CHAPTER XI: PLATEAU
Being dead is something I'm accustomed to by now but instead of the darkness that usually pervades my mind, I wake up on my back staring at a clear blue sky. I sit up to survey my surroundings, a cliff-side overlooking an immense body of water extending to the horizon. From the noise, the water below is flowing against the base of the cliff, splashing against the rocks below. Something about the place seems familiar as I lean over the cliff edge, the sharp rocks below looking weathered by constant water exposure. I can't quite place what the place is because my mind is still trying to cope with the present events.
I move to a stand to get a better look around, my limbs unburdened and responding well. My hands slide along my body to get an extent of any new injuries, finding nothing new and silently appreciating the old scars on my back. My left-hand moves into view, surprising me with its lack of scales or talons. I had become so accustomed to the scales that their disappearance made me uncomfortable.
The boom of distant thunder gets my attention and I snap my head in the direction of the sound. The horizon starts to blacken with storm clouds rolling in at an unnatural pace, the water below swirling and thrashing in response to the storm. Something big is moving in the water and headed my direction, something that displaces a massive amount of water with their bulk. The storm reaches me and bathes the surroundings in darkness, thunder and lightning shattering the darkness with noise and light at random intervals while rain tries to maintain the horror. Water drenches me in sheets, my body shivering slightly from the weather without the scales to protect me.
A deep growling can be heard over the din of the storm, the source making itself known by slowly rising out of the water at the cliff's base. I look over the cliff's edge as a single mass splits into eight separate masses, the heads of ancient beasts rising in a shower of displaced water. The heads reach then ascend above my position, each one towering over the cliff's peak and forcing me to look up at them. The storm frightened me as is always did but it finally occurs to me what the storm represents and despite the angry beasts growling at me ominously, I smile up at them with kindness.
"This is where you died...where Susa-no-O tricked you with kind offerings and cut you to pieces...but he couldn't unmake your essence despite being a fallen god...he took one of your tails as a weapon...as a final insult...trapping you to their will for all eternity..." I say up to the dragons, the storm clearing around me as the illusion is broken. The dragons, once visages of savagery and anger glowering down at me, become greatly calm and lower themselves to the cliff's edge to lay.
As they lay down slowly, I reach to my right and pull out my father's sword that he wielded in life. The blade darkens in my hands and is cold to the touch, emitting a cloud of shadow that flows off the edges. With my other hand, I summon the sheath to the blade and slide it into my belt, moving into a ritualistic pose by planting my right foot forward and swinging the blade outwards in front of me. I hold the blade theatrically before moving on, reversing the blade tip towards the sheath and bringing the two items into contact with each other. The blade is sheathed deliberately slowly as I say reverently, "I return the blade to its home in body and spirit."
The blade emits a loud ring of metal as it sheaths, my left hand removing the sheath and twirling it around as I move to my knees. I lower my head and offer the sword towards the dragons in both hands palm upward, saying slowly and deliberately, "You are free of my bloodline and can choose your destiny."
I can feel the breath of one of the dragon's heads on my body, the sound of it growling becoming louder. Though I remain formal, I smile inwardly at the realization that the sound of them growling is just how they breath, a sound that once terrified me coming into focus. I look up at the dragon as they take the sword in its jaws, moving to a stand and venturing to the cliff's edge to follow its slow path back into the water. A tail, as regal as the heads, displaces the water and rises towards the head holding the sword. Even from such a height, I can see that the tail is stunted and malformed. A gentle motion places the sword on the stunted tail's tip, the sheath shattering and reforming into what it once was. The other seven tails displace the water, rising to the same height so that all eight tails are waving gently in unison.
The world around me starts to crumble away silently as the dragon moves back into the waters below gracefully, the last of its magic released from its shackles. I force myself to watch in silence as the world falls apart. There's a feeling of sadness from my hands grasping at the still air and a feeling of fear as each shard of false reality falls away. I have to face this death alone and it terrifies me...
"It's not your time," a familiar voice says, a hand taking my right hand and holding it tightly. The broken shards of the world stop mid-flight and surge back into their original positions, snapping back into place and shaping into a new landscape. A single instance is all it takes to create the grove we destroyed back in Irlo, remade in my mind to what it should have been. Butterflies sprout up from the fields of flowers, flying about lazily in the light breeze produced by a single tree. I start to take a step forward into the serene grove but am pulled back to my original position, the same voice from earlier saying to me cautiously, "If you go in there, you won't come back out. You'll die and there won't be a way to bring you back."
"Yamato freed them...my father, my mother, Lord Ainz...I even saved my uncle from death...why are you here? You're supposed to be free..." I whisper while staring at the garden with new eyes. I feel the hand holding mine let go but I don't let go, closing my hand tightly and repeating my question more forcefully. Anger starts to build as I fall into outrage, ranting at the figure beside me without looking at them, "Why did you stay!? They can't bring me back from that dark ritual now that Yamato is released! Isnadra already consumed my remaining essence! Why are you here!?"
"Because I'm a fragment as well..." the voice replies sadly, my head snapping to the right for the first time. Doris is staring at me with tears in her eyes, her face expressing anguish that I could feel personally. Before I can try to deny her words or defy, she tells me quickly, "Isnadra consumed me first before she came after you...that's how she knew how to use the spell...she had to test it first-"
"No...no, no, no, why would she do that!?" I shout as I start to feel despair. Doris tries to move into the grove again but I turn to her and hug her tightly. I try my best not to break down into tears but fail, choking out between gasps, "I'll find a way...I'll find a way! I won't let this happen!"
"It has to happen for you to live," Doris explains sadly and with a strength that I didn't know she possesses, she picks me up bodily and throws me away from the grove. I scream in denial as she becomes more and more distant, stretching out with my senses for some means to assist me. My sense of hearing and smell are dulled, the world around me feeling hollow and silent.
I reach into my belt with my right hand and pull out a device, hearing it click as I aim and pull the trigger deftly. A bang propels a claw with a line out at high speed, arresting my momentum sharply when the metal claw embeds in the ground in. The sheer reversal of force pulls my right arm out of its socket but I hold onto the device with both hands regardless of the pain, letting it pull me as quickly as the mechanism can pull. Doris stops in her tracks and extends a padded hand towards the way inside, green energy flowing across her fur and condensing into elvish symbols in front of her hand.
"No, no, no, no, no!" I shout as I almost reach the grove, the line severing as a barrier of emerald light cuts the rope and blocks my path. I brace my arms in front of me but the magic easily resists the impact of the collision, arresting my forward movement and dropping me to the ground suddenly. I scramble to my feet, my right arm pounding in pain as I pull another item from my belt with my left hand. We make eye contact, both of us feeling similar anguish as I scream to Doris, "Don't do this! Don't make this choice for me!"
I roar in anguish as I punch the shield, the charged metal spikes of the disrupter knuckles slamming into the shield but not penetrating. I start punching in a frenzy but as I try to produce enough damage to pass through, the cracks repair themselves faster than I can break them. My arm keeps moving until the charge on the item is spent, my voice pained and screaming in denial as I punch the barrier with an unpowered item.
"Only one of us can make it out...and I choose-" she tries to say but I stop her before she can finish, slamming both hands against the barrier as I scream, "No! Just stop! I'm tired of letting things happen around me! I'm tired of having no control over the horror! I'm not letting this happen! I'm never letting this happen!"
I feel my chest tingling, taking a few steps back while inhaling as much mana from the air as I can. Doris tells me not to but I exhale with as much force as I can, lightning spearing outwards and smashing into the barrier with a blinding flash of magic. The pain of using normal lungs to do what I've just done is immense but I charge into the opening in the barrier without hesitation. Something snags my right ankle as I pass through and sharp pain cuts through the flesh and bone, my body falling into the grove in a crumpled heap.
My burnt lungs make any breath painful but I drag myself forward in desperation, Doris running towards me with fear and concern. I reach up to her but she flips me onto my back, propping me into a sitting position while touching my chest with her right hand. Magic flows not just from her but the surroundings, healing my wounds and informing me of my missing foot being reformed. The physical pain leaves but the anger fades away to be replaced with a deep sadness.
"Don't leave me again! I need you still! Please! Please don't ask me to go away!" I cry as I break down into sobs. Fur brushes against my back and chest as she embraces me in silence, my cries becoming more desperate and uncontrolled. With little reason to hide, I shout between sobs, "I lost you once and couldn't find you! It took me years to get over the pain! I'm...I'm still scarred from that...I can't...I won't trade your life for mine..."
"Others still need you as you need me. They're hurt as much as I've done to you. I won't leave them like that...even if I want to spare you pain," she whispers sadly but before she can move, I spin around in her embrace and hug her, letting out more sobs as I embrace her desperately. She returns my hug with equal sadness because we both realize its too late. The world around us is already breaking apart and I could feel her fading away already. I gasp in deep breaths to calm myself, saying rapidly as the world falls apart, "I promise I'll find a way. I promise I'll find a way. I'll find a way, Doris!"
"You saw the real me and accepted me...I will always love you for that..." she whispers in a fading voice, my arms finally passing through her form because her presence becomes too thin to hold. I move to a stand and scan around the breaking grove, calling out her name fervently even as the world falls apart.
Then I sink to my knees in defeat, screaming and sobbing uncontrollably into my hands and hoping the nightmare will end.
It's the first time I wake up screaming and in tears, the pain from my dreams following me into the waking world. My arms and legs strain against bindings that hold them, tree branches and vines tearing away violently as I try to find solid ground. I land awkwardly on all fours onto soft earth, multiple voices giggling and gasping in surprise. Some are joyful for my wakefulness, some are fearful for my outburst, and some are excited about my strength. I slowly lift myself and glance around, seeing the fairies hovering around me in fear and apprehension while some of them swarm off to other parts of this place.
I reach up and touch my face, smooth skin removing tears from smooth skin. Dull brown scales coat the face of my left hand so I start feeling across my body silently. Scales are present across the face of my other hand, the top of my right arm, the entirety of my back, the outer edges of my face, and the front of my legs.
I numbly walk away from the tree down the hill, careful not to trample any of the plant-life to reach the pool of water below. One look into the clear waters confirms my fears, a reflection with two yellow orbs framed by a brown mane of hair staring back at me. I bring my left hand into view of the water, turning it over as if seeing another show me their deformities. At a thought, the fingertips change into sharp talons that slide against each other the sound of grinding stones. Another thought retracts them so I can reach down and dip my hand into the water to drink.
"I'm...I'm so...sorry..." I hear Demiurge say from my right, my drinking ceasing as I rise and turn towards him slowly. He looks the same but can't seem to look at me, opting to stare at the pool of water instead. My head nods once to him and I say slowly and sadly, "Doris was my fragment...and I'm just a construct...so I can't remake her...neither can Isnadra remake her...is there anything I can do?"
Demiurge takes long moments of silent contemplation before he answers, my body turning to the water to share a moment of quiet reflection. He tells me in a whispered voice, "You brought something back with you from your dream and left things there. What did you bring back?"
I show him what I brought back, lifting it from my belt with my right hand and balling my fist around it. Once my hand is in his view, the fingers slowly open to show him what I have. One glance is all it takes to make him turn away, a gate opening nearby for him to leave through in silence.
I watch him go, closing my hand around the silver ring to keep it safe.