Now we bring you back to some of your regularly scheduled conflict. However heavy this might get at times, one of the tags is still humor. Also thanks to Tenchi Saotome for the follow! Further thanks to Moose Breath 1 for the helpful grammar lesson.
Disclaimer: I took a bump to the head and forgot what I own. Pretty sure it isn't Ranma ½.
Ukyo's POV
It was a particularly hot summer day and none of us felt like doing much of anything as I didn't have anything to do until the dinner rush and neither did Shampoo. (Un) Fortunately the Old Freak had made himself scarce since the Incident and we had yet to extract proper revenge. Honestly it was getting to that point of summer vacation where you're just bored with it.
"Anybody got any ideas for something to do?" I asked.
"How about ice skating rink? Is too too hot to do much else," Shampoo suggested.
"Unless one of you is willing to pay for us, Ranma and I can't. The dojo is flat broke at the moment," Akane confessed.
"Yeah, all we had for breakfast this morning was rice and pickled radish," Ranchan complained.
"Aya, is not enough for growing children!" Shampoo exclaimed.
"If y'all are hungry, you can always come by my place, on the house," I offered.
"You could also come by my house. God knows I've eaten at your place often enough, Scarlet," Ryu piped up, "Although, I thought Nabiki was able to keep things in the black with her…exploits."
"Since Dad hasn't brought in Happosai, he's taken a pay cut and since there's no school, Nabiki's usual source of income has pretty much dried up," Akane explained.
"I wonder how the town council will feel about the Old Freak in a body bag…" Ranchan mused idly.
"I don't want you to become a murderer for my sake. Besides, it's not all bad. I would've never known how gorgeous Shampoo is without-" Ryu cut himself off with a smack to the face. "I meant the first part about not wanting you guys to become murderers. Ignore the second part."
"Well, anyway, I've got an idea. The Tendo Dojo is a trainin' hall, right? Only, I've never seen any students. So why don't we go get some?" Ranma's idea had some merit, at least in my mind.
"Dad stopped teaching after my mom died," Akane said softly, "But you're right! It's high time the Tendo Dojo started taking students again!"
"Does your dad still have his teaching license?" Ryu asked.
"He does," Akane confirmed.
"Great, so let's try handin' out these fliers I made and see if anyone bites,"
That was how we spent the rest of the day. Ranchan had thought ahead and printed out a ton of fliers, so we all took a stack and split up to cover more ground. I was even able to move a few fliers on my regular customers at my restaurant.
It wasn't until the next day that I found out that Ranma had wound up in a bunny girl outfit in order to move the fliers he had, and like a good childhood friend, I ribbed him mercilessly about it.
"I did what I did in the name of not starvin' to death," Ranma growled out.
"Aw, poor Ranma had to flirt with all the boys to get rid of his fliers," Akane teased.
"The bunny girl getup was your idea!" Ranma whined.
"It's not my fault you wear it better than I do. Blame Jusenkyo or something," Akane was completely unmoved, "How about the rest of you?"
"I got rid of all 'o mine during the dinner rush and breakfast this morning," I reported.
"Shampoo do same," Shampoo said, "Great Grandmother find it funny for some reason."
"Old Ghoul probably laughing at my drawing or somethin'," Ranchan sulked.
"I managed to give mine to some of my local gaming buddies. I give it fifty-fifty odds on any of them actually showing up though," Ryu answered, "They might show up just because I told them Shampoo would be there." He giggled a bit before bringing himself back under control.
"We should probably head back to the dojo and wait for the fruits of our labors," Akane suggested, so we all headed to the Tendo Compound. The fliers had all said to show up on Friday and it was still Thursday.
"We're home!" Ranma called out as he opened the door. What greeted us was a young woman with black hair in scrubs kneeling in the classic 'dutiful wife' position.
"Kodachi?!" Ryu, Akane, and Ranma shouted in surprise. I had heard about Kodachi, but this was my first time seeing her up close.
"Nope, nope, nope," Ryu repeated before trying to flee. Akane preempted the attempt by grabbing his collar.
"Where do you think you're going?" Akane asked.
"I've already got a love potion screwing with my head, I don't need any help!" Ryu shouted.
"Ryu, you coward!" Akane clearly didn't want to face Kodachi without all the backup she could get.
"Better chicken shit than dead!" Ryu shot back.
"Oh, my darling Ryu, what a pleasant surprise! I had only expected my beloved Ranma!" Kodachi exclaimed. I was not pleased.
"That's my boyfriend you're talking to," I nearly snarled.
"Now why would my darling Ryu want to debase himself on such a filthy peasant when he could have me, Kodachi the Black Rose?" Kodachi laughed obnoxiously.
"What are you doing here Kodachi?" Akane demanded.
"Isn't it only natural for a dutiful wife, such as I, Kodachi Saotome, to be home to greet her husband?" Kodachi demurred.
"WHAT?!" We all shouted.
"Now, it's almost dinner time. Allow me to whip something up," Kodachi then left to the kitchen, with our group following. There we watched as Kodachi evicted Kasumi from her own kitchen and began to cook.
"You didn't have to let her in, you know," Akane muttered to her eldest sister.
"It wasn't my choice. I know how much trouble you had with this Kodachi girl back when you were doing the martial arts gymnastics. If you're going to complain to anyone, complain to Mr. Saotome and Father," Kasumi defended herself, "She seems to have some strange hold over them."
"Shampoo think she know what 'strange hold' is," Shampoo deadpanned.
"Fat stacks of money," Ranchan agreed.
"Dinner is served!" Kodachi suddenly announced and exited the kitchen, "I hope you've built up a big appetite!" She then glomped onto Ranchan, much to his displeasure. He quickly managed to worm his way free.
"Now wait a minute! What's with the dutiful wife act?!" He yelled.
"Oh, don't tease me, darling. Isn't it only natural that lovers be wed?" Kodachi asked while blushing.
"Crazy ribbon girl have more screws loose than Shampoo thought," Shampoo joked, but her eyes flashed murderously.
"Excuse me, but which 'lovers' are you talking about?!" Ranchan ground out.
"Surely you don't expect such a thing from a maiden's mouth?" Kodachi demurred. She then grabbed Ranchan by the arm and dragged him to the lavish meal she had prepared for him.
"Oh, it's just a few leftovers I threw together. Please, help yourselves," Kodachi offered and Ranchan's stomach growled treacherously. Akane and Shampoo looked mutinous as everyone else of the Tendo household dug in. I sampled some of it and unfortunately it was really good.
"Darling Ranma, beloved Ryu, why aren't you eating?" Kodachi asked innocently.
"I'm on a diet," Ranchan lied, but his wandering eyes and grumbling stomach told the truth.
"I just don't trust you not to poison me," Ryu said flatly.
"Would I do that?" Kodachi was all fluttering eyes and pouty lips.
"Yes!" Ryu and Ranchan both exclaimed at the same time. Our group quickly made our exit and headed to my place.
"Thanks Ucchan. I dunno what I'd do without ya," Ranchan said as he ate his supreme okonomiyaki with all the fixings.
"Could have gone to Cat Café," Shampoo sulked, "Make too too delicious ramen for Ranma."
"Well, I can't even cook without it turning into a disaster, so I don't know what you're complaining about," Akane pouted right beside Shampoo.
"Honestly, it ain't the end of the world if my place was closer and more convenient. Now hush up and eat your okonomiyaki,"
"Yes mom," Both girls chorused and I rolled my eyes.
"So what are we gonna do about Kodachi?" Ryu wondered.
"What can we do? Hope she gets bored? Pops and Mr. Tendo ain't never gonna turn her away if she keeps waving money and food around," Ranchan pointed out.
"I think our best bet is if a bunch of people show up tomorrow for the dojo. If we can bring in enough money to not need Kodachi, maybe we can kick her out," Akane proposed.
"I hate leavin' things to chance like that," Ranchan grumbled.
"We did good work spreadin' those fliers around. We'll just have to trust in that and think of a plan B in the meantime," I counseled.
"Could always kill obstacle," Shampoo remarked facetiously.
"Akane, please dope slap Shampoo. I can't reach from behind the grill," I requested and Akane complied. "No killing, Shampoo."
"Aw, Ukyo never let Shampoo have any fun," Shampoo complained, but the smirk on her face told how she really felt.
As it turned out, our plotting seemed to be for nothing, as when Ryu, Shampoo, and I arrived the next day to help with the new students, Ranchan told us that Kodachi had run off earlier that morning.
"Yeah, she found out that I don't get the dojo unless I marry Akane and just flipped out. Good riddance, I say," Ranchan told us.
"I wonder how many will actually show up," Mr. Tendo wondered aloud.
"Hard to say," Mr. Saotome said.
"Oh, we could make a little wager on it," Mr. Tendo offered, "Whaddya say?"
"You're on!" Mr. Saotome exclaimed.
"Will you two take this seriously?!" Akane barked at the told old men.
"Yes ma'am!" The two were easily cowed.
Soon thereafter a huge crowd appeared. Ranchan's plan had been a huge success! Unfortunately, that success was short lived. No sooner had we signed up the first few students to the dojo when a huge truck rolled up.
"Oh what fresh hell is this?" Ryu groaned. On the trailer of the truck it read 'Martial Arts Health & Beauty Institute'. The truck stopped right in front of the dojo and opened up to reveal a bunch of cute girls in workout attire.
"What's goin' on?!" Ranma demanded.
"We're having a recruitment drive for our brand new dojo!" One of the girls called out.
"Like, enroll now and you'll get an all you can eat Korean barbeque dinner!" Another announced. The trailer closed and the truck drove off, taking all our potential students with it. Mr. Saotome, the traitor, followed along with them, shouting about the barbeque.
"I'm gonna kill him!" Ranchan roared and went after his father.
"We might as well go find out what this is all about," Akane sighed and followed, dragging her dad, who had taken to looking like a deer in the headlights, along. Ryu left right behind Akane. I was about to go too, but then I noticed Shampoo.
She was still sitting in her chair, looking down at her lap and muttering darkly in Mandarin. I returned to my seat.
"You OK, sugar?" I asked with concern.
"Shampoo no care. Stupid Japanese boys blind," Shampoo spat venomously. I raised an eyebrow.
"Shampoo, did you get your feelings hurt?"
"Shampoo is proud warrior of Joketsuzoku! No can get feelings hurt!" Shampoo's stormy expression gave away her true feelings.
"That isn't true and you know it. Now, tell me what's wrong," I offered. Shampoo looked conflicted before opening her mouth.
"Shampoo only good for beauty and martial arts. Stupid Japanese boys hurt Shampoo's pride when run after other girls."
"Shampoo, that isn't true. You're more than your body. You're a good friend too," I comforted her. She looked like she had swallowed something very sour.
"Ukyo no say that if you knew what Shampoo has done," Shampoo looked on the verge of tears.
"Nobody's perfect Shampoo. I sure as hell ain't. I've done a few things I'm not proud of. Doesn't mean we can't be friends," I assured her.
"Ukyo no understand! Shampoo is, she is…what is word? Xié'è…evil," Shampoo whispered the last word so I could barely hear her. I was shocked to hear her refer to herself as such.
"Shampoo! You are not evil! What on earth gave you such an idea?!" I shouted.
"Who else but selfish, evil girl would use old kiss of death over such a thing as wounded pride? Who else but selfish, evil girl would try to lure the same person back with kiss of marriage? That not even tip of iceberg," Shampoo then said something else in Mandarin that I didn't understand and she refused to translate for me. "Wǒ duì tā zuòle kěpà de shìqíng. Wǒ tōule tā de zìyóu."
With that, she just got up and left. I was just so shocked that I let her. Looking back, I really wish I had forced her to tell me what was bothering her so much, but that's hindsight, right? Always 20/20.
I wound up just sitting there, thinking by myself, until Ranchan, Akane, and Ryu returned.
"So, how'd it go?" I asked.
"Well, we're rid of Kodachi, for now at least," Ranchan answered, "Where were you and Shampoo?"
"Oh, we were just here. Shampoo seemed upset about something, so we talked. Wound up losing tack of time, I guess." I was grossly underplaying what had actually happened, but the others bought it without question.
"So today was a big waste of time. We wound up with no new students at all," Akane groused.
"It wasn't a complete waste of time, Scarlet. Ranma did manage to chase off Kodachi," Ryu pointed out.
"That doesn't help Ryu, Ranma and I are gonna end up drinking only tea before school comes back in session at this rate!" Akane nearly exploded. I guess dealing with Kodachi must have fried her nerves. It might also have had to do with the fact that she was going hungry.
"I have an idea, but I don't think you're gonna like it," I spoke up.
"At this point, I don't think we can afford to turn away anything," Ranchan responded
"Well, I could always use some help at Ucchan's. Why don't you two come work for me as waitresses?" I suggested. Ranchan and Akane looked at each other, "I can pay you by way of meals for your family until school starts."
"It can't be any worse than what we did with the old ghoul for the phoenix pill…" Ranchan muttered.
"We'll take it," Akane decided.
"Great! Now, come with me so I can show you the ropes before the dinner rush!" To be honest, I was super glad that I would be able to have friends work alongside me. I could teach Ranchan how to cook my okonomiyaki and Akane would be the server.
That's how we spent the few remaining days of our summer vacation that year. It was difficult in more ways than one, but we all made it through the other side. Still, when school started back up another crisis was awaiting us.
So ends another chapter! You know, given how often we seem to be running into heavy town, I might have to change the tags from humor to drama or something. Oh well, I'll think about it. In the mean time, thanks to CarlSniper1990, who added a favorite while I was typing this chapter!