I own nothing except my delusions.
Emma turned off the flame on the stove for her and Killian's dinner, nodding in satisfaction at seeing it was done. Her stomach had twisted with nerves as she drove to the cabin, remaining and only abating when she saw him come in before the feeling returned. She had smiled at him when he had come in, with him kissing her in greeting before retreating to shower. As soon as he left, her nerves returned at full force.
She felt him come up behind her, his front pressing onto her back as his hands gripped her waist.
"Something smells delicious," he said as his nose nudged the shell of her ear.
Despite herself, she smiled as she leaned into him. "It's just some stroganoff. You literally just throw it together."
"I'm not talking about the food, love," he nearly purred. "Though that does smell appetizing as well."
She laughed as she turned in his arms to press her lips to his, forgetting all about everything that had happened in the day and the difficult talk they would have to have. Something about him, even just being near him, both relaxed her and made her heart flutter.
He seemed different, lighter somehow. She wondered if it was because he told her about everything he had gone through, that he knew he didn't have to hide from her. In a way he had gained a new freedom.
"You know we really should eat," she laughed as she pulled away. "I'm pretty hungry, and I know you've gotta be, too."
Humming, he nodded.
Her nerves returned as they ate, different scenarios running through her head at the conversation to be had. She had no idea how he would react, yet she found she couldn't blame him no matter his reaction.
His hands were gentle as he touched her waist, drawing her away from the sink to leave their dishes.
"What's wrong, Emma?" he asked quietly, his eyes meeting hers.
A small smile curled her lips, knowing that of course he would know.
Stalling, she pulled him over to the couch, sitting close beside him. Her hand slid into his, serving as their main point of contact.
"I went to see Gold today," she nearly whispered. "I wanted to find out what to do to lift your curse."
Killian stiffened, his expression weary. "Emma, please tell me you didn't make a deal. Whatever it is, I'm not worth it."
Emma smiled sadly, thinking how wrong he was. "I didn't matter. He wouldn't even make one. Between me and Belle, be finally told me."
Her heart constricted at his suddenly hopeful expression, knowing she was about to break him.
"He said that there's no way to lift it," she whispered as she closed her eyes, unable to watch his face crumple. "That he designed this curse to last, and that it's one of his own invention. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She opened her eyes in surprise as she suddenly felt his hand release her only to pull her into him so she was cradled in his lap. Daring to look up, she saw his eyes screwed tight, forcing his breathing to remain even. It dawned on her that he was using her as a tether, that she was the only thing keeping him grounded.
"I had always suspected as much," he said quietly. "But just hearing it…"
"All curses can be broken," she said fiercely, repeating the words her parents had told her. "Gold always has a loophole. We can still find someway."
Giving a hard exhale, he opened his eyes and nodded.
She suddenly surged forward, pressing her lips to his in an attempt to comfort him. She rested her hands on his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him. Just as her hands drifted to the buttons on his shirt, he pulled away.
"Wait, love," he said, his voice suddenly serious. "We need to talk."
Pulling back to get a better look at him, Emma began chewing her lip nervously. She couldn't help the shakiness in her voice. "About?"
His expression suddenly became worried. "We weren't exactly careful last night. And if you fall with child-"
She rested a hand on his cheek, calming him.
"There's some pills that I take," she tried to explain in a way that he could understand. "I keep taking them to help keep me regular, but they help keep me from getting pregnant."
Relief slipped over his features.
"There's some other things we can do, too," she offered.
He nodded before suddenly looking nervous again, keeping quiet.
"Killian?" she asked, knowing how unusual it was for him to stay silent. "What's wrong?"
"I thought about this a lot today," he admitted quietly. "About what if we can't break this curse. I don't want children. I can't have children."
Surprised, Emma nodded. "Okay."
Killian blew out a hard breath. "If we can't break this curse… it will be excruciating enough to watch as you age and eventually pass on. You and your family. That will be hard enough. But I can't risk having a child and watch them grow and age and die while I'm…"
"Okay," she soothed, understanding the fear he harbored. "It's okay, Killian."
He nodded before continuing. "I don't want to get married. I know it's too soon to be talking of marriage, but I need you to know that I can't give you that."
She flinched back slightly in surprise, not having expected his statement. What surprised her more were the emotions that almost felt like sadness and disappointment.
"Why?" she couldn't help but ask.
"I want you to be able to have everything, Emma," he told her, raising his own hand to brush her hair back before cradling her face. "And I can't give that to you. If say you meet someone who can, some man who can give you a family and you can grow old with, I don't want you to have to be tied to me."
Feeling her eyes burning, she screwed them shut as she leaned forward to kiss him. Cupping his face in her hands, she rested her forehead to his.
"I've made you cry again," he lamented.
Unaware of the moisture that had spilled, she felt him tenderly brush it away.
"Because you're hurting," she replied simply.
He gave her a small, sad smile. "I won't not admit that I am afraid, love."
"I'm scared, too," she confessed. "You know I haven't had any luck when it comes to relationships. But with you, it's different. Like I've never actually slept with anyone before or stayed the night. But last night, I wanted to. I don't want to mess up whatever this is that we have."
"This is all I can give you," he told her regretfully.
"Then it will be enough," she said hearing the truth in her own words.
Emma knew it would soon be time for Killian to go before she even opened her eyes, instinctively knowing dawn would soon arrive.
"You're awake," she heard his voice softly coming from behind her, his front pressed to her back.
She squeezed one of his arms wrapped around him. "Yeah. You have to go soon, don't you?"
"Aye," he responded before lightly kissing her shoulder, his lips burning her skin through her borrowed shirt. "Believe me when I say that I wish that I didn't."
Turning in his arms, she faced him so she could rest her hands on his chest. "I know."
Exhaling, she tilted her head so she could press her lips to his. Even as he responded to her, they kept the kiss sweet, but it still made her heart race.
Emma didn't think she would ever get used to the feeling, but found that she wasn't scared at all.
"Did you get any sleep?" she asked.
"Aye," he said before chuckling, smiling down at her. "Though as enjoyable as it is to sleep with you, you're going to make me mess up my schedule."
She laughed before kissing him again.
"You know, I was thinking," he said as they pulled away. "Not that you have to, but if you wanted to spend some more time here, it might be a good idea if I clear out some space for you. Kind of like how you did for me at your place."
"You want to do that?" she asked in surprise.
Even with her lack of experience, she knew that it was a big step for a couple to start having their things at the other's place. She kept space for Killian in her room out of convenience for him, making it so he had a fresh set of clothes if he was in the town at his time of transformation. While it would be convenient for her, that she wouldn't have to return back to the loft every morning in her clothes from the night before, as well as help prevent people from talking if they saw her, it was an intimacy in a relationship she had never experienced before.
He nodded, sure. "Yeah, I do. Unless you don't want to."
Emma gave him a wide, bright smile. "I do. Maybe tonight I can bring some things over?"
Returning her smile, he nodded.
Turning his head back, he sighed, reluctantly releasing Emma and getting out of bed.
She sat up, seeing outside the window beginning to lighten.
"You know, even if I bring over some of my clothes, I'm still stealing your shirts," she commented lightly.
Hearing him chuckle, she grinned.
"Wouldn't have it any other way, love," he told her as he shrugged on a shirt.
Unlike the previous night, he didn't hide his back from her, instead letting her see and touch his scars. He had told her nearly everything about his past, from his mother's passing to his father abandoning and selling him and his brother to his time in the navy to his rise to piracy as he laid down beside her in the bed, telling her things he hadn't even told Milah. Somehow it had all been just as intimate as their night together the previous night despite them never progressing past kissing.
The floor was cold as her bare feet hit it, but she ignored it as she rounded the bed to move to where Killian was pulling on his waistcoat. She silently helped him button it up, resting her hands on his chest when it was done up.
Killian held her to him for a moment before gently pressing his lips to hers, reluctantly moving away from her. "I need to go."
Sighing, Emma nodded. "I know. See you later tonight?"
He offered her a small smile. "Of course."
"You know, my parents and Henry are gonna want to see you again pretty soon," she said with a quirk of her lips.
Humming, he smiled down at her. "Later tonight maybe?"
"They'll like that," she replied.
He kissed her one last time before leaving.
A lengthy author's note: Okay guys, I'm gonna do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you guys, my wonderful readers, pick which story I'm going to write next. I'm putting some synopses to a few of some of the stories I have planned up, and I'll let you guys vote on which story you want for the next week. Just drop me a comment, this way all of my readers on both and Ao3 can get a say.
Story 1: Emma never thought she would hate her life. She had had plans, plans to be like her parents, but none of them ever included accidentally being married to the Dark One and becoming a prisoner in her own home. Finding herself isolated from everything she had ever known with no way out, she accidentally summons Killian, a selkie who helps give her a taste of freedom and happiness.
(Will include a Dark One Neal/Baelfire and Emma not having magic. Because of the mythology surrounding selkies, this one will contain an affair, but keep in mind that it is literally the only escape Emma has.)
(This one was actually the next story I had lined up, but I didn't know if you guys wanted another shifter type story so soon.)
Story 2: For the first time in her life, Emma's not alone when she finds Neal. Things suddenly change when they meet someone from his past, leading to Neal suddenly abandoning her, leaving Emma with Killian, accused of destroying Neal's family. Deciding their best chances are together, Emma slowly finds herself falling for Killian, finding a happy life with him until a tragedy strikes.
(Don't worry, Neal's time will be brief in here. I will change their ages a little bit, partly so Emma will be of age by the time she and Killian begin their relationship if anyone is worried about that."
Story 3: Killian's life in Storybrooke is his own personal hell. He has what would be considered a good life, with a house, a stable job, and a wife given to him from Regina's curse, but he hates it all, the house with a woman who likes to make his life hell and his job at the university teaching the same five students every semester making everything a monotonous cycle he wants out of. When a stranger comes to town to deliver her son back to Regina, Killian finds himself intrigued by her, wondering if she will be the one to break the cycle, as well as feel things he hasn't felt since his first love died.
Teaser: He shook his head, calming her down. "It's alright, Swan. I would have shown them to you eventually."
Review?