Sasuke's No Good Very Bad Teammates

Summary: Naruto and Sakura have gone insane.

Or: Just after becoming Team 7 Naruto and Sakura go through a massive shift in personality, leaving Sasuke out of the loop and wondering what in the name of sanity could have happened to them. His only consolation is that Kakashi is just as weirded out as he is.

Chapter 27

Even after all the villages they had gotten to know on their travels, Ame was something else altogether. Its buildings were large and gloomy, reaching for the sky with claws of gleaming metal spires. It was difficult to make out where one of them ended and the other began through the constant shower of rain. They were drenched to the bone within minutes of arriving, and Sasuke was left wondering how anybody could possibly stand living here.

"We're in no hurry," Sakura reminded them in a hushed tone as they made their way through the village. People hurried past them – the few that were on the streets in the first place – almost as though they could sense their foreignness. "We'll take our time with this one. Scout out the village. Find out who's in power."

"We'll pretend like we're on vacation," Naruto suggested, her arms crossed behind her head and her neck craned to the sky as though she was sunbathing rather than being showered with ice pins.

They separated to cover more ground, and Sasuke set out to make a brief, efficient round through the village to gain a broad image of it. Hushed voices and wary looks followed him wherever he went, and Sasuke did his best to ignore them.

His mission was put to an impromptu halt when Sasuke ran across the biggest greenhouse he'd ever seen. Sasuke paused, taking in the massive construction. Their climate generally allowed them to grow most kinds of plants, so they didn't have many of them in Konoha. There were a lot more in Suna, but none that looked like this one.

Sasuke looked around for an entrance, curiosity sparked and wanting to take a closer look.

"You're not from here."

Sasuke halted in his tracks. He hadn't noticed the man coming closer. "No. I'm not."

"What were you about to do?" The stranger's eyes were all but hidden by red strands of hair, the color beginning to fade into gray. The uncovered parts of his face were frail and bony. He looked as though a decent gust of wind could blow him over.

"I've never seen a greenhouse this big before," Sasuke admitted, going for the truth and leaving out the bigger picture.

The stranger paused. "The greenhouse," he repeated as though he had expected something else entirely. "That is what you're here for?"

"I'm just travelling through," Sasuke said. "Might as well explore the village before I move on."

The redhead looked at him – at least Sasuke thought he did, out of the narrow slits of his eyes that weren't covered by hair. "Apologies," he muttered, mustering a miniscule shake of his head. "I thought ... Nevermind."

The stranger turned away as abruptly as he had stepped to Sasuke's side. "Excuse me. There was a misunderstanding."

Sasuke blinked at the odd exchange and watched the stranger leave.

In the end, he shrugged the encounter off. In a place like this, Sasuke didn't blame the people living here for being odd.

"Did you find anything?" Naruto asked once they'd regrouped and found a cheap inn for the night.

Neither Sakura nor Sasuke had anything to report.

"Oh well. It's still early." Naruto shrugged, draping herself over the lumpiest little armchair Sasuke had ever seen. "We'll just keep looking."

The next day was just as rainy and gloomy as the last. Sasuke finished his round through the village and found several more greenhouses, a couple of which were just as big as the first. Each of them seemed to hold different kinds of plants, and some held more than a dozen kinds at a time.

Curiosity urged him to investigate, and he craned his neck to take a closer look. The ceiling held some sort of light source in a blinding, pure white glow.

The stranger joined him almost as quickly as the first time. Perhaps he was making sure that Sasuke wasn't up to anything forbidden.

"Are those tomatoes?" Sasuke spoke up before the stranger could, nodding towards the plants on the other side of the glass.

There was a pause.

"Yes," the stranger said. "Among other things."

"You're growing them in greenhouses so they don't drown," Sasuke said while the rain continued to hammer down on them. "I've never seen this many in one village."

"It is the only way to grow crops in Ame. We'd be dependent on trade to support our village otherwise. Our greenhouses are our way of keeping ourselves as self-reliant as possible."

"Those lights," Sasuke continued, eager to take advantage of the stranger's talkative mood for as long as it lasted, "they're to make up for the lack of sunlight, right? Are you using some sort of jutsu to power them?"

"Nothing like that. Just technology."

There was a pause as both Sasuke and the stranger eyed the plants growing behind the glass. The tomatoes inside were large but still tinted green. It wouldn't be much longer until they were ready to be harvested.

"Are you interested in gardening?" the stranger asked, his voice hesitant as though he was still attempting to figure out why he was talking to Sasuke.

Sasuke shrugged. It wasn't a hobby one could pursue while travelling. All of his house plants must have died from neglect long ago. He hadn't thought of asking someone to take care of them on that very first trip they took. "Are you?"

"Not precisely." The stranger tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, revealing oddly colored eyes. "I like coming here because our greenhouses are the only places that always have light."

He looked like he was in desperate need of every last ray of it. Looking at the sickly pale tint to his skin made Sasuke want to drag him out of the rain and thrust a hot drink into his (far too skinny) hands. He didn't look like he'd survive so much as a light flu.

The stranger excused himself after another few minutes of companionable silence, and Sasuke continued his mission of scouting the village as though the interruption had not happened.

"Anything?"

The answer was no on all three accounts. Naruto was starting to sound frustrated.

"I can't believe they're hiding themselves this well! You'd think somebody ruling an entire village would show their face from time to time." Naruto sighed, accepting the gentle pat on her shoulder Sakura offered. "Alright. Let's keep trying."

Sasuke began to keep an eye out for narrow shoulders and shaggy, red hair every time he passed one of Ame's greenhouses.

He didn't know why the stranger kept coming back – perhaps to keep an eye on him? He'd been suspicious of Sasuke from the start, so perhaps this was his way of making sure Sasuke wasn't up to anything.

"Why Ame?" the stranger asked after a couple of days spent in the village. "There are a lot more pleasant places you could have visited."

Sasuke shrugged. "A lot worse places, too."

They wouldn't be seeing much from the Elemental Nations if they only stuck around in the best parts of it. They weren't some sort of tourists, traveling from one attraction to the other and skipping everything in between.

Instead of answering, the stranger stilled. Sasuke tensed instinctively. They weren't alone anymore.

"... Nagato," a woman said, stepping up to the stranger's – Nagato's? – side and pinning Sasuke with an appraising gaze. Her hair was a rich, ocean-deep color and she wore a flower that looked like it was folded from paper. Sasuke had no idea how it wasn't soaked through from the downpour. "Who's this?"

Nagato gave a small shrug. "A friend."

The word gave Sasuke a pause. Was that what they were? He'd always associated friendship with the kind of bond Naruto and Sakura formed with others: shared experiences and laughter and blatant signs of affection.

Perhaps Sasuke's part of the equation was a more subtle kind.

"I see." The woman seemed wary in a perhaps not quite misguided way.

Her name was Konan, and she was at Nagato's side almost constantly from there on. Sasuke found that she wasn't bad company, either.

"I think we need to change our tactics," Naruto said without any preamble, frustration heavy in her voice. "Clearly, what we're doing right now isn't working."

"Maybe we could try asking around the village?" Sakura suggested. "There's gotta be some villagers we can trick into telling us something."

"Hmm. Maybe..." Naruto furrowed her brows. "We'll have to be stealthy about it. Remember, they don't trust strangers."

Sakura set her lips in a grim line, and Sasuke nodded obediently.

"Who's in charge of your village?"

Nagato gave him a blank look. Sasuke took it as a request to elaborate.

"Do you have some sort of dictator?" He made a vague hand gesture "An evil council? Anything?"

"... Nothing quite like that, I'm afraid." Nagato hesitated. He shared a look with Konan, who twitched her shoulders.

"The people in charge," she continued in Nagato's stead, "they're part of an organisation. Their goal is to bring Ame peace. It has been the victim of other villages' crusades far too many times."

Sasuke hummed in understanding. "Makes sense." He paused. "Do you know how they're planning to achieve that?"

"Awesome Sasuke!" Naruto looked at him out of positively sparkling eyes. "How'd you figure all of that out?"

Sasuke carefully avoided her eyes. "I have my ways."

"This is perfect! So, did you figure out where Pain's hideout is?"

"Whose hideout?"

Sakura went very still. Naruto startled, her eyes widening. "Uh."

Sasuke furrowed his brows. "I never gave you any names. Why 'Pain'?"

Naruto blinked rapidly. "B-Because. That's totally what my name would be if I was the shadow leader of a terrorist organisation posing to strive for peace?"

Sasuke met her eyes with an unimpressed gaze. "I don't know anything about a hideout." Or anyone named 'Pain'. Also, where was Naruto getting the 'terrorist' aspect from? Clearly something about this village was fishy, but Sasuke wasn't immediately jumping to worst case scenarios.

"Bummer," Naruto said, far too quickly. "I guess we'll just have to keep looking. Oh well. See you guys soon!"

She was gone before either of her teammates had the chance to protest.

Sasuke pinned Sakura with a meaningful gaze. "We'll talk about this," he said, refusing to phrase it as a question. He was willing to overlook the fresh bout of secrecy for the remainder of their stay in Ame. He'd refuse to do so indefinitely.

"... We will," Sakura agreed. Sasuke believed her – not the least because he'd refuse to let either of them slip their way out of an explanation, eventually.

In the end, they never found the person in charge of the organisation Nagato and Konan had so vaguely referenced in front of Sasuke. Sasuke wasn't sure whether they'd simply looked in the wrong places or whether the leader was too good at his job.

Either way, they didn't find him. He found them.

"You're the teenagers who've been scouting the village." 'Tobi' he'd introduced himself as, and he gave the impression of piercing them with his gaze despite the mask covering the entirety of his face. "Tell me: is it me you've been looking for?"

The words were uttered with an air of teasing confidence, the kind that suggested Tobi was asking to flaunt his knowledge, rather than to actually learn the answer.

The impact he was probably going for was quite ruined by Naruto and Sakura's similar incredulous expressions.

"B-But," Naruto spluttered, staring at Tobi, "this is Ame! What are you– How are you– What are you doing here?!"

This gave Tobi a pause. "You know who I am?"

"Well, obviously." Naruto's flabbergasted expression shifted into one of anger. "You killed my parents, bastard!"

Sasuke quickly reevaluated their opponent. He narrowed his eyes, mild confusion fading to be replaced with cold concentration. Tobi may not have been the reason they had come here – Naruto's surprise was too genuine – but if what Naruto had said was true, Sasuke would gladly lend a hand in whatever it was his teammate was planning.

Sasuke was not shy of resorting to revenge-seeking violence, should that be in any way what Naruto was envisioning. He'd been able to let go of his hate of Itachi. Naruto did not necessarily have to do the same.

"I've killed many people," Tobi stated plainly. "You will have to be more specific."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto's eyes glistened like ice daggers. "How many of those people were jinchūriki?"

Tobi went still, his demeanor shifting in the same way Sasuke's had. Sasuke wished he could see his expression – the mask was making it sheer impossible to guess what Tobi was thinking.

"Change of plans," Tobi stated, raising his voice to address somebody out of their line of sight. "This girl... she's a jinchūriki. And she's just volunteered to become the first."

Sasuke edged closer to Naruto almost without realizing it. He didn't know what Tobi was talking about, and he wasn't particularly keen on finding out. Perhaps it would have been for the best if Naruto hadn't made her identity quite this easy to guess.

Two figures bled out of the shadows, and Sasuke stiffened at the familiar sight of them.

Across from them, Nagato did a double take upon laying eyes on Sasuke. Sasuke contemplated giving a small wave. He decided against it due to the fact that they were seconds away from entering a potential duel to the death.

"I've spent years hiding in the shadows," Tobi said. "I've built up my strength and evaded Konoha's poisonous grip up to now. That village does not deserve to prosper when so much suffering has been caused at its hand."

Tobi raised his arms in emphasis of... something, Sasuke was sure. "With the united power of all captured jinchūriki I shall rectify the wrong that has been committed."

Nobody was moving. Sasuke stole a glance at his teammates. Was there a reason they hadn't yet started bashing each other's heads in?

"... Do we attack?" he hissed, keeping his voice low so nobody else would hear over Tobi's still ongoing monologue. "He's distracted."

Naruto looked at him nothing short of scandalized. "It's his backstory, Sasuke! We can't just interrupt."

Sasuke leveled her with an incredulous glare. The exasperated look Sakura sent over Naruto's shoulder translated to 'I know. Just let it go.'

Tobi seemed to have realized that he'd lost most of his audience's attention.

"Enough talking," he snapped as though he wasn't the sole reason they hadn't yet begun to hurl jutsu at each other. He didn't so much as look at Nagato and Konan when he said, "We only have need for the jinchūriki. Kill the other two."

Nagato narrowed his eyes and looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked back, tensing his muscles and preparing for a fight.

Without breaking their intense staring match, Nagato muttered, "Do we have to?"

"Excuse me?" Tobi asked, his voice lowered in a way that screamed 'I better have misheard or I swear to the Sage somebody is going to lose their face.'

"... I do not think it is necessary to kill them," Nagato said stiffly, still looking at Sasuke in that odd, piercing way of his.

Sasuke didn't know whether to feel flattered or awkward at the fact that Nagato was clearly unwilling to attack him after the bonding they'd had, though Sasuke wouldn't have hesitated in the slightest doing the same.

Another pause followed, filled with tension and disbelief.

"Of all the people to betray me," Tobi began, his voice lowered in a menacing crawl, "I did not think you would be one of them."

Nagato did not answer. Sasuke idly wondered how he had gotten involved with someone like Tobi. He may have known him for only a little over a week – and Konan even less than that – but neither of the pair seemed like the sort of person who killed teenagers for fun.

Perhaps they'd simply hung around the wrong people.

"I don't get it," Sakura murmured, a frown on her face. "When exactly did you have the time to befriend them?"

"I didn't." Naruto's eyes held the same perplexed quality as Sakura's. "This is the first time I'm meeting them, I swear."

All of a sudden, Sasuke felt incredibly, indescribably smug. "I know them."

Sakura and Naruto both whirled around.

"You met them?" Naruto asked.

"You made friends?"

"With Pain?!"

Sasuke blinked. "Who's Pain?"

"Realize that I don't give second chances." If Tobi's eyes had been visible, they'd surely be glowering at Nagato and Konan. "If you choose to betray me, it will be the last choice you ever make."

"Don't threaten us." Konan – who'd thus far kept her silence at Nagato's side – furrowed her brows. "We don't take kindly to them."

"I take it that that is your decision?"

"We've never been loyal to you." Konan shifted closer to Nagato. "We're loyal to our village. And to each other. Nothing more."

The following silence emphasized the gravity of Konan's statement.

"Very well." Tobi didn't stir, and yet Sasuke clutched his weapon closer in anticipation. "What are two people more in the grand scheme of everything," Tobi muttered as though he was talking to himself. "Just wait for me, Rin."

"Alright," Naruto said, flexing her shoulders and stretching her limbs as though she was about to complete a light sparring exercise, rather than enter a fight that might potentially cost them their lives. "It's been a while since I converted someone extreme like him, but I'm sure I'll manage."

Sasuke frowned, something about what Tobi had said catching his attention. "Who's Rin?" Tobi didn't seem like the sort of person who had anyone waiting for him.

Everything stilled at Sasuke's question. Tobi turned towards him slowly like he couldn't quite believe that Sasuke had asked him a question.

"Uh, Sasuke," Naruto threw him an anxious look. "Maybe you shouldn't–"

"She's the one all of this is for," Tobi said, his voice a menacing whisper.

"I'd drop it if I were you," Sakura muttered.

Sasuke ignored her. "Did you even ask her if this is what she wants?"

Tobi didn't stir. "... What?"

"It doesn't really sound like she'd want you to destroy the world for her." Unless she was as much of a nutcase as he was. In that case, Sasuke was fairly certain she'd be currently at Tobi's side, sporting a sinister cloak and world domination plans of her own.

"She's dead," Tobi spat. "I'll never know what she would or wouldn't have wanted. She's been taken from me."

"Why didn't you just resurrect her?"

Tobi stared. "What?"

"You know. With that weird resurrection technique. Orochimaru used it when we fought him." Sasuke stole a glance at his teammates. "You could have used it to ask her what she wanted you to do."

Sasuke thought it likely that she was, indeed, a relatively sane person that would not be on board with Tobi's whole 'destroying the world in order to save it' shtick.

Tobi didn't seem to know what to say to that.

"Oh, damn," Naruto whispered, watching with badly hidden glee as Tobi sat down on a nearby tree trunk, evidently no longer capable of carrying his own weight. "You even worked with Orochimaru for a while. You could have just asked him."

A strangled noise escaped Tobi, and he stared at his extended hand as though unsure who it belonged to. Had Sasuke just sent him straight into an existential crisis? If this was what it felt like, it was no wonder that back in Konoha, Naruto and Sakura had enjoyed torturing people with their odd behavior this much.

"Is this it?" Sakura muttered, looking somewhat ridiculous in her half-abandoned fighting stance. "Are we done?"

Sasuke thought he could detect a hint of disappointment in her voice, although he couldn't be sure.

"I think so. Just look at them." Naruto shrugged.

Tobi didn't look as though he was planning to move in the foreseeable future. Nagato and Konan watched without moving a muscle in order to help him. Not that anybody could blame them. Tobi had, after all, essentially threatened to kill them alongside everybody else.

"... We should go elsewhere," Naruto said, stealing a glance upwards and wincing as several raindrops slipped through the tree canopy and splashed onto her shoulder. "We're not fighting anymore, so we might as well get comfortable."

While Sasuke really should have seen it coming, he was left feeling a certain amount of exasperation when Naruto's plans to "make themselves comfortable" included not only Nagato and Konan – which Sasuke wasn't opposed to in the slightest – but also Tobi.

He found himself in a small, cramped café (one of the few that existed in Ame), squeezed in between Nagato and Sakura, and watched as Naruto thrust a hot cup of cocoa into the hands of a still shell-shocked Tobi.

Sasuke wondered what they were going to do with him. There was a decent chance that they would pick up the fight where they'd left off once Tobi semi-recovered from the revelation that the last however many years of his life had been spent on a quite possibly meaningless quest to find peace for himself and his friend.

Perhaps Yamato would be able to work his magic on him. If nothing else, attempting to rehabilitate someone as mentally unstable as Tobi would be a challenge.

Sasuke wordlessly accepted a cup of green tea from Nagato and watched a young waitress drop a platter of food at the sight of Konan.

(After a couple of minutes filled with wide-eyed staring and muttering of angels, they were informed that all of their orders were for free. Sasuke didn't exactly know what was going on, but who was he to complain?)

Sasuke supposed that if nothing else came out of this trip, at the very least he'd made a couple new friends. Even if they failed to dissuade Tobi from his plans to bring about the end of the world (come to think of it, it had been a while since Sasuke'd had a decent workout), their visit to Ame wouldn't have been for nothing regardless.

A/N: This story will have 32 chapters in total. That's right - I've got a fixed chapter count now. That's... massively weird to think about, tbh.

I've almost completely finished writing the story (hence the certainty about the chapter count), I only really need another round of editing and some betareading. It'll still be a while until all of them are posted, but the end is in sight... Which means I'll have finished my first multichapter Naruto story. I'm speechless, you guys. It's been one hell of a right - and it wouldn't have been half as lovely without all of you! :D

Thanks for sticking around up until this point - and I hope you'll enjoy the last few chapters, as well!

Beta'd by the amazing Igornerd, PyrothTenka and To Mockingbird!

Please let me know what you think!

~Gwen