Nyx POV

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the feeling of being grounded. My mind was no longer adrift in the miasma of pain and guilt that had been its mainstay for the last couple of months. Or maybe shorter or longer than that. I had no idea how long I had drifted before I felt reconnected with my body. Looking internally, I noted that I had been completely healed. Both in body and in mind. It took me a little while longer to remember why it was important to note that, but when I did, the memories came flying back.

I had fallen prey to a manipulation created by the Ice Pack spy and in doing so had nearly died from the effects. I also recalled the pain that I had inflicted on my bondmates. Guilt and regret sprang as I remembered hitting Clarke in spurts of violent anger with no reason behind it beyond whatever my mind had imagined. Those feelings doubled when I remembered that we had forced Dani to keep it a secret from everyone else. I had a lot to answer for, but I was ready.

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. It's cold concrete and artificial dim lighting doing nothing more than creating a bit of anxiety from being underground. I don't know how Clarke's people could still stand to be underground when the world was open to them now, but it was not my place to judge.

I rubbed my face as I sat up slowly, breathing in deeply. I slowly exhaled as I realized that I was far from being alone in the room. I glanced to my left but encountered nothing more than a wall, so I turned to my right. My eyes widened in surprise as I saw the four women sleeping on mattresses that were laid on the floor. There was no mistaking who they were and my confusion grew until I felt emotions that were not my own.

These were my bondmates. I was happy to find out that Scarlett was one of them. She'd always had a special place in my heart since we met five years ago and now, I knew why. She was and always would be, a part of my life. It was strange that I felt no hint of utter confusion or shock that I now found myself bonded to four women. Instead, it made me feel more solid. Like I had a greater foundation to stand upon. And, maybe for the first time in my life, I felt complete and whole.

I wanted nothing more than to go over there and let them wrap their arms around me, but I couldn't bring myself to wake them up. Not that I minded watching them sleep peacefully in each others' arms, but it was because of what I had done that kept me rooted in the bed. Even though one could say that the abuse was the result of the manipulation, I still raised my hand and struck Clarke. I was the one who caused her pain and injury. I was the one that created the fear in her eyes. That was all me and I had to own it. I just hoped that I hadn't lost them because of it.

Then there was Dani. I may not have abused her physically, but I had abused our relationship and the power that I have. By forcing her to keep silent, I had forced her to be an unwilling participant. I took a moment and let my eyes graze over her sleeping form and couldn't fight the tightening of my chest with the feeling of guilt.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly to ease the tightening, closing my eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. She had always been a part of me, maybe far longer than Lexa had and to cause her distress broke my heart, making me wish that I had never asked of her something that went against both of our natures.

Look who is up and about, a voice said and I heard the smile in it as the door opened quietly.

I looked up and couldn't help the sad smile on my face as Niylah entered.

Niylah, I breathed as she came over and sat on the bed. It has been a very long time since we last saw one another.

Indeed. How are you feeling?

I feel like this is the first time that my mind is completely clear. Thank you for that.

Niylah shrugged, It's what I do, Nyx. But tell me, what's with the guilt trip?

I chuckled lightly, Never could keep those thoughts away from you, huh? Niylah, I broke the law. I beat Clarke and forced Dani to keep it a secret. Doubly bad because they're my bondmates. Why wouldn't I feel guilty?

She took my hand and replied, Nyx, it's over and done with. I worked with both of them yesterday and they both understand that it wasn't really you.

What do you mean, it wasn't really me? It was my hand and my power.

She shook her head, It was a result of the manipulation. The woman set some deep compulsions in you. Just like you lost yourself to the wolf during the attack, she made sure that you had the worst possible reaction. She wanted to make sure that no matter what, your life ended.

I felt my rage build, That fucking bitch. I will kill her when I come across her again. This is the last time she gets away with nearly killing me.

Easy, Nyx. You can't let that rage control you. Let it go for now. Trust me.

I took some deep calming breaths and forced the rage down, Niylah, I trust you, but it's like a never-ending cycle and she's the root cause of it all.

I understand completely. Trust me, I've been in your mind and have seen what you've been through. You need to focus on more important things. Things like your four bondmates. They've all forgiven you and their love for you is nearly awe inspiring.

Awe inspiring, huh? It doesn't really matter how much they love me or that they've forgiven me. I haven't forgiven myself for what I've done and there's a niggling feeling like I don't deserve their love.

She gave me a frustrated sigh and said, Enough, Nyx. There is nothing to forgive. It happened and yes, the memories are still there in each and every one of them. I've removed them enough that all of you can move past them. If you're so hell bent on seeking forgiveness, fine. Apologize to them and take any lumps they give you, but you're barking up a dead tree. Then move past this. You need to move past this and focus on the here and now.

I felt the force behind her words and felt the tightness in my chest ease slightly, I get it. I really do, but you know me.

She smiled warmly and pulled my head towards her until our heads touched, I know. I'm sorry that you've been given such a heavy burden of responsibility, but that's why you've got four bondmates. They are here for you to help ease the burden as you tackle whatever is coming. Don't shove them away and try to handle everything on your own. They love you unconditionally and you them. Now, why don't you go wake them up so that they can love you.

Alright. Thank you again, Niylah. You should go ahead and get out of here. I'm starting to feel your agitation. You're beginning to project.

She let me go and nodded, Thank you for reminding me of that. Before I go, let Lexa know that the survivors were manipulated like you thought. I've worked on Lincoln and you can rebuild that relationship with him. I'll track down the others and remove what the spy has done to them.

I'll let her know. Klir soujon, Niylah.

With a last embrace, she got up and left quietly. She turned at the door and gave me a pointed look and jerked her head to the women on the floor. I sighed and nodded and then she left. I turned my gaze back to the women and felt my heart tug in four different directions. I couldn't help myself and turned my focus to the bonds. They were strong and I was surprised by how strong they were. I also felt something different. A different type of bond and it seemed centered around Lexa and Clarke. It was stronger than the bonds that carried to us and I had a sinking feeling that I knew exactly what kind of bond they shared. I didn't voice it as I climbed out of bed and walked over to them.

I crouched down and gazed at the woman who had opened my heart once more. Clarke. The woman who had entranced me after just one single night filled with discovery on her part and the unmistakable knowing that what we had was only the beginning. I reached down to stroke her face, but my hand stilled, hovering a mere hairsbreadth away. A slight frown found its way on my face even though I knew that there was nothing but love radiating down our bond. I steeled myself with one last deep breath and lightly began stroking her face, following the curve of it feather light and found myself relaxing at the touch. Her eyes fluttered open and I fell deep into the oceanic blue of her eyes, a smile tugging my lips.

When sleep filled eyes finally bore recognition, her mouth parted slightly in shock and then I was quickly brought into a tight embrace. My arms wrapped around her and I couldn't help the tears that fell as I breathed in her scent. I felt her own tears begin to fall and my chest squeezed tight once more as guilt came into play.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair. "I'm so sorry."

She pulled back and grabbed my head with both of her hands, her eyes searching my face through the glistening tears in her eyes, "It doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore. You're here."

"I'm here," I replied and she pulled me into a kiss, deep and filled with longing.

I lost myself in the taste of her lips and feeling as if I had been starving, eager to taste all of her. I gently nipped her bottom lip causing her to gasp and my tongue begged entrance. Her mouth parted, allowing me in and our tongues danced a waltz as we remembered.

We parted breathless and I kissed her gently as we stared into each other's eyes. So lost in each other, we didn't feel the woman next to us stir until a hand gently cupped my face and turned my gaze towards her. Her eyes were filled with such love that I reached up, cupping her neck and drawing her into an equally passionate kiss. She moaned as I captured her mouth and it pooled in my chest.

I felt desire down our shared bonds, but I held back because there were two other women that deserved equal attention. As if the desire called to them, they had soon joined us and I fell into the embrace of four incredible women. It was the homecoming I had dreamed of and my heart soared. The embrace was so tight, their hands reaching towards me, making sure that I was real, that I soon found it heard to breathe.

I broke a kiss with Dani and with a strained breath said, "I can't breathe."

They immediately slid back amidst laughter and I found the air I so desperately needed. It was a brief respite before I found myself divested of my clothes and shifted to the mattress. There seemed a hunger in our touches and lips, but it became more than sex. This was lovemaking in its truest form and I couldn't have wished for anything more perfect.

There was an explosion of orgasms that rocked my body leaving it weak and sated. I fell asleep wrapped in their arms and knew I would do everything in my power to never let anything come between us again.

I woke to an arm around my waist, tight as if to make sure I didn't disappear. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch upwards at the sentiment and couldn't have agreed more. Opening my sleep laden eyes, I found myself inches from Dani's face. Her mouth slack with sleep, her breathing easy, and hair fallen into eyes. On impulse, I leaned my head forward and kissed her gently. Her lips parted, inviting a deeper kiss as her eyes fluttered open. I obliged her request and her hand strayed to cup my face in tenderness.

When we parted, I couldn't help but stare into her beautiful eyes. They were the shade of the frozen tree sap, amber, and her irises were the dragonfly forever immortalized. Her eyes traveled my face, lingering on my lips and causing me to smile before I frowned slightly.

"I'm sorry I put you in such a position, Dani," I whispered softly. "I should have never used my power like that."

She smiled softly and replied, "It's in the past, niron. What happened has no bearing on the present or the future. Let it go."

I nodded slightly and felt tears fill my eyes, "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I am so grateful that you are a part of my life."

She chuckled and brought me closer, leaning her head up slightly to capture my lips with hers. I sighed and my hand slid down her side to grip her hip tightly. It was a sweet moment that assuaged any lingering doubt and guilt that I had woken to. I nestled my head against her shoulder and took comfort in her scent. She held me tightly and I could feel her fingers entwine with Scarlett.

I felt at peace listening to her breathing, my own slowly beginning to match as we both relaxed. I was awake, cocooned in warmth and love by the very people that I yearned for without realizing it. They completed me.

I felt Scarlett move closer, her lips traveling across my neck and making me shiver at the feeling. I closed my eyes and suddenly they snapped open when she whacked me on my head.

"Ow," I cried out indignantly. "What the hell was that for?"

"Don't you ever raise your hand against one of us again, Nyx," she said, her southern drawl more pronounced. "Do you hear me?"

I turned myself to face her, my face beet red, "I hear you loud and clear, Scar. Never again will I raise my hand in anger whether it is real or imagined. I swear on Mother Earth and all that we hold holy."

"I'm glad you understand. Because if you ever do, you will regret ever meeting me and wish that you were dead."

I swallowed thickly, my eyes widening in fear and nodded.

"Scarlett isn't the only one to fear if you ever break your oath," Lexa growled. "I swear to Mother Earth that if you ever raise a hand again against my lifemate, you will wish you had died this time."

I sat up abruptly and stared at her in disbelief, "Lifemate? You and Clarke? That's why your bonds are different?"

"Fuck," she said, sighing, "That's not how we planned on telling you, but yes, Clarke and I have a lifebond."

"Lifemate," I whispered to myself, looking between both of them and felt a twinge of something I didn't recognize. I shook my head to dispel the feeling and looked down at my hands.

"Nyx," Clarke asked, drawing my eyes to her. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. It'll take me a minute to get used to it. That's all."

"Okay," she replied, uncertainly.

I felt Scarlett pull me to her, wrapping her arms comfortingly around me and I leaned back into her, grateful for the touch. Dani sat up and wrapped her arms around me as well and I felt their love radiate through the bonds. There was a bit of awkward silence and then my stomach growled rather loudly drawing everyone's attention and making me blush.

Dani laughed, "Someone's hungry finally."

"I guess," I replied. "Can we get some food down here?"

"Most definitely," Clarke replied and searched for the communicator.

She called down to the barrack's chef and ordered and everyone got dressed. When it arrived, the aroma sent my mouth drooling and I could barely contain myself. After having barely eaten for who knows how long, the need to eat was nearly overpowering. Scarlett had to remind me to slow down so that I wouldn't get sick from overeating. I listened but grumbled the entire time eliciting comments from Dani. As we ate, they told me what had transpired the few days that I was in a coma. I wasn't surprised that Mother Earth had visited to heal me and reminded them that she seemed to have a soft spot for me.

After getting my fill of food, I felt myself getting drowsy and eventually fell back asleep. For the first time in a long time, my slumber wasn't disturbed by nightmares and I was finally allowed to rest peacefully.