Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Challenges listed at the bottom.

Word Count - 482

Warning - Language and a brief mention of suicide.

Wouldn't Stand A Chance

"I can't believe you did that," Tony said, grinning widely as he let Steve lead him away from the woman who'd been pawing at him only seconds before. "You know she was no threat to you, right? She was just an Iron Man fanatic, it happens."

"Actually, Nat told me that she's a spy, and she was about to stab you with a needle that contained enough poison to kill you on the spot," Steve replied quietly, the despair evident in his voice.

"What? What the fuck?" Tony asked, looking over his shoulder to see Natasha and Bucky containing the woman and leading her away. "Okay, why do all these assholes always aim for me?"

"You're the easiest target," Clint said, falling into step on Tony's other side. "You're so used to people fawning all over you that you don't get suspicious when it happens, whereas the rest of us aren't used to it, and would naturally be suspicious."

Tony pouted. "I am not pleased by this."

Clint chuckled, whereas Steve's grip tightened slightly and he kept them moving until they reached the car parked right outside.

Happy opened the door for them, and Steve had Tony get in first before he climbed in, closing the door firmly behind them.

"Take us to the compound, Happy, please," Steve requested.

"I thought we were staying at the tower tonight?" Tony asked, frowning.

"Compound is safer."

"Steve—"

"Tony, I can't deal with you not being safe right now and—"

"The tower is perfectly safe!"

"I love you, you idiot! I love you, and you could have died just now, and I need to make you safe so just—"

Tony sighed, patting Steve's leg. "Take us to the compound, Hap."

…

"I'm sorry about earlier," Steve murmured. They were curled around one another in bed, showered and changed and Steve was finally settling down. "I just… she could have killed you."

"I know, baby, it's okay," Tony murmured. "I get it. You know what I'm like when you get injured. It's fine, I'm fine, we're all fine, okay?"

Steve nodded, leaning into Tony. "I love you. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"You'll mourn," Tony said quietly. "And then you'll pick yourself up and you'll get on with what needs to be done, and you'll make me proud. And then, when your time comes, I'll be waiting for you."

"I'd prefer it if you just didn't leave me," Steve admitted.

"Just… promise me that you wouldn't do something stupid if anything happened to me."

Steve looked at Tony for a long moment, understanding dawning in his eyes. "I promise."

Tony nodded and then smiled. "It'll take more than a scheming woman to take me out, Steve. Well. Unless Pepper gets homicidal, then we're all fucked."

Steve paused and then nodded. "You're right. If Pepper got homicidal, we wouldn't stand a chance."

Written for:

North Funfair: Snowman, Step 3: 5. "I love you, you idiot."

East Funfair: Winter Cocktail: 20. Vanilla Cranberry Mimosa: "I can't believe you did that."

South Funfair: Night Before Christmas, Step 4: 9. Christmas Teddy: Despair

365: 355. Fanatic