Chapter 38: The Note

Carol was just finishing up breakfast dishes when Lydia came walking in the kitchen with Dog right behind her.

"Mommy, can I play at Henry's?"

"If Henry's daddy's ok with it," Carol agreed with a nod. She turned to her daughter and chuckled. She'd pulled her hair up in a sloppy ponytail, and wisps of hair were sticking out in every which direction. "Honey, come here. If I let you out of the house looking like that, they're going to think I let Luke do your hair." Lydia giggled, and Carol sat down in the chair. Lydia turned, and Carol quickly slipped her hair out of the tie and combed it back with her fingers. When her dark locks were smooth and pulled back evenly, Carol patted the top of her head. "There we go."

"Thanks, Mommy." She turned, and she looked down at her mother's belly. She stared curiously for a moment before looking up at Carol's face.

"Lydia? Do you have any questions for me?"

"No," Lydia said softly, shaking her head.

"Are you sure?" Carol was a little reluctant at urging her daughter to ask questions, because the inevitable birds and bees talk wasn't something she wanted to discuss so early, but Lydia had been staring a lot, and she could practically see the wheels turning in her head. Carol narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Sweetie, do you remember when Luke was born?"

"Uh-huh. He cried a lot. And pooped." Carol laughed.

"Yes, he did," she grinned. "Do you remember how my belly wasn't big anymore after he came along?"

"Uh-huh," Lydia said, furrowing her brows. "I think so."

"That's because he was safe and warm in there until he was ready to come out. That's why mommy's belly got so big." Lydia giggled.

"How'd the baby get in there?"

"Mommies and daddies work together to put the baby in there," Carol said carefully.

"Oh," Lydia said with a nod, seemingly satisfied with the answer, to Carol's relief. "Well, is it a baby boy or a baby girl?"

"We won't know for a while," Carol offered. "We may not know until he or she gets here."

"Well, that's silly."

"What's silly?"

"You and daddy put the baby in there. You should know if it's a boy or a girl."

"Oh," Carol laughed. "Well, the baby starts out very tiny, smaller than a seed. You can't even see it at first. But it grows and gets bigger. At first, it's too tiny to tell. Do you understand?"

"I don't think so," Lydia said with a shrug.

"Well, I'll explain it a little better when you're older."

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby."

"You and daddy found me. I had another mommy and daddy at first."

"Right."

"But you and daddy put Luke in your belly. And my new brother or sister."

"Right," Carol said slowly, trying to figure out where the conversation was going.

"Does this mean you'll love Luke and the new baby more than me?"

"No, of course not! Why would you think that?"

"I just thought, 'cause Luke looks like you and daddy. I don't look like anybody I know."

"Oh, honey, don't you worry about that. You are my beautiful little girl, and I love you so much. And I love Luke and this baby."

"And my first sister?" Lydia asked softly.

"And your first sister," Carol said softly.

"Did you and daddy put her in your belly, too?"

"No, honey. Mommy was married to someone else a long time ago. He wasn't a very nice man. But your daddy? He's the best man I've ever known." She pulled Lydia into a hug. "Sophia would have loved to have a little sister like you. Do you know that? She always wanted a little sister."

"Maybe we can name the new baby Sophia. If she's a girl."

"Oh, honey, that's so sweet, but I think the baby should have its own name, don't you?"

"I guess so," Lydia said with a nod. "But maybe it could be her middle name."

"Maybe," Carol smiled. She hugged her little girl again, and then she patted her on the back. "I do love you, Lyddie Dixon."

"Love you too, Mama." Carol let her out of the hug and nodded toward the door.

"Go play. Come home for lunch, ok, baby?"

"Okay, Mama!" she called, letting the screen door slam shut in her excitement to get to Henry's. Carol shook her head, smiled to herself and placed her hand on her stomach. "You're gonna need a lot of energy to keep up with your big sister."

...

"Good! Aim a little higher up, Lizzie," Carol instructed one of the younger girls. They had constructed some dummy walkers out of burlap sacks and stale grain. Carol occasionally had people over, young and old, for knife lessons. "Good. Everybody, watch your stance. Keep your weight balanced before you lunge. You want to have the advantage. If they push into you, you don't want them overtaking you. If that happens, you're dead. Again!"

She wiggled her fingers at Luke in a little wave. He grinned at her from where he sat on the porch with a little bucket of blueberries in his lap. His face and fingers were stained purple. He sure did love to watch the knife practice, and he always stayed out of the way.

As the trainees continued, Carol looked around the place, marveling at what this little farm had become. New houses, new buildings, new people. This was the first place that had felt like home in years, and she was so grateful she and Daryl had found it. As strange as it sounded, the farm felt like a part of her. She and Daryl had worked hard to make it into something sustainable. With new crops every year, baby animals each spring and children being born left and right, it was beginning to feel like it was time to think bigger. There was still room for growth, but she knew it wouldn't be long before expansion became necessary.

When Daryl returned from speaking with Merle, he greeted his wife with a kiss on the cheek. His crossbow was slung over his shoulder, and Carol raised an eyebrow.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah. Jerry said he spotted some deer grazing in the field this morning. Gonna see if I can track one. Kids ain't had venison in a long time."

"Be home for supper?"

"I'll bring supper if I can help it," he chuckled. He nodded to the group as they tried another thrust through the "belly" of the fake walkers. "How they doing?"

"Well, if these were real walkers, everybody here would be dead. But they're getting better," Carol admitted with a half smile.

"That's somethin', right?"

"Hmm." Carol leaned in to kiss her husband, and she sighed happily when he pulled her into a hug.

"I love you."

"Love you more," she whispered. "I'll see you when you get home." He gave her a little squeeze before going over to give Luke a hug and a kiss goodbye.

By the time the lesson was over, Carol was feeling hungry, and she knew it was getting close to lunch, so she sent everyone on their way and took Luke inside to clean him up. By the time she got him out of the tub, dried and re-dressed, she could hear Lydia and Henry coming in from outside. So, she came with Luke down the stairs and got him situated with some toys in the living room.

"Lydia, Henry? You two hungry?" She headed into the kitchen where the two were sitting at the table, waiting patiently. "Who am I kidding? You two have been playing all morning. Of course you're hungry."

"Mommy, can Henry stay with us?"

"What?" Carol asked. "I think his daddy might miss him." She folded her arms across her chest and looked down at the two.

"Well, Henry's daddy said he had to go away for a while. So can he stay here, Mommy? Please?" Lydia asked. Carol furrowed her brows.

"Honey, you must be mistaken. Negan wasn't going on any runs."

"He told me to come here and give you this," Henry said softly, holding up a piece of paper.

"I tried to read it, Mommy, but the letters were all curvy and together. I don't know how to read that."

"Let me see that," Carol said quietly, taking the paper in her hands. She looked down at Henry, who looked down at his hands in his lap.

"Mommy, can we have apple?"

"Yeah, grab one for you and Henry. I'll be right back, ok?" Lydia nodded, and Carol stepped out onto the back porch with the paper in her hand. She sat down on the porch step and took a deep breath before reading.

Carol and Daryl,

What you've done for my family is a kindness I can't repay. And now I'm asking you for another. Please take care of my son. I love my son, but being here without Lucy is like living in a nightmare I can't wake up from. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, and I know he sees it. No kid deserves that. He doesn't deserve to have somebody who's there but not here. It's not right. I'm not right. I have a lot of shit to sort out, and when I do, I'll be back. But I can't let him watch me go through it. I can't put that on a kid. Maybe I'm a coward. But I know my son deserves better than I can give him right now. Please, don't come after me. It's better this way.

Negan

Author's Note: Please let me know what you think! Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you so much for reading.