Nyx POV

I finally stopped running the obstacle course and I found myself feeling disappointment. I looked up at the second story of the house and found Lexa's windows. I momentarily wondered if I had made a mistake, threatening to leave like that. In all good conscience, I couldn't leave them to face it alone, but when Lexa had said the word permission, I became annoyed.

"NYX," someone roared at me.

I peered through the dark and saw Sephy stomp towards me.

"What," I yelled back.

She didn't answer but came straight at me and her body language told me she was beyond angry with me. I leaned against a log, crossed my arms, and waited for her.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING," she yelled when she was about ten feet away from me.

"I was running the obstacle course," I answered, perplexed.

"I'm not talking about that," she angrily seethed.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"You threatened to leave!"

"And? I have every right to."

"You do not get to leave," she said, poking me in the chest with every word.

"Says who? Lexa," I asked starting to get annoyed.

"No. Says me."

I sighed, "It's not like I can't come visit you. She rescinded the banishment and kill order."

"You need to finish what you started."

"What I started," I said and stood up straight. "I didn't start anything. The damn Manassas bunker did by coming out. Lexa hired me to find out what happened to her people and get them out of Manassas. I did. She temporarily brought me back into the pack to finish the cure. She didn't have to make me Second to do that. I finished the cure and saved the fucking humans. I've done everything she wanted me to do. I have no obligations to stay and help her solve this problem, regardless of what Mother Earth told me. If I want to leave, I can and no one can stop me."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. I never intended to come back into the pack, Seph. I never intended to become Second again."

"I don't understand why?"

"Seph, someone tried to kill me as soon as I got to the mansion. Lincoln made me want to kill myself. Clarke killed me once. My own body killed me. Why would I want to stay in a place where everyone wants to kill me."

"Not everyone. Not me."

I sighed, "I know that. I also know that people are happy that I'm here, but it doesn't change the fact that I have been in a life or death situation ever since I got here. It doesn't matter that I'm bonded to four women that I love with all of my heart. It isn't enough to make me want to stay. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that I want to help them get through this."

"Does that mean you'll leave after all of this is over," Sephy said with tears in her eyes.

"I don't know," I said softly. "All I know is that I have to finish what was started. I can't do that if I'm stopped from doing what needs to be done. I need to test exactly how powerful my powers are in order to give the councils a viable solution that will keep everyone safe. To give them a chance to figure out what to do with the humans."

"And what's your viable solution?"

"To completely seal off the Forest Pack territory from the outside world. To prevent the Ice Pack from destroying the pack and to keep the Coalition from invading and taking over the territory."

"And you're the only one who is possibly the most powerful mage that can pull it off."

"Yes, with the help of all three of our techno mages."

"Which is why you want to test exactly how much power you actually have."

"Yes."

"And since you just came out of your coma, you're just now mentally healthy, but seriously underweight, Lexa doesn't want to risk it."

"Yes. None of them do. That's why when Lexa gave me her 'permission' and tried to exert her dominance over me, I showed her that I was the dominant one and didn't need her permission or anyone else's."

"Did you realize that by doing so, you affected the entire compound?"

I shook my head, "No, I didn't. I just wanted Lexa to stay long enough to witness what would be recorded and show her why I know I can do it."

"But you don't know if you'll stay or not or join the pack once it's over."

"Yes," I said and pulled her into a hug. "I have to figure out if that's what I want to do, even though I was warming up to the ideas."

"You were?"

I chuckled, "Yes, I was but I'm not so sure anymore. I missed being part of a pack and I missed being Second. I hadn't realized exactly how much until Lexa gave them to me. It also doesn't negate the fact that once this is over, I still have to deal with the Coalition and my contract with them."

"So, what do you do now?"

"I do what I'm planning on doing. Tomorrow morning, I'm testing my powers. If they come, they come. If they don't, then it tells me that they have no confidence in me and I will leave once this is over or if they shoot my idea down, I leave."

"Just like that."

"Just like that," I said, looking down at her. "I can't stay if the people I love no longer support me, Seph. No matter their intentions. I'm sorry."

She squeezed me tight and I could feel her tears through my shirt, "Okay, but I'll be there."

I stepped back a little and raised her head to look at me, "Thank you."

"Are you going to go back to them tonight?"

"No."

"I think you're making a mistake."

"I want them to understand that they hurt me, Seph. I didn't want to show my dominance, I wanted them to support me and be there for me. I understand that they're afraid and my heart goes out to them, but I need to do this."

"I get it," she said and stepped away and taking my hand. "Then it would be a good idea to get as much rest as possible."

I chuckled softly and said, "You're right. Let's go."

She walked with me hand in hand all the way up to my bedroom. I gave her one last hug and closed the door behind me.