A/N: Happy New Year to all; still looking for the ideal beta - writing can be a lonely business, and I haven't invested as much of myself in the show as I used to.
December 5th, 2012
My dear Rachel,
I'm writing to you on my first day back at base. There is so much that I want to tell you that I didn't get a chance to say before you left for the city with Kurt. First and foremost I want to tell you that I love you. I know I say that to you a lot, but I want you to know just how serious I am about it. Everything that happened with Mike has put so much into perspective for me. We don't know how long we get to be with each other in this life, or in any life after it. You mean the world to me Rachel – you changed my world the day we met, and you don't even realize it. This was before Glee Club and Mr. Schue, before any of Quinn and her baby drama. This was when I saw you perform the first time, you never saw me watching you in the auditorium. You were practicing for the fall musical, and I had come into the auditorium by coincidence, to check my cell phone between practices. I saw this tiny person standing up there, commanding the entire stage with just her voice. You are the type of person who will make others stand and take notice, and that is so important. I miss hearing you sing every day in Glee practice, I miss watching you stand up for the issues that matter to you, whether it's animal rights or something as trivial as what we're going to perform at Sectionals. And it is trivial in the long run: Sectionals, Regionals, and Nationals. Those were small moments we shared together, that brought us closer together. It kills me to know that I am missing one of your moments. I know how important to you and your career the Winer Showcase is. I know full well how amazing you are, know that better than most people ever will. I want you to know that I'm there with you in spirit, 100%, and I'll be thinking about you the entire day. You seemed so surprised when you got the golden invitation, but I'm not surprised at all – Rachel you are amazing, you are so much greater than you know. This year I've seen you underestimate yourself in so many ways; trying to get married just so you wouldn't have to go away to school, getting down on yourself when other people don't see your brilliance. Well it really is everyone else's loss, because there is no one like you – and if someone like this Cassandra July person can't see it, then that's on her.
I know you'll rock next semester just like this one. You've got a great four year plan, which is more than a lot of other people have at this point. I'm still struggling with what I want to do past my two year commitment to the Army. If I like it that much here, or if I'm truly needed, I may stay longer. It feels great being needed and being part of a team again. The Army men and women have become another family for me, not that they'll ever replace you, Kurt, Burt, Mom, and the rest of New Directions, but I have to say that I have a great sense of purpose here that I was missing in my senior year, when I thought that my best years were behind me. Football was over for the year, Glee was over for the year after the Nationals win, and this was exactly what I needed to be able to move on with my life.
You are so lucky Rachel, that you get to beat to your own drum, stand apart from the crowd. Other people aren't as lucky as that. I'm someone who needs to be part of a crowd, part of a team. I've tried being on my own, and it hasn't worked out very well for me.
So I'm happy where I am, and I'm happy that you are where you are, even though we can't be together every day.
Don't rehearse too much for your big performance, you wouldn't want to psych yourself out. I really think that some of your best work has been when you are unpolished, unrehearsed – where it's just you and the music in the moment. Don't overthink anything, and just perform and be you – it's exactly what everyone wants. I know I won't be there, but I've got Puck promising to record everything for me – one of those secret voice recorders that you can hide in your pocket, so there's no way I'll miss hearing your beautiful voice.
Remember that above all, I love you more than anything, and can't wait until we see each other again at Christmas.
Love Finn