Ch 30 Regrets
Haven Village's Chantry, late evening
We met up with brother Genitivi and then carried him down the mountain. When we returned to the village, all the villagers had already left. We decided to spend the night at the village's chantry. Darrian stayed quiet throughout the whole journey. We placed Genitivi in one of the rooms and I had Morrigan cast a sleeping spell on him, now that he is asleep, it's time.
"Alright, sit down, tell me about what happened." I said to them while sitting on one of the long benches.
"What? What's there to talk about? The girl attacked the elf and the elf killed her." Responds Morrigan.
Alistair: "At least let us eat something first. I'm starving. We can talk while we eat."
"I said sit the fuck down and tell my what happened with Leliana."
Darrian said nothing and sat down.
"Alright, I guess we are having the talk now." Said Alistair as he also sits down while Morrigan just crosses her arms.
I look over to Sten, who was walking away.
"Sit down."
Sten: "I do not take orders from you, Bas Saarebas."
"I'm in a bad mood, don't test me."
Sten ignored me and walked away. I stand up and slam the pommel of my spear down, shattering the stone floor.
"Hey now…" Said Alistair as he stood up.
Sten turns around and draws his greastsword and Alistair immediately walks between us.
"Alright! Just calm down." Said Alistair while holding out his hands, trying to stop the fighting.
"You think you can defeat me? You mistake a dragon for a snake, you ignorant fool. " Said Sten as he enters a combat stance.
To you, we are always ignorant.
"I know you don't have your helmet on and I have better reach." I said as I point my spear at him.
"HEY! Seriously! Both of you, stop!" Said Alistair, pulling out his shield.
"Arrogant Bas, you forfeit your life by challenging me." Sten threatened.
Drank some dragon's blood and now you think yourself one? We will see who is arrogant.
"We will see how much dragon you really are."
As a red aura emanates from Sten's body, I sense a foreign feeling invading my mind, fear…
"What is this…?" Said Alistair as he also felt this… attack.
"'tis the power of the Reaver." Said Morrigan with her staff raised.
"You think a mental attack will work on me?"
I don't stay dead, so I would say I have less than half the fear normal mortals have. Because of that, I can fight in ways that no mortals can, like thrusting my sword into the open mouth of a dragon.
"A fake fear… is that all you have?! This is what Leliana died for!"
Instead of having courage, it's more accurate to say that I lack fear.
"Leliana attacked me." Said Darrian, standing up from the bench. "Do you really think I would try to kill her?"
"And why did she attack you?" I asked without taking my eyes off Sten.
Darrian sits back down. "I knew she was devoted, but I never thought she would try to kill me over the ash."
"That's it? Because of the ash?"
I look at Alistair who is still standing between me and Sten. "You are Andrastian, correct? How important is the Urn is to you? Would you kill a loved one for it?"
Alistair: "I… no, I am Andrastian, but I would never kill a loved one for the Urn. I don't think Andraste or the Maker would want me to either."
I sighed, lowering my weapon and walk out of the chantry.
Haven Village
I sit in front of the chantry, trying to understand, trying to think of something so important that I would kill a lover for, and got nothing. It was then I heard noises, it seems the villagers have come out of whatever hole they were hiding in before, and are marching up the road leading to the chantry, carrying hoes, sickles, forks and fucking torches.
"You killed Father Kolgrim and Andraste!" Yells one of the old woman.
I took a quick look at the crowd, almost all of them were woman, children and the elderly.
"Go home. Or back to whatever hole you crawled out of." I said to them.
"You have committed the third Sin!" Yells one of the old men.
Damn your stupid sins. I stand up and draw a line on the ground with my spear. But instead of backing down, they pointed their farming tools at me.
"I'm really not in the mood. Cross the line at your own peril." I said as I pointed my weapon at them.
I then heard a door opening from behind.
"Wow!" Said Alistair when he saw the mob.
"Great, more Andrastians." Said Morrigan.
Alistair: "They are not Andrastians!"
"Really? Then why are they chanting "Makerrr" and "Andrasteee"?" Retorts Morrigan.
"True Andrastians don't behave like that! They are just brainwashed zealots!" Argued Alistair.
Morrigan: "The rage in their eyes, they behave just like Leliana."
"No they're Not!" Said Alistair, defending his religion, or tried to.
Morrigan: "You're right, on one hand we had a girl that tried to kill Darrian over, presumably, the remains of some long dead old woman. On the other hand, these fools wants us dead because we actually did kill their precious dragon prophet and probably some of their family members."
Alistair: "Leliana was always… a little too pious."
Morrigan: "Hmm? Is she a little pious or too pious?"
"Enough."
Both of them turn their attention towards me as I slam my fist onto the ground, and a whirling pillar of fire shoots out of the ground in front of the mods.
"Don't hurt them…" Alistair pleaded.
"This is your last warn-" I said to the mob.
Bang!
I look down, someone just threw a stone the size of my fist at my head, fortunately I almost never take off my helmet.
Alistair: "Calm down… I don't think they really want to harm us, they just want to vent…"
Bang! Bang! Bang!
More rocks. Alistair blocks the rocks with his shield but unlike me, he doesn't have his helmet on. Morrigan already disappeared into the house.
"Hey! Stop!" Yells Alistair.
And they did, trembling in fear. I suddenly have a feeling of dread, and I turn and see Darrian, emanating a red aura just like Sten before.
"Po, po… The power of great Andraste!" Said one of the elderly men, pointing at Darrian with a trembling hand.
"Leave." Said Darrian.
With just one word, the villagers turned and fled.
"Thanks, if you didn't show up, we might have had to really harm those villagers. I can't believe they brought children with them too!" Said Alistair, thanking Darrian.
"Alistair, I need to talk to Baldwin alone, please." Said Darrian.
Alistair nodded and returned inside, and I sat back down.
Darrian: "It was an accident."
So it's excuses time?
Darrian: "She screamed and charged at me, I'd never seen her like this. Like she had lost her mind. You really think I could have beaten her with my skill?"
I looked up at him.
Darrian: "She attacked me like a mad Darkspawn. I did my best to block her attacks, and when I saw an opening, I took it. It was more reflex than anything…"
It's like he lost all his strength and falls on his butt.
"Was it my fault? If I had shared my knowledge of magic with you… would Leliana still be alive?" I asked.
Darrian: "Maybe, but in the end, it was I who gave in to the temptation of power, and it was I who killed Leliana. Not everyone can be a knight like you Sir Baldwin."
"I am no knight."
"What?" asked Darrian, a little surprised.
"I was never a real knight. I am a Cleric Knight, a knight in name only."
Darrian: "I don't understand?"
"The Way of White has its own military force, the "Cleric Knight". I guess you could say it's equivalent to the Templar Order. And because of the combat training by my grandfather and father, I rose through the ranks faster than the commoners."
I regained some of my memories sometime ago, but it was part of the memories I particularly didn't want to remember.
"The main difference is, instead of mages, The Way of White, took it upon themselves to fight against the "infected". There was a "plague" happening in all over the world, and it was our job to gather the… infected and send them to the asylum. Just so you know, the asylum is a one way trip, no one returns from the asylum."
But then again, how could I know which memory I don't want if I don't even remember them?
"The Astora armor I had before wasn't mine, I just found it in a forest. I'm just a glorified hired muscle."
There are only two ways to obtain power in Astora. The Knights and the The Way of White.
Only nobles can become knights, and only knights can become government officials.
I chose the clergy.
Even though I wasn't very religious, I pretended to be. Turns out there were many like me in the clergy.
Over half of the people who joined the clergy are commoners, the rest are either bastards or third or fourth sons of nobles.
Almost all of them were the same as me, despising the aristocrats and using the Way of White to gain power.
We were looked down upon by Astora Knights, because we were knighted by the cleric and not the King. In fact, we were even looked down by Thorolund's clerics because most of us couldn't read, and so couldn't recite the scriptures and use any miracles.
Astora's cleric knights were neither clerics or knights. Just hired muscles.
The more the undead curse worsened, the more out of hand the situation was, the more power we had. At its peak, we were even given the authority to arrest higher nobles and even royalties.
And that is exactly what the Cleric Knights did, it was payback for all the built up resentment that we'd suffer.
All it took was one rumor and we would bust down the doors of even the most influentialof nobles.
Sometime theyeven just made up rumors.
Everyone was in on it, from the Cleric Knights to the cleric who was supervising us.
I myself would haveparticipated in it too if not for my captain, my friend. A common born who is more chivalrous than most real knights. Most of the members in my squad left and joined other squads. I only stayed because he was my friend, even though I also desired the power the other Cleric Knights had.
And you thought the Templars were corrupted.
But he was different.
He was my friend since the day I joined the clergy.
He actually took his job of fighting the undead curse seriously.
He was righteous and virtuous, but naive. And he and a few others challenged… the "establishment". He says he will bring their crimes to Thorolund, the high seat of The Way of White.
That was the last straw for me. Not joining in the raid was one thing, challenging the leadership is another. Not willing to die for his noble ideal, I left, and become a captain of a squad myself. And my first job was…
! #$%^&*()_+!
What? I can't… recall…? Something…? No, I need to move on, remember what I can. There's no telling how long I can keep reviewing my past.
The establishment decided to get rid of him first. They were going to make up allegations about how he and his families were cursed, and send them to the asylum.
I heard later that the arrests failed. The people sent to arrest him were killed and he and his families escaped.
They were in a panic. They gathered as many men as they could and sealed off all roads that would lead to Thorolund, and hunted them, me include. Even though I wasn't part of them, they had my cleric superior order me to hunt him down.
I wasn't part of them?
Was it luck? Or fate? I was the one who found him and his families. To add to the irony, his wife really was cursed.
The punishment for hiding an undead is death. Our roles had reversed, I was doing my duty while he was the criminal. Wrong becomes right, right becomes wrong, what a mess.
He begged me to let them go, I refused, and we fought. He killed three of my men, and in the end, we killed each other.
"Curse you… Damn you!"
I revivedat the church's bonfire, and my "colleagues" arrested me. I don't really remember the whole thing, I only know that I ended up in the asylum. I wonder if he really did place a curse on me?
What a crappy past. I don't even know what I should learn from that.
Should I have disobeyed orders and let my friend go? What about me? There were no guarantees my own men wouldn't betray me to my superiors.
Should I have killed my subordinates and let him leave? My subordinates have families too.
Should I have escaped with him? What about my own family?
Should I havenot leavehim and join his crusade instead? Then I would be hunted down with him.
Should I have just convincedhim to stay quiet? That… actually might have worked, but is that really what I should have done? Turn a blind eye to corruption?
Hundred of thousands of possibilities, shit like that was all I thought about when I was trapped in that cell at the asylum. On and on, until my mind began to go hollow. Maybe I was already a mad Hollow from the start.
"I am no knight. I'm just an enforcer of the Way of White."
"Why are you telling me this?" Asked Darrian.
"I have no idea. Maybe I just don't want you to think that I am some kind of knight."
Do I still regret killing my friend?
"Only when I remember him."
Darrian: "What?"
I can't even remember his face, just his curse. And I'll probably forget about him tomorrow.
"Nothing."
Now that I think about it, I perhaps adopted some of his personality. If I just needed a purpose, I could have chosen… pottery or something. Instead, I keep choosing the most dangerous and seemingly most righteous course of action.
Darrian: "I didn't want to kill her…"
I turn towards Darrian.
Darrian: "Taking the dragon blood was a mistake! If the Maker would allow me to make that decision again, I would throw that blood vial back at that crazy Father!"
"It's only at the end of the journey that you know whether it was a mistake."
I the last person in the world to have the right to criticize anyone.
As I opened the door to the chantry I saw Morrigan, presumably listening in. I grabbed her arm and pull her away from the door.
But what was that before? It doesn't feel like I forgotten something. It's more like… something is stopping me from accessing certain information…
To be continued