XLIV
Marian's words had made Francesca feel heartily ashamed of herself.
Who was she to analyse Marian and Guy's relationship? To question Marian's motives? It was none of her business. He was none of her business.
His life was with someone else now and as much as she didn't want to face the reality of her situation, so was hers. It was Winchester whom she should be considering when buying scarves and as absurd as that thought seemed to her, (for spending time with him had not improved her opinion of him one iota), her future lay with him.
Thankfully, the following days were busy ones for Guy; the sheriff released him from the dungeon and he was occupied working on a project with a fellow called Lambert, which meant Francesca saw little of him. It gave her time to reflect on her behaviour towards him and cement her decision to keep her distance in future.
It wasn't easy though, especially as one morning he appeared in the great hall, smiling broadly, asking everybody to accompany him for he had something to show them. The look of excitement on his face made Francesca feel giddy before she reprimanded herself for being pathetic. She was trying to think of an excuse not to go when Marian arrived and that was exactly the kind of reality check she'd been needing. If she could see them together as a couple, that would surely stop her from behaving like some lovesick idiot wouldn't it? She had once thought that to see him happy with another would be the death of her but now she was determined to be the master of herself and get over this just as she had gotten over everything else in life that had not gone her way.
You can do this. You will do this. You must.
Not an hour later, she found herself in a clearing near the mines trying her best not to burst with pride for him and his friend. The explosion was like nothing she had ever seen and their idea to use the black powder in the mine was a stroke of genius. His joy at having impressed Vaisey was something to behold - she knew how seldom praise was from the elder man and how important his approval was to Guy.
Of course, it couldn't last. No sooner had the smoke cleared that Lambert realised the folly of bestowing something so powerful upon the sheriff and it all turned ugly. The speed with which a business proposition became a melee made Francesca's head spin and once again, it was Guy's behaviour that shocked her the most.
How could he do this to his friend? How could he turn on him? Just as his coldness at Locksley had floored her, now he was trying to force Lambert to do a deal with Vaisey and all she could do was stand there with her mouth hanging open as the man she thought she knew became a stranger to her once more. As the guards dragged Lambert off and Vaisey spoke of "hurting him carefully", a terrible dread took hold of her.
Oh Guy, what have you become?
Upon returning to the castle, Francesca holed herself up in her quarters.
She felt as if the only sure thing in her life was falling apart and so wasn't up to being around people. Luckily, nobody cared where she was and so for a few hours she able to enjoy relative peace in her chamber…
Until somebody outside started yelling, that is.
"Sir Guy of Gisborne come out here this instant and speak to me!"
She frowned and went to the window. The sight that greeted her was a group of guards congregating around an irate older woman who was trying to get into the inner courtyards of the castle.
"I know you're there! And I don't care how long I have to wait; I'm not going anywhere till you talk to me!"
As she then heard the woman protest at being manhandled by the guards, she made a decision to intervene; she was damned if she was going to stand by and watch as another poor soul was dragged off to the dungeons this day.
She was just on the way to the ruckus as she caught sight of Guy and Marian in one of the courtyards. The image instantly burned itself onto her retina. They were talking intimately and Marian had her hand upon his shoulder. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they did not see her on the other side of the courtyard nor had they noticed Vaisey, who was watching them from the upper gallery. That would also explain why they hadn't heard the woman kicking up a fuss at the west gate.
The pang of jealousy she felt hit her as strong as any blow and she very nearly stumbled and fell to her knees before she inwardly yelled at herself to get it together and attend to the rather more important matter of stopping the guards from arresting the upset individual nearby.
Fortunately, she got there in time. "For shame, do you not have any respect for your elders? What has possessed you all to go pushing this lady around?"
"She wouldn't shut up!" One of the surly bunch replied.
"Did you think to ask her what might be the matter before you started manhandling her so?"
"She kept yellin' for Sir Guy…"
"Yes, well I heard that much myself thank you very much. Has anyone gone to fetch him?"
"Course not. He'll not want to talk to her when she's like this." The guard spoke as if this was self-evident.
"Well I don't think that being crowded in by all of you has helped much with calming her down do you?"
A chorus of grumbling and muttering from the guards ensued before the injured party finally managed to get a word in. "Why bless you child for coming to my aid, I don't want any trouble I assure you, I just want to speak to Sir Guy."
"May I ask what has upset you?"
"Aye you may, t'is my son you see, he and Sir Guy have been friends for years and what do I hear this day? That he's been arrested and taken to the dungeons!"
Francesca's stomach flipped in recognition. "He wouldn't happen to be called Lambert would he?"
The woman eyed her suspiciously, "Yes, that's my son. Do you know why they've taken him?"
"Yes. Let us go somewhere quieter and I can fill you in on what I know."
"I can do nothing for him."
Francesca hadn't said a word but in that strange way they had always managed to read each other, Guy had already divined her question. His voice was flat and emotionless. He avoided her gaze. She had numerous suggestions of what he could do for Lambert but she decided to try the one that he might possibly accede,
"His mother wants to see him."
"She is here?" He looked horrified and that told Francesca all she needed to know about how Lambert was currently faring.
"Yes."
"It is better she does not see him."
"He's looking that bad eh?"
Guy didn't say anything but then he didn't have to, his silence spoke volumes.
"Did you do the honours?" Francesca never thought in a million years that she would ever have to ask him such a question and her heart felt so heavy because of it. How had it come to this? How, in a matter of days, she had gone from loving him unconditionally to fearing what terrible deeds he might have done?
He sighed deeply and brought his hand up to his face as sadness washed over him. He was well versed in dealing with shame but never had he felt it so acutely before. Had he tortured Lambert? No, he hadn't but it didn't make any difference because if the sheriff had asked him to, he would have…
and now she would see it, she would see him; she would know who he was and what he did.
"If he'd given the sheriff the ledger, none of this would've happened." He cringed at his own words, knowing that giving his friend the blame was a weak attempt to assuage his own guilt but he had tried to reason with him, to get him to see what an asset the black powder could be as a weapon.
"Yes, you are right but where does it end Guy? Today it's a ledger but what about tomorrow? What will the sheriff demand then? How far are you prepared to go to satisfy someone who only knows how to take?"
Guy was about to protest but Francesca's eyes were flashing with anger in a way he'd never seen before and as she unconsciously reached out and gripped his forearm, the words died on his tongue.
"You almost died! Do you remember that? Because I do! I remember it as if it was yesterday!" She hissed; her voice low and tight with the beginnings of fury, "I remember you lay upon your deathbed as I prayed you would recover! Nursing you night after night, as you went to hell and back! And where was he? Where was the man you would sacrifice your friend to serve?"
It was of course a rhetorical question and Guy watched transfixed as the words came thick and fast now, rising in volume to the point where she was practically yelling at him.
"He never even fetched a healer! He barely bothered to check on you! Then he was off on some witch-hunt for Prince John! And I dread to think what sort of recovery you received on his watch after my father dragged me out of there!"
Once again, Guy's silence did the talking for him.
"So tell me Guy, was it worth it? Giving everything you have to somebody who obviously cares so little for you? Is this how you imagined your life would be second time around?"
"I have no choice!" His voice was a roar, so loud she thought the whole castle must hear it but she was not to be cowed, not now, not when she was so close to saying what needed to be said.
"You have! You can live without him I know you can! You have skills, experience, you could work for anyone..."
"I owe him everything!"
"What has he given you? A house? Some land? Guy it is not even yours…"
"IT IS MINE! IT WAS ALWAYS MINE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AND NEVER WILL!"
"Help me to understand, tell me…"
"NO! We are done here! I don't have to tell you anything!"
He stormed off and Francesca was left with only the echoes of his anger and the throes of her despair. It didn't take long before she crumpled into heaving sobs. Little did she know that two people were listening out of sight and agonizing over whether to go to her.
One was Guy who thought his heart would break.
The other was Marian who didn't know what to think.