AN: Christmas/Kyoko's birthday probably next chapter(s)

Chapter Thirty Seven

Your wife is just saying things that she wants you to hear.

Who'd appreciate having trash given to them?

Could you repeat what you just said, I have a hard time understanding you.

I mean, it must be hard for your wife to take care of you, take care of your children, do the housework, hold down her own high profile job.

I growl as my pencil breaks again on the sketchbook. How dare that woman say those things!? I hate to admit it but Kuon is not as emotionally or mentally strong as he once was but he's trying his best. He knows how things are now. He knows that things he had ease doing before cause him difficulty and I wanted to drag him out of that room several times especially when he just kept nodding as if he just blindly accepted whatever she was telling him. I growl before tossing the pencil on the ground and look at the design of the skirt that I just drew.

The pleats and silhouette are strange, this isn't what I wanted to draw but I'm far too angry to put the heart and passion into my sketches that I usually do. All I can see is the hurt on his face when each of those things was said to him especially the last. That woman knows nothing about our lives. Yes, I can do all of those things without it being hard or tiring myself out and especially taking care of him.

I pause as I look down at the large sketchbook. I haven't been able to design anything today. I'm just so angry at that damn therapist for feeding him those lines. I stand and take a deep breath before going to the small library and see Kuon looking over a history book with illustrations in it. He lifts his head as I go over to him. I'm really surprised by his ability to read although he does it at a much slower pace than he used to.

"Ko'ko?" he asks as he turns to me and I see the confusion on his face.

"I want to find somebody else," I tell him with my arms crossed over my chest. I see a number of mixed emotions go over his face and a few tears in his eyes but he smiles and nods. He closes the book and sighs, trying to stay strong for me. I can see the rejection on his face as he tries to smile through it. I think about what I just told him, "Of course not in that way." I say quickly and he looks confused again. "I want to find somebody else for you."

The shock increases and he stares at me, blinking. "I do-n wa' to," he refuses and shakes his head. I pause. Does that therapist really mean that much to him. "Bu'…I wa' you ha—ppppy," he looks down, his body shaking and nods. "I' you wa'nna d'wor'" he tells me and I pause. What is he talking about?

"No." I say firmly before trying to make my words a little calmer, "Of course I want for us to stay together and stay married but…" he looks to me and I see hope in his eyes. Is he really that scared that I won't want him. I love him unconditionally, I've loved him for ten years. He stares at me still confused. "I don't like that therapist, I want for us to find someone else."

He nods slowly, "Wh—y?" he struggles as he looks at me and my jaw drops a little. He was in that session, he must have heard what she was saying. "I' wa' the tru'" he says again and I cross my arms looking at him determined to get my way. Of course I'll be gentle with him but I want to look out for his best interests.

"The truth?" I laugh at him. "If people listen to you they can understand you perfectly fine," I tell him and he doesn't seem to believe it. "And I appreciate you not giving up. It's true. No matter what kind of gift you give me, I'll love it because you made the effort to choose it and give it to me. As for me not telling you the truth, you know that I'm honest with you. I wouldn't be keeping a list of the number of times I've wanted to slap some sense into you if I wasn't. I'd really appreciate it if we found someone else."

"I' rea''y ma'er to…you?" he asks confused and I nod. Of course the way he heals and how he recovers matters to me.

"Yes it does. I don't like the number of times she asked you to repeat yourself for one thing," I tell him. "Kuon, I know you have a little bit of a warped self-perspective but listen to me, Corn. You speak extremely well for what you've been through. You are able to be understood. I mean, are you understanding whatever it is you're reading. What are you reading?"

"Ru'an his-his—his'ory," he struggles out and I look at him again, my eyebrow raised.

"Okay. If you were as stupid as she tried to say you were then would you be reading a book on Russian history?" I ask and he stops to consider that. "Most people who don't have head injuries or trouble speaking wouldn't be reading that."

He stares at me before looking down and closing the book. "Ko'ko," he says before bowing his head, he takes a deep breath and then turns to me. He looks up at me with a guilty expression on his face. I don't want for him to apologize to me right now, he hasn't done anything wrong. "Ca' I as' you…for…so'ing?"

I blink back, "Ask me for something?" I ask before nodding. "Sure, ask me for whatever you want and I'll see what I can do."

"Ca' we mo' ba'…to Ja'an?" he asks me and I stare at him. I take a step back not expecting that. He wants to return to Japan? I mean, I've often thought about it myself but I would feel too guilty for taking him and the girls away from America and their grandparents. I open my mouth to say something but have no words, I nod slowly not sure how else to respond.

"Yeah," I finally say after a long silence, "but you have to be well enough to travel. We'll try to figure it out for next year but you have to be well enough to make the trip." He nods and I can see that same determination I have. Does he really want that or is he doing it for me?

…

…

I look at her not sure how to explain my reasons for that. Do I tell her that Japan feels like a home where I can fit in because of the time where we spent together and that it was the place where I ran to after Rick. Do I mention that the president has always extended the same kind of protection to me as my father? Or maybe the fact that I am trying to run away from the reminder of how petty and capitalistic the Los Angeles media stations are and the hungry from people who feel entitled to tear down celebrities. I could tell her any of these or I probably could have told her where I actually able to speak.

"Kuon," she tells me as she pulls out a chair to sit down with me. I nod. I can understand her apprehensions when it comes to traveling. If I were to have a seizure in the middle of a regular flight, even in the first class cabin, it could only generate panic. I have to get better and I don't know how long it will take me to do that. I need to get better. "If you're doing this because of me then I'm fine here. I've always been fine here."

I look at her and shake my head. It's a selfish desire, it's not because of her. It's because I want to run away from the media who keeps asking questions about me, from the news articles people are speculating about and writing on the internet. I don't want to deal with that anymore. In Japan the majority of people are quiet when you are standing in front of them because they don't want to be rude. People may gossip between one another just the same as they do here but they wouldn't want to shame themselves by speaking about the person directly in front of them.

I know I need to think about her and the girls. I shouldn't make them change their lives on a whim but I don't think it is a whim. "Ja'an…" I tell her again hating the way that my brain can't connect with the words that I truly want to tell her. "Ja'an….Japp—Jap-an…" I struggle out and Kyoko tries to calm me by placing her hand on my upper arm. "Qui'er" I say before frowning. When it comes to the harder consonants that's where I have the most difficulty. It's hard for me to not slur right through them.

"Yeah, you're right," she tells me with a smile before taking my hand. She's really one of the few people in my life who will take the time to listen to me and understand me after the accident. Mom and Dad both praise me for my progress and my abilities each time they see me, I know that they are hoping that I'll recover and am glad that I'm alive but Kyoko, it's as if she doesn't see the indentation in my head or the scratches that have turned to faint scarring under certain light, it's as if she hears my words as I intend to say them. She's so precious to me. She's my reason for existing. I care about being a good father but the girls are so loved that they will be protected even if I wasn't here. Kyoko though, I can't give her enough of my heart for all she's done for me.

"Kuon?" she asks as she tilts her head to the side and I bow my head with a smile. "Is anything wrong, sweetheart?" she asks before feeling my forehead, her concern showing. "You don't have a fever. Did you want to take a nap? Is this conversation…"

I look to her and smile, "Than' you" I tell her and then blink. That was nearly perfectly spoken. Aside from the missing 'k' it would have been as if it was the old form of me. Kyoko grins happily with a strong laugh and throws her arms around me, pushing her forehead into my shoulder.

"Corn, that was so good," she squeals. "I'm so proud of you," she tells me. "You don't have to say thank you. I'm so thankful that you're still here, that you haven't given up. Did you hear how amazing your voice sounded just then?" she asks before pulling back and dabs at her eyes where tears of joy have sprung. "Yashiro's right, you are an alien," she teases me. I blink confused. "Your progress, do you have some magic healing ability or something?" she asks and I grab to her hand.

I take slow breaths to quiet my mind again, "Fai—ry Ma-gicccc" I say, this time my voice produces too many Cs but I can see so much happiness on her face. Am I really capable of giving her that much joy?

End of Chapter Thirty Seven

Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated

Thank you Kaname671 for reviewing Chapter Thirty Six