They tasted each other's breaths at first. Their heads danced closer. Their chests heaved uncontrollably and when Cas rested his hand on the hunter's right shoulder, Dean shrugged away the touch. Because it was a sin to feel like he could let go of everything so fast to welcome home a war ship. To open up himself again and to let in a thousand reasons to love the man standing so close to him.

So, because he wanted to take charge of the situation. To prove that he had the will power to push forward and disregard those simple advances, Dean slipped out from between the table and Cas, and he started towards the door.

He was so sure of himself. So determined to walk away, to give it some more time. To at least sit down with Cas and exchange some more words. Maybe to settle things between them a little more. But perhaps the ultimate reason why they were perfect for each other was the fact that Cas didn't have the patience nor the time to wait. He had waited too damn long and because his mind was crazy in love with Dean, he went after him.

"I'm not letting you go ever again," Cas gravelly voice was firm when he reached out and took the other man's wrist. And pulling him back roughly, the hunter swung around and stared. "Don't you dare leave me." He started walking Dean backwards, a fierce kind of passion burning behind blue orbs. "I know that you still want me."

"You're so sure of that?" Dean swallowed hard although he kept retreating and yet. He always had the disadvantage. He always seemed to be cornered just like in that moment when his back pressed against the wall and all Dean wanted was to melt away. "Cas, don't do it," he pleaded in an uneven tone when the fire inside the other man's eyes burned brighter. "I need time."

"We don't have time," and grabbing the hunter's shoulders, Cas crushed his lips onto parted ones, immediately unearthing a muffled cry from Dean's throat.

Kissing him was like tapping into the only thing in the universe that was keeping Cas alive. The only source of hope and beauty and love.

Dean's body was on fire against Cas' chest. His arms rippled, the muscle under the hunter's skin defined as he balled his fists into Cas' black shirt and tried to push him away but he couldn't. Dean was overpowered and this time, he didn't have an opinion on what he liked or what he wanted. He couldn't breathe. And like an alcoholic returning to his first drink after being sober for a year, Dean drowned uncontrollably in Cas' taste. He sucked on the angel's bottom lip and pulled, then after driving pathways through Cas' hair with his fingers, Dean pulled him close and kissed him back so hard, his head twirled around dangerously.

Cas tasted so damn good, the hunter's toes curled in his boots and even after trying to break apart for a few seconds to give himself a chance to breathe, he couldn't do it. He just couldn't let go. He didn't want to let go. Dean felt like his body was on fire, like he was desperate to touch the other man, so much more than before. Like he wanted to feel every inch of Cas against his lips. And for the first time in a long time, he completely gave into the moment believing that now, everything that would happen between them was unearthing a physical reaction in every possible way.

It was like returning home from war and after being swamped in the destruction, now there was some kind of order to things. Now he wasn't barely alive. He was fully fueled and tilting Cas' face upwards, those blue eyes fluttering close, Dean grazed his teeth upon Cas' jawline and he teased afterwards with a trail of kisses. He sucked the soft skin on Cas' neck excited his pores with warm breath. And suddenly, Cas was straining so damn much inside his pants, his erection was painful because he hadn't been able to reach any kind of release in a long time. And because he couldn't have accomplished it by himself, he was agonized by the way Dean made him feel.

But they couldn't take what they wanted in the kitchen.

Although Dean realized how fucking turned on Cas was from his presence and the things he was doing with his mouth, he selfishly pushed him away. And staring into blue eyes, with his chest heaving uncontrollably, Dean boldly lowered his gaze to the definite bulge in the other man's black pants and he smiled. He smiled because he was suddenly in the reverse position like when they had shared their first kiss. And because he was also seriously turned on but managed to simmer down the need to be touched by Cas after all time they had spent apart, Dean did the one thing that stunned Cas.

"It's my birthday," the hunter said smirking, and totally unlike himself. "I decide when I want to unwrap that…gift" he gestured between Cas' legs. Blue eyes stared back in disbelief. "I really and truly would love to fuck you with my mouth but I'm not that easy. This is you paying with time for leaving me." And smoothly, he pressed the back of his hand to his sore lips, gave Cas one last longing gaze, and then Dean swiftly sauntered out of the kitchen.

When he returned to the War Room, the whispered conversations died down and suddenly, everyone was spritely again. Although Dean was quite certain that everyone had been talking about him and Cas, he ignored it. He wanted to prove to himself so badly that he was in control and he felt like it. Damn how he felt so steady all of a sudden. So bold and so damn secure and maybe it was because Cas had come back. No, he was so sure of it now. Cas had come back and Dean had what he wanted. He had his lifeline again.

But he wasn't going to let him get off easily though. He was going to make Cas pay in so many ways. Beginning with a decision he made to excessively tease the other man. Like when Cas eventually joined them in the War Room, apparently settled from the unnerving position he had been in, and Dean wondered what he had done. Dean avoided being near Cas for the rest of the evening although they shared small conversation among everyone else.

By the time the guests had cleared out with Sam tailing them to a hotel they had booked themselves into nearby, Cas was on the verge of believing that everything between him and Dean was over. That was until he stood by the sink washing up the plates that had contained cake and suddenly, he felt Dean before he cast his eyes on him. And when he was touched, it was more intimate, as the hunter squeezed Cas' shoulders and began to massage the upper middle section of his back with his firm thumbs.

"You're so tense, darling," Dean said softly, pulling back Cas' shoulders and encouraging him to relax a bit more. "Is this where your wings are?" and it was almost as if the hunter could see them because Dean began to massage right around Cas' shoulder blades that spurted his concealed wings.

"Dean," Cas' eyes fluttered close as he arched his back into the other man's warmth. "What are you…"

"Do you wrap your wings around me when we make love?" Dean's question was so sudden, Cas blinked at the wall in front of him. "Is that why I'm always so warm? Because you hold me inside your feathery cocoon?"

"I thought you said that you didn't want me now?" Cas croaked, feeling his throat burn from having doubts.

"I don't."

"Then why are you…" Dean extended his hands and wrapped Cas in a hug at first, forming an X in front of the angel's chest.

And Cas…Cas couldn't breathe. He dropped the plate into the soapy water and drowned like the sponge that was released from his grasp when Dean pressed him forward. It was so damn tormenting to feel everything behind him. Wedged between his rear, Cas felt how hard Dean was inside his pants and he wanted to turn around and kiss him but Dean wouldn't let him.

"I've been constantly dreaming of screwing you," the hunter buried his face into Cas' left shoulder and breathed hard whilst creating a rhythm. "Like…constantly. Bending you over and squeezing your shoulders whilst I just…dammit Cas. The things you do to me. Do you feel what you do to me? When you were gone, I was…" gasping for breath, Dean lowered his hands and took a hold of Cas' hips, his eyes squeezed shut as he kept grinding his cock still captured inside his pants between the other man's ass. "I was in so much pain over wanting you."

"I want you…now," Cas' mouth was so dry, he was thirsty and not just for water.

"You don't get to have me just like that."

"Since when did you turn so insolent?" Cas marveled over the change, catching his breath when he neared the edge from his cock grinding onto the edge of the sink. "Dean, if you don't stop, then I'm going to –"

"Come?" the hunter boldly asked into the shell of the other man's ear. "Hmm? Come for me, Cas. Right now. Inside your pants. Come hard for me and show me how much you missed me. I want you to…feel me without my hands touching you there. Right where you need me to –"

"Dean," Cas groaned, throwing his head back as the hunter sucked the soft, sensitive flesh between his neck and left shoulder. "Please."

"Please what?" running his palms over the angel's chest, Dean reached up and wrapped Cas into his arms protectively like if he was the safety bar on a roller coaster. And still he kept nearing the edge dangerously as well. Feeling how deserving the pleasure was to not be dreaming but to really have the man he loved so close to him.

"Don't let me go," Cas begged in his gravelly voice.

Dean's parted lips collected the angel's left earlobe and sucked. Pressing his hardened cock into the other man's rear, he squeezed his eyes shut and imagined just for guilty pleasure, that they were naked. And he was really doing this. There was nothing between them except slight doubt on where their feelings really resided. But apart from that, Cas' ass kept complying, gripping him firmly and wedging him in between there so perfectly, there was nothing else Dean could do but satisfy his fantasy.

"I'm a fool," he whispered into Cas' ear, nearing the edge dangerously. "For…holding back on giving you everything because…"

Cas was so breathless, he reached up and wrapped his arms over Dean's shield across his chest. And he felt so raw. So…alive.

"Because I can't live without you," the hunter continued. "I can't—"

"Fuck, Dean!" Cas swore for the first time since the other man had known him and his entire body tensed up. Groaning and twisting in Dean's grasp, Cas came hard inside his pants over and over again. And with every spurt of release, he felt like the world around him was dissolving and all that remained was Dean's protective arms around him like they should be.

And when Dean came afterwards, he folded into Cas and soaked his jeans' front, crying into Cas' shoulder from how intense the moment was. It reached a point where the two of them almost tumbled forward but holding Cas so close in his arms, Dean managed to turn the other man around and he kissed him. He kissed him so passionately, they didn't want to breath. They didn't feel like they needed oxygen ever again.

"I'm so glad that you came back to me," Dean buried his face into the crook of Cas shoulder and eventually started sobbing. "Cas, I missed you so damn much, you have no idea."

"I can feel how much you missed me, you assbutt," Castiel held Dean in his arms and smiled as he squeezed tears from his eyes. "You've soaked your jeans."

"So have you!" the hunter protested defensively, pulling back and staring into ocean eyes that were pinched from a grinning angel. Eventually, Cas rested their foreheads together and he chuckled.

Twenty minutes later found the two of them sprawled out on the roof of the bunker with a dust of twinkling stars above them. The sky was like a dark velvet blanket, and in the distance, there was the low rumble of traffic on the highway.

Every so often, Dean could hear the pulsating sounds of music drifting across the distance. Someone was having a party. And even though the world was alive around them, when he sat beside the love of his life, nothing else mattered.

They were shoulder to shoulder, both of them resting their backs on the steel ladder that led into the bunker. Dean had his legs stretched out, whilst Cas folded his neatly. And those blue eyes never left the sky.

It was like gazing at the most beautiful painting. Sitting there and considering Cas' profile and wondering how in the world he could become so lucky to have wounded and lost him and then just when he thought that there was no hope left, Cas had come back to him. But oh how he had been so infuriated when the angel came down the steps. He had been so damn upset that after all this time, after all the suffering, Cas had finally decided to come back to him. But he didn't know if they were on the same page anymore. And he had to know.

"Cas, do you still love me?" he foolishly asked because his brain was screaming from doubts.

Sighing, the other man lowered his gaze to the small trees behind the bunker. "Of course I still love you, Dean. I don't think that I ever stopped loving you. I told you once before that I will always love you until I no longer exist in this world."

"Yeah, but I don't know if your definition of love and my definition are the same thing…"

"What is your definition of love then, Dean?" Cas turned a little and tilted his head, offering a small frown.

For a while, the other man simply considered blue eyes. The wind lightly lifted Cas' hair and Dean reached out, his fingertips brushing the soft tendrils away from eyes that reminded him of a calm ocean.

"When think of love, I think of you, Cas," Dean said simply, his voice taking on a rustier quality.

"I thought you…hated me not so long ago."

"I did. Because I thought you left me permanently and I thought you gave up on us. You got to know, Cas, that if I don't have you, love doesn't make sense to me at all. And maybe I'm rambling here but I promise that from now on, I will keep giving you everything I can give you. I wouldn't take you for granted ever again. I wouldn't doubt you. Or choose anything else over you."

"Are you assuring me that we can make this work?"

"Do you think that we can't?"

The two of them gazed at each other for a long time as the night played its song. Then finally, Cas sighed again, and he lowered his eyes.

"Dean, you do realize that we want different things?" taking the hunter's right hand between his soft ones, Cas studied the other man's fingers one by one. "I want us to continue hunting so that we can help people. You want to leave that life behind to keep us safe. I can't procreate with you—"

"Come on, Cas," Dean whined. "Don't."

"How will we have children?"

"We will adopt," Dean said softly and with a composed mind as if he had given it too much thought. "We talked about this before, remember?"

"Forgive me but for the past weeks I have suffered through so much trauma, there are things that were buried under the rubble."

"We said that we would try to adopt siblings if we can. Two girls. Or…two boys. But we're not there yet. When the time comes, we will handle it."

"Dean, I don't know how this works. I am not sure of the order of things and maybe it frightens me that we have become so confused by our actions that we are not on the same page but—"

"Hey, I feel the same way," Dean squeezed Cas' hand between his. "Which is why we're having this talk now because I need us to be on the same wave length. Like for instance, I need to know where you were all this time when you weren't with me. Did you go to Scotland? Were you in Heaven? Where did you go?"

Just for a while, those blue eyes gazed longingly at the stars. And Dean counted every single one. He collected them inside his mind into little pockets of memory that would never fade away. Ever

"I was in Heaven in a room that felt like a tomb," Cas confessed at last. "I didn't get up for days on end. I just would lie there in a cold bed and stare at the ceiling and all I could think about was you. Why did you kiss her? Why didn't you love me enough? And then when I came down to earth after such a long time and I faced you in that bar, and you told me that you still loved me…I couldn't believe how I had been so wrong."

"Darling," Dean's cupped fingers caressed the other man's right cheek softly. "Why do you always feel the need to punish yourself whenever something goes wrong? Purgatory, now this? This ain't bible school and you don't have to do penance for every goddamn thing that goes wrong. And Cas, this wasn't all your fault. I was to blame too because of how I overreacted when I found out you still have your wings. I am so sorry that I jumped over the fact that you saved me and I ran straight into something else."

"I'm sorry too," Cas said softly, entwining their fingers.

Dean stared off into the distance and mulled over his own thoughts for a while.

Cas on the other hand couldn't help but admire every single inch of the other man's face. The curl of his eyelashes. The slight arch of his brow. The perfectly sculpted lips that he loved to kiss. Dean's light stubble and his scent was so intoxicating.

"Love to me is seeing constellations in your eyes and feeling safe in your arms," Cas said. Green eyes met his blue ones. "Love is sleeping with your head on my chest and feeling your heart beat under my fingers. The taste of your lips and the way you gaze at me as if I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen."

"Cas," Dean croaked, his eyes glistening from tears.

"Love is you boasting about me to a complete stranger and you holding on for so long, hoping and wanting me to come back to you. I don't think that everyone would have done that, Dean. I don't think other people would have waited on me. But you did. You suffered along with me and you still kept loving me. And maybe I'm selfish for admitting this, but I wouldn't rewind time because what we've been through has brought us to a deeper level of connecting."

"It has," Dean nodded slowly. "There's a saying that love is never easy. It's hard. It comes with challenges and fights and if you're still together after all of the drama, it's worth it."

"Maybe I'm going to fall and lose my wings and my grace," Cas said suddenly as a tear leaked down his cheek, "but I would give up everything just to be with you."

When he said it, the words forced on a hoarser quality to his voice. Dean found himself biting his lips, wondering if little valleys of pain still ran through the cracks in Cas' heart. He wondered if when Cas looked at him, like really looked at him, he discovered a stretch of hope and promise and everything else. Or maybe, Cas was still uncertain about them. About what would happen eventually. Maybe they would collide and combust. But he always thought that their kind of collision would explode into a million beautiful galaxies.

"I don't want you to fall or…lose your grace," Dean admitted softly. He couldn't stop gazing at Cas. "Not for me."

"Why?" the angel studied uncertainty in green orbs and frowned. "Do you still think that there is anything in my life more worthy of you?"

"I mean, it's painful, isn't it?" the hunter's eyes suddenly were softened again from tears as he studied their entwined hands. "Sam said that when an angel falls, there's so much…confusion and trauma. I mean, I don't doubt that you love me. Sure I don't. But I'm not going to put you through that."

"But it's my decision," Cas said simply. And when he said it and he noted the small light inside Dean's eyes blink out like the wind had carried it away, he regretted his choice of words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so arrogant. If it is something that would unsettle you this much then I will remove it from the equation."

Gulping down an answer, Dean nodded and tried to take measured breaths. He couldn't quite fathom the weight of the other man's every word like a hammer hitting on his heart.

"So you were so smitten with me, you turned down Cassandra," Cas finally tried again to lighten the air between them. When he noticed that Dean smiled a little, his heart felt somewhat content.

"I kind of knew that something was off about her," the hunter confessed in a softer tone. "Wasn't just the eyes," he held up two fingers and pointed at his pair. "It was something else. Something I…felt."

"Really?" Cas was intrigued.

"Yeah, I felt something familiar when you were there. Call me crazy but in simpler terms, it was the crazy notion you've always had about us sharing a profound bond. And when I felt it, I thought that maybe the blue eyes were leading me back to the feeling of you sitting opposite me and pulling apart a cheeseburger with this adorable frown on your face. But then it was also something else. I don't know," Dean tried to shrug it off with a half laugh. "Sam would call it true love or soul mates or something like that which is crazy because…"

After a few seconds as Dean's words trailed off, Cas held his breath. "Why is the idea of me being your soul mate a crazy one?"

Dean shrugged again and his cheeks were incredulously dusted in a soft shade of pink. His lips twitched into a small smile. He nervously scratched the back of his neck and then, he discovered that his lungs had quit working.

"When you blush, Dean, you are so beautiful," Cas said smiling.

"I'm not blushing," the hunter tried to sound defensive but he failed miserably. Instead, his voice cracked and he choked on losing the ability to form a string of words.

"Dean…"

"Angel don't have souls. So the whole…soul mate thing is kind of ridiculous because of that."

Cas reached out and raked back Dean's soft hair. He smiled. "You're not that shallow after all."

"Hey!"

"What?" Cas laughed and the sound was like music to the other man's ears. "Tell me something. Can you really feel every inch of your body that I've touched?" When green eyes widened, Cas reveled in the effect. "Where my mouth has wandered and my hands have explored?"

Slowly, Dean nodded. The other man's words were always like excerpts from a poem.

"When I was in Heaven, I…" Cas smiled at the sky, "…was constantly kept alive by the feel of your hands on me. Burning my pores alive. Perhaps…keeping me alive and I always kept wondering that if I came to you again, would you kiss me the way you always did…"

"How…did I always kiss you?" Dean was breathless. His question sounded so stupid when the words slipped from his lips.

Cas, for a moment, blinked up at the stars, elbows resting on his folded lap. "You always kissed me like you were trying to taste some part of me that wasn't physical. Maybe ethereal. Celestial. And when we kissed tonight, it was so much more. You were dominant in both instances. Which I highly favored," Cas admitted with a smile. "But also, you weren't as hesitant as before. I feel as if everything has changed between us. But in a good way."

"You broke my heart, Cas," Dean croaked. He bit his lips when they held a painful gaze. And then he sniffed and reached up to flick a tear away. Casting his eyes to the pulsating city before them, he sighed. "Sam's friend told me to give it two months. Tops. Then if you didn't come back or reach out, I had to start letting you go. But how can anyone just do something like that as if it's the easiest thing in the world? I would literally cry myself to sleep and then I'd wake up and I'd skip coffee… I stopped drinking coffee, Cas!"

Blue eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Dammit, I stopped stuffing all the calories and I started making these changes. All because of what? Because I wanted to get in control again. I wanted to prove to myself that if I couldn't change what happened between us, then I could change everything else. I played the fucking power card. On myself. And now I'm sitting here and I feel like after cutting back on all these things that were killing me slowly like Sam said, I'm a whole new person. But that's just half of it." When Dean leaned in and rested their foreheads together, Cas' heart skipped a beat. "The other half is…us. You and me."

"I'm sorry," Cas tried in a soft, broken voice. He rubbed their noses together affectionately as their lips inched closer. "I promise that I will spend the rest of my life fixing the broken pieces of your heart back together. Even if…" he slipped a finger between their faces an inch apart and stopped Dean from talking. "Even if you think it's not my job to fix your heart. Because it is my job. And I love you."

Green eyes blinked slowly. "I love you too, Cas –"

"Anddddddd….cut!" Sam's voice suddenly slipped into their blissful moment. He slow clapped as his brother and his best friend pulled apart, and the former directed a threatening glare. "That's a wrap, You two are so adorable. I swear, I always manage to walk in on the most romantic moments. It's like I'm the definition of a cockblocker."

"You ass," Cas mumbled, leaning back and stretching out his legs as he let out a long sigh. "We were about to kiss."

"Right?" Dean was still breathless and he shook his head when Sam joined them, his long spidery legs dangling over the edge of the roof. "We were almost there. Like half a freaking second away."

"Calm your tits," Sam chuckled, his green eyes shining with mischief. "There will be plenty of time for kissing and groping each other in the dark, all naked and sweaty. I mean, the makeup sex will probably wake me up so I should just head out and book myself in a motel room for the night."

Dean smiled warmly. "Jody and the brood got settled in?"

"Alex hated that she has to share a room with a moody Claire but then Claire passed out a minute after so everything's fine." Sam raked back his hair. "Did you know that Jody and Donna are engaged?"

"Like a month ago," Dean admitted, offering a shocked look. "You didn't know?"

"I didn't!"

"Dude, the two of them showed us their matching rings over Skype! What the hell were you doing at the moment? Playing with yourself? It was freaking weeks ago. Man, you're so spaced out since you slept with Mala and I –"

"You slept with Mala?" Cas leaned forward to capture Sam's attention.

The younger Winchester groaned, shielding his face as if ashamed. Leave it to his brother to highlight the most eventful things in his simply boring life apart from hunting.

"He did," Dean couldn't help himself. "In the den where we gather peacefully to spend some quality family time. I found her red lace panties the day after wedged between the cushions. And her gold hoop earring was behind the tv –"

"Dean!" Sam interrupted, his face covered in a shade of pink that was quite unbecoming of him.

"This is me paying you back for screwing up the perfect moment where I could have kissed Cas under the stars. Every single time you do this. Every freaking time. You did it when we were about to share our first kiss and now this is basically our first kiss after a goddamn long time and you…you ruined it!"

"He needs to get laid," Sam leaned forward and met Cas' eyes. "Like tonight, okay?"

Dean clenched his fists and groaned. "Go fetch us beers, slave."

After his brother unfolded his long limbs and trampled down the steps pouting, Cas allowed a slow rumble of laughter to escape from his chest.

"Yeah, laugh all you want," Dean scowled, nudging their shoulders together and folding his arms. "He doesn't get a free pass. I never interrupt his moments. And you know what? I am in control. Screw fate."

"You're very much in control. Dean, what are…" but before Cas could protest, the hunter had swung his leg over the angel's thighs clad in jeans. And collecting Cas' face between his palms, Dean pressed a soft kiss onto parted lips.

At first, they gazed at each other lovingly. It was the softest moment for both of them. Knowing that a simple taste of their lips contained a million unsaid words and feelings. And then Dean kissed Cas so deeply, he unearthed a low moan from the other man. His fingers curled behind Cas' ears, and on his knees, Dean pressed forward, providing as much dominance as he possibly could. Taking all he could get. Trying to make amends and at the same time, trying to make up for lost time.

And when Cas held the hunter's face and pushed their lips apart, those blue eyes were wide and searching. Trying to find every single second that provided enough clarity that this wasn't a figment of his imagination. That he wasn't kissing Dean's ghost. That he wasn't growing mentally insane and he wasn't still in Heaven on that cold bed inside an awful tomb. And he wasn't dying.

Now, when Dean collected Cas inside his arms, hugging him tightly and nuzzling their faces together, Cas' heart wanted to leap out of his chest. It wasn't just blissful. It was exhilarating to know that after all that they had been through, they were together. And maybe, just maybe, no matter what fate threw at them, they could work through things.

"Beers," Sam handed out one each after he returned to find his brother and Cas seated side by side, their hands entwined on Dean's lap. "So, what now? The two of you talked things through, I guess. But Jody was really worried that you weren't going to get together again. So, I've got to ask. Are you two together again?"

"Cas, do you hear something?" Dean squinted his eyes. "Sounds like the wind is howling really loud, huh?"

"There are a few things that we need to work on," Cas leaned forward and gave Sam his full attention.

"As a couple?" Sam was still inquisitive. Dean scowled at him. "What? You asked Mala the same question the last time she was over here. Why can't I ask Cas the same thing? Seems only fair. Besides, you two broke up, didn't you? You were trying to be happy again and you were dating again so—" Sam clamped his hand on his mouth and literally felt like his insides had turned to ice.

For a moment, maybe one that stretched out in a few seconds which felt like five minutes, Dean stared at his brother and couldn't believe that he could have allowed something so insignificant to slip out into the open.

He had been forced, by Dave and his stupid motives to have a go at a speed dating night at a local bar. And after moving through fifteen random strangers, men and women included, his options were narrowed down to two; a blue eyed Led Zeppelin fan girl with a pixie cut, and a blue eyed New Yorker who owned a bookstore. The latter played the guitar and wrote poetry. He performed in small clubs and won awards. His name was Pete and although Pete had everything that would be considered possibly attractive in any other situation, Dean never called him back.

Brooke on the other hand had stayed in touch because she was the kind of woman who could smell a heartbroken man a mile away like Amanda. And she felt that it was her duty to fix him by constantly checking up on how he was doing and if he wanted to hang out.

Now though, Dean could feel Cas' eyes on him.

"You were doing the best you could with the pain you were trying to live with," Sam finally said softly. "Sorry I had to bring it up."

"It's fine," Dean said with a shrug, avoiding those blue piercing orbs. "Nothing happened really. Wouldn't even call it dating. I was…stupid," he stole a glance at Cas and awaited the verdict. "I wasn't going to get over you no matter who came along."

"You're not stupid," Cas said softly, squeezing the hunter's hand inside of his. "You were trying to be happy and although it hurts to know that you were considering other options, I couldn't be one of those because I had selfishly distanced myself from you. So please do not feel guilty. I'm the one who should."

Whilst the two of them stared at each other, Sam sipped on his beer and his eyes followed an airplane heading south, a line of lights blinking on each wing. Mala was probably on her way back from New York already. He couldn't wait to see her. She had promised to bring back a few Harry Potter merchandise for him.

"I'm tired," Dean said after a while when Cas nor his brother provided any other topics. Somehow, he felt as if something was hanging in the air and maybe it was the guilt that was weighing him down.

"Yeah, me too," Sam sighed. Could things really work with him and Mala? She reminded him so much of Eileen and maybe that was the reason why he kept longing for her so much. But was that normal? To feed off of someone's love and affections simply because a little part of it reminded you of someone you used to love?

After a while, Sam decided that he needed to wallow in his own space. So he left. Maybe he shouldn't have but then again, he felt that the two people who mattered the most to him needed their own space as well. And when he left, at first, nothing was said between the two who remained on the roof. Nothing at all, until Dean felt like he was going to cry and he would become soft all over again.

"Can you talk to me?" Dean tried in a tone that sounded more like he was pleading.

Cas on the other hand was trying to slow down his heartbeats. "Maybe I'm jealous."

"Of what?"

"Of them," Cas confessed as his chest trembled. "Of all the people who slept with you before and you went all the way with. The ones who kissed you before I kissed you. The first guy you fell in love with in high school. The people you dated when I was gone. Every single person that asks for your number when we go out. And maybe I'm the one who's stupid really," Cas said as his eyes clouded with tears. "Because I'm the one who left and I gave you no other choice but to look for some kind of happiness in some other person and—"

"Cas…"

"What?"

Dean locked their eyes together and held the tears at bay. "No one else matters but you, okay? You want to know what really happened? I was forced to go on this speed dating crap. By the end of the night, I was matched with two people who shared the same color eyes as you do. It's like, I kept looking for your eyes. And I couldn't find you in anyone else. Cas, this is not going to work if we keep looking back on the past. So, can we just focus on what we have now and what lies ahead?"

After two seconds, Cas slowly snaked his arm around Dean's waist and tugged him closer. Then burying his face into the familiar smell of Irish Spring, he sighed and closed his eyes. "Of course."

But there was something else. Something that felt kind of…what was it? Warm like a cloud surrounding him, and although Dean tried to ignore the actuality of a fascinating occurrence, he had to wonder out loud.

"Are your…are your wings wrapped around us right now?"

Cas nodded. "Like a cocoon."

"I can't see them. Can I see them?" Dean asked like a small child begging to be handed his favorite toy.

"Close your eyes—"

"Casss." Dean groaned but complied anyway. The soft wind kissed his face and he thoroughly enjoyed the elevated feeling of flying, with Cas' arm wrapped comfortably around him. "Come on, show me the sexy wings. Are they black? Are they soft and—" something soft indeed brushed his right arm and at first, he stiffened.

The feeling was so…surreal. It was like his entire body was suddenly awake. His pores were excited and there were little bolts of nerves like eels swirling around his midsection. And although Dean tried to calm himself down, he couldn't because Cas was breathing slowly into the crook of his shoulder. His warm breath was tormenting and pleasing enough to force Dean to swallow down his excitement.

"Do you feel anything?" Cas asked softly, pressing a kiss onto his lover's neck.

"Um…yeah," Dean laughed nervously with his eyes still closed. "Shit, why am I so freaking terrified to see them for the first time?"

Cas was smiling into the smoothness of the hunter's skin upon his neck. "Open your eyes."

Dean shook his head. "I can't…"

"Why can't you?"

"Because…I don't know what to expect, Cas."

"Dean, just do it. I promise you that there is nothing about me that will terrify you in any way. Do you love me?"

"Of course I do," the hunter said quickly, with enough feeling on every word. "I love every inch of you. I've seen every inch of you except your wings, dammit. I'm gonna do it. Here goes." Dramatically, he puffed out air through his lips as if prepping for a race.

And then…

When Dean's eyes fluttered open, at first he was wildly aware of his vision being obscured by something new. It wasn't what he had expected. In fact, the cluster of feathers shielding his view from the top of the bunker was too surreal. And maybe he was about to have a mild panic attack but perhaps Cas read his mind because suddenly, those jet-black wings pulled apart from in front of the hunter's eyes and extended on either side of them. And craning his neck to follow the smooth flow of movement, Dean was suddenly so impressed by what he discovered, he gasped.

On either side of them was a pair of the most majestic and beautiful and out of this world fantastic wings he had ever seen in his life or in the movies. Six feet, he averaged, with glints of gold in between the feathery softness. He boldly reached out and touched his fingers to the nearest cluster of fluff and oh god was Cas' wing fluffy.

"You've been hiding these babies for so many years," Dean whistled in admiration. "Promise me that you wouldn't get rid of them. Like…ever. Because this is the perfect alternative to a blanket and I'm always cold at nights. And wait…come on!" Green eyes widened when the wing he had been caressing glimmered and then disappeared. "Cas! Come on, man. Show me them again, dammit."

"No. Your time is up for now. You'll get to see them some more later on. But for now, I can literally feel how exhausted you are. It's late and I'd like you to sleep."

"Cas!"

"No!"

Five minutes later, whilst Dean dragged his feet and sulked towards his room, Cas followed in tow with a small adorable smile on his face. He felt…contented again. His heart was full. But then, when Dean stepped over the threshold into his bedroom, Cas hovered by the door and frowned at his boots.

Instantly, the hunter realized that a considerable amount of distance had been placed between them and he turned around. When their eyes met, it was Cas who appeared somewhat hopeful but hesitant. He wanted to proceed but how? And then, when his mind screamed that he shouldn't go into Dean's bedroom, his heart begged him to. His heart soaked up all the love and pain and gave him a push but Dean…

Dean shook his head and swallowed hard. "Um," his voice was hoarser now. His eyes flicked to the floor, hands falling to his sides. "I don't think that we should…you know." He shrugged. "Sleep in the same bed. Not as yet, anyway."

"Why?" Cas felt his heart give a twist into a wave of agonizing pain.

"We just…shouldn't." And because he had taken the dominant role and asserted what he felt was a completely ignorant request, Dean felt terrible all of a sudden.

"You don't want me to sleep with you?" Cas tried again, still confused. "I thought that we were doing just fine. I'm quite aware that I've returned less than six hours ago. But since then, we've opened up to each other. I've explained myself immensely to you and I've…we've kissed more than once."

"Cas, we just can't…" Dean scratched at his right temple, avoiding eye contact, "…jump into this so fast, okay?"

"Jump into what exactly, Dean?" suddenly, Cas' tone hinted that he was slightly irritated.

"Don't be angry at me, please."

"I'm not angry. I'm suddenly hurt and confused and I'd like to know if we are indeed on the same page," Cas tried to soften his tone. "What are we now? Are we still in a relationship? Are we…friends?"

"Friends don't kiss each other or do the things I did to you tonight in the kitchen, Cas," Dean admitted as his cheeks colored pink. "Look, man, this…us? It's complicated right now. I'm not saying that we're not together. I'm just asking you to give me some space at least because I'm telling you, Cas, if you jump into bed with me tonight, then there's no turning back."

"From…what?" Cas was so cute when he was confused, Dean's heart melted.

"I will rip your clothes off and taste every single part of you, Cas. I want to give you the best damn blowjob that will literally blow your mind wide open. Goddammit, I will…" Dean clenched his fists and his chest heaved. "I will make love to you all night and I'll get no sleep at all. And when I say make love, I mean go all the way because—"

"Dean," Cas' voice was so hoarse, his chest heaving, he stared wide eyed and couldn't fight down the visions of them in between the sheets.

"Because I'm ready," Dean continued. He bit his lips, breathed through his mouth and tried to compose himself. Those green eyes were on fire. "But we can't do that tonight, Cas. Good night."

But the other man was already shaking his head in disbelief. Cas stepped back and blinked back the tears. "It's fine," he said in his gravelly tone, and his voice was unsteady. "Have it your way, Dean. I've waited for a long time. I can wait a little longer. But just remember that…the kind of lives we live, tomorrow is a blessing and all we have is this moment. And if we keep waiting, and then something tragic happens, like when you were stabbed and I almost lost you…you can't expect me to…" he stopped. Cas stopped because he couldn't defend his views. Dean would never understand. Instead, he sighed. "Good night."

"I can't expect you to what?" Dean pressed on, his voice unsteady too because it took every ounce of his strength to keep Cas so far away from him. He doubted whether he would sleep at all that night.

"I want you, Dean," Cas stopped at his bedroom door, the one room that was always reserved from him across the hall. He stared at the door and felt a small fire building inside of him. "All I want is to be with you right now."

"And I want you too, Cas," Dean stood within the shadowed depths of his room and felt a tear trickle down his cheek. "And it would be the best birthday gift but I can't…"

"You know, maybe the problem has always been me," Cas couldn't stop himself from voicing his worst fears. "Maybe it's the fact that I'm a man and that's why you're always so hesitant to make love to me. You really don't feel comfortable at all. I've felt it for a long time and I've given you time. I've given you all the time you would need to perhaps decide by yourself if this is what you want—"

"Wow," Dean was so taken aback, he blinked repeatedly. "That's rich…coming from you. I've always given you the best that I could. I've always wanted to give you everything you wanted. But go ahead and make me feel like crap like you always do with the worst possible timings. I love you, Cas. I've said it over and over again. I don't know what else you want from me."

"Dean…"

"All I asked is for you to give me tonight by myself so maybe…" Dean's cheeks were wet, "…maybe I could curl up and remember the best birthday I've ever had…in my bed. By myself."

The two of them stared at each other. For a long time, something passed between them. Something so powerful, it was overwhelming on both ends. Dean realized that both of them could become so sensitive over the most trivial matters. It wasn't something that he was used to. He always passed things off and didn't really read too much into what was said.

But now.

Every single word that came out of Cas' mouth was always like a little bomb that exploded in his heart. And Dean always felt so badly of himself. He felt so weak at times in Cas' presence that one little word could deprive him of his strength. Of his belief in himself. And no one had ever made him feel so soft before. No one.

"I'm such an ass," Cas said, hugging himself and feeling pathetic. "I keep screwing up and I don't understand how you can still love me after everything I say or do. I can't keep…" When Dean closed the distance between them, Cas stared in bewilderment. "You deserve better than—"

"Shh," Dean walked the other man backwards until he was sandwiched between him and the door. And then, when Cas tried to plead his case again, Dean pressed a kiss onto parted lips. The worry began to fade away. Little by little, the world around them seemed clearer.

"Dean, I didn't mean what I said. I just really hate myself now because of what I did and—" and Cas was silenced by another kiss, this time, an even deeper one that curled his toes. Their bodies were pressed together so perfectly, he could feel everything. How hard Dean was in his pants. How hot his breath was upon Cas' face. How he kept his hands to his side and used his mouth alone to take control; to seduce the hell out of Cas. And Cas…Cas melted.

"I'll keep loving you until I take my last breath," Dean said softly, pulling apart and taking a step backwards. "Sure, you can push me so far that I get so angry and see red. But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I've loved you for too long to let anything stop me." And when he went into his room and shut the door, Dean sighed.

Tumbling onto his bed, he collected his pillow, buried his face into the softness and although he tried not to cry, he did. It was agonizing. His chest shuddered. He screamed into the light yellow fabric that was dotted with daisies. He balled his fists and writhed on his stomach on the bed. Trying to expel all the pain and all the trauma and yet…he was so fucking happy that Cas had come back. He really was. But he wasn't so sure that they were on the same page. Not really.

Cas, whilst he was in Heaven, had taken enough time to swim around in his mind. He had developed so many doubts. He had obviously been questioning his relationship with Dean. Every single word that came out of Cas' mouth was always the truth. For many years, Dean always had a problem with that trait. Cas, regardless of what was happening, would always be brutally honest and maybe he couldn't always say what he wanted to say in the right way. But there was always that small part of everything that left Dean feeling like shit.

And now, Dean's pillow was wet, so wet, that he tossed it onto the floor, curled up in a ball and he did the one thing he was always good at.

"Cas," he said softly, his voice broken, "I hope you can hear me. I know you can. I know…" he sniffed and although he tried, he couldn't stop the tears from coming, "I know that I'm not everything you want me to be. I'm not perfect. But I always try to do my best with you. I really do, and if my best isn't enough then, I don't know what else to do…." He stopped all of a sudden and couldn't even say anything else until the room grew so silent, and the bunker hummed around him. And Dean…

Dean fell asleep feeling like Cas' wings were still wrapped around him comfortably.