With the holidays upon them, both Andy and Sharon were thrown into the hustle and bustle. Work kept them busy, and life in general kept them busy too. Andy squeezed in the last few shifts he could at his second job before he no longer had a second job with the company's contract expiring at the end of the year. He also squeezed in time with the kids, knowing that the upcoming wedding would take them away from him. He'd thought about fighting it in court, but at the end of it, he knew that wasn't what was best for his kids. Bouncing them back and forth wasn't the way, and while it killed him to admit that, he knew it was best for his kids. Besides, he knew that being a good parent meant doing what was best for your kids, even if it hurt you in the process. He was trying not to hurt himself in other ways. His sobriety was back on track. He hadn't had a drink since that night he'd shown up at Sharon's place, and while it had only been three months now that it was early February, he was proud of himself and determined to stay the course this time. No more slip ups; he kept telling himself that, and Provenza was on his case more and more to make sure of that too.
Sharon had been extremely busy too, both with work and her home life. When she was not working extremely long days, dealing with idiots in her department, she was busy with her kids. Even late at night after they were in bed, Sharon found herself on the phone with her mother a lot. Yes, even with the time change, she spoke to her mother often late at night. Her mother couldn't sleep, not without Sharon's dad there anymore. The two had grown closer since her dad's death, which was the only positive outcome in the mess. Her mother called her at all hours; Sharon had told her to do that, and even on the nights her mom didn't call, Sharon would call her, not surprised to find her still awake. The two seemed to be mending some of their fences. She'd burned bridges with her family with her marriage mess to Jack and had made things even worse with the divorce and all. Sure, they understood staying married to scum like Jack wasn't the answer, but overall, they just weren't happy with her life choices. They'd always said they wanted better for her, and it seemed that now that the women were finally talking, they were realizing that life was short; it was too short to hold grudges and alienate family. Of course, talking to her mother all night each night was a step forward, but it also left Sharon bone tired. She just wasn't sleeping; she was a hard working single mother who just didn't have enough hours in the day, certainly not for any time to herself or for anything else.
On this particular afternoon, Sharon was starving. It was after 3:00, and she'd missed lunch, stuck in a long staff meeting. Her boss was out and had asked her to sit in for him. She'd done it now on occasion, and while she didn't mind, she had to work hard NOT to roll her eyes when a few select people starting talking. She couldn't stand to listen to a few people, Taylor, one specifically. He drove her crazy, trying to be one of those who agreed with everything, one who tried to claim every good idea originated with him. He wouldn't stop talking either, causing the meeting to go much longer than needed. Sharon couldn't take him and wondered if her own boss felt the same. She'd have to ask him when he was back to work. Today, though, she needed food. She'd missed breakfast and realized the last thing she'd eaten was a wilted salad she'd eaten quickly in the car while waiting for Emily's dance practice to end the night before. That was depressing, the salad, not the practice. Ricky's hamburger and fries had smelled so good, and it had taken every ounce of her being to not rip the food from her toddler and stuff her own face. She'd been good and eaten her salad, as bad as it was. That had been almost 24 hours ago now, just shy of, but still, too long to go without food. She waited at the end of the counter here at the deli, wondering why it was taking so long just to scoop out tomato basil soup.
"Sharon," she heard and turned to find Andy standing there behind her. He had on his coat, something she'd already discarded while waiting.
"Andy, hi," she said, letting out her breath as she cautiously greeted him. The two just hadn't seen much of each other, and the time they'd been together seemed like an almost distant memory.
"It's been ahh, well, I haven't seen you in some time. How are you?" Andy asked. Just then, Sharon caught out of the corner of her eye, her soup being placed there on the counter. She briefly glanced to it and turned back to him.
"Fine," she admitted, gesturing with her hand while a little flustered. "I mean, busy, but fine. You?"
"Fine," he nodded in agreement. "Life is-" Andy paused, and Sharon jumped in.
"Hopefully, you are doing a bit better?" Sharon raised an eyebrow at him, cautiously optimistic.
He nodded, "You?"
"Fine," she said again, nodding.
He chuckled briefly and glanced to his shoes, "I think we've established we are both fine. How about really telling me? You eating here?" Andy nodded to her soup, and she pursed her lips as she glanced at it. He continued, "I was coming in for a cup of coffee. Chief gave us all a break. We've been working a case for 30 hours or so now. I'm beat. Provenza went home, but I just decided to get coffee."
"Ahh, yes," she said, nodding again. "I was going to eat alone, but sure."
"I'll get some coffee," he said with a single nod. "Anyone walking in will just assume I'm in trouble again, sitting with IA." Sharon forced a weak smile, unsure of how she felt about Andy joining her. It was fine, but really, that seemed to be the word for everything.
A few minutes later, Sharon looked up as Andy walked up, put down a tray, and pulled out a chair to sit across from her. She raised her eyebrows at the tray. Andy shrugged.
"What? I decided a decent meal was in order," he explained, nodding to his tray, full of a grilled turkey on rye with a bowl of soup-the kind, Sharon wasn't sure-and a giant piece of carrot cake. Sharon bit down on her lip to hide a smile and instead took a sip of her soup while Andy got situated. "Besides," he gestured to her bowl, "that's not going to fill you up. I know it's a rare rainy day here, but that's not filling."
"It's filling enough," Sharon shrugged. Andy pushed the piece of carrot cake toward her and nodded to her.
"That's for you," he said. She gave him a look, and he just shook his head, "I know you wouldn't treat yourself to a piece of cake, but as a friend," he leaned in slightly, "you look exhausted, and I think a piece of cake could help a little."
"I don't need-" she started to say, and then, she paused and frowned. Instead, she looked down at the cake and said in an almost mumble, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he said to her. "Besides, I'm enjoying my last paycheck from my second job."
"They let you go?" Sharon's eyes widened, looking at him.
"No, not exactly," he said. "Company folded at the end of the year. Let's just say that all of that on your doorstep back in November-the job was part of that. I didn't want to get into anything that evening."
"Oh," Sharon said simply and frowned. "I'm sorry. Now, I feel terrible for taking money from you with the cake."
"Just enjoy it," Andy said to her. "I guess the only thing I ask is that you really tell me how you are doing. We haven't talked much," he said, leaning again closer to her. "We, before all this," he gestured with his hands, his sandwich sitting there growing colder and colder. "Before all this, we were closer in a lot of ways" he took a breath and looked down.
"Andy-" she said, cutting him off. "I can't-"
"No, I mean," he sighed and looked up. "I just miss our friendship, Sharon. We had a special one."
She nodded, "We did. It just that," she paused and frowned. It looked like she wanted to say more, had so much to say, but she took a deep breath and only glanced up at him before looking down at the table again, "Andy, I just need to be friends. I can't go back to all of that. It isn't a good idea."
He sat quietly, thinking that she had been avoiding him because of this. While he hated to hear it, he had to try and understand. The two had been using each other, and that time was in the past now. They had to move on; he had to accept that, even if he truly enjoyed being around her. He'd thought their chemistry was great, but honestly, who was he kidding? The two were not suitable for each other. He figured that Sharon, in her time away, had realized he was just another drunk, another man like her ex, and she'd wised up to forget about the two of them sleeping together.
"Sure," he softly said, as he chewed on a bite of his sandwich. "Look, Sharon, can we talk? We were pretty good at that before we added anything physical. Please?" Andy met her eyes, pleading with her. He did need a friend, someone other than Provenza. He'd lived alongside this woman, well, in some ways, for a year. He'd slept with her, been intimate with her, and he just felt like she was a good listener. She was smart and seemed to encourage him even at his lowest points.
"I would like to try," Sharon offered a small smile and nod. "I can't promise anything," she sighed. "It's just all so hard."
"Understood," he nodded slowly again. "I want to start right now and apologize for falling off the wagon, showing up at your place when you had-still have- a mess on your hands. You didn't deserve that. You deserved a friend who was there for you. Instead, I was in my own pity party and dragged you into it."
"No, it's not-" Sharon started. Andy put up his hand to stop her.
"Please," he said. "No excuses for me. I'm an idiot and a stupid drunk. I'm working on my sobriety again. I can't promise it won't happen again, but I'm going to do better than I did before. I threw away a year of sobriety, over a year of it. That was a huge mistake. I can't let the problems in my life cause me to spiral out of control."
"You have to stop calling yourself a stupid drunk, a washed up drunk-all the names you call yourself," Sharon said, cupping her hands around her soup. She gave him a sympathetic glance, "Please."
"I will try," he assured her. "Now, I can tell you don't want to talk, so let me. If at any point you want to tell me your story, what all is bothering you, causing you to look so exhausted and just overall down, I mean, besides losing your dad, please stop me. I'll be happy to listen. Since we're trying to rebuild a friendship, I'll start. Okay?"
She nodded, still quiet. He studied her expression. She looked almost frail, as if she wanted to cry. He could tell she wasn't eating well. She looked thin. She was always thin, a good figure, but it was a different look. She looked bone tired and just almost lifeless. He wished she would open up about anything.
"So," he said after taking a sip of his coffee, "wow, sorry, but that tastes good."
"When did you last sleep?" Sharon asked, eyeing him.
"Right back at you," he smirked. "Okay, fine, though," he said, chuckling slightly when she gave him that glare. He'd seen it before, often with the kids and even with some of the idiots at work. "I slept two days ago, nothing since then. This case is, well, just needs to be over. We're waiting on a search warrant. I think we're getting there. Anyway, that's not what I want to discuss," he nodded at her. He took another bite of his sandwich, followed by a big spoonful of his soup.
"I'm sorry. I interrupted you, your train of thought," Sharon said.
"It's fine," he raised a hand. "I told you about losing my second job," he frowned. "Sadly, that wasn't all of it. It's been a rough few weeks, months, you know, all of it. The real nail in the coffin for me has been regarding the kids."
Sharon looked up, sipping her soup, and her eyes widened. He could see the wheels turning there as her eyes darted. She swallowed her soup quickly, "Wait, what? Oh no," she sighed loudly, "did your drinking again affect the kids?"
"No, that didn't. I'm still seeing them for now. For now, "he repeated. "Sandra is getting remarried. She got engaged on Halloween, and that sent me into my spiral, well, partly into it. It's not the marriage; I'm not in love with her or lusting after her. She's taking the kids away, moving north. I'm going to lose them."
"Oh, Andy," Sharon said, even her eyes filling with tears. "You can fight it," she said, the sound of her voice confirming she was fighting the tears. Her eyes met his.
"Nah," he shook his head. "I would lose, and I need to let them go. I need to let them have some sort of normal life. What kind of life is it fighting them, forcing them to come here every couple weeks? They are going to be hours away. I need to let them be a family, as much as it kills me. He's going to be their dad, step into that role."
"You will always be their dad," Sharon said firmly, her hand reaching over to squeeze his, her eyes locking on his. "You are always their dad. You care, and you are trying. Even if you don't want to bounce them back and forth, you can still fight this, make sure you have custody."
"That I am doing," he said, letting out a long sigh. "I'm trying to work through that with Sandra. I keep getting upset and frustrated just talking to her. I need to do better; I will do better for the kids. I'd like to have a typical custody like most people do," he rolled his eyes. "I'd like to see them a couple weeks in the summer so that I can take my vacation time then and spend it all with them. I'd like to work out a couple holidays. It's not much, but I'm going to do what is best for them, even if that means letting another man raise my kids. I screwed up; I lost my marriage, and apparently, this is my penance. I'm going to let them go, as much as it kills me. I'll see what I can do about getting up to visit them on a weekend a month or so. It's not going to be easy, but I'm finally coming to grips that my kids are leaving, that I have to let them go."
"You've been through a lot," Sharon said with a small smile, trying to reassure him. She was seated forward, leaning toward him to listen. She sat back and crossed her arms while she shook her head.
"You are doing anything to be a dad, even letting your kids go. You care so much. I have a Jack, a man who doesn't even know when his kids' birthdays are and has no interest in even being a father. The world is one messed up place."
"Indeed it is," Andy sighed and looked down. The two were silent again for a few moments. He looked at his watch and then back to her, "I should go. I need to get back to work, this case and all."
"Right," Sharon nodded. "I need to finish eating and do the same, get back to work." Andy stood and nodded to her food.
"Eat that cake, and that's an order, Raydor," he said, half-teasing.
She smiled, a real smile as she looked up at him, "I outrank you."
"Humor me and just eat the cake, something from a friend. I know you have a lot on your plate too. Maybe one of these days you'll tell me about it, all of your troubles."
"Maybe they need to just stay hidden," she said, pursing her lips and looking away. She looked back at him as he gathered his coat, "Thank you for the cake, for the company. It was good to talk, and I'm going to try to get back to a friendship with you. There won't be more than that. I can't go there again."
"Okay," he said quietly. He felt awkward standing over her, hearing that, not sure what to say, and so he tapped his finger on the table one time. "Listen-"
Sharon shook her head, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. He paused, as if sorting it out himself in his mind.
"The wedding-Sandra's wedding, with the kids and all," he said, still almost fumbling over his words. Sharon looked up, searching his face, trying to figure out what he was saying. "Sorry," he shook his head. She shook hers, and he sighed, letting out a long breath, "I guess I just had the thought that maybe you could help me out with the wedding. The kids wanted me to come, to see them all dressed up. Believe me, it's the last place I want to be, but I will be keeping the kids while Sandra and the idiot go on their honeymoon-some beach in Mexico," he rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to ask is that I'd like you to think about it, but maybe you could tag along with me. You helped with the kids so much when I was living at your place. The kids like you, and I wouldn't have to answer questions about some date. I really don't want to go alone. I don't want to go to my ex-wife's wedding at all, but it's for my kids. I'll do anything for them. Wedding is May 14, so you have time to think. Just friends," he gestured, raising his hands. "I promise. I just could use a friend there. I mean, I promise it's just that because well," he said, getting nervous, "I'll have the kids for a week after that. I'm really looking forward to that part, and I guess I'll deal with the low being my ex getting remarried to have that high of a week with the kids."
"Andy," Sharon said quietly, and he stopped talking. "I'll think about it. I couldn't imagine that situation myself, and you're right that it would be awful to face alone. I'll see what I can do. I can try to be a friend."