Chapter 32 – Imperfectly Perfect

"Edward, this doesn't feel right anymore," Bella said unexpectedly as I was walking her to her apartment for the night.

Her words made me stop dead in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

"This. Me staying here and you going back to your apartment. We've both been so busy lately, we just don't have enough time together. I'm tired of saying goodbye to you so much. At least if we lived together again, we could have our nights back."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said."

…

*Six months prior*

…

"I just signed a one-year lease at a studio apartment close to the bookstore," Bella announced the moment I walked up to her at the mental wellness facility to pick her up for a date. Her hastened declaration showed just how anxious she was about her next big move, and only made me uneasy.

"Wow. That's… awesome," I said, unsure how I felt about it exactly. She was moving out of the hospital, which of course, was an awesome thing; but on the other hand, a year lease of a small studio meant we were at least that far from living together again. I certainly didn't want to rush into anything, but a year just seemed so far away, especially when we had already been apart for so long.

"I know what you're thinking," she said quickly. "But this will force us to take our time. I need to know I can take care of myself, and I want to find a way to develop that balance between us. I need to know I have something to offer you; that it won't be just you always taking care of me. I don't want to live like that again."

I sighed. "If this is important to you, then it's important to me too."

"It will all be good. You'll see," she said, seemingly trying to convince herself even more than me.

The following week, Charlie and I helped Bella move into her new studio apartment. It was fucking horrible. Every piece of furniture I helped carry inside, every dish and knickknack I unpacked, was just one more reminder that Bella wasn't coming home with me.

"Don't be upset," she cooed, burying herself into my chest while I sulked. "This year will be over quickly, and then we can reevaluate our situation."

"Yeah, it will be great," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

Leaving her all alone in that tiny apartment for the first time was torture. I worried about her all night and must have texted her a dozen times. It wasn't until Bella actually called me on the phone and demanded that I give her a little space that I finally stopped. That was the moment that I truly understood why she was so set on living on her own. Not only was it important for her to gain some independence, but I needed to learn to trust her again. To trust she was going to be okay. Treating her like a child was never going to work and would only end up driving a wedge between us.

It took a little while, but we did manage to settle into a new steady flow of life. After work, on days Bella didn't have therapy, we would usually go out together. Sometimes it was with Kate and Garrett or some other friends, but mostly it was just the two of us. We would go to dinner, or a movie, or just to a local bar to shoot pool and listen to music. It didn't really matter what we did or where we went, I was always just happy to be with her.

On the weekends we usually embarked on an adventure of some sort. It was just like it used to be, except everything was different. Before, Bella was always on edge and worried about her alters pushing through and creating chaos; whereas now, she was becoming more and more confident with each passing day. Every once in a while, however, she would do or say something that reminded me so much of one of her alters that I knew they must have been working through her. Whether it be a sporadic desire for sex, or an adrenaline rush. An unplanned stop to play with random dogs, or a desperate need to go shopping. And when the usually level-headed Bella would erupt into bouts of fierce anger, it only made me smile. They were all there, and they were all living harmoniously together.

We saw each other just about every day, but most of our nights were spent apart. She had her apartment, and I had mine. When we wanted to be intimate, we would usually go to her place, but I would rarely sleep there. Despite me having the bigger apartment, she would never come to mine; not even for a quick visit.

"Why won't you come in?" I asked one day when she had driven us somewhere and was dropping me off.

"Because the last time I was there, I promised I wouldn't be back until I could stay. I'm not going to break that promise."

I could say nothing to change her mind, so I just nodded and then kissed her goodbye.

As much as I understood her need for independence, I didn't have to like it. I didn't have to like being away from her at all; I just had to accept it and be grateful for the time we did have together.

But then everything abruptly shifted once again...

"Hey, this is an unexpected surprise," Bella said as I approached her at the bookstore one morning. "What's wrong?" she added when she could clearly see the grief on my face.

"My mom just called me. My dad got into an accident on his way to work this morning. It was instantaneous. There was nothing to be done. He's gone."

Her face fell into shock, but then immediately morphed into sympathy. She went right into support mode and wrapped me in her arms, which was exactly where I needed to be in that moment.

Bella had been so worried that our relationship wouldn't be balanced, but in the weeks that followed my father's untimely death, she proved time and time again that she could be my rock, just as I had been hers. The fact that I had such a strenuous relationship with my father for the last couple of years of his life hit me hard, and Bella just loved me through it all. I was really and truly grateful for her.

And then, like an idiot, I decided to add even more stress to our lives…

"I'm thinking about going back to medical school," I told her one afternoon.

It was probably the last thing she was expecting, but she didn't even bat an eye.

"That's quite a commitment. Are you sure it's something you want to do?" she questioned.

"I don't know," I said with a huff. "I know I'm tired of doing office shit."

"But you hated medical school too," she pointed out.

"I think I just hated the pressure. But now that my dad is gone… I don't know, I feel like I would be doing it more to honor him, in a way."

"I think that's a beautiful gesture, but if you're going to go back to school, you should do it for yourself."

"I think I would be. I know this seems so rash and out of the blue, but I've been really thinking about it a lot lately. You spent so long hating doctors, and with good reason. So many of them abuse their power and are only in it for the money and the prestige. You know, I think that's why my dad and I butted heads so much. If I had stayed true to my original course, that's exactly the kind of doctor I would have become. The narcissistic kind of jackass that throws his weight around every chance he gets."

"You would have never hurt anyone," Bella argued.

"Not hurt anyone, no, but not really cared either. Those were the types of jerks I befriended in college as well. This fucking world doesn't need anymore doctors like that, and my dad tried so hard to push me to be better. He gave me all the help I could need, and yes, even bought my way sometimes. But now I realize that it was all because he truly had hope I could be better… even when I didn't."

"You would really make an exceptional doctor," she agreed. "I think if you were a doctor when I needed one, I wouldn't have thought twice about going to see you."

I laughed, but quickly became serious. "I didn't have a hope of being a good doctor before you, because I wasn't a good man. You taught me about love and compassion, and the value of the human spirit. You gave me the strength to want to be better, and I just want to thank you for that."

She shook her head in disagreement, and then wove her arms through mine. "You have always been a good man; you just might have lost yourself along the way somewhere. Dating a crazy person would force anyone to either abandon ship or tighten their hold on the wheel. I'm just grateful you're the type to hold on."

"I'll always hold on to you, baby," I said before leaning down to kiss her lips.

…

Because things weren't hectic already, adding medical school to everything else was definitely a strain on our lives, but Bella never faltered.

Thanks to the rather large inheritance from my father that my mother gifted me early, I was able to quit my current job and focus on school. Stubbornly, I wanted to refuse the money and do it all on my own, but I knew it was what my father would have wanted, and thanks to that little boost of help, I was even more certain that I could make everything work.

Between Bella's bookstore and her therapy sessions, and my new full schedule of schooling, our relationship was tested, but it only strengthened with every hardship. Bella's support was unyielding, but through our shared stress, she also gained confidence in us and herself. It was exactly what she needed to feel secure in her own self that she could contribute emotionally to our relationship, just as much as I did. We were equals, in every way possible.

But along with the added stresses came entire days when we didn't see each other, and we were both beginning to feel like that wasn't acceptable…

…

*Present*

…

"So, what you're saying is, us living apart is a total and utter waste of time and a step in the wrong direction," I clarified teasingly.

"I thought I needed to experience living on my own, but I just realized how dumb this is. So, I go to bed alone every night, and wake up alone, and eat breakfast alone, and get ready for my day alone, and then do it all again the next day. Day after day. How is any of that important? It's just… lonely. And, you're right, after everything that happened recently, it just doesn't feel right to waste any more time being apart. Life could end in an instant. I don't want to risk missing this opportunity to be together."

"Your lease isn't up for six more months," I pointed out, having a hard time keeping the grin off my face.

"I know, but I can probably get out of it, or I can sublease to someone. Do you know any med-students or interns that are in need of some cheap housing?"

"I can certainly ask around… if you're sure that's what you want to do."

"I'm sure… but only if it's something you want to do too," she said, clearly suddenly worried that I wasn't on the same page.

"Babe," I said softly as I pulled her into my arms. "I never wanted to live away from you in the first place. If you're ready to come home, then please, come home."

She smiled widely, and then she celebrated by jumping up, so I had to hold her, and planting her lips to mine.

"But here's the catch," she said as I put her back down on her feet.

I groaned. "Why does there always have to be a catch?"

"Because that's life," she replied playfully. "So, I will move back in with you at your apartment, but only temporarily. We aren't going to be living there long."

"We're not?" I asked surprised. "Will we be moving into a new apartment?"

"I was thinking more like a house..."

I raised my brows. "A house, huh? Like the detached kind with a lawn and a mortgage?"

"Exactly. The kind a kid can grow up in… with a puppy. I mean, obviously those two things will come later, but it wouldn't hurt to be super prepared first."

"But a house is a big step," I said, feigning seriousness as I considered it. "We haven't even discussed any timeline goals for our future yet."

"Our only goal for the future is to be happy," she argued lightly. "And now to buy a house so we can be open to a lot more possibilities, whatever they may be."

"Yeah, but who would do the mowing? I grew up in an over-privileged family. I don't even know how to turn on one of those things."

"Lucky for you, I do. Mowing is easy, or we could also get a gardener."

"A gardener? Now who is acting all privileged?" I joked.

"I am privileged," she said unashamedly. "I get to fuck you whenever I want. That's pretty damn privileged if you ask me."

"Yes, yes, it is," I agreed. "And just think, once we're living together again, you will be even more privileged… and I won't have to run over here in the middle of the night when you're feeling extra horny anymore."

She laughed. "That happened one time!"

"Uh, are you having lapses in your memory again?"

"Okay, maybe it happened a few more than just once. But it's not like it happened often."

"Hey, I'm not complaining. I'd wake up from a wonderful deep sleep and drive all the way across town every night just to fuck you if you'd let me. Who needs sleep anyway?"

"Or we can just live together again," she reiterated.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," I agreed. "But that doesn't necessarily mean we are ready to buy a house."

A look of disappointment came over her, but she tried to hide it. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, just seems so permanent. Like, if we buy a house together, it makes everything more real. Like, I'd almost feel obligated to fuck you every night. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that level of commitment."

"You certainly don't have to fuck me every night," she disagreed. "I could just watch a Miss America contest and get the job done myself."

I stared at her in shock. "Did you just Rosalie me? You did, didn't you? Except for the whole threat part. That was a little Alice-y. How dare you throw your alters at me like that."

"You know, Edward, I ask for so little," she giggled, before finally unlocking her apartment door so we could go inside.

"Even if I was willing to move back into your apartment long-term, I don't think it would work," she continued the conversation. "Just look at all the shit I've accumulated in a very short amount of time. None of this would fit in there with all of your stuff. We have to buy a house. We have no choice in the matter," she said as she moved swiftly through the room, gathering things and putting them in a duffel bag.

"Okay, maybe I see your point about the house, but I just think we're moving out of order here. We should at least get engaged first."

"Engaged before buying a house? That's not necessary. It's not like we aren't sure we will get around to it eventually."

"But if we are taking that step, why not get engaged first?" I questioned.

"Fine, let's get engaged," she said with a laugh, clearly thinking I was only being facetious. "Do you need me to pitch in to buy the ring? I mean, you are currently unemployed."

"Nah, my dad left me more than enough to pay for medical school, and support me while I go, and buy a house, and anything else I could need in the immediate future."

"Why did he leave you so much anyway? Shouldn't that money go to your mom?" she questioned confused.

"My mom still has a shit ton of money. She came from a rich family herself and has her own inheritance from her parents; plus a ton from my dad."

"Oh, lucky her," she said absently.

"Yeah, she is so lucky her parents and her husband died," I deadpanned.

"No!" Her face reddened. "Oh, god, that's not what I meant. I'm so sorry."

I laughed. "Babe, it's fine. I know what you mean. We are lucky to be privileged in that way. I always saw our wealth as an annoyance or even a curse at times, but it really is a blessing. If I had to work while going to school, I would never see you and it would take twice as long. I'm truly grateful for the help now; I know most others don't get this same opportunity."

"That's for sure."

"But, things like rings for engagements shouldn't be bought with my dad's money. I mean, a house is one thing, and I'm sure my dad would agree, but a ring..."

"No, I would never expect you to buy a ring right now. I was only joking before. Like I said, we don't need to get engaged right away."

"But it would be nice before we buy a house... I guess it's a good thing I bought the ring months ago with the money I was making at my job."

"No you didn't," she said in disbelief.

"I did. I actually have it in my pocket," I said casually.

She laughed again. "Sure you do."

"I do. I carry it wherever I go; just waiting for the right moment to pop the question."

"You're such a liar," she giggled in disbelief.

"Nope, not about this," I maintained.

"Show it to me then," she challenged me.

"Oh, you don't believe me?"

She smiled. "Not at all."

"Well, I can't just let you go on thinking I'm a liar, now can I?" I said while digging in my pocket. The little velvet pouch I had it in was slimmer and easier to keep than a box, but it still wasn't hard to find. So I got it out and slid the ring on my pinky to show her. "See?"

She gasped at the sight of the very real diamond sparkler, but then I quickly pulled it away.

"What? No, what are you doing with it? I didn't even get a good look," she squealed as she watched it get shoved back into my pocket.

"Oh, you didn't think this was my actual proposal, did you? No way. I just told you; I'm waiting until the right moment, and this certainly isn't it. Now get your shit and let's go to my place."

She pouted theatrically, but at the same time, she couldn't keep the grin off her face.

Over the next few weeks, we got back into the swing of living together fulltime. She still had a lot of her things at her apartment, but she slept at my place every night, and just like that, it finally felt like a real home again. We tentatively began looking for a house in the area, while we returned to living life together as we were always meant to be.

And life, was busy.

In between the hectic hours and daily stresses, Bella and I found ways to grow even more together than ever before. I felt like I knew her completely, but there was definitely an element of fun seeing just how seamlessly her alters had merged together as one. From her occasional grumpy moods, to her playfulness and zest for life. Bella was all of them, and everything in between, and I honestly fell deeper and deeper in love with her every day.

But I did also enjoy messing with her…

Since I had given her a brief glimpse of the ring, every time we went to a nice dinner, or any other outing deemed romantic, she was eagerly waiting for me to make the ultimate request. I even psyched her out a few times by telling her how much I loved her, and then getting down on one knee, only to tie my shoe. It was fucking hysterical.

After so many times of being humorously disappointed, Bella eventually stopped expecting it, which was exactly what I wanted.

With a perfect sunset over the ocean, and a subsequent bright moon illuminating a darkened sky full of bright stars, I finally felt like it was the right moment. Not only had all of her alters shown up through her behavior at various times that evening, but I felt like it was the perfect setting. Bella, as well as all of her pieces, loved that beach. It was their place that had become our place. The crashing waves with the clear crisp night air; what better way could there have been to finally make it official?

"Isabella Marie Swan, would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" I asked as I fell to one knee.

Perhaps all my joking false alarms had numbed her a little too much. She just stared at me for a moment, looking mildly miffed. When I held my ground, she started to look confused, and that's when I remembered what an actual idiot I was.

"Oh shit," I mumbled before pulling out the ring. No wonder she thought I was joking again. Ugh!

With the ring in hand, I repeated the words.

"Is this real this time?" she questioned, still unsure.

"Yes!" I said enthusiastically. "I love you, and I'm sorry for turning it into a joke. I want nothing more in this world than to be your husband."

Tears filled her eyes as she collapsed into my arms affectionately… thus making me drop the ring into the sand.

"Oh my gosh!" she cried.

It took a little anxious digging, but we were able to recover the ring, and she marveled over its perfection. And it was a perfect ring. A two-carat circle diamond in the middle, with two other smaller diamonds on each side. The five stones total represented Bella, of course, and her alters. I wanted them all represented, and thankfully, the meaning wasn't lost on her.

"Oh Edward… It's so much more than I ever would have hoped for," she said with tears running down her face.

The proposal definitely didn't go smoothly, or as planned, but the imperfection of it actually couldn't have been more perfect. Our relationship had never gone smoothly; everything about us was a rollercoaster from the very beginning, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Our love was imperfectly perfect, and I couldn't wait to see what the future would bring…