I hated the adventures that took us in different directions. I don't mean the ones where I was in charge of one part of the plan and my soulmate the other.
One adventure stands out, but only slightly less painfully than my time without Xena. My attempt at humor has fallen flat, even with myself.
Especially since Joxer was taken from us by our own daughter several seasons ago. It's not something I like to joke about. And yet, this is Joxer we are talking about.
The wannabe warrior. That's how most would refer to Joxer. And in some ways, I can fully understand it. But words said to the bumbling man at the end of this particular adventure come to mind.
If the desire to do good and be a warrior weren't within his heart, Joxer would never have been able to do those feats. It just made it difficult for Joxer to come to terms with his desire over what his body allows.
I can sympathize with him in that regard, especially in the early years. I remember attempting 'the flip' and taking off on the wrong foot. It caused difficulty in dealing with an entire army.
There was another time when I merely picked up a sword. It made me a target. I wasn't ready to even think of defending myself at that point.
Whereas I was able to grow into being The Battling Bard of Potidaea, Joxer was never able to overcome his body's limitations. For as annoying as he could be, I can empathize with his need to help in a fight.
And Joxer did help us in many ways. It just wasn't in a manner in which he thought befitted a warrior. I wish, sometimes, that I had given him more slack.
But then, I remember the kiss. A certain warrior is instantly behind me. It's as if Xena can sense what I've written. I neglected to inform her of how Joxer's warrior abilities weren't the only attributes that had become enhanced by a certain Goddess of Love's spell.
I did tell Xena about how Joxer seemed so dashing to other women. I was immune from the spell, luckily. But there was that moment I apparently let my guard down for a split second. And my lips actually touched Joxer's lips.
A low growl is heard from the dark clad figure standing behind me. I know the growl is in jest. Even back when this all transpired, Xena knew I loved her and only her. That I was, in my mind, married to her.
Xena swallows in remembrance. She had basically proposed. But it took a few moons before she was ready to actually have us exchange our vows. I'm just glad it was in front of Cyrene and Lila. I just wish Toris had not gotten lost on his way back to Amphipolis.
Someone in attendance was a bit of a surprise. Especially after our rocky first encounter with Aphrodite. It was amazing how she became such a good friend.
The warrior princess clears her throat. Ok. Aphrodite was more of a friend to me than Xena, but she looked out for me. When I needed her the most. And I think we actually taught her a little about love.
Irony. Mortals teaching an immortal about love. Especially one that was supposed to be all about love. But then, our journeys were full of ironies. But the ones I loathed were the ones we parted ways. Even if for only a short time.
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS
Gabrielle hated having to say goodbye. But she knew what Xena had said was true. It would be faster for the warrior princess to travel alone. One couldn't blame the bard for asking if she was certain.
It wasn't because Gabrielle might miss out on a story. Xena would, begrudgingly, give her small details. It would be enough for the bard to form an engaging tale.
It was because Gabrielle hated to travel alone. It had been so long since they had to travel separately. The last time…Nope. The bard couldn't, nor would she, go there.
It did hurt a little that Xena said she could handle the security without her. Yet, Gabrielle knew it was because her soulmate wanted to give her a day or two to herself. It was so rare.
The problem with that? What did a bard who wrote nearly solely about the exploits of her best friend do? Maybe Gabrielle could find an adventure or two of her own. She'd be up to the task of helping someone in need.
Xena's parting shot was not unexpected. It wasn't so much that her soulmate didn't think Gabrielle could handle things. It was her teasing nature. Yeah. That's what it was.
As Gabrielle thought about what she would do without Xena, she unfortunately came across a familiar figure. Joxer was not one of the people on the bard's 'to deal with' lists.
As usual, Joxer was pretending to be a great warrior who could keep giants at bay. Gabrielle could feel her mood coming to the surface. Not only was she irritated by seeing Joxer, she was irritated by the fact she was considered merely a sidekick and was quite expendable.
Joxer just couldn't understand what it truly meant to be a hero. To be the one to come up with a plan and save the day. Gabrielle decided to have a little fun with the wannabe warrior and have him guard their rear.
As Joxer was preoccupied guarding her rear, Gabrielle came across an abduction of some kind. She attempted to step in when Joxer came flying out of nowhere.
At least Gabrielle thought it was Joxer. The lookalike was making moves she wasn't even certain she'd seen Xena do. It was quite disconcerting.
Hearing the ladies fawn over Joxer nearly made Gabrielle ill. Though she did have to admit he appeared and acted so different.
The bard's jaw nearly dropped to her chest when Joxer spoke of the princess' beauty. He could barely put two words together to form a sentence and he was spouting such words that caused Gabrielle to be jealous.
Just as suddenly as Joxer had begun acting strangely, he was back to being a clumsy unimaginative nonwarrior. What was most unusual was the fact he didn't seem to remember how he had acted or the words he had spoken.
Gabrielle was temporarily distracted listening to the princess' tale of love. How she and her prince were to elope. But after what they had just experienced, they would prefer an escort.
Both watched on as Joxer injured himself. It was something any idiot could avoid, yet Joxer had managed to do it several times.
It wasn't long into their travel that the princess' betrothed arrived. When Joxer asked what the prince had that he didn't, Gabrielle's list went on and on.
Since the prince had arrived, it was safe to leave the princess. Gabrielle just loved happy endings. She didn't know what to say when Joxer asked for his. In the bard's mind, she had her happy ending.
It was a continuous happy ending where Gabrielle was able to travel with her soulmate. Even an adventure when Xena was off doing her thing, she knew her soulmate only had eyes for her and vice versa.
Even though Gabrielle had witnessed it, she had trouble believing herself. She wasn't shocked to discover Joxer was having trouble believing in the feats he had so easily accomplished.
No bump on the head explained the memory loss. Gabrielle was definitely not buying the warriorhaze bit. She'd witnessed Xena and others after a battle. If anything, their senses were heightened. And certain other things were…amplified.
It took a few moments for Gabrielle to realize she was alone. It took longer for her to backtrack and discover Joxer had made his way to the princess and prince.
It was the worst possible thing that could have happened. Joxer had somehow cast a spell upon the princess. There was no other reason for her suddenly desiring the wannabe warrior over a true warrior and prince.
Gabrielle's attempts to intervene kept failing. She was becoming more and more frustrated. What was it with Joxer? One moment he was wanted by all women and was even a better sword's person than Xena. The next, he was his bumbling self.
It became worse once the prince had given up. Joxer and the princess could not keep their hands off from one another. It was literally causing Gabrielle's stomach to churn. She had to put a stop to this. Once and for all.
It finally dawned on Gabrielle. It had something to do with the necklace. She just wasn't quite sure what. The only thing she knew was that every time it rang Joxer changed.
What to do with the information was another problem. That and keeping the princess and Joxer from going at it like two bunnies in heat.
When Gabrielle attempted to cool the couple off, she merely succeeded in making it worse. The princess became even more attracted to Joxer somehow. It was indeed a long night.
In the morning, Gabrielle realized they had been discovered. The prince's father was attempting to locate them. No doubt, he wanted to kill Joxer. Not that the bard could blame him on that one.
Gabrielle was about to let him fight as Joxer wanted to. Whatever was happening to the man was making him insane. And it would take the bard down with him.
At the most inopportune time, Joxer fainted. It left Gabrielle to be captured and attempt to rescue both of them. Something the bard wasn't exactly accustomed to.
While in their prison, Gabrielle had to attempt to explain to Joxer it wasn't him the princess had fallen in love with. It was the other him. Though when she said it aloud, it didn't make sense to the bard, either.
It only slightly surprised Gabrielle when she had to order Joxer not to attempt to put himself in the warrior haze. It had to do with the bell. The bumbling man had to think.
Aphrodite. Why would she want to break up true love? It didn't matter except Gabrielle had to somehow stop her. How did one stop a Goddess? If Xena were here…
But that was the point. Instead of being a sidekick, Gabrielle was having to play the hero. The one who planned. The one who possibly fought.
Joxer's words hurt. While Gabrielle wasn't exactly a hero, she was more than a sidekick. It would be nice to be recognized as more than a mere tagalong. Especially by Xena.
It took longer than Gabrielle would have liked to find one of Aphrodite's temples. Now how did one go about gaining the attention of a Goddess.
It didn't take much. For once, Gabrielle's clumsiness came in handy. It definitely did the trick. The only problem? She wouldn't listen to the bard.
Suddenly Gabrielle found herself speaking to Aphrodite and Cupid. It was a little unsettling, if only because she wasn't accustomed to speaking with immortals. Sadly, not even Cupid could convince the Goddess.
Just like that Aphrodite disappeared. Cupid assured Gabrielle he could set things right if she could convince Aphrodite to reverse the spell.
Gabrielle was on a mission. It was not one of their normal missions. This would be one she had to accomplish on her own. And she would have to make allowances for dealing with Joxer.
After returning to the village, Gabrielle had to invent a way to ring the bell. Joxer's neck was literally on the line. Thankfully, she was able to. Just in time.
Watching the men duel gave Gabrielle an idea. She shouted at Joxer to lead them to Aphrodite's temple. With the fighting, things instantly came crashing down. It brought the Goddess back.
However, convincing Aphrodite to remove the spell was another thing. Stubborn was one way to describe the Goddess. The threat of taking Joxer on a tour of all her temples was the only way in which Aphrodite agreed to remove the spell.
The one thing that stuck with Gabrielle was the fact Aphrodite didn't think the bard knew anything about love. Obviously, the Goddess hadn't been paying much attention to the two soulmates.
Now it was time for the explanations. It was something Gabrielle was good at by now. Though she did feel incredibly sorry for Joxer. No matter what she said, he wouldn't believe her. He couldn't believe her.
Unfortunately, after a little talk with Xena, Joxer was more himself than ever before. While Gabrielle was grateful in a way, she also hadn't missed his exuberance.
After being away from Xena for a couple days, Gabrielle had hoped to be alone with her soulmate. It appeared to be one of those nights when they snuggled on opposite side of the fire.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Xena didn't want to leave Gabrielle. She certainly hated to be summoned. But if King Lias requested her presence, it must be for a good reason.
The warrior princess didn't mean to make it sound as if she was patronizing Gabrielle. Xena made a mental note as she rode off to have a little talk with her bard.
As the warrior princess suffered through the ceremony, Xena chastised herself. How many times had she done that to Gabrielle? It was all in teasing, but it could be taken seriously.
There wasn't much Xena could think about, other than her bard. Diana was beautiful and elegant as always. The kingdom had seen some positive changes thanks to her undergoing a day in the life of the warrior princess.
Gabrielle would have loved to see all the changes. In fact, Xena used her nearly photographic memory to memorize the details. She owed her bard something.
If they were alone, Xena owed Gabrielle more than words for a story. The warrior princess now sat alone at a campfire. It had been forever, it seemed, since she had had to setup camp by herself.
It wasn't the work of doing everything. It was the little touches. Gabrielle always made certain their bedrolls were touching just so. She always made certain tea was ready for hot water in the morning. She always made certain Xena had the bigger portion of whatever was being served.
No matter where they camped, Gabrielle made it home. Xena knew why. It wasn't just those little touches she was missing. It was the fact her bard was her home.
They could be in Tartarus together and Xena would feel at home. In a way, she would be happy. If she only caught a glimpse of her bard each day, she knew she would be tortured and happy simultaneously.
Xena shook her head. Since when had the warrior princess become so sentimental? That was an easy question. It was the day the bard had entered her life.
Even with a mother that was so kind and loving, Xena had never been for the mushy things in life. In fact, she was still attempting to show her bar and mother how she felt, at times.
And now, Xena felt more morose than she could remember feeling. Ever. What she wouldn't give to be irritating Gabrielle with using her scrolls as a leaf. Or using their only good frying pan. Or…
Sleep didn't overtake Xena like it normally did. Yes, she was in unfamiliar surroundings. But it was because she was worried about her bard.
Gabrielle could easily take care of herself. There was no doubt of that. But what about if someone was stronger? What if someone didn't play by the rules?
That was it. Xena couldn't handle it. The sun had not even risen. She needed to find her bard. Hopefully Gabrielle wasn't too far from where she had been dropped off.
After asking at the local inn, Xena knew exactly what had been happening. Seemed Joxer and Gabrielle had made an impression upon the village. And not necessarily in the positive of ways.
Hopefully Gabrielle would do her bard thing and she would smooth things over. Xena had enough enemies. She only wanted to leave people in peace, if not as her friend.
Reuniting with Gabrielle would have been so much more intimate had they been able to stay in the inn. But they had company. Company that was suffering for a majorly bruised ego.
Fortunately, Xena's talk helped Joxer. Unfortunately, Xena's talk helped Joxer. It meant their alone time wouldn't be very alone. And they would have to deal with a very annoying wannabe warrior.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Lucky for bard and warrior princess, Joxer fell asleep easily and remained asleep. It gave them a bit of privacy. Not as much as they desired after being separated for a few days.
Xena had moved her bedroll as soon as Joxer had drifted off to sleep. She knew she would be awake before either bard or bumbler so she could move it back to its original spot.
The warrior princess grasped her soulmate's hand. "I wanted to apologize for what I said as I was riding away." Xena made certain to maintain a steady gaze.
Gabrielle tilted her head. With everything that had transpired with Joxer, she was having difficulty remembering exactly what her lover was referring to.
It took a moment for emerald eyes to grow slightly wide. "I know you were merely teasing." Emerald eyes could not maintain the steady gaze. They found the snoring form of the bumbling warrior. "But after spending time with Joxer, it reminded me of how I sometimes feel like you only see me as a sidekick."
Azure eyes grew wide. Instead of merely hold Gabrielle's hand, Xena tugged her bard until she felt the welcomed slight weight of her soulmate.
"Gabrielle, you are more than a sidekick." Xena swallowed. Emotions were once again threatening to overwhelm her. She really did need to not go away. They needed to remain in closer proximity in the future. Hopefully.
"I know we are more than traveling companions." Gabrielle sported an adorable blush. "But the world sees me as merely your sidekick. If that. I'm just the teller of the exploits of the warrior princess."
"Gabrielle." Xena couldn't hide the low growl. It wasn't frustration with her bard. It was frustration with herself. How she had allowed her lover to think that's how Gabrielle was seen.
"I will shout from the mountaintops you are my everything. But it would make you a bigger target." Xena attempted to maintain the gaze.
In a way, Xena was grateful when Gabrielle placed her head on the warrior princess' shoulder. The warrior's grasp tightened around her soulmate.
"In the beginning, you might have been a sidekick. But that changed so quickly." Xena couldn't help the smile that formed. "I still can't pinpoint exactly when you were merely the annoying farmgirl who traveled with me to the young woman I couldn't live without."
A smirk was upon Gabrielle's face. She hadn't been seeking this kind of affirmation. It didn't mean she wasn't enjoying every second of it. "And I can't live without you."
Xena kissed the top of Gabrielle's head. "I guess I'm doing ok with the sensitive chat this time." The bard giggled so hard she nearly slid from Xena's grasp.
"Honestly, Gabrielle. I don't say how much I appreciate you." Xena thought back to her camping by herself. "It's you. Your touch. Your scent. But it's the little things. Like having the tea ready for me to brew in the morning. Having our bedrolls touching just right. All those things I might not say I notice or appreciate, but I do."
The giggling instantly halted. Gabrielle pulled away slightly so that she could look into azure eyes. It wasn't often her soulmate became this emotional.
There were two ways Gabrielle could go with this. "Now you tell me. I was about to stop leaving the tea for you. And it wasn't just Joxer the reason I moved the bedrolls."
There were two heartbeats with an incredulous expression upon Xena's face before the warrior princess burst into laughter. "You got me on that one."
Evil intent replaced the incredulousness. Gabrielle knew she had done it. She couldn't contain the squeals as Xena began one of her infrequent tickletorture sessions.
The two had to calm as Joxer immediately sat up. He glanced around. Instead of being across from one another, he saw that Xena and Gabrielle were now snuggled together.
Joxer shrugged. The temperatures had dropped since having gone to bed. It made sense they would snuggle together. For a moment, he wondered if it would be ok to join them.
As if sensing his thoughts, a low growl escaped the warrior princess. Joxer stared for a moment longer wondering what the sound had been that had awakened him. No matter. Xena was here. She would take care of them. And of course, Joxer the Mighty would too.
The soulmates waited until Joxer was snoring once again before moving. "I'm sorry about that." Xena tucked a stray blonde strand behind a convenient ear.
"I'm not." Gabrielle closed the distance. She knew the kiss had to be careful. With Joxer just across the fire, she couldn't ignite anything. "I missed you. And just being held or touched in anyway…It's like a balm that heals my soul."
"My bard." Xena kissed Gabrielle softly. She too knew how easily it could be for them to lose control. Instead of continuing the kiss, she positioned them so that Gabrielle had her head on her chest. The warrior princess had her arms wrapped tightly around her soulmate. This was bliss. The was real life. No matter who was the warrior/hero and who was the bard/sidekick.