It was the strangest form of anxiety; pulsing with havoc and being ravaged by a complete indecipherable mess of emotions that was equal parts terrified, mortified, dreamy, and intoxicated. The class was exhausted by the exercise, but Kairi's incapability to get a handle on her Focus only continued to disrupt the rest of the class. They breathed a sigh of relief when she asked to head to the restroom and was gone for fifteen minutes while she splashed water on her face. Mind feeling a little clear, she slowly walked back to class but in moments, the sight of Shoto's face so fixed on the lesson caused a rise in her heart. The curve of his chin, the glint in his eyes, the perfect angle of his nose. It was only then it had occurred to her how just unnatural his looks seemed. Firm was his gaze, with gentleness forming within the crevices of his features. A perfect analogy to his nature as a gentleman while also standing his ground for things that were true to him. Blushing brightly like a ridiculous little schoolgirl, she dropped her head as she scurried back to her seat. It was no use. She would need to get a hold on these feelings. It was so inconvenient to feel this way. She never wanted to.
Shoto was her best friend, and she only ever wanted that. He had been someone who encouraged her to succeed, to step outside her comfort zone and believed she could be a real hero... while never once had he pushed her or more her feel pressured. All he had ever done was build her up, the way a true friend should. Having that friend... it was uncomplicated. They could be together, have fun, enjoy life. Share laughs. Happiness was finally planted and began to shoot through her. Everything could be just fine, was just fine. She could receive that affection, the attention she always wanted. But that closeness would have a limit and she would never have to worry about the possibility of feeling she was convincing him to do something he didn't want because of her damn quirk. It was perfect.
And then her fucking heart had to go and ruin in. And how cliché – to fall for the one the whole class deemed to most attractive. Until her feelings decided to play this sick game, she had found either Iida or Kaminari the best looking men in class. Now, with her changed eyes, there was no comparison. Shoto's face shone brighter than any other in class, the rest dimmed by his unknown illumination. Slipping back into her seat, she surrendered to the restless atmosphere in the rest of the class. Shoto kept looking over her direction, so much that he was called to pay attention – something he never needed to be told. Many tried to ignore her, but aside from the infatuation stirring in her, the class knew she was distressed by something. As usual, Shoto was probably concerned with whatever it was. Placing a pencil to her notebook and reciting her mantra to just focus on the lesson, Kairi vanished as much as was humanely possible into the lecture.
Books were half falling out of her bag as she scrambled from her seat. Shoto opened his mouth halfway to address her, but she sped on past him. Terrified of what a conversation with him might suddenly elicit, Kairi zoomed from the room and was already zipping out of the classroom just as classmates were beginning to pack up their items. Her classmates stared after the empty space in the doorway when she vanished.
"Is Hoshino all right?" Iida asked, automatically looking Shoto's direction. But he shrugged, eyes wrinkled with perplexed concern.
"She didn't seem all right, but I... don't know," he answered carefully. The boy was already pulling his phone out of his pocket and tapping away at the characters on the screen. "She didn't say anything to me about what was bothering her."
"I'm sure we'll find out soon," Momo said, clutching her bursting bookbag. "She said that we-" Aoyama slid in and clapped a hand on top of Momo's dark hair, cutting her off.
"She said she was feeling a bit ill and needed to rush home right away! I'm sure we'll find out soon! She probably was hurrying home too quickly to say anything to you!" Aoyama laughed warmly and winked to Momo, who was only glaring at him.
"What are you doing?" she hissed. "That's her best-!"
"Au contrare, mademoiselle, I have reason to believe what she wants to discuss concerns him!" he whispered back to her and then turned to back to Shoto with a bright smile, raising his voice again. "Have no fear, ma belle amie, I am sure in time she will let you know." Shoto kept his eyes on Aoyama for a long while, watching suspiciously. Sighing, his shoulders fell and he tucked his phone away.
"I guess it's not unusual for her to feel ill and out of sorts," he relented, pulling his bag over his shoulder. "She'll tell me in her own time. She just needs her space right now, as always."
"Bien!" Aoyama declared, and warmly sashayed from the room. Momo and Tsu eyed him with concern as he walked away, before he gave them another whimsy wink.
"What is going on?" Momo asked. Tsu blinked.
"I guess... we'll know soon?" Mineta passed by the two girls, standing beside each other while they quietly conversed. Proudly, he raised his head and cleared his throat, as if ready to declare the most obvious fact in the universe.
"Clearly, she is just experiencing the monthly sorrows of womanhood," he said. The girls that still remained in the classroom turned on him, eyes narrowed with vengeance. He shifted his eyes, as if it suddenly occurred to him that his words may not have been well received. Tsu's mouth barely opened and he was already scurrying down the hallway.
As quick as she could, Kairi had changed out of her clothes and into a simple pair of jeans with a pale blue t-shirt and cream colored jacket, purple butterflies embroidered along the pockets. Her phone buzzed with two texts from Shoto, but she ignored them and wrung her hands together while she waited for the others to turn up. As much as she detested the group text function and wish ill on anyone who misused it, Kairi resorted to using it to tell Aoyama, Momo, and Tsu to come meet her at her room. She didn't want to risk running into Shoto and then having no idea how to talk to him or how to act.
A gentle knock at her door flung her from her seat on her bed. Upon asking, the voice on the other side had confirmed that it yes, was her friends that she was waiting for and not Shoto. So, she flung open the door and was quick in leaving, her purse hanging off her shoulder.
"Please, hurry..." she whispered, placing hands on both Momo and Aoyama's backs to rush them away from her door.
"Okay, but... are you all right?" Momo first ask while they were be encouraged to descend the steps. Kairi swung her legs speedily, anxious eyes flitting across the stairwell for any sign of Shoto. Her chest moaned and beat dully through her neck and head. Her gut tightened as the anxiety increased, fearing she was going to be forced to have a conversation. Refusing to answer, the group safely left the dorm and began to walk down the path that led to the closest bus stop. The weight lightened the further they got from the school. Kairi finally breathed.
"I'll share more details once we've sat down..." she exhaled, eyes growing at the sight of how many people were filling the spaces on the bus. "Oh..."
"Hmm? Is something wrong?" Momo asked, looking into the full windows. "Oh, that's right you're not a fan of crowded spaces are you?" Kairi shook her head, but forced her foot to push forward and take the first step onto the bus. "Why don't you just call your driver to make things easier?" Confusion short circuited Kairi's brain. Dumbfounded, Kairi forgot about her anxiety for just a second to stare at her friend. "Uhh..." Sense dawned on Momo as she sheepishly turned away. "I forgot, that's not a common thing to have."
"I'm nervous as it is and I don't want to wait around for your driver to get us," Kairi muttered, staring sadly at the bus steps as she avoided to look of the bus driver. "I'll just... get over it." Urgency flowed determination through Kairi and she pressed herself. Discomfort held her in its vice the further she walked onto the bus. Her eyes avoided the glances of others and she snatched a handle that hung from overhead, one that had a little space around it. Her friends crammed themselves around her, and stepped back at the sound of her sharp intake and the tension that built around her.
"You've taken public transportation before, haven't you, Kairi?" Tsu recalled, while searching for something to discuss to distract her mind.
"Yes, plenty of times and it's always pretty tough..." Came her strained voice as her eyes fell onto a nearby window. "Before the dorms, Dad used to drive me to work and sometimes he would bring me home if he wasn't still working. The days he couldn't get me took some time and pep talk. It takes me less time to find the courage to take a bus or subway these days and knowing I've done it in the past helps. However, I'm still uncomfortable the whole way and I know everyone can feel my tension." Sure enough, everyone on the bus was trying to turn away from the other. Some starting tapping a foot or a finger. Several others spoke under their breath, annoyed but without knowing why. Tsu frowned at the sight and Momo sighed. Aoyama carefully moved to put a little more space between him and Kairi, but in the process ended up smashing against Tsu. "It's... easier with Sh... him," Kairi quickly said. Aoyama leaned over an annoyed Tsu with interest.
"Him?" Momo asked.
"She means Todoroki," Aoyama nearly sang, voice just as dreamy as his eyes. She prickled at the sound of his name.
"Yes... he instantly saw I was uncomfortable. The few times we went into town this summer, he placed a hand against the back of my neck." Her own hand went up and traced the placement of where his palm would sit. A smile lingered against her lips, soul warming at the fondest of the memory. "Something about the skin to skin contact, and the gentleness of it reminded me to stay grounded and if there was an issue, he was right there. It was comforting and made it... easier. I was still tense, but..."
"I remember that..." Tsu added, placing a thoughtful finger to her lips. "I remember when we all went to the amusement park. He pushed himself between us all and gave you a little more space and then did that."
"Yeah, I don't freak out as much when I'm on public transportation with him..." At the faltering of her words, Tsu raised her hand. Her slightly webbed hands pressed against Kairi's neck, pushing aside her hair. The young girl gasped and melted into the heat of Tsu's hand. The touch pulled her slightly away from reality, and trickled down ease. Her shoulders loosened and while the bus still felt stuffy, it no longer suffocated her.
The students stepped off the bus at their destination, Kairi feeling looser as she hit the sidewalk. Two seconds to take in deeps breaths of the open air around them, and they walked in the direction of a smaller café just around the corner. Kairi kept her head down as Momo took charge and addressed the host, who seated them to a corner table in front of the large window that peered out into the street. Single sheet menus were placed in front of them and the group was quiet as they looked over their food. With each passing moment, Kairi's stomach kneaded within itself. Her hand pressed against herself, worried for whatever alien may suddenly puncture itself through her stomach.
"Oh, erm... just a... small latte with the strawberry cream cake, please..." she whispered, only just registering the waitress was asking for her own order. A nod of acknowledgement and she finished taking orders from around the table, and she collected the menus. Kairi cleared her throat. Deeply reddened, the girl leaned over the table.
"Um... I might..." she struggled to begin, splaying her fingers out on the table to resist the urge to fidget again. "Th-the th-thi-thing is I kind of... I guess... I might, maybe... I think..." Pushing forward the words, and her brain tried to block them. Emotion continued to build a thicker wall, fighting against everything she wanted. Patiently, her friends remained quiet. Momo's heavy breathing and Aoyama's nervous wandering eyes were the only indication that her emotions were having in affect on them. Consideration led them to fall to silence, and her gratitude grew her strength. Another deep breath, and the moment allowed her feelings to tame.
"These strange feelings I've been having. I think... I might... It's possible I have some kind of... emotion for Shoto." Tsu raised an eyebrow. Momo blinked wildly. Aoyama leaned back against his chair as he took in a refreshing breath.
"I'm guess that emotion is based on a romantic affection?" Tsu said. Kairi nodded.
"It's refreshing to know you've finally figured it out!" Aoyama almost sang, eyeing her with pride. Her mind twitched, and she pivoted her gaze to him with accusation.
"You knew?!" she squeaked.
"I knew what that feeling was the minute you began to experience it!" he said. "As the connoisseur on all things concerning amour, of course I knew what it was! It was also most violent whenever Todoroki was around! And who's to blame you? He is quite handsome." Chuckling to himself, he cradled his chin in his hands, while Momo searched the room with an embarrassed sight.
"I... I knew, based on how it made me feel that it was something romantic. But I wasn't certain it was Todoroki, though he did cross my mind," she confessed.
"It made me feel strange," Tsu admitted. "But I couldn't be sure it was what I thought. I haven't had experience on anything romantic related, though I did feel an odd sort of attraction to certain people at school. But I couldn't tell if it was an extreme fondness for people or something else."
"Then why didn't you tell me?!" she hissed, twirling her hands through her hair. Bulging eyes glared at the sugar and cream cradles in the center of the table. "I suffered these last couple of weeks trying to figure it out!"
"I didn't want to make assumptions," Momo said.
"I wanted to give you the chance to come to your own conclusions rather than putting any ideas into your head in case I was wrong," Aoyama said, sadly. "I wanted to give you the space to figure yourself out. I was afraid I would be imposing." Kairi loosened her fingers in her hair, and slumped in her seat, frowning.
"Why not just tell him?" Tsu suggested. Horror stiffened Kairi.
"Why would she do that?" Momo said, sounding the way she felt.
"No, it needs to be a slow process!" Aoyama stepped in, dreamily holding hands against his chest. "There's an art form to this kind of thing!"
"She's going to want to figure out how he feels first," Momo said.
"That's exactly my issue!" she quietly snarled. "He doesn't act like he has any feelings for me beyond friendship, but now that I have this on me I can't be around him! I always feared if my friends were true friends or just influenced by own emotions. That fear has come about again because of this stupid thing!" Her fist slammed against the table, clattering the silverware that accented their places. "He might feel something for me, but it might not be real – it might be my overspill. It might trick him. He may think he wants to hold my hand – he may think he wants to kiss me. And if he says as much, I fear I may want to believe it so hard I won't care about how he actually feels! But what if it turns out he doesn't actually want that? Won't I just be taking away his own free will then? How does that make me any better than say, Mineta?"
"I think you're going a little too far with that analogy," Tsu advised, just as the server returned, balancing a circular tray with their drinks and small snacks. The discussion stilled as they took a moment to give their thanks, and she set down their choices. With a nod to them, she carried her empty tray and headed back down the kitchen. Clinking utensils filled their awkwardness.
"Am I going too far though?" Kairi suggested, just as they filled their mouths. "Think about how far my emotion could carry. Think about the implications of evil it could have if someone isn't careful with it."
"Didn't you say it can't change someone's beliefs or their true wants?" Momo said after she swallowed a bite of her small tea sandwiches. "If he really didn't want to, wouldn't he say?"
"Yes, but it can influence. He may feel uncomfortable holding my hand, but it's not like it's something he finds completely evil or vehemently against."
"It's not like he hasn't held your hand before," Aoyama said, waving his fork dramatically. Kairi scoffed with her eyeroll. Frustration began to grate through her.
"I'm not talking about the time he was pulling on my hand to get me to leave that collectables shop," she moaned. "And I'm not even really saying he would necessarily be against me holding his hand. I'm using it as a metaphor, to describe a bigger issue. He may already be fond of me because I'm his best friend, but my feelings may conflate those. He might get confused. If that were to happen and we were to begin a relationship, I would always question how real it is. How would I know?"
"Ribbit, I guess my question is do you believe we're your friends?" Kairi tightened, her mind firing and snapping as she tousled the answer. She exhaled.
"Yes. I think I believe you truly are my friends."
"And how did you reach that answer?" Tsu said, spooning a bit of parfait into her mouth.
"With time. Knowing how you reacted without my prompting. How you pushed forward and responded positively to me even when I was feeling down. How I have seen you strain against the affect of my emotions to give me what I needed and found ways to remind you care even when I felt like no one did. You basically did the opposite of what I was feeling, even when it was a struggle."
"Then, I can't imagine it would be that much different," Aoyama said, swirling his spoon through his mousse. "It would be much the same, and it would need to be with time. Todoroki is a beautiful gentleman and he cares for you, no matter what way it is. And it's clear you care about his feelings and put him first. If anything were to happen between you two, I think figuring out how to make it work is the least of your concerns." Momo bit a corner of another tea sandwich, staring pensively in the space between them. Kairi silently sipped at her latte, searching for anything to fill the silence.
"I agree," Momo finally said. "And that's why I don't think that's the issue right now. If it comes up, we'll address it then if you need us to help. Right now, you have feelings for Todoroki and have no idea what to do with them. Also, he just happens to be your best friend."
"Common story," Tsu said, taking a huge sip of her water glass. "A normal high school tale."
"That's it, I... I never had a best friend before him. Ever. And I'm enjoying it, and I don't want to ever reach a point where I don't. I'm happy, and I know that and I want to continue being happy. I don't want things to change. Romance makes things far more complicated, especially with my quirk. Since I'm at a point of happiness, I don't want complication to come and stir that up!"
"That's not something you can expect to stay forever," Aoyama told her, in an uncharacteristically low tone. "If it wasn't Todoroki, it would have been someone else, eventually. If it wasn't a crush, it would have been something else. As we get older, become adults, become heroes, we are going to encounter complications."
"That's very true..." Momo sighed sadly, nursing her teacup. A bit of hair fell in front of her face. "Life only gets more complicated as you go on. Although I know it's tougher with your quirk and I am sorry for that."
"We don't know the answer, Kairi," Tsu warbled kindly, finishing off her parfait. "But we are all here to talk about anything and help you in any way we can." Momo's hand extended over the table-top and curled around her fingers. Smiling, she squeezed.
"We can take it as it comes, and be your confidantes through it all."
"Slow is best, especially since you said you would need time to figure out him and you and how he's feeling," Aoyama, said. Kairi dropped sadly.
"I doubt he has much affection for me. We get along well and understand each other but I don't know if it's anything romantic," she groaned. Disappointment pulled her down, heaving. Momo shrugged.
"He prefers you to anyone else, I can tell that."
"What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't think anything has to change," Tsu added with a bright smile that allowed her tongue to fall out a little more. "Who knows, continuing on as normal could be the best thing for you two!"
"No matter how it turns out, together or not, you may still need your friendship," Aoyama added. His spoon clinked his glass as he spiraled out the rest of his mousse.
"Day by day," Momo reminded, eating the last of her sandwiches. Kairi speared the last corner of her cake and chewed it through thoughtfully. The anxiety and illness was being dampened by their understanding and warmth, settling her nerves.
"Okay, but what about these feelings and how they're spiking in class?"
"We'll get used to it, just like everything else," Tsu said. "We're also growing stronger in our resistance to your emotions. Things might be a little embarrassing and awkward for a few days, but we'll be fine." Kairi dropped her fork onto her plate and cheekily looked across the table.
"Okay, but don't blame any spontaneous make out sessions on me!" she giggled, relaxing in their presence.
"Ohh, I hope that happens! Can you imagine the scandal that would cause and the views it would get if we uploaded a video of it!" The boy across from them excitedly declared.
"Aoyama!" Tsu scolded, crossing her arms before him. He innocently winked at her. The frog girl groaned against and turned back to her friend. "For now, I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying his friendship and company. And as Yaomomo said if there's an issue, you can share it with us." Chairs whined as they were slid back, and the finished dishes lay in wait to be cleaned. Momo stopped Kairi from pulling out her wallet and instead slapped a credit card down. In a few moments, their bill was retrieved and they stood, waiting. Kairi collapsed against each one of them in a hug, her rounded cheeks alight with a glowing pink. If such a blush could be a feeling, it billowed within her heart and soothed her interior.
"I'm lucky to have you all as great friends," she sighed, ruffling Aoyama's hair.
"Now, to discuss our elegant and elaborate of how you will charm and woo one beautiful Shoto Todoroki..." Aoyama began, a smirk playing on the edges of his lips. Kairi flung a light punch against his arm.
"Aoyama, no!"
"Aww, come on!" he moaned, rubbing where she slammed her fist. He pulled her in for another hug, rubbing down her spine. "You should know by now you are more than welcome to call me Yuga." Kairi giggled brightly.
The card was returned to Momo. Feeling much closer, they walked spritely across the street and towards they next stop. Only thirteen minutes later, their bus arrived and they were on their way back to the school. Kairi barely even noticed how crowded it was.