Holy hell it's been a long time since this thing has seen any kind of light of day, for that I apologize but after going through a bit of a rough patch in my personal life I lost a lot of motivation and even care for all my fics. These were close to being pulled, it was that bad, but here we are so no fear! (Maybe a lil bit of fear, we'll see.)
It's short, terribly, terribly short but it's better than nothing at this point and in my opinion actually still works even with it being so short.
Want to thank any and everyone who may still be out there expecting something for this, and it's ending whatever and whenever that may actually be. Who knows, this story might go on for as long as I live with an update every time the planets align right.
Anyways, here ya'll go! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, all that good stuff. See you in 2020!
After the chilling admission, the cold air stinging and freezing the tear tracks to Rei's face, he hadn't once looked beside him again, keeping his focus on the dark road ahead of them and the back of the horse's heads. Dante had done the same, hadn't said a word or dared try. Letting the silence, Rei's slight shift in movement away from Him, speak volumes of what he saw of Him and viewed Him as now.
As much as He wanted to avoid the issue, it was going to come out at some point, He knew that, had prepared for it, and now that it happened He was more at a loss of what to do than anything.
Did He bring Kai back out, let him smooth it out or wait like He had been saying until they reached the manor? For once, He didn't have the answers He always felt He had.
What more was there to really do now, aside from just letting it get out of Rei's system? For him to realize that there wasn't anything anyone could do to change what He had done and so foolishly it seemed now.
Rei was willing to stay with them, with Kai, even with the knowledge of his heritage. And now, He had taken that option completely away from him without giving it a second thought like He should have.
Yet, He wouldn't call what He felt at the moment was guilt or anywhere near there. He didn't know that feeling all too well to begin with, every choice and decision He had ever made was always for the better; for Kai.
What of Rei though? When did any of their decisions ever benefit him? The woman he killed, to keep Rei, had sold him without a second thought and from there everything else had spiraled down to where they were now. Though none of those decisions had ever fully been Rei's choice, just circumstance.
If he hadn't been sold they wouldn't have met, wouldn't have fallen in love, wouldn't have been torn apart, nor would Rei have a child. It was all circumstance, one thing after the other and yet still there was no way to turn it back around and stop any of it from happening.
It was now just a matter of moving forward from this, if they somehow could even do so at all. Those answers Dante needed, were searching for, seemed to get further and further away from Him as the silence of the cold night seeped around them, chilling them both to the bones.
His mouth opened, though it quickly closed again as His words didn't seem like they would hit the right mark and Rei hadn't even noticed it either. What would be the point in apologizing? He didn't feel guilty, even still with Rei's aversion to Him, despite it being nothing new He still didn't like it.
Dante had to remind himself, almost constantly since Rei came back to live in the manor with them, Rei wasn't His. He was Kai's and Kai's alone. Kai had made it clear as did Rei, though that wasn't enough to stop Him from wanting Rei just the same. To actually know what it was to feel that love that He could see in Rei's eyes every time he thought he was talking to Kai instead of Him, to enjoy the feel of his lips on His and to know what it was like to feel him in all the other ways Kai got to enjoy.
Like the darkened road that stretched for endless miles ahead of them, it was no different than the type of road Dante had to go alone to get there with Rei; and that was even if He could get to the end of it to start with.
One part of Him said He could, all He had to do was try. While the other whispered cruel and harsh words in His ears, reminding Him over and over again that Rei despised Him and even more so now than he ever had.
The voices that were pulling and jerking Him about cut off when He caught sight of Rei shifting beside Him, His heart leaping into His throat as He quickly looked beside Him to see if Rei was going to say anything, though all His hopes were dashed and crushed to dust when all Rei did was pull his coat around his shoulders tighter and hadn't even spared Him a second glance.
Once more the thought of apologizing hit Him over the head like a heavy sledgehammer, yet His mouth remained closed in a tight thin line while He Himself shifted on the seat to get more comfortable.
Rei watched Him almost cautiously out the corner of his eyes, his grip on the front of his coat tightening with the anger and cold in and around him. He wanted Kai back, he wanted him back long before they even left the city and hospital and yet he was stuck with The Other One. He didn't think to ask again for Kai, Dante had already given him His answer and he hated Him for it all that much more.
He just kept taking and taking from him it seemed, in more ways than one since He appeared. He didn't care for Dante's reasoning's for showing up, for staying, barely even believing that He was there for Kai's benefit now at all.
If it wasn't for Dante having shown up years ago when he and Kai had that terrible encounter, hadn't told him he was a mistake, then Rei would have snatched Hitoshi's offer of freedom the night he raped him and he would have gone right back to the manor without hesitation. Although that more than likely meant he wouldn't have Rin now, no clue how the others would have made it out from under Hitoshi's claws seeing as how the man was going broke by his own father's doing.
Part of him would change it all, would have kept his distance from Mao like he should have, while the other was still unsure about it all still.
He was a father now, had his own family even if the others in the manor had been his family for the bigger parts of his life. For Natasha he had returned, for Kai he had returned, yet now, Dante's words from that encounter continued to echo in his head even louder than before.
He was a mistake, all along, down to his birth by his slave mother to his father who hadn't even seemed to care about him until he was on his deathbed, and it was too late to do anything to change his life even if he wanted it to change at all.
Did he still want it to change, how could he even change it now after what Dante had gone and done to Mary? Was he even that upset about it?
His first 'mother' had sold him, thrown him into the hell that he knew all his life and was forced to endure because he had no power to stop it. No way out of it. Only finding comfort, safety in something else he couldn't have but took without hesitation because it could be given back despite the fear and threats that constantly loomed over their heads that became a terrible reality.
Where they were forced to watch it all break in such a way he wasn't sure if there was a way to pick any of the pieces back up, despite the efforts he was already putting into it all. Now, he wasn't even sure if he had that anymore. Not with The Other One there inside Kai's head, controlling him as if He had a right, doing things that Kai never seemed to have any memory of. And he had thrown his daughter under the same roof as Him, all because he couldn't push himself away from Kai like he should have done when given the chance.
A mistake, that word flitted back in his head more times than he cared to admit since Dante had ever uttered the word to him. A mistake, one after the other, each one just piling higher and higher and waiting for it to fall and break whatever remained at the bottom because he didn't have the strength, the power, to stop it anymore and at this point in his life he wasn't sure if he ever did to start with.
If it hadn't already been cemented, it was now. He hated Him, would forever hate Him for all the things He'd done regardless of Rei's earlier thanks for being there for Kai. He wasn't there for Kai, that was a lie, it had to be, because Kai wouldn't have done gone through with selling other human beings like he had been if it hadn't been for The Other One's presence. Rei didn't want to believe it at least, but then again, he remembered the horror stories about they type of man Kai had become during their time apart. Maybe there was some truth, buried deep in there somewhere, and maybe Rei was trying too hard to hold on too tightly to what they used to have and the dreams of what they could have been because he hoped, with everything he had, that the man he loved was still somewhere deep in there fighting.
He had already said it once, still stood by it, they were two very different people now and more so in Kai's case than his own. But what was he supposed to do now that he was back? Take away what he had said about staying, insist he and the others go back to what was rightfully his by birthright, find a way to survive in a completely different world he had no clue about, or stay?
One part of him was practically begging and pulling on him to run, not even bother saying anything and just take the others with him as far away and as fast as they could go. He had a duty and responsibility to keep his child safe over his selfish wants.
The other part simply told him to stay, to endure it all and continue to keep fighting like he had been all his life. Yet, he was so tired of having to fight. Tired of having to try and step around the glass that littered the floor around his bare feet, acting as though one wrong move and it'd only cut him again and again until he bled out.
Shifting on the seat again, feeling Dante looking at him again as if he were going to say something, he finally turned his head to take Him in where their eyes met and held, though neither opened their mouths to speak.
They couldn't have been closer and so far apart at the same time and what was worse, every time Rei had to look into those eyes that belonged to the man he loved with all his being, he wasn't sure anymore if it was Kai that was looking back at him now and he hated it the most.
Hated that Dante planted Himself in there, making Himself cozy in Kai's head and put the added distance He had between them just when they could finally have what they had been trying to grab hold of for half their lives.
For the first time since He had appeared, Dante felt Himself shrink as those cold eyes He adored so much burned into Him in a way they never had before. Finally, the apology He had been playing within His head now on the tip of His tongue as He was ready to spill everything to Rei about why He had to kill Mary and do every other thing that He had to him was cut short as His mouth barely opened.
The only noise that had been made between the two of them was the sound of Rei's hand smacking into Dante's cheek, jerking His head with the force of the slap as His already freezing and burning cheek from the cold air stung something fierce.
Slowly He turned His head back around to take in Rei's expression, that anger and hatred he harbored for Him clear as day in those golden depths that His mouth was forced to close shut as a bit of blood seeped out of His gumline and a small cut on the inside of His cheek. His right hand reaching up and gingerly touching where Rei's hand had landed, looking almost in shock at him as He blinked a few times while Rei lowered his hand back to the front of his coat and shifted in his seat again while turning away from Him harshly without a spoken word.
As the stinging began to fade, Dante continued to look to the side of Rei's face that was now more intent on keeping away from His own, He finally peeled His eyes off Rei's person and turned to look back out at that ever darkening road laid out before them in silence as a smirk began to crack over His pale lips.