So…this has been a long time coming. The short story is writer's block. The worst writer's block I've experienced in my life. I couldn't even stomach putting words to paper/MS Word. Anyway, I'm back now and hopefully I won't be plagued by such terrible writer's block again. Also, thanks to Mrva for following/favorite.
That's enough of me blabbering on. Just know that I hate myself for what I'm about to write.
Disclaimer: I reiterate that I don't own Star Wars or Ranma ½. Frankly, not owning Star Wars is probably a blessing at this point…
Akane's POV
It was the first couple of days of summer break and we had all decided to head to the beach. Earlier in the week, Ryu's mom had even been kind enough to let him change back to male. Unfortunately for Ranma, the plentiful cold water of the sea meant he would be attending the event as a she. For someone who complains about spending time as a girl as much as he does, he sure did enjoy going shopping for a swimsuit.
Anyway, there we all were, my sisters were putting on suntan lotion, my Dad was asleep on a folding chair, Ranma's dad was sweating it out as a panda, Ryu and Ukyo were helping each other put on sunscreen, and Ranma was lying on a towel sunning herself without a care in the world.
"Hey, how's it goin'? How's about some tea on my yacht?" A random boy approached Ranma. If I had to guess I'd say he was about college age. I spotted a devious grin just under the brim of the sunhat Ranma was wearing. I knew this could only lead to trouble.
"Tea, did you say? I'd love to," Ranma replied in a flirtatious voice, "How far away is your boat?" I decided to rescue the poor sap from Ranma's clutches.
"Ranma, if you had wanted your head checked again, why didn't you just say so? Have you forgotten you're a guy again?" I asked patiently, as if talking to a dimwitted toddler.
"Oh no, I haven't forgotten," Ranma's smirk was audible.
"You're a guy?" The poor sap asked, looking Ranma up and down in confusion.
"Bingo!" The poor sap fled in confusion and disgust.
"Ranma, I think we're gonna have to take some points off your man card for that one," Ryu quipped from beside Ukyo.
"Come on, I'm just playing," Ranma demurred.
"And how long did you plan on 'playing' with that guy?" I asked.
"That's for me to know~" Ranma giggled.
"I'm gonna have to agree with Ryu on this one Ranchan. As someone who spent four years at an all guy's school, I have to call you out for that being pretty gay," Ukyo smirked at her childhood friend.
"Aw, come on Ucchan," Ranma pouted.
"That doesn't have to be a bad thing, Ranchan. Speaking as someone who is probably bisexual, it doesn't matter much to me," Ukyo assured him.
"Alright already, as a straight male and lesbian female, I formally apologize for my misdeeds. Happy?!" Ranma's pout was just this side of gaining a gravitational pull.
"Everyone, lunch time!" Kasumi interrupted any further tomfoolery by announcing food.
We had almost finished our meal when suddenly we heard screams coming from down the beach. Our gazes were drawn to the commotion and our stomachs sank when we saw the cause. Happosai was up to his usual tricks on the beach. Ranma leapt into action and jumped perfectly on Happosai's head, squashing the little goomba into the sand before returning his ill gotten gains.
"W-What have you done to my collection?!" Happosai cried tearfully, "Oh youth, oh hope, oh happiness… RANMA I got a way of dealing with swimsuit stealing punks like you!"
"Then you'll have to deal with all of us!" I shouted as the four of us took our ready stances.
"I'll go steal me some new ones~" Happosai then toddled off, leaving us with a distinct feeling of anti-climax. We tried to chase down Happosai, but he quickly gave us the slip.
"Oh, how I'd like to pay for that little monster's funeral," Ryu growled and we started to comb the beach for Happosai. Fortunately, it didn't take long for us to find him making a nuisance of himself by pretending to be a watermelon.
"Where the heck do you get all this energy?!" Ranma shouted at the little menace.
"Where do you think?! The blue skies, the white clouds, the bright sun! I just love the sea." Happosai answered.
"And don't forget the bikinis, the tan lines, and all the exposed flesh." Ranma was unimpressed. I felt similarly myself. Happosai then jumped at Ranma and started groping her. Fortunately that gave Ranma the opening to punt the little cretin into the stratosphere.
"He ain't even human," Ranma snarled.
"I thought we already came to that conclusion a long time ago?" Ryu asked mildly.
"Wo ai ni!" Then who should show up but Shampoo. "Ranma, Akane, Ryu, Ukyo, Hello!" She then glommed onto Ranma.
Once she detached from Ranma, Shampoo explained that her grandmother had bought a sea side Cat Café for the summer months.
"Bad enough the old freak is here, now the old ghoul is too. Is this beach even big enough for the two of them?" Ranma complained.
"Ranma, want to go on date after work?" Shampoo asked hopefully, "We make it double date with Ryu and Ukyo!"
"I dunno Shampoo, I…actually, that gives me an idea!" Ranma then grew an evil smile that was sure to mean trouble for someone.
That was how we found ourselves in the room we had rented for our stay at the beach along with Happosai and a returned to male Ranma. Ranma proposed introducing Happosai to a "girl". Of course, that girl would be Cologne, but Happosai didn't need to know that quite yet.
Happosai was overjoyed at the prospect and dumped out a box of junk he had brought along. From the junk he pulled out an expensive looking bracelet that he planned on giving as a gift to his date. Happosai then dressed up all proper and we guided him to the Cat Café.
"Just out of curiosity, where'd you rip it off from?" Ranma asked. Happosai ignored him.
"So Ranma, what kind of girl is she? You picked her out for me because she's my type right? You do know my type, right? Big eyes, long hair?" Happosai pelted him with questions.
"That's her all right!" Ranma was struggling to contain his usual smirk. For once it seemed like one of his harebrained schemes was going well. Once we were outside the Cat Café itself, Ranma picked up Happosai and plopped him down right behind Cologne.
"He say he want date with you, great grandmother," Shampoo looked like the cat that had caught the canary. Happosai, on the other hand, looked devastated. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't taking some perverse enjoyment out of the whole thing myself.
"What about what I want?" Cologne asked petulantly. Ryu snorted in amusement.
"Now why didn't I think of that? They're so close in age too!" I exclaimed.
"Is good couple!" Shampoo agreed. We were about to make good our escape, but Happosai had other plans. He held out the bracelet to Shampoo, trying to pull something, but Cologne suddenly got a sharp look in her eyes and tried to thwack Happosai with her staff.
"Don't take it so personally! I'm sure you'd make someone a fine wife, but for me-"
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm sure we'd all much rather hear where you got your hands on that bracelet!" Cologne snapped, "Our tribe has been trying to track down that bracelet for centuries! How on earth did you get it?!"
"That's for me to know and you to find out!" Happosai said childishly.
"I knew it must have been ripped off," Ranma muttered.
"Alright, you hand that over this instant!" Cologne ordered. Naturally Happosai refused and ran off with the bracelet. "Why that monster stole our treasure!"
"Why is it so special?" I asked.
"Shampoo, you must get that bracelet back before he learns its secret!" Cologne barked at Shampoo, "If you fail, he'll make world a living hell."
"That's not ominous or anything," Ryu deadpanned.
"I suppose I had better explain, so at least you all know the danger," Cologne relented. She then explained the bracelet contained 3 pills of a powerful love potion.
"Wait, that is legendary treasure of Xai Long?!" Shampoo exclaimed in shock.
"So you have been paying attention to your lessons after all," Cologne said, "Perhaps you'd like to fill your friends in on the rest then?"
"Long long ago, when Joketsuzoku was still young, a too too powerful alchemist named Xai Long longed after a man who would no love her back. So she make a love potion to make him fall in love with her, the most powerful love potion ever made. When Council of Elders find out, Xai Long was banished and her potion destroyed, save for three samples. One sample would work only for a few seconds. One sample make you fall in love for a whole day. Final sample make you fall in love for rest of life." Shampoo explained.
"Why would someone get banished for making a love potion?" Ukyo asked.
"Joketsuzoku prize freedom too too much for such all consuming love potion to be allowed," Shampoo replied.
"Love potions in general are pretty much mind rape," Ryu muttered darkly.
"Shampoo is right. Be warned, if you should happen to swallow one of those samples, you'll instantly fall in love with the next person you see of the opposite gender, regardless of how you feel about that person or your own preferences. This warning goes double for you, son-in-law. The potion will affect you based on your current sex," Cologne warned.
"I heard it, I heard it!" Our hearts dropped as Happosai's screech met our ears. He then pulled out the bracelet and pulled out one of the samples. He intended to use it on Shampoo, but thankfully Shampoo and Ranma deflected him and sent him sprawling into the sand, where Ryu cast a net he had gotten from somewhere over the old pervert.
Somehow Happosai managed to escape the net and bashed Ranma over the head with a huge mallet for good measure before scampering off.
"He got away!" Cologne cursed.
"He leave one pill behind!" Shampoo exclaimed, holding up the prize.
"I wonder which one that is," I muttered.
"Careful with that Shampoo!" Cologne called out. The warning came too late. A certain bumbling panda ran up to Ranma with no regard to anyone around, plowing past Shampoo, Ryu, and Ukyo, causing the pill to go flying right into Ranma's mouth.
"Ayah!" Shampoo shouted. Ranma tried to cough the pill up, but the damage was already done. Ranma grasped at his throat futilely.
"I swallowed it! Oh my God, I swallowed it!" He shouted in panic.
"Close your eyes Ranma!" Ryu yelled. Mr. Saotome just stood there utterly confused as to why his son was panicking.
"Ok, ghoul, hand over the antidote!" Ranma grabbed Cologne and roared in her face, completely forgetting the fact that Cologne, was in fact, a member of the opposite sex.
"Oh no!" We all shouted in despair.
"How come I never realized… Just how beautiful a mature woman in full bloom could be?!" Ranma cried out.
"Well this is certainly unfortunate," Cologne deadpanned from her place in Ranma's arms.
"My darling, you know I won't be happy until we're man and wife!" Ranma declared. He then tried to run off with Cologne, but my Dad came out of nowhere and with a flying kick knocked Ranma to the ground.
"CUT THAT OUT! I'm sorry son, but I MUST OPPOSE THIS MARRAGE!"
"Huh? What?" Ranma seemed to be confused.
"Son, before you enter into wedlock with that woman, you must first defeat me in combat!" Dad shouted.
"Huh? Wedlock? Who do you think I'm marryin'?!" Ranma yelled.
"I believe he means me, son-in-law," Cologne chirped. Ranma completely flipped out and Cologne started cackling.
"Oh thank God, it was just the temporary pill," I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Shampoo shutters to think what would have happened if that was longer lasting pill," Shampoo quivered as if to banish the thoughts from her mind.
"Of course, that means the old freak still has the day pill and the forever pill," Ukyo pointed out.
"Yo, Ranma, you ok?" Ryu tried snapping his fingers in Ranma's face, but Ranma was still shell-shocked over what could have been. We dragged him back to the room we were renting so he could collect himself. In the mean time, the rest of us took to the beach to find Happosai before he could use the other two pills.
As it turned out, Shampoo found Happosai first and was able to tie him up like a piñata, ready for all the kids to poke at with sticks.
"So, what do we do now that we have the damned thing?" Ryu asked.
"We hide it from Happy, no matter what else," Cologne replied. Shampoo made to hand over the bracelet, but then my whole family burst into the room like a stampede, startling all of us. Shampoo dropped the bracelet, which banged on the edge of a pail of water I had been tempted to use on Ranma to wake him up, dislodging one of the pills, and that pill went straight into my mouth and down my throat before I could do anything about it. I instantly closed my eyes.
"What is going on here?!" My dad demanded to know.
"Shampoo is zero for two. Maybe Shampoo no should handle bracelet anymore…" Shampoo groaned.
"To be fair, circumstances did conspire against you," I tried to be reasonable, but my heart was beating like a jackhammer. Which pill had I just swallowed? Was it the day pill? The forever pill? I was starting to feel sick to my stomach.
Cologne was good enough to explain what was going on to my family and Mr. Saotome. Unfortunately, my dad had the bright idea of getting me to look at Ranma while he was a guy. I will never admit to Shampoo how glad I am she was fast enough to splash Ranma with cold water, changing him into a girl, before my dad forced my eyes open. I quickly shut them again and tied a blindfold around my eyes.
"So, which pill did I take?" I asked Cologne.
"Hmm. You can relax Akane. The one you took was the day pill," Suddenly my body was a lot less tense. I let out a sigh of relief.
"Er, looking at it closer, I might be wrong. You might've taken the lifetime pill…I'm not entirely sure…" Cologne said apologetically.
"So now what do we do?" I asked, my intestines twisting up in knots.
"Shampoo volunteer to take other pill! Shampoo look at Ranma, then if wears off in a day, we know which pill which!" Shampoo offered.
"Absolutely not!" Cologne snapped.
"Shampoo already love Ranma. What difference does it make?" Shampoo asked fiercely.
"You're still young. I know it might not seem like it, but you might fall out of love. I won't let you take that choice from yourself if this happens to be the lifetime pill! And what of Ranma? What if he gets tired of a mindless sycophant who only wants to please him and nothing else? I don't want that for either of you." Cologne pleaded. Shampoo relented. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it that way. I had been about to ask Ranma to let me see him, but I chose to keep my mouth shut.
"Give me back what I stole!" Suddenly Happosai's voice cut through the room. I heard a scuffle that lasted over a minute. I hated not being able to help out, but the need to keep my eyes closed outweighed any usefulness I would have in the fight. When the fighting died down, someone sat down next to me.
"Well, Scarlet, seems like we're in the same boat," Ryu gave a bitter laugh. I heard fabric being tied in a knot beside me.
"Ryu, please tell me you don't mean..?" I was afraid to finish the question.
"Yep, that bastard Happosai tried to throw the last pill into Shampoo's mouth during the fight, but his aim was so bad it ended up in mine. Well, at least now we know which pill is which," More hollow laughter, "You always were the luckier of the two of us."
"Ryu, just because you swallowed a pill doesn't automatically mean it's the lifetime one!" I protested.
"So, old ghoul, is there any cure?" I heard Ranma ask quietly.
"Not that I know of, son-in-law," Cologne answered regretfully.
"Maybe my mom will know something?" Ryu said hopefully.
"Worst comes to worst, maybe we can put our heads together and figure something out," Cologne replied, but didn't sound too hopeful.
"Then we had better get the both of you to her, before something tragic happens," My Dad stated. All around me, I heard the sounds of packing up. You never really appreciate something until it's gone and I was missing my sight already.
"To think, all three pills would be used in a single day. What a series of unfortunate events," I heard Cologne mutter to herself. I couldn't help but agree.
Due to our lack of vision, I was assigned Ranma as a Seeing Eye dog and Ukyo guided Ryu. The sand beneath my feet quickly turned to concrete as we walked towards the train station.
However, the day wasn't done. There was still one last tragedy that would befall us.
"Revenge is mine!" Happosai's raspy voice suddenly called out far too close for comfort. I quickly placed my hands over my eyes, in case he was targeting me. I was worried for nothing.
"RYU NO!" Ukyo screamed just before I heard an explosion, then all I heard was sobbing and Happosai's vile cackling.
"What happened? What's going on?" I asked, worried for my friend.
"I'm going to kill that old freak," I was shocked at the amount of pure bloodlust in Ranma's voice.
"Ranma, you're scaring me, what happened?" I had an idea, but desperately didn't want it to be true.
"The old freak ambushed us and separated us with one of his king sized fire bombs. He grabbed Ryu, tore off his blindfold, and forced him to look at Shampoo…Cologne knocked Ryu out, but…it's probably already too late."
"Take me to Ukyo," I commanded and Ranma complied. I was lead closer to the sounds of sobbing and then knelt down. Wordlessly I gathered the other girl in a hug.
"It'll be OK. Ryu probably only took the day pill! He'll be fine in a day's time. There's no need to worry." Even to me, the words sounded hollow. Knowing Ryu as long as I had, I knew exactly how bad his luck usually was. But hey, every rule needs a break, right? That's what I told myself, at least.
"Akane, don't say that!" Ukyo rebuked through her sniffles, "If you have the lifetime pill, then-"
"Then Ryu's mom will fix me right up. Just don't worry about it, everything will be fine!" I made an empty promise/
The trip back home was deathly silent. Ryu remained unconscious the whole way to his house, thankfully. When Kirara saw our whole entourage enter, she instantly knew something was up.
"What happened to my son?" Her voice promised great pain to any who dared to harm her child. We told her all that had happened. Even blindfolded I could sense Kirara's fury towards Happosai. It was smothering.
"I don't know of a cure, but I do know of ways to curb the potion's effects. Whoever suffers under the lifetime pill will still be unable to resist the pull of the one they have been bound to, but they will still have a modicum of control over themselves. Enough, at least, to function day to day while I hunt down a cure," Kirara explained.
"I guess now it's just a matter of finding out who has which pill," Ukyo said listlessly.
"We'll know in the morning," Cologne remarked solemnly.
"I will teach you the methods of curbing the potion. I will leave tomorrow, once we find out who has which pill. If anyone knows a cure or knows who does have a cure, it will be Solomon, the oldest nekomata on Earth. I will track him down as swiftly as I am able, that is a promise," Kirara swore.
The next day, we had our answer. Ryu had swallowed the lifetime pill.
Feel free to hate me. I know this was painful to write personally. Next chapter will pick up immediately where this one left off. Until next time.