Freddie skipped a few steps ahead of him, her heart feeling light for the first time in weeks.
"Slow down," Snape said, sounding mildly annoyed.
She didn't slow down but turned her head and stuck her tongue out at him. She knew she was being childish but in the moment she didn't care. Then she slipped. Her feet went out from under her and she landed smack on her butt.
"Winifred," Snape said, hurrying up to her. "Are you okay?"
"Fine. Ow," she said as Snape helped her to her feet.
"I did tell you to slow down," he said, sounding faintly amused.
"Don't laugh at me," she said, smacking his chest lightly.
"Do I look like I'm laughing?" he asked dryly.
"Uh yes. You're laughing on the inside. I can tell."
"Oh you can tell?"
"Yes, I can tell by your eyes," she said, meeting his gaze. Then she noticed something she'd never noticed before. "Oh!"
"What?"
"Your eyes – they're brown in the sunlight. I always thought they were black," she said softly.
There, standing in the middle of the snowy street in Hogsmeade, she saw Severus Snape blush. It delighted her for the three seconds it took him to get it under control.
"We're going to the Apothecary now, Gray," he said tightly, walking away.
"Yes sir," she said, following him with a grin on her face.
#
They didn't spend much time in the Apothecary. They split the list of ingredients and each gathered what they needed. When they took the items to the counter, the witch working there made a note of what they'd gotten then packaged their items.
"You don't pay?" Freddie asked as they carried the bags out the door.
"The account is paid for by the school," he answered, holding the door open for her.
They started up the path back towards Hogwarts together.
"Did you ever master nonverbal spells in your Charms class?" he asked as they walked.
"Well I don't know about mastered...no, definitely not mastered."
"As I recall, you could not do so much as levitate a feather."
"Yeah," she chuckled. "I managed it a few times, but I really sucked at it. Not like Daniel – he can summon his broomstick from the Owlery. He can even do a nonverbal Disillusionment Charm."
"We are talking about you, Miss Gray," he said smoothly. "I am surprised."
"By what?"
"I have seen you perform wandless, nonverbal spells."
"Oh, that's different."
"How so?"
"When I do that with Hemlock," she said, moving all her bags to one hand so she could pull the kneazle from her pocket. She grew him and shrunk him before putting him back in her pocket. "That's different. I don't think of the spell, I just think of what I want, and it happens. Like when I snuck out of the Janus Thickey Ward-"
"You did what?"
"-I focused really hard on making myself invisible so I wouldn't be caught. And it worked. Better than any Disillusionment Charm I've ever cast."
"Why did you sneak out, Winifred?" he asked in an exasperated tone.
"I wanted to see where they brewed the potions," she said with a shrug.
"Winifred...did you find it?"
"Of course," she replied smartly. "I met Andrea Hawkins. She offered me a job when I graduate. Told me to come talk to her at the end of next year."
"That's good. You didn't tell me," he said, sounding surprised.
"I meant to tell you when I got released. I guess I forgot. Do you know Hawkins?"
"My first year of teaching was her last year at Hogwarts," he said with a nod. "I recall her skills were...adequate. My predecessor, Horace Slughorn, was more impressed with her than I."
"Is she better than me?"
Snape slowed down and looked at her, his face unreadable. She hated that expression. She wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling.
"No," he said finally. "She is not. I suspect that, if you go to work at St Mungo's, with the best of my knowledge in that pretty little head of yours, you'd have her job within two years."
Freddie's face flushed and she beamed. He just called me pretty!
"You really think so?" she asked.
"Don't let it go to your head," he warned, bemused. "You are good because I made you good. I took your raw talent and shaped you into what you are now – I am still shaping you, in fact. When I am done with you, when you graduate next year, you will be great. A true Potions Master."
Freddie felt warm all over and she didn't know what to say. She could only smile.
"What is your wand made of?" he asked suddenly.
"Um, English oak. Kneazle whisker core. Why?"
"Kneazle whisker?"
"Yes."
"That's...odd."
"It's an old one. Ollivander said it was one his father made, like hundreds of years ago or whatever. He said he doesn't use kneazle whiskers anymore because they produce 'inferior' wands," she scoffed. "He can go suck it."
"G-Gray," he said, shaking his head. "Language."
"Sorry. Why do you ask about my wand?"
"I wondered, perhaps, if it were Dogwood. They are particularly resistant to nonverbal spells."
"Oh, we're back on that."
"Mm. I just find it curious that you have a difficult time with nonverbal spells but not with wandless magic. It's interesting."
"O-kay," she said, not really seeing why he cared.
"I believe I could teach you," he said as they walked through the Hogwarts gate.
"I thought you didn't teach Charms?" she teased.
"Do you wish to learn or not?"
"Uh...what if I'm unteachable? What if I just suck at nonverbal spells and can't learn?"
"You can learn. I taught you to make ice sculptures and that was nonverbal. You can learn. You are a strong-willed, tenacious, stubborn girl. I can teach you...if you want to learn."
Freddie thought a moment, reflecting on how he'd taught her, with his hand on hers, his body close behind her. I could stand to have more lessons like that, she thought to herself, trying not to smile.
"Yes sir. Thank you," she said, looking up at him.
"Mm," he grunted, not looking down at her. "Let's get these supplies put away and check on your potion. We can have your first lesson after dinner."
#
As they put the potions ingredients away, Freddie found herself wishing she could talk to Daniel. There was so much she wanted to tell him. About Snape and all the nice things he'd said and done recently, especially today. She wanted to tell him about meeting Andrea Hawkins at St Mungos, about getting a job offer. And about Snape saying she was better than Hawkins.
Freddie sighed softly as she left the supply closet. Snape had gone to stock the Potions classroom and wasn't back yet. Freddie checked her watch, she still had 15 minutes before she had to add dragon's blood to her potion. She sat at the workstation where she'd left the record player. She took her new records out of the bag and spread them out on the table, trying to decide which one to listen to first.
She chose Pink Floyd, another band Daniel had introduced her to. As she put it on, she wished again that she could talk to Daniel. She wanted to know what his absolute favorite band was.
How have I never asked him what his favorite band is? She asked herself. He's played so much music for me over the years. He carried this thing around everywhere, even though it weighs as much as all of our books put together.
Freddie chuckled softly, then stood up. She walked over to the cauldron and watched her potion bubbling.
Another song started up, slow and instrumental. She closed her eyes as the first verse started and she recognized the tune.
"So, so you think you can tell, Heaven from Hell? Blue skies from pain? Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?"
Her heart felt heavy but the tears didn't start to fall until the chorus. She whispered the words along with it.
"How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. Running over the same old ground and how we found the same old fears. Wish you were here..."
Freddie was weeping at her cauldron when Snape walked in. He started to walk towards her then stopped. He hesitated, then just stood in the doorway, watching her.
"Are you just gonna stare at me?!" she demanded, face red, tears rolling down her face. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.
"I was going to ask if you're okay but you are obviously not okay. I'm not sure – I know that there is nothing I can do," he said stiffly.
"I'm- I'm fine, I'm sorry, I'm fine," she said, sniffling.
"You are not fine," he said, still not moving.
"I know. I don't know what's wrong with me," she said, wiping her streaming nose on her sleeve, feeling disgusting.
"You are upset."
"Clearly!" she laugh-sobbed. "I just – I n-need a minute."
She fled into the storage closet and shut the door behind her. She sat on the floor and hugged her knees to her chest.
Get ahold of yourself, Freddie, she told herself sternly. You can't break down like this, not in front of Snape. You can't break down because you miss Daniel. He's gone, he's not dead. You know he's not dead. He's not dead, so suck it up and get your work done.
She looked around the storage closet, wiping away the tears that were still falling. She looked at the ingredients and her mind started matching them up.
Boomslang skin...lacewing flies...fluxweed...Polyjuice Potion.
She started to go through the recipe in her head, knowing it would help calm her.
Add 3 measures of fluxweed. 2 bundles of knotgrass. Stir 4 times clockwise. Brew for 80 minutes. Add 4 leeches. Crush 2 scoops of lacewing flies with mortar and pestle, add 2 measures to the cauldron...
When she had composed herself, Freddie stepped out of the closet to find Snape adding the dragon's blood to her cauldron. She knew it was 6 o'clock and it had to be done or her potion would be ruined. She blew out a sigh and sat down on the stool.
"Okay?" he said, not looking at her.
"Eh," she responded with a shrug then looked down at the floor. "I just...wish I could talk to him. He's been my best friend for 6 years. I tell him everything. There's so much I want to tell him and I...can't.:"
"I know," he said. "I know how you feel."
"What do you know?!" she demanded, the force of her anger sudden and surprising. She unwittingly released a wave of energy that knocked ?Snape back into the wall and knocked the cauldron over.
"Oh no! No, no, no, no, no!" she shouted, running towards the cauldron to try to steady it but it was too late. The potion was spreading across the stone floor.
"Dammit! Son of a bitch!"
The force of her anger let out another wave of magic that threw the cauldron across the room and cracked the glass ceiling above them.
Snape grabbed her and threw her back against the wall, right before the glass fell and shattered on the floor.
"Stop it!" he snarled, his hand balled into a fist against her chest, pinning her in place. "Stop it, Winifred! You can't keep doing this, you can't keep losing control of yourself every time you get upset like a – a child!"
Freddie gasped, trying to take a breath, but the force of him slamming her into the wall had knocked the breath out of her.
"You just wasted months of work because of your little temper tantrum! You walk around here like you're the only person in the world who has ever lost someone you – you-"
Tears formed in her eyes and she refused to let them fall but she couldn't breathe. She started to feel panicked.
"Go," he said, backing away from her, his shoes crunching on the broken glass. "Get out of here – go. Now."
Freddie took a deep breath. It was painful to do so, her ribs and back hurt. She took a shaky step forward.
"Go!" he said again forcefully.
Freddie grabbed her things, shoved her records and the player into her bag, then fled. She stumbled out into the hallway, slamming the door shut behind her. She took several deep breaths, her chest still hurting. Frustrated, angry, and hurt she kicked the stone wall.
I hate him, she thought angrily, limping towards the Common Room. I hate him! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I hate myself. I hate Daniel, for not being here.
She trudged through the Common Room to her dormitory. She dropped her things at the foot of her bed and pulled the curtains shut. She sat on the edge of the bed and kicked her boots off. She stared at them, her hands balled into fists, trembling with anger. She felt like her rage would like the curtains on fire if she didn't calm down.
She tried to focus on a recipe, something to distract herself.
3 measures of fluxweed...2 bundles of knotgrass. Stir 4 times clockwise. Brew for 80...80 minutes...I fucked up. I fucked up a whole cauldron of Felix Felicis, my second cauldron. Months of work...wasted...
She felt her rage building and she took a deep breath. Then she remembered something. She jumped up and ran to her trunk. She dug through it until she found it – a vial of Calming Draught that Miriam had sent home with her. She uncorked it and took a swig before placing it on her bedside table.
She felt the potion start to work instantly, but her chest still hurt. She shed her clothes and saw the rapidly-forming bruise on her sternum. She scoffed and pulled a set of green satin pajamas from her trunk and put them on. She got Hemlock from her pocket and grew him to full size.
The potion was making her drowsy. She lay down and pulled the blanket over herself. She was still mad but the potion put a damper on it. Mostly she just felt miserable. She clutched Hemlock to her chest and closed her eyes, determined to sleep until she felt better.
Author's Note: Please review guys Im feeling out of sorts today and could use some words of encouragement. First person to review gets the next chapter dedicated to them and it'll be posted as soon as I get the alert.