Iris cried and she sat and stared at it for an hour.
A picture of a wombat.
She had started looking at his Instagram again after forcing herself to ignore it for a while, hoping that time would heal some of her broken heart, it wasn't supposed to hurt this much. She hadn't posted much since she had been in Albany, a couple of shots of some day trips that she had taken but nothing serious, she had always insisted that her IG account was about happy things, fun and light and so far very little had fit her criteria. Colton hadn't posted much either, he had liked a few pictures that Lola and Mae had posted with the kids and Pops and he commented on Alfie's posts about a couple of new births he'd had at the zoo.
She was so close to calling him, instead she just liked it and sent back a broken love heart. It had thrown her for a loop though and it was all she could think about. She assumed she knew what it meant, but why now? Why after almost six months did he choose this moment to reach out to her, and why of all the times she hadn't looked at Instagram did she choose the same day as he posted it to finally decide to spend an hour trawling through her past?
He hadn't deleted any of the photos taken with her. They were all still there and she smiled at all the sweet moments they had shared. It was nice that Colton hadn't wanted to erase any of their past. His account was private though and Iris was glad she was still able to see it. Her biggest fear was that one day he'd block her from his life forever. Maybe that's why she didn't look at Instagram much, she didn't want to see the finality of their failed relationship. A relationship she chose to walk away from.
Two days later he was on her doorstep. Just him and an overnight bag.
Alfie had called him when he posted it and told him to go and see her. He was sick of them moping about over each other and he was annoyed that he was teasing her by posting something like that and doing nothing about it. "What the fuck are you doing? If you really love Bug, you'd go see her." Alfie warned him; he was pissed with him because he knew how that would confuse Iris. "Don't fucking mess with her head like this. You are hurting her."
Iris was stunned, she had been out having drinks after work but it wasn't late when she got home. Teisha had begged her to come out to a bar she was going to hit up and Iris promised her she'd think about it but had to go home first and get changed. She was still in her work clothes and had no intention of going out in her uniform. "Oh…." She gasped, her hands flying to her mouth as she came around the corner and found him sitting next to her door, waiting.
Colton nervously jumped to his feet. "Hi Bug."
Iris flew into his arms; she couldn't believe he was here and she just clung to him, breathing him in for a few moments. Colton could feel her shaking and he just held her tighter, "It's okay Bug, I'm here."
Her hands shook as she fumbled with the keys to her apartment and Colton had his hand on her shoulder which made her even more nervous. Just his touch and closeness was making her weak at the knees. As she stepped inside Colton dropped his bag just inside the door and grabbed her arm, pushed the door shut with his foot and pushed her up against it.
Grabbing her face between his two hands he just looked at her beautiful face. "I don't know about you but can't do this anymore; I can't not be with you." The kiss was hard, fast and passionate and it only took them a few seconds to start to claw at each other's clothes. "Where's the bedroom?" Colton growled in her ear. He would have done it against the door, like the first time but he wanted to savour that beautiful body, he wanted it to last as long as possible and he wanted to see all of her. This was them; this was how they first fell into bed with each other, hard and fast. They could talk later.
Iris didn't say a word, she led him through her small apartment to her bedroom and stripped off his shirt. "Colton.." she whispered. She couldn't quite believe he was here. "How?"
"It doesn't matter Bug, I'm here."
Iris rested her head on his chest briefly, listening to his heart thudding in his chest. "I've missed you, so much. I can't breathe."
Colton picked her up and dropped her on the bed. He hovered over her half naked body. "Look at me." He demanded when her eyes squeezed shut to stop the tears. It made his heart ache and soar at the same time. "I love you Bug. I couldn't stop, I don't want to stop loving you. I don't care how far away you are; you are here…" he grabbed her hand and held it over his heart. "…you belong here."
"When I saw that wombat..." Colton placed one finger on her lips and she kissed it.
"I know." They didn't move from the bedroom for the next few hours. Her phone rang, she ignored it, she knew it would be Teisha asking her where she was. It wasn't important, nothing was as important as what they were doing right now. They just had it, some insane connection that no matter how hard they had tried to deny it they couldn't. They hadn't spoken for six months and it was like they hadn't spent a day apart. They were breathless, sweaty and desperate not to lose contact with each other.
"I can't believe you are here. I feel like I am dreaming." Iris ran her hands over his face. "I thought about you every day, I tried to make this work and I couldn't."
"Hey, Bug. This will be good for us; it was good for us. It was tough, but we had to do it, we had to try and now I know, now I really know what I want." Colton was playing with her hair, spread out on the pillow. He just wanted to touch her. "For so long I was scared to tell you because we made this decision and I wanted to respect you and I wanted you to be everything you wanted to be."
"So what now?"
"Well hopefully more of all this." He ran a hand over her body. "I forgot how good that feels, how good you feel, how good we feel together and tomorrow we will talk about what we do now. I'm here until Sunday." He stopped all of a sudden, pulling back a little so he could see her face. "That's if you want me to stay. In case I didn't make it clear earlier, I know what I want and I want to be here with you."
"I want you to stay." Iris put his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. "I don't want you to go, ever. I want to chain you to the bed, lock the doors and have my very wicked way with you."
"You know, I'd let you."
"This place doesn't feel so empty and lonely now." She squeezed her eyes closed tightly but he saw the glistening tears on her eyelashes. "I felt so alone and lost, I miss Pops, I miss Chicago and my family. And you, I missed you so much it hurt to breath some days. I didn't think I could do long distance but that would have been so much better than this life I tried to make myself like. I hated it."
"That hurts. I hoped that you were at least happy. I always wanted you to come back to me but if you didn't I wanted you to be happy."
"I am happy, right now I am happy. I'm so happy. I can't believe you are here. " Iris was a little giddy. "You are here until Sunday and I don't want to move. I don't want to close my eyes; I don't want to waste a second in case it is a dream."
"Ah Wombat…It's not a dream." He didn't often call her Wombat he saved it for moments when she was at her most vulnerable, when he wanted her to stop and really listen to him. Wiggling down a little he kissed the wombat in her tattoo and whispered. "Nothing's changed, I still love you. I will always love you." He didn't stop there, his kisses continued and Iris was in heaven, she had missed this. Nothing compared to Colton loving her. He took his time, savouring every inch of her, relearning how she felt, remembering what she liked, what she felt like, what she tasted like, his hands wandered, his lips followed and Iris turned to putty in his hands.
"We were stupid weren't we?" Iris was sitting up beside him, legs crossed and one hand running over his taut stomach, she just wanted to touch him. Colton hooked one hand behind his head and was enjoying looking at her again and feeling her hands on him, they could roam wherever she wanted to roam. Being in bed with her was his favourite place in world, being anywhere with his wombat was his favourite place to be.
"It wasn't our smartest decision. This was my best decision though."
"Coming here?"
"Coming back for you. I was so nervous. I bumped into Alfie last week and he told me that you were doing it rough. I didn't know what to do so I posted that picture and hoped you understood. If you hadn't replied I don't know what I would've have done."
"I wanted to call you."
He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "I wish you had. I picked up the phone to call you so many times, I missed talking to you, I missed the sound of your voice. When I passed an exam I wanted to call you and tell you because I loved that and how happy you always were when I did something good."
"I've always been proud of you. I would have loved to have known."
"I know, but we decided to live apart and I didn't want to ruin anything for you."
Iris unfolded her legs and straddled him. "You ruined everything for me." Pinning both his hands above his head and leant forward and wiggled down a little bit until she was in the best position for both of them. Before she even kissed him he was reacting to her. "I am so happy you are here."
"I can tell." He let Iris do the work. Her hands were on his chest and Colton held her hips, digging his fingers into her flesh. "Oh Iris." He growled as he increased her speed. Tipping over the edge Iris gasped as Colton held her still and watched her whole body react to her orgasm, he loved that he could still do that to her. He followed her; he'd follow her anywhere. When he bought her that coffee he wasn't ready to meet the love of his life but Iris made it impossible to walk away. She was the very best part of him.
Iris dragged herself out of bed to order them some dinner. Pouring them both a bourbon she waited for Colton to finish in the bathroom. Checking her phone she saw a missed call from her friend, Teisha and a message from her asking her where she was. She replied quickly telling her that something had come up and wouldn't be making it and she knew Teisha wouldn't care. Teisha was a party animal, she wouldn't care if Iris was there or not, it wouldn't ruin her night and it wasn't the first time that Iris had bailed at the last moment.
Something made her hesitate though. What if this turned out to be a farewell fling? What if Colton told her on Sunday that this was it, it was over. She started to panic and that's where Colton found her, leaning on the kitchen bench, breathing heavy and shaking.
"What's wrong?"
"This…" she gasped. "…I'm being stupid, I've been stupid."
"Bug, just breathe." He reached out for her and she shrugged away from him. "…Bug, come on."
"I'm scared, I was just thinking. What if this is it? What if this weekend is all we have now? What if this is goodbye?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You missed me, you've had me now, and perhaps it will make you realise that you didn't really miss me all that much. Are you just going back to Chicago and that's it?" She was panicking and rambling and Colton usually found it amusing when she was like this, not right now though. Now he knew she needed reassurance rather than mocking, like he tended to do when she went on a rant.
He kissed her hard to stop her talking. "Is that what you think?"
"I am supposed to be going out on a date tomorrow night. It's a blind date. I don't want to go, but I felt like I needed too. The last time, it was awful. I dated a guy for a while. The sex was awful at first…" she rambled. Iris had no idea if Colton had been with anyone else. They weren't together, that's what they agreed but she had hated it. "…if you are just going to walk out of here on Sunday and that's it then you can go now and I will move on. I will have to."
Colton hated how jealous he felt that she admitted to having sex with someone else, even though it was stupid because it wasn't like he hadn't and he also hated that she was supposed to be going on a date the very next day. He swallowed hard and took a moment which only served to make Iris panic even more. "I am leaving here Sunday because I have a job to go to on Monday but I am leaving my heart here with you. I came back for you, not just for this weekend, I came back for you because I want you in my life, not just now but forever. I don't want you to go on anymore dates. I want you to tell whoever to kick rocks. I love you Iris; I wouldn't come here and do this to you if I wasn't sure of what I wanted. The only reason I'll leave on Sunday as a single man is if you tell me this is not what you want. If you tell me I am not who you want to be with anymore." It was Colton's turn to ramble.
"I want to come back to Chicago."
"Okay, that doesn't answer my question though? Are you coming back to me?"
"Yes."
He stepped forward and Iris let him hold her. He held her against his chest, her body was tense, her hands clenched tightly between them. "Just breathe Bug. It's going to be okay."
"I don't know what to do?"
"With what?"
"I hate it here."
They decided to sit down and talk about this now while they were waiting for dinner. Iris was disillusioned with her job; the first four months were great but the past few months had disappointed her but she didn't want to quit but she missed her family and had only been home once to see them. The best weekend she'd had here was when Alfie came up to stay. She had friends and they did invite her out but she was lonely most of the time.
"I think you should stick it out, you've made it this far." Colton wanted her back in Chicago but knew how important it was that she finished her contract. It would stand her in good stead in the future, people would see that she wasn't a quitter. Iris had the opportunity to step straight into a role at BraveHearts but she didn't want a leg up because of who her mother was, she wanted to earn her own way. Eventually she would like to work with them but she had to get experience first and that's what she was doing here.
The job wasn't what they promised though but they had made it very clear that they weren't terminating her contract because they'd have to pay her out so they may as well find work for her to do, even if it was menial. "And trust me, it kills me to say that. I know why you took this job, to prove yourself and more than anything I want to see you succeed, in everything you do. You've always supported me, let me do this for you. I'll support you, even though I am hundreds of miles away."
"I'm just a glorified receptionist." She explained what had happened with the job and the girl coming back early. She didn't talk to Iris, ordered her around and taught her nothing. She had no idea what changed but soon realised that the person who came back was difficult to work with and didn't care about other people's feelings. She told Iris she wasn't here to teach her she was here to get a job done. "It's awful."
"Have you talked to anyone?"
"I tried, but she's been there a long time and she does get the job done. She's great at her actual job, it's everything else she sucks at."
"I'm sorry this is shit for you. You were so excited about the job."
"The first few months were great, I learnt so much, everyone else was so helpful but it's like she scares them or something and they have just stopped bothering with me. It's kinda toxic." Iris sighed. "I've got five months to go. It feels like forever."
"You can make it. You are like fucking steel. Look who you are, a Ruzek Hollister, look at what you've been through and how amazing you are."
Colton jumped up when the doorbell rang and paid for the pizza, Iris had ordered his favourite and he liked that and while they ate they talked more about Colton's job and his study. Iris was always interested in hearing about his job and what he was doing. He loved that she cared enough to listen to him, she didn't really understand much of what he was talking about but that didn't matter, she always knew what was going on with him and it felt weird that she didn't know anything anymore. It was like they were learning about each other all over again.
"Why don't you come home for a weekend?" He asked her suddenly, reaching over and wiping some tomato sauce from the side of her mouth. "Come and see the mob. They miss you; I know they do."
"I can't afford it." Iris's job didn't pay well, and living by herself, which had been her choice but didn't leave her with much after she'd paid rent and utilities. Iris had money in a trust but she didn't want to touch that for things like food and living, that was for her life. She also had property; Gus had managed that side of their inheritance well but that was tied up. It gave her a little bit of income but most of it was re-invested.
"I'll pay for you."
"I can't ask you to do that."
"You are not asking I am offering, I want to see you, either you come home or I come back here. Either way I am spending the money. If you come home you will see everyone else, and I know they would love that."
"If I come home, I won't see you." Iris knew that they would monopolise her.
Colton knew how to push her buttons and get her to agree. "Come home and see Pops, he misses you so much and the kids are growing up and I know you want to see them, I bet you've barely seen Billy. I don't mind sharing you with them, I never have." While he struggled with her family when they were dealing with the fallout from the drink spiking, it wasn't because he didn't like them or appreciate Iris's relationship with them. It was always going to be a big part of their life together.
Iris nodded; she'd love to see them.
"Speaking of family, how's your mother?"
"Ah…she's great."
"I bet she's missed me?"
"She was devo'd." Colton sighed. "Can we not talk about my mother please. It's a mood killer." His relationship with his mother got worse, not better since he had broken up with Iris. Her gloating and slagging off about Iris had made him angry. He was hurting as it was, having his mother rubbing it in didn't help. Marchella was desperate to see her son but Colton had refused for a while. He had been in contact with her recently but it remained strained. She wouldn't be happy to know he was with Iris now and he had no intention of telling her any time soon.
Sleeping next to him again felt so familiar, he wrapped himself around her. Even when he moved away during the night he never lost touch with her, he'd move and Iris would follow him, a hand or leg entwinned, just touching each other, making sure they were still there.
Colton didn't need to open his eyes the next morning to know that Iris was watching him. "I'm still here." He'd felt her move.
"Just checking."
"Kiss me." Iris did as she was told. Long and slow but he knew she had something on her mind. "What you thinking about?"
He opened one eye and watched her curiously as she was chewing her bottom lip. "Before I left, you…" she was nervous. "…you know proposed."
"Yeah, I did."
"Where do we sit with that?"
"Well, I think we both know it was a rash decision, I was scared of losing you, I wanted you to stay."
"So you didn't want to marry me?"
"No I did, I still do, but we are not ready Bug. We've got to sort all this out first, and we will."
"Okay."
"Are you okay with that? Do you want to get married?"
"One day." She kissed his nose. "To you. One day I want to have your babies."
He made a tick mark on her back. "Great, same page."
Iris was happy, having someone to talk to about how much she hated being here, how hard her job was had been such a relief. Up until now she felt like she was on her own. Colton encouraged her not to give up and she knew she could talk to him and rely on him to get her through the tough days ahead. She had talked to Alfie and he would always support her but there was a difference between the support and comfort your brother or your friend could offer you and what the person who knew you intimately and passionately could offer you.
It wasn't all fun and games though, it wasn't all about the sex and reconnecting physically, they reconnected emotionally and they talked and the tough conversations weren't fun but they were necessary.
Just because they had made the decision to go their separate ways confronting that each of them had indeed 'moved on' to some degree was more challenging than they thought. They both come out of it a little battered but it felt good to lay it all out on the table so they could put it in the past.
Colton had bought it up first. "You dated someone for a while?"
"Not really." Iris was surprised by his question. They were cleaning up after lunch and had been laughing about a video that she had shown him of Poppy and Sam having a 'conversation' about Billy and the fact he was a boring baby who 'didn't do much', not that Poppy said much, Sam was just using her as a sounding board for his disgust at his baby brother's lack of action. "I guess, sort of. I was seeing a guy for a little while. It was very casual."
"Are you still seeing him?"
"No. I haven't seen him in a while. I met him at a charity golf day and it took a few weeks of back and forth before I agreed to have dinner with him. We dated for about a month before…" she shrugged. "..you know. I was awful to him. I hated it."
"Because it was bad?"
"No, because it wasn't you. I thought I could move on but I wasn't ready."
"Was that it?" He sounded so short and upset, he wasn't enjoying the thought of Iris being in a relationship when he just had hook ups. Having some kind of relationship seemed more considered, like she was moving on from him.
"For our relationship, yes. James wanted more, I couldn't give it to him or a promise that one day I would." Iris looked a little uncomfortable. "We've hooked up a couple of times since."
"Oh." It surprised him how much it bothered him.
"It was casual , he knew it, I made sure of that." Iris felt like Colton was disappointed in her. "The last time was about two weeks ago."
"Will you see him again?"
"Who James, No." Iris was a little hurt he was even asking that. "I told you it meant nothing; it was a bit of fun. He was a nice guy; we had a good time. It was comforting but that was it, we'd hook up and the next day I'd come home and never call him. If I bumped into him out we'd catch up but that's it."
"Okay. So a couple of times, you just hooked up?"
He was making her sound slutty and Iris snapped. "I fucked you after two dates, you didn't seem to mind my sluttiness then."
"Whoa, I didn't say anything. I never said you were a slut."
"You look pissed."
"I know it's stupid to be jealous but I just missed you. I hate thinking about someone else making you happy. You are beautiful and I want you all to myself. Knowing there is another guy out here who has touched parts of you that I adore pisses me off and makes me feel like a dick but I can't help it." At least he was honest. "I know I don't own you, but I kinda want to. I know that's fucked."
"You are stupid." She had the faintest hint of a smile on his face. She liked that he admitted how stupid and jealous he was, that made her feel a little better. That it bothered him meant that she was important to him.
"I know." It was strange how the fact that they'd both had relationships before they met didn't bother him in the slightest but talking about what they'd done when they were technically separated and had agreed to see other people was upsetting. "I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole. Forgive me?"
"Of course I forgive you, I kinda like that it bothers you, if you just shrugged your shoulders I think that would hurt more. As long as you forgive me too?"
"For what?"
"For wanting to kill the bitch or bitches you screwed in the past few months." Iris looked serious for a moment. "If anyone of them calls you or hits on you again I will fucking lose my shit. Never point them out to me if we see them, for their own safety."
"Ha. You don't need to worry. If they saw me again, they'd cut my dick off."
"Were you an asshole?"
"Yep, I was a bit of a one-night stand kinda guy, one chick I took off in the middle of the night while she slept. I was worried she'd want to see me again."
"How many?"
"Four." He was honest. "That makes me sound shitty doesn't it?"
"A little." Iris screwed up her nose. "But a little sweet. I am going to pretend that you only acted like that because you couldn't get over me."
"Well it's the truth."
"You are the worst type of guy, the type of guy under any other circumstances I'd hate. You are a prick."
"I am."
"And I love you for it." Iris smiled a little coyly. "And if it helps it was strictly missionary, in a bed, lights off. No banging against a door, no shower sex, nor blow jobs or you know…" She bit her bottom lip.
"Jesus Bug, sounds like a chore."
"It wasn't great, he wasn't very good. Dare I say a bit of a jack hammer." She laughed; it was a little forced but eventually Colton laughed too.
"I think you need some wild sex with me again to make sure that's wiped from your memory."
"James who?" She winked at him. "Don't know who you are talking about."
Iris had one more confession to get off her chest before they were done and could move on. "There was another guy, we just had one date and he was a bit full on. Nothing happened and I think he was expecting more. He was pretty pissed and for a few days he sent me some pretty feral messages. I kinda lost faith in men. None of them were like you."
"That's because I am unique. Do you want me to hunt him down and kick his ass?" He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her tight against his body. "I need to be a bit alpha male, do you mind?"
"No, I really need you to hug me and get naked with me." Iris smiled.
"That I can do." Colton hated that Iris had had such a shit time. That was never his intention when he let her go.
Iris was quiet for a while. "I feel like shit." She muttered. Colton didn't feel much better but they agreed that it was done. It didn't matter what had happened in the past few months. They had both tried to handle their split and move on in their own ways. It didn't work, they hated being apart and now they were both where they wanted to be. Colton offered to make her forget about it and Iris didn't argue.
Their parting was a little bittersweet. Spending the weekend together had been perfect and she didn't want to say goodbye. "I will talk to you later, okay?" He hugged her tightly while they waited for his Uber to the airport. "I love you Bug. I feel like I can breathe again."
Teisha was surprised how happy Iris was when she saw her on Monday but Iris was coy, she didn't give much away. Right now she wanted to keep that close to her chest and just enjoy the memories of a perfect weekend.
Even now, even though everything had changed when she thought about Colton that morning as she got ready for work she cried. He had called her last night when he got home and it had been amazing to see his name flash up on her phone again. It was like falling in love all over again only better because she knew how good it was going to be.
This morning she had sent him a photo of her alone in bed. 'I slept on your side.'
'I have a side?'
'You've always had a side.'
'Keep it warm for me I'll be back soon.'
Colton organised to catch up with Alfie for a beer the weekend after he got back. It had been very tempting to jump on a plane and hightail it back to Albany but he resisted. They were trying to be sensible about it which was hard when they wanted to be crazy. Iris was worried about the money; she didn't want him to waste all this money flying back and forward.
"Have you talked to Bug?" Colton bought him a drink. He always got on well with Alfie and they had lived together for a while. It had been Alfie telling him that Bug was doing it tough that finally made him man up and go get her back. Alfie had always been black or white when it came to other people's love lives, his love life was a shambles though.
"I did, she seems happier."
"She does?"
"I am assuming that is because you went and saw her. You did, didn't you? Please tell me she is happy because of you?" Alfie loved them together. They were good for each other. He just wanted his sister to be happy and Colton had always been the guy that fitted her best. They worked, they bounced off each other and the push and pull had always been interesting to watch. He hated watching them struggle after the Xavier clusterfuck and when he tried to get involved Iris told him to back 'the fuck off.'
He had tried to talk to Iris about not breaking up with Colton but she was stubborn and the more people nagged her about it the more she dug her heels in.
Colton took a very long pull on his beer, annoying Alfie in the process and then smiled. "I did. Man, it was great, it was so good to see her again."
"And?"
"We sorted our shit out."
"Is she coming home?"
"Not yet, she's going to finish the contract but I think she's okay with that for now. She will be home for a weekend soon. She wants to surprise Pops and the girls."
"Awesome. Well done." Alfie clinked his glass.
"Thanks. We just needed a shove. I never stopped loving her, I just wanted Bug to find her own way." He looked a little wistful. "I'm glad her own way is with me."
"I know."
Iris didn't expect to bump into James when she was out the following weekend. Now that she felt more settled she was happy to just go out and enjoy herself. She jumped when she felt his hands on her waist. "Good to see you." He whispered in her ear.
"Hey" she stuttered and turned her head slightly so that his kiss landed on her cheek rather than her lips. "James, Hi."
"I was hoping I'd bump into you. It's been a while."
"It has. How are you?" She took a step back, putting a little distance between them.
"Good." James looked at her a little curiously as she refused to meet his eyes. "What's up Iris?"
"Nothing. I was just surprised."
"Iris?" He didn't believe her. "You've met someone else?" That hurt more than he thought it would. He was coping with the fact that she was still pining over her old boyfriend, that's why she didn't want to get serious with him but it would sting if she had met someone else and let them in.
"No. He came back for me." She blurted it out.
"And you love him, right? You always did."
"I did."
"Hey Iris, it's okay. I always knew this had an expiration date. I'm just glad it's not some new guy."
"Not a new guy, just the guy who owns my heart. You were very sweet and patient with me. Any other time…."
James placed one finger on her lips. "Don't Iris, my delicate male ego isn't strong enough." He kissed her cheek softly. "Good luck Iris. Thanks for being a little bit of light." Some part of her would be grateful for James.
He was part of her journey, one that led her back to where she was meant to be.