AN: Sorry it's been so long since the last update, but life has really been kicking my ass lately. But I'm back, and I promise the next chapter will come quicker than this one, although I'm not promising how quick. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
"Where's Romanoff?" Fury asked, sweeping into the common room rather dramatically. Especially seeing as all they were doing was watching a movie.
"You really should be calling her Rogers now." Tony quipped, because he was still slightly annoyed that he hadn't been told about their relationship, and was taking every chance to tease them about it, even if the pair weren't in the room.
"I'll do that if Rogers ever asks." Fury said, his words completely deadpan and casual. "Was that a joke? I can never tell. Your words are funny, but your face is always so angry." Tony questioned, looking up from the tv to try and judge Fury's face.
"What can we do for you director?" Bruce effectively shut Tony up, turning down the volume slightly causing Clint to moan, muttering something about how he was racist to those who couldn't hear.
"I need Romanoff. Where is she?"
"He's making a house call, this must be serious." Clint laughed, although they all knew it was true. Fury didn't just come by for no reason. "She's needed on a mission, the details of which are private and confidential." Fury's tone made it clear that he wasn't going to tell them anything about the mission, and that he simply wanted an answer on Natasha's whereabouts.
"Well, I think her and Cap are having sexy time right now but feel free to interrupt them. I'm sure they'll appreciate it." Tony joked. Fury walked into the elevator, pressing Tony's new button for the soldier and the spy's floor. He briefly let out a small smile at seeing the hourglass instead of the star in Steve's Shield. The doors opened, letting him walk out into the small entrance that led into the kitchen.
"Romanoff!" He called, because even though Tony was joking, he'd decided he really didn't want to risk seeing that. "In here." She called back. He walked into the living room to see a sight, that in all his years he never thought he would see that made him smile ever so slightly. Natasha was lying on top of Steve, curled up in a blanket reading the same book as each other, soft music playing over the speakers.
"What can we do for you Director?" Steve asked, closing the book and putting it on the coffee table as Natasha waved her hand at the ceiling to turn off the music. "I need Romanoff for a mission, very classified, very urgent." He told them, morphing his face back into a neutral expression as they turned their heads to look at him.
"Alright, I'll meet you at the helipad in 10 minutes." She said, causing him to leave the room. She climbed over Steve to get off the sofa, before heading into their room to pack her stuff. She quickly slipped into her widow suit, throwing her phone in her bag before picking it up. She perched on the seat of the couch next to Steve, leaning over and kissing him gently.
"I'll see you soon." She whispered, running her fingers through his hair.
"Promise me you'll be careful. If Fury came here, it's gonna be dangerous." He warned her, holding her hand and bringing them up to cup her cheek. "I know. I promise." She responded, fully intent on keeping her promise. She would try her hardest to stay safe and be careful, but he already knew that.
"I love you Tash." He murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you too."
She got up from the couch, leaving a last kiss on his forehead before she grabbed her stuff and made her way to the roof. She was there a minute later to see Fury with a much more serious expression than the one she'd seen before. She raised her eyebrows at him, asking the silent question of why they were here.
"We think we found a lead on the Winter Soldier." He told her bluntly, and if she hadn't spent her entire life working on her poker face, she would've looked surprised. That wasn't what she was expecting.
"Then with all due respect sir, shouldn't Steve be on this mission?" She asked, taking the file off him as they walked onto the plane. If anything, it should've been Steve on this mission instead of her. She was usually just his backup, so why he wasn't called was beyond her.
"It's nothing concrete and I don't want to get his hopes up. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. Besides, despite the subject, this is really more your area of expertise." Fury managed to explain his reasoning without actually explaining anything. Just like always. "Sir, I really don't feel comfortable with keeping a mission like this secret."
"Agent Romanoff, when you and Agent Rogers came to me 6 months ago, you promised you wouldn't let your relationship get in the way of your job." Fury said. It was true, but this was different. This wasn't to do with the fact they were dating, this was Bucky. "I stand by what I said. But this is personal for Steve. You know the Winter Soldier is personal to Steve."
"I'm asking you to do your job right now Romanoff, or I can find someone else who doesn't know him like you do and lose your last chance at getting him back." His look was stern at his threat, although they both knew what she would do. There was no way she was letting Bucky go again.
"Okay. Where am I headed?" If they weren't going to bring Steve in on this, then she needed all the information they had.
"Russia."
"And you can't be anymore specific?" She snarked, rolling her eyes at him. He knew just as well as she did that Russia was a large place, and incredibly easy to hide in.
"Volgograd." Fury wasn't one to mince his words, but his tone made her worry. His simple answers meant something more was going on. Something he didn't want to say. "What aren't you telling me?" She paired her question with a hard stare. He didn't back down, but did reach over to open a new file on the tablet.
"We've tracked him to a few miles radius of your house."
"Fury, I have about ten houses in Volgograd, you'll have to be more specific." He didn't need to be more specific, she knew which house he meant, but she needed to hear it. She needed to hear Fury say the words she knew he was going to say.
"Your parents' house. The one you grew up in." Natasha scoffed at his words, because to say she grew up there is gross misstatement. "You mean the one I didn't grow up in because the KGB burnt it down?" She snapped before she could control herself. Her past, her broken, messy past was something was something that, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't forget. She took in a deep breath through her nose, desperate to keep calm, because she refused to let Fury see that. "It was never rebuilt, it's just a charred mess."
"A perfect hideout if you want to be found." Fury countered, and she couldn't argue with that. She didn't even know how Bucky would've found it, but if he was hiding out there, he wanted to be found. More specifically, he wanted to be found by her.
"And if I do find him? What d'you want me to do?"
"I trust you to make the appropriate call with whatever situation you find. He doesn't seem to be hostile, but we have no idea what you're walking into." She knew what Fury meant. If he was a danger to himself or others, she'd have to bring him into Shield. If not, she could let him go or bring him back here. It was her call.
"Copy that director."
"James?" She called through the burnt mess of a house. Her house. She'd been back here before, when she finally found where it was, but she hadn't been able to set foot in it, scared of what she would find. But now she was walking through her home, the one where her parents had died, and she was terrified, because she knew exactly what she'd find.
"Natalia?" A voice called nervously from another room. A voice that definitely didn't belong to the Winter Solider. Bucky maybe, but not the Winter Solider. She could just see the faint glow of light come from underneath a door as she approached it carefully, pulling her knife out of her waistband and holding it loosely in her hand. A sudden burst of memories rushed through her as she pushed open the door and looked around. A pair of soft arms holding her, another pair tossing her into the air, a fluffy bear in her arms. It was her bedroom, she was sure, even though it was barely distinguishable as a room. The only thing in there was a dark shadow against the wall.
"Natalia." It was him, no doubt. And he seemed in control of himself, or at least he wasn't immediately trying to kill her. "Are you…you?" She asked tentatively, relaxing slightly as she saw no threat, but she kept her knife ready. She briefly wished she'd brought her gun with her, but she knew that in close quarters like this, it would be useless, and more dangerous to herself than anything.
"I'm not the Winter Soldier."
"Prove it." She couldn't help but be nervous. They had spent so much time and resources trying to find him that it all seemed to easy. He was just sat there, almost catatonically as they spoke. She knew this could be a trap, he may not even know it, but she could be playing right back into Russia's hands.
"My name is James Buchanan Barnes. My friends call me Bucky. Steve's my best friend."
"You could read that in a museum. Tell me something only Bucky Barnes knows." She snapped, because she needed to know. She wanted to bring him home, or at least make sure he was safe, but she couldn't do that if he didn't know who he was. "We used to know each other. I was your trainer, or partner, friend maybe. I can't remember. I know you have a scar on your hip from when you were seventeen and tried to escape the red room. This is your parents' house, it was burnt down by the people who took you. And I know that you didn't want to kill all those people in 1997."
"I…okay. You're normal." She let out a small sigh, tucking her knife back into her waistband. He wasn't a danger to her, now all she needed to do was convince him to come with her. It wasn't gonna be easy, she hadn't made it easy for Clint all those years ago, it wasn't going to be easy now. If anything, it was going to be harder, because she was running from her past when she came to Shield, Bucky would be running straight back into it.
"Are you going to kill me?" He asked, something akin to fear in his voice. Enough that she was sure that he had no interest in hurting her.
"No. That's not what's happening here." Her reassurance meant very little to him, and they both knew that, but he did stand up, his posture more relaxed that it had been when he was sitting down. "Then what do you want Natalia?" He asked, leaning against the wall. His eyes were narrowed with suspicion, but she could see the apprehension in them, so she copied his stance, leaning on the doorframe. It was something Steve did when he wanted her to feel comfortable, he'd copy her cues and wait for her to feel relaxed enough to talk. Talking to people really was more his area of expertise.
"I want you to come home." She said bluntly, and she knew that if he wasn't trained not to show his emotions, his eyebrows would've shot up. "I don't have a home."
"Home isn't about the place, it's about the people." She almost laughed at her words, because it was so unlike her to say something like that. But the more she thought about it, the more she realised it was true. Her home wasn't New York, it was wherever Steve was. She would follow him across the globe if he asked her to, but she supposed that's why she was here. She was trying to get Bucky back for Steve.
"I don't think it's that simple." He said slightly solemnly. She could understand why he felt that way, it had been a long time since he'd had anything remotely to a family. She knew that she was the last person he'd trusted, or even cared about. She only hoped that was still true.
"You need your family."
"I don't have a family." He was argumentative, and she wasn't entirely sure how to play the situation. If she didn't say the right thing, he might flee, and then she'd have to be the one to tell Steve they lost him again. As she thought about it, she realised that he was her play. She knew how much Bucky meant to Steve, and she'd bet anything that he meant the same to Bucky. "That's not true. You have Steve, he's never given up on you."
Her words were true, if there was one thing Steve had never done, it was give up on her or Bucky. "Why isn't he here then?" His words were harsh and biting, and she understood. She thought he should be here, no matter what Fury said. "We didn't want to get his hopes up. It would crush him to know that we almost found you but didn't."
"And by we you mean Shield." It sounded like it should've been a question, but it was a statement. "Yes."
"I can't be a Shield agent."
"That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to let us protect you." She thought of the words Clint had said to her all those years ago. He'd promised her protection, and she hadn't believed him at the time, but now she understood what he'd meant. Yeah, Shield could protect her from her enemies, but he'd meant protect her from her own demons. Give her that protection in the form of a family.
"I don't need protection." She let out a soft chuckle, because she'd said the exact same thing to Clint. She'd been so incredibly wrong. "Everyone needs protection. You just don't know it yet."
"This isn't a good idea Natalia. I can't be trusted." He could be trusted, and she knew that. But he couldn't trust himself, and that was the problem. She knew the feeling too well, it had taken years for her to trust herself, she still didn't entirely, but she was getting there, and she knew he'd get there too eventually. She just had to convince him of that. "I felt the same when they brought me in. But I got something I never thought I would have. I got a family."
"I don't need a family." God he was a stubborn son of a bitch. The James she had known wasn't like this, he'd never been so sure of himself. Even if she wished he'd be just a little less argumentative, she could see the Bucky that Steve knew trying to get to the surface. That was the James she wanted to bring home, not the shell of a man she'd once known. "I used to think that was true as well. But you've had a family. You had a mother, you had a father, you had sisters, you had Steve. Let me, let us give you that again."
"The way you talk about Steve, that fondness in your voice, I've never heard that from you before." His change of subject was admirable, and if she hadn't learnt it from the same people, she wouldn't have even realised it. She still smiled at his words though, because she couldn't help but smile every time she heard Steve's name. God, she was a sap.
"I love him, more than anything. And I know he misses you, so much. He needs you, and you need him. Let us be your family James." She practically begged him, and the resolve in his eyes was slowly crumbling.
"Okay." His words were soft, and his entire body lifted as he said them. In that moment, he was already more comfortable not just in her presence, but in his own skin. "Yeah?" She smiled gently at him, cocking her head to the side slightly. His lips turned upwards briefly, but it was quickly replaced with another much more intense look.
"One condition. If I start showing signs of being controlled, or if I get captured or if something bad happens. You have to kill me." He was dead serious, but she couldn't agree to it. She couldn't kill him, he didn't deserve to die, regardless of whatever mistakes he made. They wouldn't be his fault. "James, you know I can't do that."
"You have to. I don't want to hurt you, or Steve, or anyone else again." She could understand where he was coming from, she wouldn't want to be to blame for hurting anyone she loved. But she just couldn't do that for him. She couldn't be the one to do that to Steve. "Steve will never agree to it."
"That's why I'm asking you. Talia, please, I need to trust you to do this." Maybe it was the use of her name, her real name that changed her mind. Of her nickname. The only person who'd ever used it was him, and it sent a pang of nostalgia through her. Or maybe it was the word trust. He wanted to trust her, he did trust her, but she needed to promise him that she would do this if the time came. And despite the fact she hated to, she realised she would. Especially if it meant keeping Steve safe. "You can trust me."
He paused for a moment, digesting her words, her promise. Her promise that if things ever got bad, she would do what was needed to be done, regardless of her own or anyone's feelings. It would be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, if she had to do it, but they both knew she would. "So, where is home Natalia?" He finally said, and she finally, actually smiled at him.
"New York, Manhattan. And call me Natasha James, I'm not Natalia anymore, I haven't been for a long time."
"I guess if we're changing names, I guess you can call me Bucky." He gave her a half lipped smile, and she knew it was the best she was gonna get at the moment. "Okay Bucky."
"I think it's time for me to go home Natasha."
She had called Steve on the flight back to New York to meet them on the roof, leaving out the part about Bucky. For once in her life she wanted to surprise him, and not a 'I got shot' surprise, which happened too often for her liking. They landed on the helipad roughly, probably because she was too distracted about what Steve would say.
"You ready Bucky?" She asked softly, getting up from the pilot's seat to stand next to him. He'd been staring at the exit of the ramp, obviously thinking hard. He looked over to her, his face pulling into a smirk. "Let's give the old man a heart attack."
"You're older than him." She pointed out, and he only laughed. "Nah, he's been an old man since birth."
He took a deep breath before signalling for her to open the ramp. As it lowered, Steve face appeared, giving her a soft smile when he saw her, and she reciprocated it, unable to help it. His eyes glanced over to her companion, widening and he took a sharp intake of breath.
"Buck?" His voice was breathy, the word barely escaping his lips. He eyes flicked back over to Natasha in disbelief, and she just smile at him and gave Bucky a small push out the plane.
"Hey Stevie." Bucky seemed awkward, his real fingers messing with the cuff of his jacket.
"Are you…you?" Steve's question was redundant, they all knew Natasha wouldn't have brought him to the tower if he was a danger to himself or anyone else. But he needed to check, just like she had over and over again.
"Yeah, it's me." Steve ran into the plane, hugging Bucky tightly. She thought she saw a tear in his eye as they hugged, but she wasn't going to mention it. "You're back."
"You can thank your girlfriend for that one." Steve let go of Bucky, turning to face her. He pulled her into him, landing a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you." He couldn't convey how much it meant to him, that she'd gotten him back, that she'd brought him back to her.
"My pleasure." Despite his joy at seeing Bucky again, he noticed that she seemed off, that something was wrong. "You okay?" He whispered into her ear, low enough that if Bucky heard, he knew that it wasn't for him. She pulled out of the hug, walking away to grab her bag off a seat.
"Fine. I need to get Bucky to Shield, I just thought you should see each other first." She diverted the topic away from herself so easily, so much so that he knew something was wrong, but she clearly didn't want to talk about it, especially with Bucky there. She'd turned away from them, not letting them see the slight quiver of her lip. She wouldn't talk about it. She couldn't talk about it. Not here, not now.
"I need to get all that Hydra shit out my head." Bucky explained to Steve, drawing the man's eyes away from Natasha. "I'll see you soon man."
"See ya Buck."
"Tash?" He asked softly, running his fingers through her hair idly. It was dark in their room, only cracks of moonlight coming through the curtains.
"Hmmmm?" She hummed, snuggling further into him, pressing her back against his chest. She was comfortable with one of his arms resting across her stomach lightly, tracing lazy circles on her hip.
"Do I need to be jealous of Bucky?" He felt her soft movements stop instantly, his question clearly catching her off guard. As soon as she stilled, she let out a breath, relaxing back into him.
"James and I were special to each other once. It was a long time ago, all my memories of that time are pretty fuzzy, and I know his are too." It was the truth, but it wasn't all of it. She couldn't possibly sum up her entire relationship with Bucky in just one sentence.
"So?" He asked the question whilst nuzzling into her hair, his confusion at her lack of answer evident. "You have nothing to worry about Steve. Whatever happened between us is in the past. You're the only person I care about like that. The only person I will ever care about like that again."
"Is that what was bothering you?" He questioned, tucking some of her hair behind her ear so it wasn't dangling in front of her face. "Bucky was hiding out at my house. The one I grew up in before it was burnt to a crisp." She whispered, refusing to turn around so she could look at him. She didn't want to look at him, not right now. She didn't want the pity, or the look on his face that wasn't disappointment or anger or sadness, but somehow all three at the same time.
"Nat…" He pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder, unsure of what to say. She'd never talked about her past before the Red Room, and she was so young when she was taken that he assumed she had no real memories of it.
"It's okay, I'm okay. It just brought back some old memories. I think they were memories. I'm not sure." She was uncertain, because she didn't know if they were even her memories. They were sweet, innocent, exactly how a childhood should look. Nothing made sense, and she couldn't even begin to talk, to explain to herself, let alone Steve what she was thinking.
"I'm here." He said softly, brushing his fingers through her hair. "I know."
"If you ever want to talk about it…" He didn't finish his sentence, because she already knew. She brought her hand down from where it was buried beneath the pillow and placed it on top of his, giving it a soft squeeze. It had always been her way of saying she loved him without saying a word. "I love you too Tash."
AN: If you have any ideas that you desperately, or not so desperately want incorporated into this story, please let me know and I'll try to write them in. I hope you enjoyed, please follow, favourite and review. Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.