "W-well that's fine." His mind wandered back to the conversation he had with his friends at lunch. Tonight...I'll do whatever you decide, Louis.

"So you want them off? The...the lights, I mean."

"Whatever you want to do…"

"I want to know what you want." He threw his shirt to the side, then slid a finger along his jawline, down to his chin, down his neck, to his chest, then back up to his lips. MIght have been a bit dangerous to do that last one.

"On, then." Legosi didn't want Louis to get hurt, after all.

Louis looked down as he watched his finger go along the wolf's body.

Legosi shivered again at the herbivore's delicate touch.

Louis slowly straddled him, his finger doing little circles on his chest. He smiled, a leg on either side of his torso.

Legosi finally uncovered his face, looking up at Louis with a shy smile.

"Is this okay...?" The deer asked quietly.

Legosi nodded vigorously.

Louis leaned down and whispered in his ear. His heart was pounding against Legosi's chest. "My instincts are screaming at me to run away..."

Legosi whispered back. "I won't move a muscle."

Louis began licking his neck, slowly gently, his cheek rubbing against Legosi's again and again.

Legosi let out a slow, staggered breath. His arousal stirred just like last night. He tried to will it away.

Louis licked his neck and kissed it and then moved to his cheeks, sliding his tongue across them slowly, down to his collarbones, then his chest.

Deer tongue was a lot different than a dog tongue. It was smaller, more delicate. Precise. Legosi stifled laughter. It did tickle, just as Louis had said.

Louis looked up. "It doesn't feel good...does it..." Since he was bent over the wolf his butt and tail were in the air.

"P-please keep going, sen...Louis."

Louis nuzzled his chest with his cold nose and started moving his tongue along it again, the deer blushing quite a bit. He licked a sensitive spot, unknowingly.

Legosi gave out a yelp, quickly wrapping his arms around Louis and pulling him into his chest. His legs wrapped around him too, totally ensnaring them.

Louis smiled. "So how was...getting licked like a dog...?" Those words were still strange to hear from his mouth.

"I-I mean...I've been licked by a dog before... Not like that, of course, b-but, this was still..." Legosi panted. "This was being licked by a deer that I love."

Louis nodded, his cheek rubbed against his bare chest. His hand was pressed on it and he closed it slowly so his fingers scraped along his light fur. He huffed, air from his nose going against Legosi. His hand closing and flattening on his chest again and again. "Hmmh... You have...really nice fur, you know..."

Legosi breathed in, smelling their aromas together. "Thanks." He rubbed Louis' exposed back. "Yours is also nice…"

His hand moved down, sliding into Legosi's pants, resting on top of his left thigh.

Legosi tensed up. His hand was so close. "L-Louis..."

He moved his head to look at him. "Legosi."

I said to myself that I'd do whatever he wants tonight but...I'm still scared. "Can we...stop for now? That was...a lot…"

Louis' hand disappeared. "Oh...I...uh...I need to use the bathroom." He got off him and disappeared behind the bathroom door, the light clicking on. He leaned back against the door, putting his hand to his forehead. What's wrong with me? Why did I do that...? God damn it!

Legosi took a deep breath out. He wanted it, but he also didn't want to rush things. This was Louis, after all. He wanted their first time, whenever that'd be, to be special. That's what he told himself, but he was still scared and confused as to how it'd even play out. He just wasn't ready.

The wolf sat up, waiting for Louis to finish. He needed to brush his teeth.

Louis opened the door. "Legosi."

The carnivore perked up.

"I have no idea what I'm doing or why. It's obvious I'm not ready, either." He leaned against the door frame.

"Well, we're both really nervous...It makes sense." Legosi stood up, making his way toward Louis.

Louis looked up. "I guess it's like you're my prey, now. To my mind."

Legosi scratched his own cheek. "Well...I don't mind the sound of that, actually." He cleared his throat, walking past Louis into the bathroom, grabbing his frankly huge tooth brush and putting some toothpaste on it.

Louis blushed, still standing in the doorway. "I wasn't going to do anything, Legosi."

The larger animal spit into the sink. "Oh..."

"Truth is..." He swallowed. "I'm still scared."

Legosi turned on the sink, dipping his head in to take in some water to rinse his mouth out. He spit again before responding. "...Me too."

The deer went in at sat on the toilet. "I think..." Should I say it? Should I say it?

Legosi washed the toothbrush before returning it to it's holder. He turned around, leaning back on the sink counter. He looked at Louis, waiting.

"I think we should get a muzzle." He took a breath.

"Hm?"

He looked down at the floor. "For you. I think just to be safe..."

Legosi drooped his head down. "O-oh." He agreed with Louis, but why did it hurt to hear?

Louis quickly went to him. "I'm sorry...honey...dear...Whatever you want to be called, I just...I'm not trying to hurt you."

"I-I know. It's dangerous for you." He reached a hand up, feeling his face. Legosi's heart fluttered at being called such things.

"I know we're just animals to each other but physically you are a carnivore..."

Legosi felt his face more. "Yeah..." He thought for a moment. "Where do you even get one of those?"

"I'm sure getting one isn't easy since it's kind of offensive to carnivores..."

The wolf shrunk down a bit.

He leaned his butt against the sink as he held his elbow with his hand, thinking. "I'm not being controlling by suggesting this, right?"

"N-no! Of course not. We need to prioritize your safety for when...we decide to...do that." Legosi looked down at his claws. "What about these, too?"

"Oh yeah..." He looked to his claws. "Do you think other carniherbi's go through this?"

"Well, carnivore bodies are more suited to receive damage."

"I've heard stories of a carnivore loving an herbivore and their emotions get the best of them, but they just seem like stories to me."

"Oh, you meant other carnivore and herbivore relationships..."

"Yeah."

Legosi scratched his arm. "I...I haven't seen any stories about that. I guess it could happen." Would I really lose myself in my passion?

"As an ex future Beastar, I had to know about all this stuff...I had to know about everything...There's a lot of horrible stuff out there."

Legosi simply nodded, listening. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

The deer took a breath. "If I were a sublime Beastar, it would be my job to try and progress society for the better single handedly. I was to rise above all the discrimination in the world. They expect 18 year old kids to do that!"

"It's not fair." Legosi had never thought about it until he met Louis. Society placed such high expectations on its young members while excusing the older ones.

"Beastars are a bunch of bullshit!" Louis said. "Why do they even exist! What has the current Sublime Beastar done to fucking fix anything?!" He looked angry. "Nothing! Nothing gets fixed! The world stays the same while the Sublime Beastar does fuckall in that perfect tower of his! I hate him."

Legosi blinked. He reached out and embraced his boyfriend. "Let's go to bed."

He felt his anger melt away, just like that. "This must be so annoying to deal with."

"I love dealing with you..."

"H-huh?"

Legosi lifted him up with ease. "Let's go to bed," he said again.

Louis sighed. "Okay."