Winter Break

The impromptu meeting of the Order had consumed way more time than they all had anticipated. The attack on Arthur had left them with a lot to discuss. They had not only rearranged the shifts. They had also needed to find a better setup for the guard job. Hiding with an invisibility cloak in a dark corridor was not good enough.

Sirius was glad when they were finally done. He wanted to talk to Harry. He found the young wizard easily. He was sitting in the small and very theme-specific library housed in Grimmauld Place.

The general topic of this collection of old and ancient tomes was reflected adequately by the interior. The shelves and furniture had been made of dark wood. And the curtains and upholstery were true to the family name.

Thanks to the letters, Sirius had received from his godson, it wasn't hard for him to piece together that his godson was here to feel closer to his girlfriend. The descriptions he had read made it sound like Hermione would have jumped at the opportunity to relocate her bed to the library.

When Harry noticed him standing in the door while staring at him, he snapped harshly, "What do you want?" And thus the question was answered why he was alone.

Ignoring the tone, Sirius exclaimed merrily, "What a Christmassy thing to ask of you. And to give truth the honor: There are a lot of things I want. Should I sit on your lap and tell you about them?"

This earned him a gloomy reply, "I'm not in the mood for fooling around."

Which was an understatement. But, given the nature of the vision in the wee hours of this very day, Harry's attitude was not unexpected.

Since his favorite armchair was occupied, Sirius chose the couch next to it. He sat down in the middle of it, hoping this made him look less intrusive. "Okay, how about you tell me what you want?"

"You couldn't help me anyway." Harry glared at him as if he was at fault for something.

"Try me." He answered cheerily.

"Sirius." Harry spoke his next words very slowly, "I'm really not in the mood."

"Okay." The grown man straightened his face and sat down in a manner he hoped looked mature. He even folded his fingers. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"Like, I said, you couldn't do anything about it."

Sirius nodded understandingly. And even though he tried he could not keep an ironic tone out of his voice, "Do you know that I was the first wizard ever to escape Azkaban?" He paused for effect. "I became an animagus without guidance from an instructor when I was still at school. I also... Well, my point is, I managed the impossible before. On multiple instances. Maybe, I can pull off one more miracle. Maybe, I can't. There is a chance. But, we won't find out if you refuse to talk to me." He shrugged his bony shoulders. "If you want to take the chance, I'm sitting right here. It's your choice."

Harry's eyebrows vanished behind his messy fringe. "You're right."

"Happens. But only occasionally." Sirius bit his tongue and reminded himself to be serious.

Green eyes looked almost piercingly in his. "Today the Hogwarts Express runs from Hogsmeade to Kings Cross Station. Hermione and I were planning to share a compartment. We wanted to spend some time together because we knew we wouldn't see and couldn't write to each other until schools starts once more. So if you could drop me off on the train. Preferably a few hours ago, when it departed from Hogsmeade?" Harry's tone was dry and his face impressively even.

"Sorry, I can't." The time travel note had been unexpected but Sirius wasn't surprised by the request in general. "It's too much of a security issue to get you on the train. What's the next best thing?"

Harry's mouth snapped shut. It had already been open to deliver a probably scathing line. Sirius' question had stopped Harry from delivering it. He frowned and moved his eyes in that weird way some people did when they mulled something over. Slowly, he said, "We also said we would exchange gifts today. And I never got to write her a proper letter and explain everything. Dumbledore decided a short note was all I was allowed to leave her."

Without waiting whether the adult would agree to play post-owl, Harry jumped up and left the library.

Sirius remained on the couch. He heard Harry run upstairs. A door slammed. Silence. Then he heard once more a door followed by feet on the stairs. Harry reappeared with a box wrapped in colorful paper and everything he required to write a letter.

"I wanted to write her properly to explain myself but Dumbledore wouldn't let me," Harry explained once more while setting everything up to write his message, "I was only allowed a dumb short note. And I was even told what to put into it!"

Harry recited while unscrewing the ink well, "I was allowed to wish her and her parents a Happy Christmas. And I was allowed to apologize for missing the train but I was not allowed to tell her why I would miss the train. Not even that it had been due to an emergency." Harry complained, "I saved Mr. Weasley's life and in exchange, I'm treated like a... I don't even know what I'm treated like!"

Sirius was more than a little bit surprised by the vehemence and also over the sentiment in Harry's voice. "I... that is-" he looked at his godson and Harry glared back at him unblinkingly and in clear challenge. "Okay, here is what I can do. I can bring your present to King's Cross Station."

"And my letter."

"I could also bring her your letter. But you can't put much information in there. Secrecy is a weapon, Harry. Not only the safety of this house depends on it but all of our efforts against You-Know-Who. I'm sorry but right now we can't risk you disclosing any information to your girlfriend."

"Once I see her I'm going to tell her everything anyway. I'm going to tell her about the dream and why I had to leave all of a sudden." Harry's face spoke of stubborn determination.

Sirius couldn't even be mad over it. "Nobody can keep you from doing so once you're face to face with her."

"Then what does it matter if I write her a letter now?"

"Are you even listening to me?" Sirius looked demonstratively at the door. Harry had left it open and so had he. "Do you know if the twins are listening in?"

"What does it matter?"

Sirius felt a bit peeved. "You don't even care." He looked once more at the door. "Harry you can't make a habit of sharing all of your secrets. Not even with your friends. If you can't keep a secret, secrets can't be shared with you."

A frown appeared on the young wizard's face. Whether it was thoughtful or spoke of annoyance would remain his secret.

"Did you ever wonder about" Sirius took a deep breath and spat the name out that had become a curse for him, "Peter Pettigrew!" Hatred and revulsion fought for dominance whenever Sirius thought of the wizard. "Your father was like a brother to me. His parents even took me in when I ran away from home. And Remus was my very best in the world." He took a deep breath. "And Peter was just like him. I never doubted him. Never. And neither did your father. Peter was made secret keeper of your parents because we all trusted him with our lives."

Hot tears were in his eyes. It was just too much for Sirius. He needed an outlet. Without thinking about it, he hammered his fists repeatedly and with all the force he could muster onto the small table in front of the couch. It was sturdy enough to survive. But they had both heard several cracks. Only the physical pain kept Sirius' emotional distress in check when he whispered, "I trusted Peter with my life when I didn't trust Remus."

Sirius angrily wiped the tears away with his sleeve. When he looked at Harry, he failed once more to understand him. Harry was shocked but whether it was because of the revelation or his outburst Sirius couldn't tell.

"There will be a time for you and me to talk about secrets." He stood up and picked the present from Harry's hands who had hurriedly pulled it away from Sirius' angry outburst. "I'll deliver this to Hermione. I'll tell her that you're fine and that you're equally save and sorry to be elsewhere. I'll make sure that she understands that you had no say in your departure and also that you'll explain everything to her when you meet again."

With the Weasleys traveling back and forth on a daily schedule to visit their father at the hospital, it shouldn't have been hard to find an opportune moment to have the talk he had hinted at. But as there was only a limited number of visitors allowed at a certain time, there was always someone around Grimmauld Place beyond Harry and Sirius. Sometimes, it was Ron, sometimes Ginny. And at least one of the twins was always left behind.

When Sirius came over his godson one night in the very same spot he had promised him to reveal secrets to him, he noticed the chance. But if Harry was awake because of another nightmare, he had to know that too, therefore he asked, "Harry, why are you still awake?"

"I can't sleep." The teen looked morosely at him. "Why are you awake?"

Sirius sat in the same spot he had chosen the last time. He scratched his stubbly chin in thought. "It has become kind of a habit."

"A habit?" Harry frowned. "Why would you make a habit of being awake at night?"

"It just happened." Trying to change the topic, Sirius pointed at the shelves full of books. "Shouldn't you at least pretend to read or maybe steal some of those for your girlfriend."

Sirius was surprised when Harry went stiff. The young wizard looked for a long time at him, before he finally revealed, "I already did that."

A wide smile grew on Sirius' face. He opened his mouth but shut it without saying anything. He had caught himself at the last moment. Remus had pointed out quite clearly that he needed to stop bringing up James all the time. "I certainly hope you took some good ones. It wouldn't do the family name any good if you picked something that is not illegal to own."

Harry tried to play it cool. His darting eyes gave him away though.

"Harry, if you want to, you can take any of these books." Sirius gestured at the shelves on the walls. "It's not like I need them."

"But if they're illegal..."

"You better not get caught with them." Sirius made a dismissive gesture. "I never thought that certain books made wizards evil - or witches. I understand why they're forbidden. Some of the things wizards thought of to hurt each other is" It was hard to settle on a single word to describe what it was. "gruesome, abhorrent, disgusting, despicable and a lot of other things. If you want to know about such stuff to use it, you're just sick. But if you just want to know because you want to defend against it or something like that I fail to see a problem."

"Hermione just wants to know." Harry's dark mood was gone and he explained eagerly, "I think she wants to know everything about magic out there. She's so driven. You can't even imagine it until you've watched her."

Sirius noticed the smile playing around Harry's lips. He tried to think of something he and Harry could do which would not wipe it away instantly. "Hey, how about I show you how to shave?"

Harry goggled at him. "It's the middle of the night."

Even Sirius realized that it was a stupid idea. "So what? It's not like we got anything better to do."

Harry playfully wrinkled his nose. "It looks rather like I should teach you than the other way around."

Sirius guffawed. Once he had calmed down he inspected Harry's handiwork. "Did you figure the shaving out on your own?"

"Well, it's not that hard. Use the sharp thingy to get rid of the hairs. Preferably, without cutting oneself. It's kind of self-explanatory."

Harry's dark humor was not wasted on Sirius. He smirked. Once more he withstood saying anything about James. "How often do you have to shave?"

Harry pulled a face then grumbled, "Technically not every day."

Sirius laughed once more. "Are you snippy around Hermione?"

Harry sighed then shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. "Only rarely."

"When you're, is she fine with it?"

Harry snickered then sighed. "She always dishes out twice as hard."

"You like her a lot?"

Harry looked away.

"I can understand it if you don't want to talk about this kind of stuff."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh really? What gave me away."

Sirius waved his hands like he wanted to disperse smoke. "Well for one, there is this almost palpable annoyance."

And just like that, the teen was back in his bad mood. "This is all a big joke to you isn't it?"

"No!" Sirius deflated. "It's not." He leaned back. The couch creaked under his weight. He tried to explain himself, "I remember you being a baby. And the next time I see you, you're saving my life. And then I had to hide. And you... And now... It's..." Sirius had no idea what he even wanted to say until the words left his mouth, "You grew up without me."

"And now-" Sirius felt so sad and empty. "You shouldn't be worrying. And you should be living in better times." Their world felt so wrong right now. It was infuriating. "I wish I was a greater wizard, Harry. I wish I could resolve this mess we're stuck in."

Harry answered with a resigned sigh, "It's okay. You're doing what you can."

"Am I?" Sirius asked forlornly.

Harry frowned. "Are you?"

"I guess I am."

They looked at each other. Each of them was confused.

Harry broke the subsequent silence, "You spoke about the Order a few days ago. Like I said at the end of summer – I want in. Actually, I think I have a right to be included."

Sirius was turned halfway towards Harry. His closer arm was placed on the backrest. His fingers drummed erratically and without rhythm on the backrest of the couch while he tried to figure out how to approach this matter. He stopped when he became aware of Harry's scrutinizing look. "Yes, I think we should have a few words about that."

"I think it would be for the best." The young wizard pointed out, "I can get into Voldemort's head. That could be a huge advantage for the Order. Maybe I could-"

Sirius shook his head in alarm. "No, you can't."

Harry glared at him. His tone was sharp, "Maybe, you could let me finish explaining before you shoot my idea down?"

It was such a bad idea, Sirius shook his head once more in denial. "You were going to say that you could steal information from Voldemort – were you not?"

"Yes." Harry's chin jutted forward defiantly.

"You won't be able to acquire any information."

"Sure I can. I was in his head for months!"

Had Dumbledore not already talked about this with Sirius, he would have had a complete meltdown.

Harry went on with his rant, "I just didn't know what I saw. If someone had told me about the corridor I could have told the Order that he was planning something about it."

"Harry-"

"No! You can't say that this ability isn't useful. Especially not now. I just happened to save Mr. Weasley's life! Why would you exclude me from the Order? I thought you were on my side." He finished angrily.

For once, it was easy to stay calm. "That was before you started to look into You-Know-Who's head."

"I saved a life!"

"Did you? Really?"

"Yes! Without my interference, Mr. Weasley would certainly be dead. Without me, nobody would have looked after him. It's been a week but while we're sitting here, he is still under medical treatment in St. Mungos. You've not seen him, Sirius. He is still bleeding. He has to drink a vial of blood replenishing potion every two hours just to stay alive."

Those arguments were correct. But the picture they were painting was completely wrong. "Does it not make you suspicious that all you've seen is that corridor? You've not seen him eat something or read a newspaper or simply talk to somebody. You've not seen him do any menial tasks. All you saw was the corridor. Almost every night. In your dreams. And then one night you dream of Mr. Weasley being under attack. Don't you find this suspicious at all?"

"So, what do you want to say? Voldemort wanted me to save Mr. Weasley's life?"

"No." Sirius took a shaky breath to steel himself. "I think he wanted you to fail. He wanted you to feel guilty about Mr. Weasley's death."

Harry's hanging jaw did a marvelous job of expressing his shock. "You can't be serious?"

For once, he did not take the bait. "Yes, I am."

Harry shook his head in denial.

"The problem is not that you could be right. The problem is that you could be wrong. You-Know-Who is a master of the Mind Arts. You, on the other hand, are an untrained amateur. For all, we know he could be feeding you this information to set something up. A big trap for all of us. Or it's a ruse to get something that is way more important to him than Mr. Weasley's life."

"But-"

"Harry we can't trust the information you get out of his head." Sirius leaned forward as far as the couch would allow to stress his next point. "Dumbledore is a master of Legilimency. And he couldn't read his mind if he wanted to. That you managed this feat without any training is... This can't be. It makes no sense. This is not how such things work. Everything about this is not how Legilimency works."

Sirius was in such an emotional turmoil that he couldn't remain sitting. He started pacing. "You can only read someone's mind while looking into his eyes. That is how Legilimency works. Whatever this is - it is not Legilimency. And that means this is something entirely different. Something we know nothing about. If this is some magic even Dumbledore does not know do you think you're the one controlling it? How could we act upon anything you find out? I'm for admitting you into the Order on principle. But right now, you would be an immense liability. Not only can't we trust your information. We can't trust you with any information."

Harry looked with big eyes at him. He had apparently not anticipated any of this.

"Do you even know why Arthur was standing guard in that very corridor?"

Harry shook his head in the negative.

"Have you ever wondered what is beyond that door?"

"Yes. I did! And I know there is something beyond that door. Something that You-Know-Who desires dearly."

"So you did not even know that this door is the only entrance into the Department of Mysteries? Do you know anything about the Department of Mysteries?"

Harry shook his head.

"The witches and wizards who work for the Department of Mysteries are known as Unspeakables. And nobody knows exactly what they're tasked with. Everything beyond that door is kept secret."

"Like secret magic or weapons?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Maybe?" Sirius wasn't sure himself. "But what I know is what Voldemort wants. He desires to gain knowledge of the full contents of a certain prophecy."

"The order is watching a prophecy?" Harry was completely flabbergasted. "A prophecy like in divination?"

"Yes, You-Know-Who wants to know what exactly a certain prophecy foretells."

"Will it tell him how to win?" Harry asked urgently. "What exactly does it say?"

"I'm not privy to its full contents but I know that the prophecy is about his death."

A few swears expressed Harry's opinion about this. "He's the kind of guy who would want to know everything about his own death!"

Sirius nodded gravely. "So what leaked out and is known by the other side is that there is a prophecy about You-Know-Who's death which involves you."

"Me?" Harry was visibly surprised but not as much as Sirius would have been in his place. "What does it say?"

"I honestly don't know." Sirius spread his empty hands. "Maybe, you're the very one to kill him. Maybe, you're just going to get involved somehow. Maybe, you're just a temporal reference for the prophecy? I don't know. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you because we have no idea if you could keep it a secret."

Sirius could see the understanding dawn on Harry's face.

They looked at each other. There was no wiggling of eyebrows and no smirk but only a very intense eye contact. "I wanted to tell you over the summer. But I was outvoted. Actually, I still am. But I thought about it. I thought about a lot. You see there isn't much I can do otherwise."

Harry interrupted the aimless babbling, "You also wanted to find out how the Death Eaters found Hermione's house."

"Yes. And Remus and I tried. We researched and looked at every angle we could think of. But we found no hints. Even if one of us was at fault for the incident we have no idea how we managed to mess up."

Harry grumbled indignantly, "Has your thinking arrived at any result at all."

"Yes. While I don't want to completely disregard what more insightful and in some cases older wizards and witches told me, I don't want to leave you completely in the dark anymore. That's why I decided to tell you about the prophecy in the first place."

"So that's all you're telling me because of the dream-visions?"

Sirius nodded apologetically. Then he realized something. "No, wait. There is something else. Something very important you should know."

Harry leaned forward expectantly.

"This is true for all prophecies stored in the Department of Mysteries." Sirius said urgently, "Never go there! Only those who a prophecy is about can take them from the shelf. I might be wrong about this but I think this is why You-Know-Who has shown you the corridor. I think, he is trying to lure you into the ministry. He wants you to pick it up for him."

Harry looked disbelievingly at Sirius. "So, there is a member of the Order standing guard in that corridor to stop Voldemort?"

"Not to stop him!" Sirius shook his head. "He was supposed to go past the guard. Dumbledore and the rest of the Order were then supposed to be called in. The Department of Mysteries is the perfect trap. There is only that one way out."

"The alarming part did not work very well," Harry commented sourly.

"No, it did not." Sirius agreed. "We fixed that though."

Harry grumbled grouchily, "What am I supposed to do now? Do you expect me to stay as far away from the Order as possible?"

"No. You might be a key to winning this war. Think of all the things you managed to do. Harry, I'm sure you're aware of the situation. Things are not looking rosy for us. We're not even trying to win right now. We're merely staling. With what we're currently doing we're not going to beat the Death Eaters unless they majorly blunder something. You-Know-Who getting stuck in the Department of Mystery would be advantageous for us. Apart from that, we've got nothing. We're buying time for Dumbledore to come up with a plan."

"He has no plan at all?" Harry asked in shock.

"If Dumbledore has some kind of a plan I'm not privy to it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a secret plan. And if there is one thing I learned it is that you can't share secrets if you want them to stay secrets. And if you want to keep something secret, you shouldn't even let people know that there is a secret in the first place."

Harry was grounded. "And now what?"

"You'll learn Occlumency. It's a useful skill against all forms of offensive Mental Magic. Once you mastered it you can join the Order of the Phoenix."

"What do I have to do?"

"That's the bad news. Learning Occlumency without a Legilimens is like learning to swim without water." Sirius scratched his stubbly chin while evading Harry's face.

Harry had been eager before but now he was vibrant. "Dumbledore will teach me?"

"Sadly not. Since we don't know how your mental interaction works, Snape will be in charge of teaching you Occlumency."