A/N: When you kiss me I know who I am (Meaning of Life - Kelly Clarkson)
DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©
December 25, 2007
Cragen set the turkey down in the middle of the table and looked around the room, his heart swelling with pure love. His sons, their families, the in-laws and stepchildren and he had because he married the one that got away, and the rest of his work-family. They were all lost in conversation, passing rolls and plates around the table, and he sighed as he realized his dream of having a large family was now his reality. "Merry Christmas, every…"
The ringing doorbell broke into his short speech, and Elliot was the first one to make the offer. "I'll get it," he said, trying to chew and swallow his bite of bread as he walked toward the front door. He didn't look through the glass pane, he simply swung the door open with the assumption it was Fin, the only missing piece to their full table.
He was wrong.
"Hey, El," the woman staring at him said, her eyes suddenly arush with tears. She shifted the weight of a child, who looked to be about three years old, on her hip.
Elliot stared at her, unsure of whether to throw his arms around her or slam the door in her face. "Laur," he breathed, and he moved fast, ensconcing his estranged sister. He sniffled as his tears fell, his grip on his sister tightening. "I'm sorry," he breathed. "I'm so sorry."
Lauren sobbed into his chest as she shook her head. "No, I...I shouldn't have taken off like that," she breathed and pushed him back, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "I'm here, now, I want...I want to come home," she cried.
Elliot pulled her into the foyer, helped her take off the child's coat and hat, and as he smiled and blinked his red, puffy eyes, he said, "And this must be Brayden! Can I?"
Lauren sniffled and handed her son over to her brother. "I'm so thrilled you're finally meeting him," she said with a grin. "You know that he's...the reason I left." She shrugged. "You guys had your hands full, and with everything that was going on with you and Joey and Dad…" she shook her head. "After dad died, I couldn't stand being here anymore. I was pregnant, and you know Mom wasn't stable enough to deal with a baby in the house, so I...left."
He nodded, understanding, knowing he'd done the same thing. His emancipation was largely in part due to the inability to live a happy stable life under the same roof as his parents. "A lot's changed, Laurie. You know that, don't you?"
She nodded, taking a deep breath. "That's why I'm here," she admitted. "When Liv told me that she had the baby and that Mom got married to that man...to your father...I had to come back." She gave a half-laugh. "I was missing too damn much."
He kissed her cheek and then as calmly as possible, led her into the dining room. "Um...guys?" He let his eyes linger on the slowly turning faces and he said, "Look who's home."
When eyes turned, there were loud gasps and cries and Bernie practically flew out of her seat to pull her daughter into her arms. "Laurie-bear," she whispered, her heavy tears falling and landing on Lauren's shoulder. "My little girl," she cried.
Elliot's emotions got the best of him and he started crying again, watching his mother and sister reconnecting. He let Brayden latch back onto his mother and then pulled Olivia into him and kissed her forehead, and he whispered, "Thank you."
She said nothing, just dropped her head to his and kissed him back, eager and soft. She turned again, looking at Lauren.
Almost three years ago, the day after Joe Stabler's funeral, Lauren had taken off to parts unknown, leaving behind a long letter to Elliot. She'd explained that she'd been hiding a pregnancy, and was almost seven months along. She'd said that she couldn't trust her mother to be emotionally stable after losing her father, and therefore couldn't have the baby and live in the house. She'd apologized for leaving, but told him there was no other option. She hadn't wanted to impose on him and his family, she didn't get along with Kathy so wouldn't ask to stay with Joey, and Nicole and Victoria would have disowned her for having a fatherless child. She'd left, and the only people who'd been keeping in touch with her, only by long phone calls once a month, were Olivia and Elliot.
"Mom," Lauren cleared her throat and tried to calm down. "This is Brayden. My son. Your grandson."
Bernie let out a strangled laugh and brushed the boy's dirty-blonde hair out of his. "Oh, he looks so like your father," she whispered. She kissed him and nuzzled his nose a bit, and then said, "Please, please, come in, sit down, we're about to have dinner."
Lauren looked around, smiling at her sisters, at Joey, and she cried harder when she saw how big her oldest nieces and nephews had gotten in her absence. "Wow, uh, hi...everyone." She laughed and wiped her eyes again. She then looked toward Elliot. "Where can I, uh," she bounced Brayden a bit.
"Playpen," he returned, pointing over his shoulder into the living room. "With Eli and Ethan." His eyes followed his sister but he sat down, which prompted everyone else to take calming breaths and settle back in for dinner. There was a bit of shuffling around of plates and chairs to make room for Lauren, the group still holding out hope that Fin, Melinda, and Kenny would make it.
As soon as she sat down, Lauren noticed that Joey and Kathy were sitting on opposite ends of the table, and she saw how cozy the brunette looked beside Joey. "Um, I think…" she leaned over and looked at Kathy as she dropped her voice to a whisper. "Are you okay with…" she jerked her head twice in Joey's direction.
Kathy blinked. "I have to be, don't I?" she stared back at Lauren and shoved a forkful of mashed potatoes in her mouth.
Vicki, covering her turkey with a healthy scoopful of creamed onions, was the first to openly address the situation. "Where have you been, Laurie?"
Lauren took a deep breath as she spooned green beans onto her plate. "California," she told her family. "I guess I just…" she cleared her throat. "At the time, I wanted to get as far away as possible." She set the bowl down and grabbed the platter of turkey. "Liv and El...they've been filling me in, but I would like to…"
"Who's his father?" Nicole eyed her sister and stabbed at a piece of broccoli. She bit it off of her fork with a grimace.
Lauren turned white, her hands trembled as she set the turkey down on the table. "Um, you don't…" she blinked. "You don't know him." She reached for a roll and the butter. "I don't…" she dropped her eyes, staring down at her half-full plate. "I don't even really know him."
Elliot glanced at Olivia, furrowing his brow as he chewed and swallowed. "Laur," he turned and looked into his sister's eyes. "You weren't…" he choked on his words, gripped Olivia's hand, and said, "Do we need to talk to you about it? Um, officially?" He eyed her in a way that got his point across.
"No, no, no," she held up both hands and shook her head. "I was just...it was at a party. I was with a guy, just some guy from one of my classes. I didn't even know his last name. I still...I still don't." She shrugged and buttered her roll. "That's another reason I left when I did. If he still lives in Queens, if he saw me with the baby...he'd…" she looked up and over to her mother and Cragen. "I didn't want him to take my child away from me, and I didn't really want anything to do with him."
Bernie looked at her daughter, a hint of tragic disappointment in her eyes, and she sighed before she smiled. "Welcome home, honey," she said, raising a glass, and she led the large family in a short but much needed toast.
The rest of the evening went better than anyone expected. There were no fights, despite harsh glances being transferred between Kathy, Joey, Megan, and Brian. Long healed wounds had the potential to open up wide if those looks became words or actions, but no one dared let it happen on Christmas. Presents were opened and carols were sung, cookies and pies and cakes made the rounds, and the children came down from their sugar highs by playing in the snow while the adults busied themselves with cleaning up and pleasant conversation.
"They're asleep," Olivia said softly, stifling a yawn as she walked into their weekend bedroom. She dropped onto the mattress, into Elliot's arms, and let out a closed-eyed moan of exhaustion. "Our family is...crazy."
He chuckled and scooted over, taking her with him as he flattened them out on the bed. "Yeah, but it's not as crazy as it once was." He kissed her temple and whispered, "And it's not done growing." He nipped at her earlobe and groaned when she shivered against him. "Vicki's due any day now, Nicole's having a baby and soon...we're having another one."
"Not soon," she laughed, shaking her head. "Please, we got Eli out of diapers just in time for Mia, can we at least wait until they're both speaking in full sentences before…"
"You know we don't have any say in when it happens," he whispered, hooking his arms under hers and pulling her over onto him. He looked into her eyes and smiled, brushed her hair behind her ears, and his breath caught in his throat when he got a glimpse of the golden flecks in her eyes. "But you know, no matter when it happens, we're gonna be thrilled."
She bit her lip and nodded, then tilted her head. "Ecstatic," she whispered on a moan, feeling his hands slip up her thighs, under her sleep-shirt. "What are you…"
"I also know you, I know your body, and I know that if I make love to you tonight, the way I want to, for as long as I want to...we'll be ecstatic in nine months," he laughed, smoothed his palms upward, and pulled at the elastic of her underwear. He slid them down, laughed again when she raised her legs to help him get them off of her, and he said, "Is that okay with you?"
"Like you said," she moaned, watching his eyes darken, "We don't really have a say in the matter, do we?" She dropped her head back a bit, remembering the question he'd asked her, the moment he decided to spend Christmas with Bernie and Cragen. His words echoed in her ears as his fingers found their way between her legs.
You can be quiet, I know you can. Huh, baby?
For the last three nights, they'd been almost completely silent, making love in the room between his parents and their four children, without a single sound above a breathy whisper. It brought back memories from what seemed like a previous life. "El," she gasped softly, her body tightening when his fingers pushed upward and into her.
"Hmm?" he hummed tauntingly, slowly twisting and crooking his fingers, eager to make her cum at least once with only his fingers. "So beautiful," he breathed, keeping his gaze focused on her face as he worked his hand. She was close, he could feel it. He moaned her name softly, letting her buck and ride against the heel of his palm, giving her clit the attention it deserved while his fingers moved faster and deeper inside of her. "Fuck," he spat out, feeling her tightening around his digits.
"Oh, my God," her mouth formed, but no sound escaped. Her head fell again, her jaw dropped, and he sped up with more force, bringing her over the edge with a fire that would normally merit a loud cry of his name and a prayer.
He chuckled proudly as he slowed, gradually bringing her down without letting her calm completely. He raised one eyebrow at her, watching her chest rise and fall quickly, and he brought his right hand to his mouth. He stayed fixed on her, pure eye contact between them, as he sucked his fingers and rolled his eyes at her taste.
She mumbled a soft, "Oh, my fucking God," at the erotic vision, her heart throbbing and lungs burning, and she inhaled sharply when he grabbed her hips and pulled, practically yanking her up higher on him. "What are you…" a heavy gasp broke off her words.
He had her settled directly above him, her thighs around his ears, and he guided her hands to the headboard, silently telling her to hold on while he did what he had to do.
"Elliot," she panted, her eyes slipping shut as his tongue began to work. Soft moans and light breaths kept the same slow tempo of her rolling hips.
His hands gripped the cheeks of her ass, holding her down and open as he devoured her, loving every moment. This was his favorite way to make her cum; he savored her taste and the feeling of her pulse on his tongue. He'd always said it gave him a sense of immaculate pride, knowing that he had something so incredible that no one else ever would. That he was the only man in the universe who'd ever know what she tasted like, felt like.
"Oh, God," she whimpered, and she tried to move slightly, her body becoming too sensitive too fast, but he had a tight grip on her. He wanted this, wanted her to cum, wanted to lap at every last drop of her when she did, and fuck, when he wanted something he got it.
He felt her quivering above him and he moaned in deep satisfaction, getting exactly what he wanted. He licked her, gripping her harder, working his mouth and lips in miraculous ways, and when she quaked again and he felt one of her hands scratching at his scalp, he stopped and chuckled as he licked his lips. "Something wrong?" he looked up at her innocently.
"Can't," she breathed, her body jerking as she scooted downward, "Can't feel my legs."
He growled, a feral sound like a hungry alpha wolf, and he wound his hand in her hair and yanked, hard enough to spur her further on but not hard enough to hurt. He slammed his mouth into hers, kissing her deeply, madly, as he tried to work himself out of his sweatpants.
"What was that?" Olivia popped away from him, her head whipping toward the door.
They were silent as they waited, fearing it was one of their kids, but the scream that filtered through the house was definitely not a child. "Is that…" he narrowed his eyes, and then they widened. "Vicki," he spat, and he slapped his wife's ass to get her to move off of him.
They pulled on the closest available clothes and ran out into the hallway, seeing exactly what they'd expected to see.
Ed Tucker had one arm looped around his wife and the other clutching a packed bag. "Uh...a little help, here? Anyone?"
Brian rubbed his eyes as he plodded over and wrapped himself around the other side of Vicki. "Got her," he garbled.
Elliot and Olivia roused their kids as gently as they could, letting Mia and Eli sleep as they lifted them up. They followed the panicking group down the stairs and shared a smile. They weren't completely ready for another baby, and they knew they wouldn't have one before Mia was out of diapers, but they knew that when it did happen, they would welcome it gladly.
"You are never touching me again, Edward!" Victoria's yell rang throughout the house, waking up anyone who wasn't already on their way out the door.
Elliot chuckled. "You never said that to me," he whispered to her, kissing her sweetly at the foot of the stairs.
"And I never will," she told him, and she nuzzled him for a moment before getting the kids in the car and off to the nearest hospital to meet the newest member of their family.
A/N: Why did Fin and Melinda miss Christmas dinner? And what is up with Alex and Langan?