CHAPTER 40
The next evening…
"Eva please, will you just sit down" Gideon says, as he reaches for my hand and pulls me towards him. I have been tidying and cleaning a totally clean and tidy house since we got back from work, because I am beyond stressed because I worry what will happen if this visit doesn't go as I hope.
"I'm sorry, I just want…" I stop and shake my head, as I try and fight the tears that are threatening to fall, bloody pregnancy hormones are making things worse.
"Stop, just stop, you are going to make yourself ill and it's not good for you or the baby. Trust me, everything is going to be fine" Gideon whispers calmly and firmly into my ear.
I go to answer him but the doorbell rings, and I give him another panicked glance. He leans towards me and kisses me.
"It will be fine" he reiterates.
I nod and go to answer the door, Tasha stands there with a folder and she smiles widely at me.
"Hello Eva, how are you?" she says as she steps inside.
"Pretty scared if I'm honest" I say, and Tasha gives me a reassuring smile.
"There is no need to be scared, no need whatsoever. I know you and you know me. I will just talk to you as I always have done and I will discuss everything with you and I'll make sure you are totally clear on everything that happens, ok?" she says.
I nod and gesture to the living room, as we go in and Tasha spots Maisie playing she pauses and turns towards me lowering her voice, "Just so you are aware, I will have to speak to Maisie alone though, so there can be no question of her being influenced by you or Gideon" she holds up her hand as I go to protest, "I know you wouldn't do that but it is standard procedure" she says.
I swallow the protest, close my mouth and nod in acceptance, "Well do you want to do that first?" I ask instead, as I glance at Maisie who hasn't looked up and is sitting quietly playing with her toys, oblivious to everything around her.
Tasha nods, "Ok we can do that" she says and she turns her attention towards Maisie and she walks towards her and crouches down beside her.
"Hello Maisie, how are you?" she asks.
Maisie looks up and surprise registers on her face at first and then she smiles, "Hello Tasha, I'm playing" she says and holds up her doll for emphasis.
Tasha nods and smiles kindly, "I can see that, that is a lovely doll Maisie. You have lots of nice toys there" she says.
Maisie nods, "Yes, I have more in my room and lots of books too" she says.
Tasha nods, "Do you? Well I'd love to see them, would you like to show me?" she asks.
Maisie glances at me for guidance and I nod, and Gideon encourages her too.
"Go on Maisie, show Tasha your bookshelf, I bet she won't ever have seen so many books!" he says.
Maisie giggles and runs from the room and Tasha follows her and mouths thank you to us.
It feels like an eternity before Tasha and Maisie reappear, Maisie looks happy and unconcerned and Tasha sits down beside us.
"Right then that was all very straightforward, so don't look so worried Eva" she says. "Ok then, Maisie was very helpful and very forthcoming, and although I can't tell you what was said, I will say you have nothing to worry about and what she told me was clearly her own views and I could see for myself she is a very happy and content little girl now. You will hear eventually what she said when her views are read out in court" she adds kindly.
I feel the relief wash over me at that, and I manage a relieved and genuine smile. Tasha is looking at her papers and she pulls out something and taps it with her pen.
"Now I just need to talk to you both about your future plans and try and establish whether or not this is a stable and enduring relationship. The fact you two are now married and have bought this beautiful house is a big positive, as is the influence that Gideon has had on your life since he has been in it. Gideon is clearly a very successful man and materially can give Maisie a comfortable life, and it is obvious you and Maisie are both much happier now, but there is the undeniable fact you really haven't been together that long have you?" she says.
Gideon reaches for me and leans forward, "I first met Eva back in September last year and I pretty much knew right from the beginning that she was special, admittedly when you look at our relationship chronologically things have progressed very rapidly and that could be a cause for concern. However, the depth of our relationship is tremendous. There is nothing superficial or temporary about what we have done together during that time period. To begin with Eva has not only come into my life and is having a relationship with me, one of the first things she did was, she helped me rebuild a relationship with my father which had been difficult, distant and fractured for years. She has helped me locate and reconnect with my mother and she has supported me unflinchingly through that" he pauses and swallows hard, the emotion of what he is saying is obviously getting to him.
Tasha is watching him and making notes, "How old were you when your mother left?" she asks gently.
"My parents split up when my late twin brother and I were very young and my mother left, I hadn't seen my mother since I was about Maisie's age and Eva has helped me to not only build a relationship with her but also with my half siblings who I didn't know at all, until she found my mother for me. So, it is not just my influence on her life which has been positive. I cannot begin to stress what an effect she has had on my life, in fact I would go as far as saying Eva and Maisie are my life, and Eva is my soul mate". He stops speaking and gives me a look so filled with love it nearly takes my breath away and his words nearly floor me completely.
Tasha is scribbling furiously and I hope she has got everything down as that was beautiful. She looks at me, "And do you want to add anything to that Eva?" she asks, and I can tell she has also been moved by what Gideon said but is trying to remain professional.
I nod, "Yeah, basically what he said, we did get together really quickly. I was wary, very wary to begin with" Gideon lets out a small snort of laughter at that, which makes me smile but I carry on, "but the fact one of the first things he did was unquestioningly protect Maisie from Nathan, when he didn't even really know us says everything about the kind of man he is, and there is also the fact I was prepared to give my daughter to a man who I had just met and I trusted the fact he would do as I had asked and take her to my gran and keep her safe, says to me that deep in my gut I knew he was a good man, and he wouldn't hurt us. He has confirmed that initial gut reaction for me over and over since that first day. He has supported me and encouraged me and he has rebuilt my confidence and self-esteem which, let's be honest was pretty none existent. Not only that he has also restored my faith in human nature and made me realise not every man is like Nathan. He has not only supported me and helped me stand up to Nathan and get him out of my life completely, he has helped my entire family with some issues which happened around Christmas and for the first time in years I feel safe, loved and protected. I'm not living in fear anymore and that is priceless to me". I put my head down as I am slightly overwhelmed by the realisation of exactly what Gideon means to me.
"What issues were they?" Tasha asks.
I shake my head, "Jack turned up out of the blue and tried to cause trouble saying that my mum had cheated on my stepfather and he claimed he was Kyle's dad, you remember my brother Kyle?" I pause and Tasha nods.
"Jack? That is your biological father isn't it?" Tasha asks.
I smile, "We thought he was, but that is also another part of this story" I say.
"Well, he really tried hard, he sent his daughter to approach me, we had pretty much figured out the only reason he was sniffing around was because of my relationship with Gideon, and he thought it might be of some financial advantage to him" I say and then snort with laughter, "but it backfired spectacularly on him".
Tasha waits for me to continue.
"Technically speaking he was right Vic isn't Kyle's dad, but neither is Jack it was another guy and it turned out Kyle and I are full siblings which meant Jack wasn't my dad either. But getting back to the point, Gideon supported me and my entire family through that, and he paid for the DNA tests and organised everything to be done. He was totally brilliant, none of us could have done it without him" I say. "I have reached out to my biological fathers' family and I am planning meeting my biological grandfather soon and again Gideon has wholeheartedly supported me through that" I add.
Tasha looks a little shocked at all that, but quickly pulls herself together, "Thank you for sharing that Eva, well I think we can safely tick the stable relationship box" I watch as Tasha's smile fades and she shifts in her seat slightly before turning her attention to Gideon once more. "So, now we do have to discuss your past Gideon, I did warn you about that and you told me before that you have no relationship with your uncle, is that still the case?" She asks.
Gideon nods, "It is" he says firmly.
Tasha nods, "You do understand that I will have to recommend that a condition be added to the adoption that your uncle is under no circumstances, to have any contact with any of you, particularly Maisie," she says and Gideon nods.
"I expected that and obviously I agree and I just want to reiterate, that I never want to lay eyes on him again" he says.
Tasha pauses, "I have also asked for a psychological evaluation to be done due to your history of Mental Illness" she says.
Gideon nods again, "And again I expected that and so I will fully comply," he says.
Tasha nods and pulls out a letter, "We have arranged for you to have an interview with a Mental Health professional, the details are listed here" she says as she hands over the letter.
Gideon nods again as he accepts it and glances at it.
"Now I need to ask a few questions about your plans for the future, in particular are you planning on having any more children and how you see your family evolving" Tasha says.
I reach for Gideon and grip his hand, and look at Tasha "Well actually…" I begin and then stop as I glance at Maisie, who is still playing happily and not taking the blindest bit of notice of what is going on, but I don't want to risk her hearing what I am about to say.
Gideon realises this and pulls away from me and calls to Maisie to put her toys away, "Come on Maisie it's your bedtime" he says.
Maisie looks up and nods and Gideon stands and leads her from the room, as they pass us she comes and gives me a hug and says goodnight to me and then turns to Tasha and says goodnight. Tasha smiles widely and says goodnight back to Maisie and we watch them disappear upstairs.
"You have done such a good job with Maisie, and it is wonderful to see her so happy and relaxed now" Tasha says kindly.
I feel a surge of pride as I hear this and mutter a slightly embarrassed thank you, I pause as I listen to them going upstairs and then I lick my lips nervously, "Going back to what we were talking about before, I erm… I… I found out yesterday that I am pregnant, we were both a little bit surprised to say the least as it wasn't planned but we are both really happy about it" I say.
Tasha looks surprised and writes that down, "I take it you don't want Maisie knowing this yet, and that is why we had the sudden departure a moment ago" she says.
I nod, "It is so early, we have literally only just found out ourselves so under normal circumstances we wouldn't be telling anyone yet. I'm only telling you because it is relevant to what you said about how we see our family evolving" I say.
Tasha nods and writes something else down, "And Gideon is still fully committed to adopting Maisie even though he has a child of his own on the way?" Tasha asks.
I feel myself scowl at her but then I remember my own previous negative thoughts once again.
"Yes, I actually asked him pretty much the same thing when we found out, but not quite like the way you said it, and he said it made him even more determined to adopt Maisie as he didn't want her thinking she was less important to him. He said he hopes the adoption will go through before the baby is born so we will all be officially the same family" I say.
Tasha asks me a number of questions and I answer them, and a short while later Gideon reappears.
"Sorry about that," he says brightly and sits down again beside me.
Tasha smiles and proceeds to ask him the same questions, he tells her more or less exactly what I said and he also reiterates his desire for the adoption to be done by the time the baby arrives as he doesn't want Maisie to feel pushed out.
Tasha finishes writing and she looks up at us, "Well I think that is about everything, I really can't see any issues here, but I already said that to you before. I will make my recommendations and as soon as we have the mental health evaluation, I will send my full report detailing my findings and recommendations to the court and then it will be in their hands and they will then contact you with a date for a hearing".
She stands up and holds out her hand to us, "So the next time I will see you both will be in court at the adoption hearing, and just so you are aware Maisie doesn't have to be present at the hearing, but if she wants to attend then it is encouraged that you bring her, and if she does attend the judge may ask her questions to confirm what I will put in my report".
I shake her hand and nod, "So that's it now?" I ask.
Tasha nods, "It is, you are no longer on file with us and haven't been since the New Year. I am personally totally delighted by the progress you have made and how along with Gideon's influence you have completely turned your life around and my report will also echo that" she says.
"Thank you" I say.
"My pleasure" she replies, she shakes Gideon's hand as he also thanks her.
oooOOOooo
Two weeks later…
"Are you ready?" I look up at my husband as he holds out his hand to me and I nod as I slip my hand into his.
"Yep, and quite excited, the first scan is special it makes it all real" I say.
We arrive at the hospital in the Maternity department and I spot the midwife I had my initial consultation with a few days ago, and she sees me and comes over and greets me.
"Hello, are you here for your scan?" she says kindly and I nod.
"Yes" I say.
"Well, good luck with that" she says and moves away, she is clearly busy and I think it was nice that she acknowledged us.
We wait in the small waiting area with many other couples and women at various stages of pregnancy; Gideon is gripping my hand tightly and is very quiet.
"Are you ok?" I ask him.
He turns towards me and smiles, "Just nervous, I'm not sure what to expect" he says.
I let out a little laugh, "It's quite exciting when you see the little figure on the screen, and from what they see they can work out exactly how many weeks pregnant I am and therefore when I will be due" I explain.
"Will they examine you?" he asks and I shake my head.
"No, it's literally just the scan today the full examination will be done with the midwife, we've had the initial consultation, but at my first anti natal appointment they will weigh me, measure my height, take my blood pressure, do some blood tests, and then we will have fairly regular appointments for check-ups until I get close to my due date then I will have to go weekly, we will get another scan at about 18/20 weeks and that will be all unless there are any issues" I say.
"What do you mean issues?" he asks immediately.
"Well, when I was having Maisie, the sonographer couldn't see a few things as she was lying wrong and wouldn't move so I had to go back for another one" I explain.
"EVA CROSS"
I look up "That's me" I say and stand up, and walk towards the man smiling widely at us.
"Come this way" he says kindly.
I make my way to the familiar ultrasound rooms which I remember from when I was having Maisie, and we go inside.
"Hello, Eva Cross?" the lady sat at the ultrasound machine says.
"That's right" I say, and I climb up on to the bed.
The sonographer beams at me, "Oh I see you are familiar with the procedure, not your first baby?" she asks.
I shake my head, "No second for me, but first for him" I say pointing at Gideon.
The sonographer smiles and greets Gideon, "And so you are dad?" she says kindly and Gideon nods.
"Ok if you would like to take a seat just there and you will be able to see everything that happens" she says.
I have already pushed my leggings down slightly and lifted my top and wait while the gel is squirted on to my stomach, the sonographer is explaining everything to Gideon, who is listening intently and he reaches for my hand and is watching everything that is happening.
As she presses the wand to my stomach, I groan a little and Gideon immediately looks concerned.
"What's wrong?" he asks and I can hear the panic in his voice.
"It's fine" I say reassuringly, "It's just the fact, so they can get the best pictures they tell you that you need to have a full bladder but having a full bladder can also be really uncomfortable when they press that wand thing down on you" I say.
The sonographer smiles sympathetically at me and then looks intently at the screen.
I look and immediately see the outline of the baby and I am surprised, "Wow, I'd say looking at that I'm about 12 weeks pregnant if not more!" I exclaim.
The sonographer nods, "Well done, yes I was just thinking from the measurements and development of the foetus that you were around 13 weeks" she says.
"I take it you had a scan much earlier with your first pregnancy?" she says and I nod and I try and push the memory of that time away, after Nathan had pushed me down the stairs and I had started bleeding. I was brought in for a scan and nothing could be seen with a normal scan as it was much earlier and because I was bleeding they didn't want to do an internal scan at that point in time. So, I was kept in and when the bleeding stopped, only then did they perform the scan which showed Maisie was unharmed.
I clear my throat, "Yes it was an internal one and it said I was about 6 weeks pregnant, but then I had another one at 12 weeks" I say simply and the sonographer nods.
"You had a few problems in early pregnancy with your first baby?" she asks.
I nod, "Yes I had bleeding early on and so they kept an eye on me" I say vaguely. I feel Gideon run his thumb over my knuckles and he gently squeezes my hand reassuringly as he knows exactly why I had bleeding.
"Ok then we have one very healthy foetus, the placenta is in a nice place and everything is looking very good at this stage. I would say looking at this you were correct and are 12 weeks pregnant at this point, which gives us a due date of October 20th" the Sonographer says.
My mouth drops open as I do the maths, "But I had a period in February, I mean admittedly it was barely there but it was still a period, I only missed one at the beginning of March?" I say.
The sonographer nods, "That is quite common" she says.
The examination comes to an end and the sonographer hands me a scan picture. I stare at it, and Gideon leans in to look, wrapping his arm around me. I offer it to him and he takes it from me, a look of awe on his face.
As we leave, I watch him take a photograph of the picture on his phone and then he offers it back to me, I do the same thing and then I hesitate as I was going to put it in my bag, but instead I hold it up to Gideon, "Do you want to keep this?" I ask and I see his eyes light up and he nods like a small excited boy as he takes it and once again gazes reverently at it.
"Can we tell people now?" he asks me, and I know that he is probably desperate to tell his family and I nod.
"Yeah I don't see why not, we will tell Maisie tonight as well, but only family. I don't want anyone at the depot knowing yet" I say.
"Alright" he replies, and I watch as he carefully pushes the picture into his wallet.
"Are you going to tell your grandfather when we go to Bristol and see him?" he asks carefully.
The forthcoming visit to meet my biological grandfather in Bristol has finally been arranged, his busy schedule at the hospital and everything we have had going on has meant some careful planning and we are finally going at the weekend. I have spoken to him a number of times now on the telephone and I think he is eager to meet us. Kyle is coming and so is Maisie, but I hadn't even given him a thought when I thought of who we were going to tell.
I shrug, "I think I'll play that one by ear" I say.
(GIDEON)
I am feeling so elated after being with Eva at the scan this morning, the feelings of love that almost consumed me, not only for Eva but for that little baby almost floored me. It feels real now, I feel so lucky. Not only am I hopefully going to become a father to Maisie but I am also going to become a father to a child of my own, but there is no doubt in my mind that there will be no favouritism, as I have considered Maisie mine since I first expressed my desire to adopt her and that only grew when she asked me if she could call me daddy.
I have my psychological evaluation next week and that is bothering me slightly, as if they decide that with my history that I am unfit to become Maisie's father I think it would not only destroy Eva and Maisie but it would definitely destroy me.
I look at Eva, who has just reappeared after heading to the toilet, she was so blasé about the whole thing, not to mention very knowledgeable about the process. She pays attention and retains information. I am so lucky that she agreed to become my wife. I am worried about the forthcoming visit to Bristol, as something is nagging at me that her biological grandfather isn't as keen about all this as he is making out. I understand he is a consultant in a hospital and has a busy schedule but I believe he has dragged his feet about organising a window for us to visit.
"Shall we head to work then?" Eva says and I nod.
"Yes, let's go" I say and hold out my hand to her and a small thrill rushes through me as it always does when she slips her hand into mine. That small seemingly insignificant gesture means the world to me as does every smile and every other little gesture she offers me.
I pause as we arrive, I want to tell her to be careful and to not overdo it. If I was to be totally honest I want to pull her out of the picking area altogether, but she wouldn't thank me for that.
"Be careful, take your time and don't overdo things" I say nervously.
I wait and she nods and smiles at me, "I'll be fine, I know my limitations" she says.
I press a small kiss to her lips and then watch her turn and go and I go upstairs to my office. Once inside I call my father.
"Hello dad" I say warmly when he answers his phone.
"Gideon, how are you? How are things going, I've heard great things about the new offices in Stoke and the whole new set up, and I can't wait to come down for the official unveiling" he says.
"Thanks dad, it is all practically there now, everything is in place and is working as it should and – 'touch wood' we haven't had any real issues or problems" I say.
"That is wonderful news, I always knew you would know how to modernise and streamline the company. I always had my hands tied by your grandfather he never wanted things to change or improve which was slowly killing the company. Which is why when he died I passed the reigns over to you, I had been tied for so long, that I was also out of touch with what could really improve things and I knew that the only way the company could survive and grow was if you were in charge with your ideas and vision for the future" he says.
"I'm proud of you Gideon" he adds his voice hoarse with emotion.
"Thanks dad" I say, "and you are coming down for the official opening of the new head office?" I ask.
"Try and keep me away, your mother is coming too" he adds.
"That's great news!" I say and I am genuinely happy that they are getting along so well now that the spectre of my grandfather has been removed and they have both been big enough to forgive and move on from the past, especially my mother who had far more to forgive than my father.
"Erm… dad, I actually have some more news I want to share with you" I say carefully.
"Oh?" my father asks.
"Yeah, well you see… Eva is pregnant" I say.
There is a long silence and then when he speaks I can hear the joy in his voice. "Pregnant?" he says.
"Yeah, it's still early days we went for our first scan this morning and they said she was about 12 weeks pregnant" I say.
"Is everything alright?" he asks.
"Everything is perfect, I saw it dad. I saw my baby on the screen. We are telling Maisie tonight, I am just hoping that the adoption goes through quickly as I don't want Maisie thinking she is going to be pushed out now that I have a child of my own coming" I say.
"Wow, congratulations to you both, that is really wonderful news. Have you told your mother?" he asks.
"No not yet, I was going to call her after I spoke to you" I say. "Do you want to see a picture?" I ask.
"I'd love to" he says.
"Hang on then" I say and I reach for my mobile phone and quickly share the photograph of the scan picture with him, "I've just sent it, so you should get it any moment" I say.
I hear his phone ping, "It's just come through, hold on" he says, and I wait.
"Gideon that is wonderful, thank you for sharing that with me" he says and I can tell he is crying.
"Dad, can I ask you something?" I ask.
"Of course you can, you can ask me anything" he says.
"When we have to go to court for the adoption hearing, would you be there… please?" I ask.
"If you want me there I will be there, do you have a date yet?" he asks.
"No, I have to have my interview with the psychiatrist first, that is next week and he or she will send their findings to the court and depending on how long that takes will determine when we hear from the court with a date" I say.
"Why do you have to have an interview with a psychiatrist?" my father asks.
I sigh, "Because of my suicide attempt" I say.
"Aah, I see, they won't hold that against you though will they?" my father asks.
"Hopefully not, I was in a bad place then and my life is totally different now" I say.
There is another long silence, "What about Hugh, could he have any bearing on the outcome?" my father asks.
I sigh again, "He is an issue and always will be because of what he did. We have been told that we, that is Eva, Maisie and myself must have no contact with him and that will definitely be set as a condition to the adoption. The social worker informed us she would be putting that specific condition in her report so I'm certain that if they approve the adoption that no contact with him will be a stipulation" I say.
"I am so sorry Gideon" my father says.
"No dad, stop it, it's in the past, stop apologising" I say and I cringe at the sharpness of how I said that.
"Ok, right so hopefully I am not only going to become a grandfather to that beautiful little girl soon I am also going to become a grandfather to a baby as well at some point, when is the baby due?" he asks.
"October" I say.
"Eva was in the process of retaking her exams, which she missed when she had Maisie, will this have any impact on that?" he asks.
"I have told her it shouldn't, Eva is incredibly intelligent and she started her classes at the beginning of January and within a couple of weeks she had caught up and overtaken all those who had been there since September, the college can't keep up with her as she is devouring the work so quickly. So I think her plan is to either carry on as she is doing as long as she can and see how she feels a little closer to the time, but if she takes time out to have the baby with the progress she has already made she shouldn't have any difficulty catching up again and I have told her she can count on my support whatever she decides to do" I say.
"Well you both have it all worked out. I will say it again Gideon, I am so proud of you and meeting that girl was the best thing you ever did and I am sorry I behaved the way I did when you first told me about her. Please pass on my warmest congratulations to Eva and tell her that when I come down for the head office opening, I will take you all out for dinner to celebrate" he says.
"It's ok dad" I say, "and thank you, I'll tell her that".