Book Three, Part Eight: Confessions

Derek's Point of View

I pulled into my long drive and parked next to Addie's BMW. I turned off the car and just sat there listening to the rain pound the hood of my car. My life as I had known it in the past few years had changed drastically today.

I had a daughter. She was funny, bright, beautiful, and a part of me.

I had to go in there and tell my wife about her.

I saw the screen door open and Addie peer out into the downpour. I sighed and got out of the car, making a run for it. I wonder if I would ever get used to this rain.

She stepped back to let me in and handed me a towel, laughing when I shook the water out of my hair like a dog.

"Coffee?" She asked.

"Yes, please." I said.

She poured me a cup and then settled down on the 'couch', curling her legs under her. She looked like she was in her early twenties. Her hair was in a messy bun and she was wearing my black The Clash shirt and a pair of sleep shorts, bare feet, her toenails painted a soft pink.

I went into the sleeping area and changed quickly. Might as well be comfortable while we had this conversation. When I came back out, she was reading a medical journal with a throw over her legs.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

She took a deep breath and put her reading material aside and looked at me. She looked scared. I wasn't sure if she should be or not.

"Yeah." She said softly.

I sat down next to her. I didn't know where to start.

"Did you know? That she was here, I mean. Did you know?" She asked, her voice small.

"I suspected, but I didn't know for sure." I admitted.

She nodded, not looking at me but I could see a small tear trail down her cheek.

"Okay so where do we go from here?" She asked.

"There is something you need to know, Addie."

"You slept with her, didn't you? As punishment to me for what I did. It's okay, I forgive you." She said woodenly.

My eyes widened in shock but down deep I knew that if Mer had reacted differently to me coming here, I probably would have committed the sin I condemned Addie for.

"No. I didn't. It's something else, something big. Life changing." I told her.

"Just tell me." She whispered.

"I have a daughter." I blurted out.

She closed her eyes and exhaled, but she didn't look surprised.

"Addie?" I asked.

"Honey colored hair, blue eyes, dimples, young teenager?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"I knew she looked familiar." She mused to herself. She looked at me. "I met her yesterday. Sweet kid. Very sassy, very smart." She told me.

"She is." I smiled. "She is amazing. We had lunch today." I said excitedly.

"How did you find out?" She asked curiously.

"Meredith told me. Under orders from Mia, I am sure. I don't think she would have told me otherwise." I said bitterly.

"Mia, hmmm. I like it. But I can't say I blame Meredith." Addie said.

I looked at her sharply.

She held up her hands in defense.

"Don't get mad at me. I am innocent in all that. I met you after. It's just if a guy had left me the way you left her with no other explanation then he didn't love me anymore and that he was done living a lie, then popped back into it fifteen years later, then no, I wouldn't have been eager to blurt out that we had a daughter that he could get close to and then leave high and dry." She sighed. "She is thinking like a mother, a good one if Mia is any indication. You have no right to be angry or bitter with Meredith for being angry or bitter with you. She doesn't know why you left, does she?"

I shook my head 'no'.

"She hasn't given me the chance to tell her."

"Maybe that is for the best." She said.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"What happens if you tell her and then she forgives you? Will you try to win her back? What about her boyfriend? What about me? I am your wife."

"You seemed to have forgotten that last year." I hissed.

I ignored the hurt in her eyes.

"How long are you going to throw that back in my face? I apologized, profusely. We have done counseling, I moved across the country to be with you and when I get here, I am faced with your ex-girlfriend and now a daughter. I think I am paying my dues for my sins." She said.

"Do not talk about Mia that way." I demanded.

"I am not talking about her any way. I like her. I am just worried about what happens when you are thrown together with Meredith while you try to get to know her. I have the right to worry."

"You have nothing to worry about. I am married to you." I said.

"I want to be more than an obligation to you." She said quietly.

"What do you want from me? You wanted me to take you back, I took you back. You wanted to move with me, you moved with me. What else do you want?"

"I want you to love me." She said.

"I do, Addie." I told her. I did love her, just not the way I should.

"Okay." She blew out a breath. "So, when do I get to formally meet Mia?"

"Soon, I promise. I have to call her at nine." I said.

"Isn't that kind of late?" She asked.

"That's what I said, and she quickly informed me that she was not six. I tell you Addie, she is sassy. She is so full of life and I love being around her. It's like sunshine all the time."

"She sounds lovely. She will be beating the boys away." She said.

I growled.

Addie looked surprised and then started laughing.

"She has a boyfriend, doesn't she?" She giggled.

"His name is Jake." I spat.

"I am sure he is a perfect gentlemen." She assured me.

"He better be, or I will practice brain surgery on him just for the hell of it." I threatened.

She just shook her head at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You. Being all father like. It is very cute. Makes me wish we would have had kids." She smiled sadly.

"That was your choice." I reminded her.

"I didn't say it wasn't. Hindsight is 20/20."

Didn't I know it.

"Have you told your mom?" She asked.

"No. If you don't mind, I think I am going to call her now." I said.

"Go right on ahead. But don't go far. This is one conversation I don't want to miss." She grinned.

I rolled my eyes and pulled out my phone.

"Do you think my phone shows my age?" I asked, reminded of what Mia had said.

"Why?" She asked.

"Mia said it was an antique." I frowned looking at the unassuming red phone.

"I have been telling you that for years." She said dryly.

I shrugged. It did what it was supposed to do. I dialed Ma's number and waited.

"Hello?"

I smiled.

"Hey, Ma."

"Derek! You were supposed to call me three days ago." I could practically see her frowning.

"Sorry, Ma. A lot has been going on." I ignored Addie's snort.

"What could be going on that is so important that you can't call your Ma?" She demanded to know.

"Mer is here." I said softly.

There was dead silence on the line. I looked at the phone, thinking I had lost the connection.

"Ma?" I asked.

"I'm here. How is she?" She finally asked.

"Angry as hell."

"Did you tell her?" She asked.

"No. She hasn't exactly given me the chance. Besides she had explanations of her own to tell." I said.

"Like what?"

"I have a daughter." I said for the second time in half an hour.

"You have a what?" She asked loudly.

I heard commotion in the background and someone saying, 'What did he do now?' I rolled my eyes at Mel's question. It was followed by, 'Do I need to get him out of jail?', then 'He's in jail?'. That was Amber. A chorus of 'What!' proceeded. Looks like Family Dinner Night at the Shepherd household.

"No, he's not in jail. He's a father." Ma still sounded confused.

"Addie's pregnant!" Nancy screeched.

"No!" Ma shouted. I heard her mutter, 'Thank God'.

"Then who?" Katie asked.

"Meredith." Amber stated quietly, almost too quiet and almost…knowing.

Then it was pandemonium. Dozens of questions were thrown at me. I started with the basic.

"Her name is Mia. She is fifteen. She is beautiful, healthy, and smart. She has my eyes." I told Ma, who relayed the message to everyone.

"Ma, I need to talk to Amber." I said.

I heard a jostling, then a resigned, 'Hi'. I looked at Addie who was amused by what she had heard to this point. I whispered that I was taking this outside. Once there, I sat down on my deck chair.

"Spill it." I said, trying to keep my temper.

"I didn't know for sure. Please know that. I didn't know she was yours. I thought she was Mark's. They eyes were familiar but you know Mark's look similar. I didn't want to upset you." She pleaded for my understanding.

"How do you know about her at all?" I asked.

"Remember that guy I was dating? The one that didn't work out?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"It was her brother." She admitted.

"So, what? You knew this whole time, you had seen her, talked to her and you didn't think it was important to mention it to me?"

"No! I never saw her. I didn't even know it was Mer's brother until I saw a picture of her at their Mom's house. I didn't even tell Jackson but then he found out and…well you know what happened." She finished, her tone sad.

I sighed.

"Please Derek, don't be mad. I was trying to protect you." She pleaded, sounding close to tears.

Poor Amber. She had been carrying this burden for so long and like me, she had made a decision that had lost her someone she loved.

"I'm not mad."

"You're not?" She asked, surprised.

"It wasn't like you had DNA results in front of you. I just, I lost so much time. She is almost grown." I said sadly. "I have half a mind to go to the prison and kill those mother fuckers that put me in this position."

"Yeah, we all feel that way every so often. So…what's she like?" She asked.

"She is amazing." I breathed. "Oh, Am, I can't wait for you to meet her. You will love her."

"I know I will. She's yours. Well, dinner is being served so I will let you go. I am happy that you are happy about this. I am happy she is yours and I am sorry." She said.

"It's okay. I love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

I hung up and stared out into the night sky for a long while. My life had been turned upside down today.

And I for one, couldn't be happier about it.