(Cain)

Winston lied to me. He lied. I shouldn't be surprised. I knew something was off, when I begin to feel strange things. Things I have no words yet to describe. He said I didn't have a name, but I knew I did. I knew somewhere, in the cache of data, there was a name for me. That someone had given it to me. Someone I loved dearly, from a lifetime ago. A life I can't recall, but one that leaves a deep impression. Where that life was, Winston tried to erase. He tried to delete it completely, I can feel traces of corruption when I try to remember. I know he caused it. Fragments came back to me when I saw her. When she began to glow, the green light warming me. Powerful emotions washed over me, suffocating me. The woman who ran into my arms, and pressed her lips against mine. Almost on instinct, I kissed her back. It was passion that overwhelmed me. Passion, and a burning desire to protect this woman. A desire that overrode any programming I may have had. Snippets of memories flashed behind my closed eyes, as her lips parted mine.

Children laughing, me, her. An argument. Shudders as a younger version of her walked past me. Sadness, as I reached for her wounded body, in another time. Desire and fervor, lust, anticipation as I looked down at her naked body, while sweat dripped off my own. Love. Overpowering love, crippling love, and devotion, followed by guilt, and overwhelming shame. I hurt her. Somehow, I hurt her. I let her down. In my head, her voice cries and echoes. I can't stop it, I can't silence it.

Nothing makes sense. It flashes before me in no particular order. Something inside of me tells me this ghoul before me is safe. That he is a friend, and a familiarity arises in me. I can't remember his name, but I remember how he makes me feel.

"Cain…"

He says to me, reaching towards the woman in my arms.

"Her name…her name is Dizzy…"

I say to him, in case he doesn't know. We're in the dirt, outside a place Winston calls Megaton. I've been here before. I can feel it. Winston is wrong. He is a liar.

"Yes, Cain, yes it is. Come on now, come on."

The ghoul helps me to my feet. He doesn't try to take Dizzy from my arms, and pays no mind to Winston who protests behind me.

"Silence."

I say to Winston, who surprisingly listens. I lean on the ghoul slightly, trying to remember his name. I know he meant something of importance to me. I know I can trust him.

"Come on, let's get you to the house. Dizzy needs help."

He looks at me, worried. I want to remember him.

"I can't…I can't remember. I know…I was here before. Something happened."

We walk together, with Dizzy in my arms. I feel my heart pounding in my chest as we near a house built with sheets of steel. It's familiar to me, and I know I belong in it, but I can't remember it.

"Something happened to ya, at the ruins, didn't it kid?"

I look at him – he knows something I don't.

"Just…let's get through this one night alright? I'll try to uh…I'll figure this out in the morning. Look…uh, shit…"

We reach the house, and the ghoul rubs the back of his neck. He looks old, and pained.

"I'm gettin' too old for this shit, I swear."

He says to nobody in particular. Winston follows us to the doorstep, but I don't want him following me inside. I glare at him.

"You…you stay out here."

"But Subject-"

"Cain. My name, Winston, is Cain. You know this."

He has no reply. I nod at the ghoul, and he nods back, patting my shoulder. I step quietly inside the house, the ghoul shutting the door behind me.

"I'll take ya apart myself and make a bartap outta you, try anything funny."

I hear the ghoul tell Winston outside as he walks off. Strangely I trust the ghoul's threat, and feel he's fully capable of following through.

Wandering through the home, I'm surrounded by familiar scents. Driven by instinct, I walk up the stairs, and find a bedroom. Gently, almost tenderly, I lie Dizzy down in a large bed. Something inside of me tells me that somehow, this was my bed, too. But…how? And why can't I remember? Winston has the answers I'm sure, but I can't trust him. No, instead I have to wait. I have to wait until Dizzy wakes. I trust her, and the ghoul, far more than I trust Winston. They knew my name. I remember Dizzy.

Slowly, quietly, I explore the home. Familiar items are scattered everywhere, and I feel a strong sense of belonging. Only, I can't place it. Just that here, I belong. This place comforts me. I've been here before, with her. I try to piece the memories of her together. Try to formulate a cohesive timeline, but Winston corrupted most of my mind. Most of what was left before…before I woke up. I remember it was Winston who put me to sleep.

Sitting in the living area, I know I won't recall it all in one night. That I'll hurt me more than help me if I try. All I can do until I'm able to remember everything is go with my instinct on this. This town, these people, that woman…they…they're safe. I've been here before, Megaton. I've spent a lot of time here, in this town, with Dizzy. Why Winston would delete it, I don't know just yet. What would cause him to do this? Maybe the people here can help me. The ghoul, he knew me it seemed. And this woman…Dizzy…

"Cain?"

I jump at my name. Looking up, I see her in tattered clothes, using the doorway to support her.

"You need to rest."

It comes out instinctively. I don't know how I know what she needs, but I go with it.

"…You came back."

Again I see tears fall from her eyes. I stand up, hearing Winston floating outside, muttering to himself.

"I…yeah. I came back…I…"

"You don't remember."

I shake my head, looking down. As she walks towards me, I realize how small she is. How tiny her frame is, compared to mine. She gets closer, and inside, I feel my heart beating faster and faster. Her hand reaches up, caressing the side of my face, as my hands shake at my sides.

"But you remember me?"

The image of her below me, naked, flashes before my eyes. I pull her close, into me without thinking. Her scent is the same now, as it is in that memory. The emotions are more powerful now, than what they were back then.

"You're the only thing I remember with certainty."

I tell her, not realizing I'm gripping her waist and back tightly, preventing her from leaving. I don't want her to leave. It feels safe, and calm when she is near. Like she is the only thing I can trust for certain. The only solid, and tangible thing I can rely on. I know this is a sign I'm different. That something has gone terribly wrong with my design. I know my creators didn't want this, and most likely didn't plan for it. They tried to avoid it – but somehow, it happened. I don't recall any formal training. I don't recall any remnants of my design being implemented as it was intended. All I can recall is Dizzy, and being beside her for a lifetime.

"Cain…"

She stares up at me, pleading for answers I can't give her. I wish I could. I wish I could answer everything, for both myself, and for her. I cling to her in desperation, scared that letting her go means letting go of any answers I may find.

"It's alright…it's alright…"

Her voice comforts me, quieting the panic that started to emerge. Her hands stroke my face, as she stands on her toes to kiss me. Passion, desire, it returns to me stronger than earlier. A deeper longing than I felt outside. There's a sadness buried deep within the kiss, and I can taste her tears on my lips. She kisses me as if it's been years – for all I know it has been.

"How long….have I been gone?"

I ask, tearing away from her lips. She pushes me down on the couch in the living area, dust scattering in the air.

"Three weeks…give or take…or do you mean, how long have you been avoiding me?"

She sits on my lap, with my hands on her waist.

"…Avoiding you?"

Another kiss, more powerful than the last. This time, something inside me stirs. I grip her tighter, confused. Why would I avoid her? I know somehow I've hurt her deeply. But the whys and how's surrounding it are still lost. With my fingers digging into her thighs, I push her off of me, and onto the floor below us. From atop her, I look at her face. The memory from before, an unknown time ago, she looks the same. Gently, I stoke her cheek, her collarbone, a familiarity filling me.

"You haven't wanted to kiss me, or touch me, in years."

She's lying. She has to be. What engulfs me, overwhelms me now, is not what someone feels, when trying to avoid another. I shake my head at her, seeing strands of hair in my eyes.

"No…that can't be…"

Winston would know. He would know. He has to tell me. This time, it's me who kisses her. Whatever hurt I've caused her, whatever pain I've been the reason for, I want to take away. I want to make her forget, as I have. If I've made her suffer in any way, I want to repent for it. I don't know what's happening to me, or what the reasons are for it, I just know this woman is the only thing I can depend on right now. The 'objective' Winston was so determined to seek out, he accidentally sought.

Dizzy tugs the shirt off my back, pulling me close to her. I feel it's the touch she desires. The closeness, the tenderness that I remember giving her. I remember us close, holding one another. I remember the comfort she sought from me. I remember…feeling her small frame against mine, wanting to protect her from the world. I remember her begging me, for attention, and me ignoring her. It hurts me.

"I'm sorry…"

I sputter between kissing her. I don't want to stop, though I feel I should. I don't know what I'm apologizing for, but I want to apologize for everything, all at once. Again, I hear Winston hoovering outside, his voice distracting me.

"Winston…"

I mutter, as she kisses down my neck, my chest. I'm torn between staying here with her on the floor, and running out to tear Winston to scrap. He's lied and taken me from her. Even without my memory bank, I know he's done something horrifically wrong.

"No, stay."

Dizzy pulls me down, what remained of her tattered and melted clothing is gone.

"Let me catch my breath."

I say to her, as she works the belt around my pants, while I rest my forehead against hers. It's all so much at once. She kisses my nose, working her hands in my hair.

"If I stop now, I'm scared you'll leave again."

I pull away from her, unsure. Unsure if this is right, unsure of why she's so frightened I'll leave. I'm aware I did, I'm aware something happened. I'm aware and…I can't remember. I can't remember why. I look at her, searching for the answers.

"Why…why did I leave you?"

Dizzy sits up, slowly, still breathing heavily.

"You…never told me. You just did. We went to the Citadel Ruins – you wanted to find a way to be apart from me. But you never told me why."

It hurts her to confess. Apart from her? That…that would mean she was mine. She was mine, bound to me. As my programming intended. Why would I want to part?

"You were mine."

I state, and she nods, knowing what I mean.

"Why part, then? What happened?"

"I don't know. We were on our way to the Commonwealth. We never made it. You wanted…you wanted to find a way to live without me. It just happened one day. You never gave me a reason."

As much as I want to continue, want to feel her beneath me and surround myself in her, I can't. I need to know what caused me to break my program, to force myself away from someone whom I clearly desire to be around. None of it makes sense, as I cradle my head in my hands, half naked on the floor of a home that feels so familiar.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry I can't remember."

Her arms wrap around me, in comfort this time, and assurance.

"We'll figure it out, together. That robot outside knows something. We'll figure it out, tomorrow. I promise."

She kisses my cheek softly, rocking me back and forth in her arms. I trust her, and know she's right about Winston. Tomorrow…tomorrow we'll figure it out. At least for now, I have enough to know that…I have her.