Chapter 36.
Cas listened for footsteps. Movies were easy. No need for conversation, little chance of arguments. They just needed to get through one evening without further conflict. If the talismans prevented dream sharing, Dean would relax and all would be well.
If not, more drastic options needed to be considered. Heaven would want the link gone as much as Dean did and they would know how to do it. True, he might not survive the process, but neither would the link. It was a high price, but if no other option would work, he was almost ready to pay it.
He was glad now that Dean had shot down the attempt to add a clause to the Winchester Pact forbidding stupid, suicidal moves without consultation. It was not a conversation he could face having with either of the others and it was, after all, his life to risk.
The film was a safe choice. One of Dean's favourites, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. He would enjoy the perfection of the score and Dean would love the badassery of Eastwood.
While he was waiting, he sent a text to Sam, "I know what I am doing."
A few moments later, he added, "I think."
He heard familiar footsteps and the door opened just as a reply arrived from Sam. It said, "Here if either of you needs me."
Dean looked at the brightly lit phone screen in the dim room. "Sam?" he said.
"Yes." said Cas.
"Is he giving instructions?"
"No, just offering support." said Cas, showing him the conversation.
Dean read it, then looked at the TV and smiled. "Good choice." he said. He sat down in the seat nearest the door. Cas reached down beside his own seat and picked up two cowboy hats. He donned one himself and put the other on Dean's head.
Dean looked at him. "Where did you get the hat?" he said.
"Sarah." said Cas, "And yours from your room. You didn't ward it against angels."
"No, and I won't. So, at least you'll have a hat for the party."
"I wanted to make an effort." said Cas.
Dean nodded. "I think that's great, Cas. And chicks dig cowboy hats."
"That doesn't matter to me." said Cas.
"It will at the party." said Dean.
"Not really." said Cas, puzzled.
"Trust me, Jules will really like it."
"Jules is impressed enough with the whole hunter thing." said Cas.
"But not the angel thing?"
"You wanted me to play down the angel thing." said Cas, not convinced that Jules would be overly excited to know that Dean was friends with one of the most disreputable of the angelic host.
"I never said that. And not with the ladies. That whole celestial being thing can work miracles."
"I really don't understand the hesitation." said Cas, "You've often said how approachable she is."
"Yeah, approachable doesn't mean easy." said Dean, "Maybe she wants some indication of interest."
"Well, I've made it as obvious as I reasonably can." said Cas. He had done everything short of say outright that Dean was attracted to her.
"Cas, it's a matter of confidence."
"Not an area you usually have any problem with." said Cas.
"I have my moments of hesitation and doubt. I just blot them out with alcohol and bravado. You're a great guy, Cas. If I had a sister, I'd let you date her. Hell, I'd let you date Sam." Cas was sure he would never get used to the swift tangents of human conversation.
"I'm not sure Sam would." he said.
"Well, Sam has always had questionable taste." said Dean.
"We should stop talking now." said Cas.
"Because you're offended?" said Dean.
"Because I am no longer sure what we are discussing." said Cas.
Dean looked confused for a moment. "Neither am I, now."
"Something about the sister you don't have." said Cas.
"I don't have a sister I don't have." said Dean.
"No, I didn't think you did." said Cas.
"Yeah, you're right, this conversation stopped making sense some time ago. But I'm glad we had it. I'm glad we can still talk to each other a little."
"And as long as neither of us has a clue what we are talking about, dissent is unlikely." said Cas.
"I think that's how the UN works." said Dean, "So much gets lost in translation, nobody gets insulted."
"We've gone from hats to non-existent relatives to the United Nations and I'm not sure how that happened."
"Well, Mom did say friends should be able to talk about anything."
"But everything, all at once? Anyway, I'm sure you set her straight on that."
"Cas, I talk about stuff with you that I couldn't tell another living soul."
"Technically, I am not a living soul. I have no soul."
"Of course, sometimes I wonder why I put myself through trying to talk to a pedantic, literal-minded, immortal being who has never learned how to Google a common phrase."
"We should watch the movie now." said Cas.
"I didn't mean it like it sounded." said Dean, "I mean, sometimes talking to me must make you every bit as crazy, right?"
Cas almost agreed, but then he looked at his friend's face, his eyes hidden in the hat's shadow and he thought what a good metaphor that was for the way Dean hid from most eyes, pretending to be so much less than he was, revealing the depth and breadth of his thoughts only to those few people that made up his varied and difficult family.
"I think it's worth the effort." he said.
"I never said you weren't." said Dean.
"I'll start the movie." said Cas.
"Cas, before you do, I need a promise that you won't let yourself fall into the hands of angels. You know you can't trust them. They don't care about you."
"It doesn't matter." said Cas, "They'll want the mind curse killed and they will find a way to do it."
"The two most obvious ways are to return you to factory settings or to kill you. Either way, that's you gone."
"The need may never arise."
"The need doesn't exist. If you try something so stupid, I'll call all remaining angels here myself and make them all dead."
"That would destroy Heaven." said Cas.
"So what you need to ask yourself is, would you wipe out Heaven to be rid of the mind curse?"
"What I need to ask myself is, how sane is someone willing to bring Heaven to a standstill to save one failed and fallen angel?"
"If you never go to them for their questionable help, neither of us will ever have to find that out." said Dean.
"You insisted we had to be free to make decisions the others consider suicidal." said Cas.
"I said I had to be free to. I never said you and Sam should get to."
"Does that seem fair to you?" said Cas.
"Yes. Anything where I get what I want seems fair to me."
"You want your mind back." Cas reminded him.
"Not at any price. Not if you have to die or be turned back into what you were."
"Was what I was that worthless?" said Cas.
"What you were would have killed me without a second thought." said Dean.
"And now I'd die for you and you don't like that either." said Cas.
"What can I say? I'm difficult to please. Just remember, you go to Heaven, I'll destroy it. And you know I can do it."
"I just want ... "
"I know." said Dean, "But that option is off the table."
"You're very controlling." said Cas.
"And I've killed almost as many angels as you have." said Dean, "Start the movie."
"No you haven't." said Cas.
"Then I have some catching up to do. Don't make me start now."
"We should stop talking again." said Cas.
"Have I made it clear where I stand on this?"
"Yes, I think you've been very clear." said Cas.
"Right, so Heaven is out." said Dean.
"Apparently." said Cas.
He started the movie. As the music started, he glanced at Dean. The light from the screen illuminated a determined expression. He wasn't sure Dean could wipe out the remaining angels, but he was sure that the plan to ask for Heaven's help would have to be an absolute last resort.