Chapter 29: Part 7: It's Always Sunny in Royal Woods: Be Very Wary Hare

Lincoln hummed the melody as Lynn rocked her head a little.

Lynn saw him suddenly spit out the toothpaste from his prodigious tooth-brushing, some still on his chin, twirled on the balls of his feet and rock his body, using his toothbrush as a microphone.

"Linc?"

"When I'm feeling lonely, sad as I can be," Lincoln began singing out of the blue. Lynn smiled as she felt compelled to dance along, surprised yet exhilarated to see him doing this out of the blue.

"Holy crud I remember this!" Lynn shouted out as twirled her towel from her neck and swayed.

"All by myself on an uncharted island in an endless sea. What makes me happy, fills me up with glee. Those bones in my jaw, that don't have a flaw, my shiny teeth and me!"

Lincoln jumped on top of the toilet and really went at it, Lynn getting a major kick from it.

"My shiny teeth that twinkle, just like the stars in space! My shiny teeth that sparkle adding beauty to my face! My shiny teeth that glisten, just like a Christmas tree! You know they walk a mile just to see me smile! My shiny teeth and me!"

"Shiny teeth, shiny teeth," Lynn sang back, remembering the chorus line, "still have a few of my baby teeth though," she mumbled to herself.

"Yes they're all so perfect. So white and pearly. Brush gargle rinse, a couple breath mints. My shiny teeth and me!"

Lincoln skidded on his knees rocking his head with his eyes closed like Luna would when she sang Blue Oyster Cult, Lynn following suit.

"My shiny teeth so awesome, just like my favorite song! My shiny teeth I floss them, so they grow to be real strong! My shiny teeth I love them, and they all love me! Why should I talk to you when I got thirty-two! My shiny teeth and me!"

Wobbling on his knees, Lincoln opened his eyes, coughing for a moment.

"Wha...what just happened?" He said, looking around, dabbing his tongue and wiping some toothpaste saliva dribbling down his chin. He looked down and saw he was on his knees.

"Lynn? What was I just doing? Lynn? Lynn? I think I just blacked-out and high-sang."

He looked over to see Lynn doing something very, very uncharacteristically Lynn.

She was twirling around like a Disney princess, humming a lil tune.

"Lynn, I'm pretty sure I wasn't all there. Quit foolin around. We need to-"

Lynn pirouetted very unusually and spun around, freaking Lincoln out. Her eyes looked entranced, lost in some fantastical world.

"Lynn I-"

"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream," Lynn suddenly sang out, a melody eminating out from nowhere, ringing out in Lincoln's ears. She was singing in a Disney-esque way he'd never in his wildest dreams imagine Lynn ever could.

"Lynn, stop. We're still high and-"

Lynn fluttered around Lincoln still singing, strang chior-like humming encircling him all around from the bathroom surroundings.

"I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam."

Lynn got close this time, fluttering her eye lashes at Lincoln, giving him a tender smile as she flowed her body back and forth, her arms gracing Lincoln's sides.

"You need to go your bedroom Lynn. Come on-"

"And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem."

Lincoln grabbed her hand, trying to pull her to the door. Lynn just twirled him in her arms and did a semi ballet- Minuet rotation with him in her arms.

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do! You'll love me at once, the way you did once, upon a dream," Lynn sang super close to Lincoln, dipping him so close his cowlick touched the bathroom floor.

"Okaaaaaaaaay, this is weird-as-hell thing nine-thousand six hundred and sixty-eight to happen to me today," Lincoln nervously said as she pulled him back up, leaving him for a moment to tippy-toe dance across the whole bathroom, moving like a drunk cat that still had surprising elegance, humming away with the phantom melody that seemed to trickle from everywhere.

"Great, now I hear it. Friggin Luan!"

Lynn spun around and slowly walked to Lincoln.

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once, upon a dream."

Lynn cuffed Lincoln's hands as she leaned her head on his chest, slouching onto him. Her eyes seemed to get extremely heavy.

"Okay princess Lynn, let's go, I know you-"

Lincoln just caught himself singing, freezing in place as Lynn looked up with those goopy puppy-dog eyes she was infamous for.

Lincoln gulped, trying to talk but unable to say words. He felt locked into singing for some mortifying reason.

"I...I...I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream," Lincoln sang out, terrified that his body was betraying him. He held Lynn closer in his arms rocking her back and forth, deciding to let whatever force was compelling to sing to finish. Lynn just scooted closer into his chest.

"I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam."

Lincoln now felt himself unable to speak, his mouth locked close. And then things got weird. He rocked Lynn back and forth in a waltz, and heard singing around him.

All around him, everything grew Disney-like, the toilet, the mirror, vanity, bath tub, shower curtain, even the bathroom mat in the corner, all began to sway back and forth in a chorus, singing as Lincoln felt ensnared by the melody, rocking a dazed yet tranquil Lynn.

"And I know it's true, that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do."

Lynn suddenly rubbed her nose onto Lincoln's. Both were pure red blushing, Lynn's eyes heavy with bashfulness.

"You'll love me at once, the way you did once, upon a dream."

The phantom music died down, and Lynn was now passed in Lincoln's arms.

"When is this day gonna end?" He groaned, still on high alert to his fragile mindscape playing tricks on him.

He hauled her down the hallway to his room. He noticed how bare it seemed out here. No Luna, and thank god no Luan. It was quiet. A little too quiet given everything that had happened in the last thirty minutes.

He gently plopped her on her bed and threw a cover halfway on her body.

"Mmmmmm. Thank you bunny boy," she gurgled out.

"Hehehe, get some sleep. We're gonna need it," Lincoln said warmly as he rubbed her shoulder and forehead, instinctively checking to make sure she was okay and not running a temperature.

"My bunny boy," she mumbled, turning over and hugging tightly on her pillow.

"The heck's a bunny boy?" Lincoln thought, before deciding to ignore it.

"Back in my comfy safe bed. No more of this high-shit. Never again. Should probably lock my door so Luan doesn't pull another...better lock Lynn's door too."

He quickly locked Lynn's door from the hallway a la Leni style. He thought it funny that he could still do that while being so messed up.

"Hmmmm...maybe I should get Luna with me too. Lord knows what the hell Luan's gonna be doing for the next hour or so, or...I still can't believe she lost it. I swear she must have snuck some of those brownies too. Just...gotta...sleep...it...oh god DAMN IT!"

Lincoln felt his body become weightless again, right as he was about to open his door.

The sights of his door melted away from regular brown to a pastel of melting neons and crayons.

"Shit, SHIT! Not again!"

Falling high from the gooey colorful sky was were two balls, one purple, one red. They bounced right in front of him.

"Okay, this, this ain't so bad," he thought a little relieved. He sat down and watched the balls bounce, circling him several times.

Then a ghostly, faint Luan-like voice called out.

"Luna-Lumps and Lynn-zzles. Luna-Lumps and Lynnzzeles! Steal bunnies! Bewaaaaaaaaaaaare. Beeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaare!"

"What the literal flying heck," Lincoln whimpered in terror, before a mirror popped in front of him, showing him now as an anthromorphic rabbit.

"WHAT THE HECK!?"

There he was, huge floppy bunny ears fully erect, whiskers on his fuzzy face, his buck teeth slightly larger, still with the chip. His cowlick was more pronounced, his white hairy longer and more wavy, his feet twice as big as before. He even turned around and saw a fluffy cotton tail on his behind.

"NOPE! NOOOOOOOOPE! THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE-"

Lincoln quickly saw that the bouncing balls were slowly floating behind him, visible in the mirror, and they too began to morph.

"...line."

The red one formed into an anthropomorphic weasel that looked akin to Lynn, long, lanky and slim but super athletic. The purple one morphed into a huge voluptuous, quite voluminous elephant creature, though sporting Luna's trademark freckles, short pixie hair, twerking an even larger pachyderm ass than before, waving her huge trunk at him.

Luna's guitars and Sterrett amplifier dropped to Lincoln's left, Lynn's football, her forty pound dumb bell, basketball bat and hockey stick to his right. Creepy smiling grins and menacing eyes fazed on them, as they began singing to Lincoln.

"They're purple, they're red, they're ample and shred! They're in, they're out, they're all about! They're far, they're near, they're gone, they're here! They're lean and thicc, they're insecure! Beware! Beware! Be very wary hare!"

"Oh fuck me, not again!" Lincoln cried out as he inadvertently began hopping the other direction down the hallway, the red carpet spiraling and twirling around with him still on it, taking him to a tie-dye landscape dominated by swirling red and purples, within those colors more swirls of creamy oranges.

He tried hopping and hopping faster, but the faster he tried hopping, the slower he seemed to go. He turned around and saw the Luna-elephant and Lynn-weasel marching fast towards him with the animated faced objects swirling around them like a flurry of bees. Their faced-objects came careening towards Lincoln even faster towards him.

"A Luna-Lump or Lynn-zzle, is very, confusel! A Luna-Lumps or Lynn-zzle's very sly, SLY! SLY SLY! They come in ones or twoosels, but if they, so choosels! Before your eyes you'll see them multiply, ply, PLY! PLY!"

The red carpet suddenly had dozens upon dozens of Luna-Lumps and Lynn-zzles sprouting from the carpet, smaller versions of the two larger ones but joining in on the chase. Lincoln hopped as fast as he could.

A random floating dresser smashed into him, carrying him off into the tye-die space away from the onslaught heard of singing objects and Luna-Lumps and Lynn-zzles.

"OW! Stupid dresser. Least I'm away from them," Lincoln grumbled as he winced in pain, pawing at his bunny ears. He noticed how he was doing it, getting annoyed at how much he seemed to morph into a rabbit.

"Damn ears. Now where am I going? It's gettin super dark," he said, seeing the red carpet turn into a barely noticeable line from afar. The landscape was getting darker and darker, as if drifting out to space.

"This looks like Lana's dresser. She's gotta have a flashlight somehwere," he thought, reaching for the dresser drawers, pulling them out one by one.

All empty till he checked the small center one.

"Come on Lana, big bro needs a flashlight," Lincoln hoped, pulling the drawer out as the light all around was almost gone. He reached his hand in and felt something cylindrical and plastic.

"Hot-dog! That's gotta be it!"

He pulled it out, now it total darkness, feeling along its shaft for a button. A few moments of fidgeting and shaking it, he felt a rubbery button under the base.

"One two three, please work...YES, HELL YES! You're a life saver Lana!" Lincoln ecstatically cried out as the flashlight shot out a huge beam of light, more akin to a lighthouse than a little flashlight. Lincoln waived it all around, trying to get his bearings.

Nothing.

He pointed it towards the little drawer opening and tried to see if there were any batteries.

Luna-Lump and Lynn-zzle popped right out of the small drawer laughing fiendishly, their bodies producing a psychedelic light pattern of reds and purples.

Lincoln screamed so loud in fear his flashlight lens broke, cracking the light stream into multiple directions before it fell apart into his hands.

He fell backwards off the dresser into the void, trying in vain to hold his flashlight together; it spurted out momentary bright flashes.

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

He could hear the menacing singing of the objects circle around him now like sharks smelling blood in water.

"They're extra-ordinary, so better, be wary! Because they come in every shape and size, SIZE, SIZE, SIZE!"

Several Luna-lumps and Lynn-zzles of varying sizes popped around Lincoln, messing with his bunny ears, feet and cotton tail.

A big honey pot slammed into Lincoln's groin, with dancing jugs of vanilla milk and floating balls of lindor white chocolate truffles undulating to and fro around him, before the jugs poured all the milk in the honey pot, and the truffles rocketing in, blending together in a creamy oozy shake.

The honey pot lifted in the air and dumped all the contents all over Lincoln.

"AH! God damn it!" Lincoln roared out annoyed.

"If this is what you covet, you'll find that, they love it! Because they'll jizzle out the thing you prize!"

The Luna-Lump and Lynn-zzle slammed into Lincoln from both sides, Luna-lump using her trunk to suck up the concotion off Lincoln's ears and head, Lynn-zzle lustfully licking along his legs up to his cotton tail.

Lincoln struggled away, falling just a little faster than they were now, but now really falling down to nowhere, he saw the Lynn-lump and Lynn-zzle shoot towards him, just a couple feet above him, grinning with a lustful menace, as their reds and purple glowing suddenly got even brighter and more hellish.

They began to make horrifying smirks and grins as they began to morph in a melange of colors and shapes, the inanimate objects shooting past them again, circling a terrified Lincoln.

"They're mauve, they're crimson, they're violet, they're raspberry! They're bulbus, they're convoluted, they're a terrible fury! They tie themselves in horrible knots! They come in stripes, or polka-dots! Beware! Beware! Be very wary hare!"

Lincoln's blood froze. The endless void below got darker and darker as the horros above got dimmer and dimmer, the Luna-lump and Lynn-zzle fizzling their lights out slowly. The phantom singing of the objects got louder and louder though. He screamed in terror of the unknown, balling up in the fetal position, his bunny ears flapping away, his mind flooding with memories.

"Beware! Beware! BEWARE! BEWARE! BEWAAAAAAARE!"

"NO MORE, NO MORE!" Lincoln cried out as everything went black. He tried to close his eyes to make it seem so dark, but it just filtered through.

Nothingness, void, all alone.

He whimpered, feeling the endless fall to be his perpetual fate.

"Luna, Lynn, Leni, Luan," he weeped longingly, wishing to be back home.

"Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, Lily, Lori...mom, dad, pop-pop, Clyde."

"Dude?"

"Huh?" Lincoln mumbled, hearing a faint voice.

"Dude, ya cool mate?"

He suddenly felt a nudge on his shoulder. He turned around, and the black landscape melted away.

Lincoln was back in the hallway, still by his door, his hand barely caressing the door handle. Luna was standing behind him, her hand gentling resting on his shoulder, fingers wiggling on his neck. She was gingerly twirling her finger in the bottom tuft of Lincoln's hair on his neck.

"Bro, you doin good? Gettin me equipment and you're sorta frozen by your door for like, a full minute. Muttering something about Lumps and Lidszzles or something."

Lincoln slowly turned around, looking intensely at Luna.

"Linc? Broski?"

Lincoln slowly waived the air in front of Luna's nose, trying to grasp for any trunk.

"Me nose ain't that long silly," Luna chuckled. He next poked Luna's ears to see if they were huge.

"Hey, that tickles Linc," Luna giggled.

Lincoln sighed, his body relaxing, his tension and terror receding. He leaned forwards and held onto Luna for dear life.

"Can we be like this for awhile?" Lincoln whimpered up to Luna.

"Of course Linc, but, are you okay?"

"I...I had a really really bad...hold me?"

Luna held onto him, grabbed his chin gently and had him look into her eyes. She leaned down and gave him a loving look and nice long kiss.

"Bad trip too eh? Hang with me for a bit dude," Luna said, sweeping Lincoln in her arms and carrying him bridal style. He he felt utterly at peace and safe being held in her arms.

"Bit of a switcheroo, eh mate? Heheheh, check it out bro," Luna said with a giddy sing-song, showing Lincoln all her Sterrett amps and guitars, microphone, radio and McSwagger posters.

"What is it Luna?"

"It's for you babe. Herdi verdi verdi."