Sexy chapter.

"Too bad the timing worked out like this."

"What do you mean?"

Jane looks down into the box you've just opened together. Unmarked cardboard, discreet as promised.

"I mean.. you're probably not feeling up to a test drive just yet."

Although well enough to have been back at work for a couple of days now, you're still not a hundred percent. Even the relatively light workday has wiped you out, and relaxing on the couch is all you feel like doing now.

You grin. "You're looking forward to it."

"Well.." she bites her lip. "I dunno how good I'll be at it. But I wanna try it."

"Honey," you touch her cheek. "You won't be very good at it."

Her brows skyrocket. "Excuse me?"

"No one can be very good at it their very first time," you shrug. "Proficiency requires a particular set of muscle strength and coordination and stamina that have to be built up with practice, just like with any other new activity."

"What a pep talk," she fans herself.

"I just want to be sure that we both go into this with the right preparation and realistic expectations- why are you making that face?"

"What does 'preparation' mean?" she asks warily, "because my brain just edited together this weird-ass Karate Kid training montage..."

"Well, the first time you put it on isn't going to be the first time you use it. I read several articles and they all recommend that you spend a little time bonding with it before we do anything."

"Bonding..." she looks at the box, drumming her fingers on its side. "Take it to a game, have a beer with it, find out what it likes to do in its spare time..."

"I mean wear it by yourself, get used to the way it feels without me even involved. It'll help you develop a sense of connection."

At best she looks half-convinced.

"Look," you touch her hand. "You don't have to do any of this. But if you do... this is how I want it. Taking the time to approach this correctly will make it so much better for both of us. Even if you think it's a little silly.. will you try this for me?"

Any reluctance melts from her face. You've approached everything the way she's needed. She would never deny you the same.

She kisses your lips lightly. "I will." She gets hesitantly off the arm of the couch. "Well. So... now?"

You shrug. "If you feel like it."

"Alone, huh? What are you gonna be doing?"

You gesture at the television, not intending to do anything different than you already are.

"Alright. I'll just... okay." She takes the box and heads for the stairs, and you smile to yourself.

It's much more for Jane's sake that you've asked for it to be this way. To expect her to just put it on and go would be asking even more, really. She'll have questions. She'll need time to adjust.

Planet Earth is on. You've seen it before, but it's still good, and you're tired of looking for something to watch.

Your phone buzzes with a text, wedged somewhere in the couch cushions.

{ You didn't tell me there was assembly required

You grin, typing back.

I know how you love assembly instructions. How's it going? }

{ Fits pretty good but I still have to attach the KNARF to the FLÜUNG. Do we have an allen wrench and WD-40?

I am completely confident the instructions don't call for any of that. }

You drop the phone again and return your attention to the television where David Attenborough is telling you about how penguins raise their young.

After a few minutes, the next text comes with a sunglasses-smiley emoji.

{ Major Rizzoli reporting for duty

You laugh.

Welcome, Major ;) }

Soon, though, you realize that maybe you don't need to respond to every single text:

{ If I glue a magnet on it will I point north?

{ Wax on. Wax off.

{ Hey you know that awful thing men do? I kind of get it now

{ Will you show me some fencing moves? I have an idea for a new sport

{ 5 minutes and I've whacked into doorways twice and almost shut a drawer on it. I would be in the ER by now

You frown, finally amused.

I give up. What on earth are you doing up there? }

{ Creepy naked martial arts like the guy from Die Hard, obviously

{ HAHAHA, Die Hard. Totally unintentional

{ Really though what am I supposed to be doing? I don't think folding my shirts is it but it's what I'm doing

Well... this is one way to get her to fold laundry.

That's fine. Just do normal things and get used to having it there. }

{ What about abnormal things?

Those are fine too. }

Oh, and you don't need to text me every minute. I understand if you've got your hands full. You know. With all that laundry. }

"This... I'm sorry, I feel stupid," she sits back against her pillow, tenting her knees under the sheet as if to hide the problem in question. "It seems so... I know you didn't get this to be naughty or whatever, but I just don't know how I'm supposed to act."

This is a discussion you expected.

You've just seen her with it for the first time. You're sitting in bed together, both in your underwear, under an agreement not to do anything yet, and she's been struggling to settle on a demeanor the whole time. Goofy one moment, then cocky, then fake-cocky which is only a disguise for nervousness.

"Don't act." You take her hand. "It isn't supposed to be naughty. Or any more sexy or any less meaningful than anything else we do. It's fine to laugh... to be soft... anything. You don't have to be Major Rizzoli," you tease, and she grins sheepishly. "It's just us, darling."

She leans in to kiss you. And you kiss long enough and soft enough that part of you regrets agreeing that tonight isn't the night.

"May I?"

She watches with amusement as you you walk your fingers down her abdomen and slide your hand under the sheet. And when you slide your fingers around her, you know she knows that you've done something, but can't see or feel exactly what.

Her eyes dart to your face when you start to stroke her slowly, and you smirk at each other, each trying to decide whether the other thinks this is sexy. Before she can think of anything to say, you kiss her again.

Her tentative arousal cracks back into a smile. "You realize I can't tell what you're doing under there."

"You've solved tougher mysteries than this," you grin.

She tugs the sheet away, and you watch her take in the sight. Her eyes follow your hand. After a moment she seems to suddenly remember you're watching, and chuckles pinkly, putting a hand over her face. "This is so weird."

"Want to stop?"

No pause. "No."

"I didn't think so. Do you know what I do think?"

"Hm?"

You kiss her longer, hand still working lazily whether she is watching or not.

"It may be weird, but I think it isn't quite as ridiculous as you expected."

"Only like.. ninety percent."

"If I really tried," you let your lips brush against the shell of her ear, "do you think I could get that under fifty percent?"

"You prob- mm, that's cheating," she says, fighting to keep her eyes from closing at the sensation.

You laugh. She holds your face and kisses you.

"Did you try it the other night? When you were alone?"

She swallows, still staring at your lips. "A little."

"I thought about what you must have done up there."

"What must I have done?" she asks. Mouth corners playful.

"I think it took you a little while even to seriously try it. You thought it was silly. You thought you were only doing this for me, and if I wasn't even there, what was the point."

"True."

"And when you did... you probably touched it like how you would touch a man. Like this. But of course, that didn't feel like how you imagined a man would feel. It didn't really feel like anything."

"The, uh, visual isn't nothing," she says, looking a little torn between watching your hand and your face. "When you do it."

"I can see that," you smile. "But I chose this for you because I didn't want you to just watch and imagine. I want you to feel," you tell her between slow kisses. "I want this to be you. Not a man. Not an object. You. To both of us. Did you find out what felt good?"

She nods. You suck at her earlobe until you're sure your next request will get a yes instead of a joke.

"Show me."

Fat drops fall reluctantly from the eaves, outraced by the ones streaking right down from the clouds. You might have heard a distant rumble a while ago.

You lean by the window, lazily stirring the honey into your tea while it cools.

A tiny sound makes you notice Jane standing across the kitchen. You feel like an animal that has just spotted a stealthy wildlife photographer, and you wonder how long she's been there and what exactly you've been doing that's worth the fond smile on her face.

"What?"

She just smiles to herself for a moment longer. "Little gem."

"What is?" you tilt your head curiously, checking back out the window for what you've missed. Nothing's going on out there that warrants her reaction. "The rain?"

She smiles again, the kind where her lips stay sealed. "You. How you love the rain."

"Oh," you turn back to the window. "It's peaceful."

"I bet that's what you looked like when you were little."

"What do you mean?"

She puts her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, coming closer.

"Every time it rains or snows or anything, you look out the window like that. You look at lots of stuff like you see something I don't. The way little kids do, when it's new to them and they must think it's magic. But you know everything about everything, and you still do that."

"I know far from everything," you smile, and feel her kiss the back of your head before going into the other room.

A loose lock of her hair hangs down toward your face - that same one that always escapes her ponytail. You reach up to tuck it behind her ear like you always do, and it immediately falls back down like it always does.

There's been no lack of preparation. You talked. You got the silliness out of the way. You did everything you could to ensure realistic expectations. And still, you knew she would look at you exactly this way when this moment arrived. Like love and anxiety. Like she's about to do something risky.

Can you blame her? There's more to it than just first-time nerves. Maybe you were a fool to think that putting her on the other end of this act would remove the emotional baggage attached to it.

Her thumb traces your jaw. "You promise you'll tell me if..."

You nod. "I trust you."

She's ten times slower than you need her to be. You understand. She watches your face like witnessing something beautiful but also watching for disaster. You understand.

You hum happily and make sure she sees you smile.

Emotionally, it's incredible. Physically, she's... okay. Just as expected. Her motions are all carefully planned and hesitant and foreign, and you can tell it's more difficult than she expected.

And that's alright. This time isn't supposed to be something from your most x-rated fantasies. This is your sweet Jane who has never done this before. Who is trying very hard to fulfill your desires. Who hasn't wanted to say so out loud, but is actually much more afraid of hurting you than nervous about pleasing you.

There's no point in trying to heat it, or tell her she can be less gentle. The point is love, and that is what you feel.

"Hey." You rub your thumb at her shoulder, smiling up at her. A smile for a friend, at a moment like this, and it seems to mean the world to her. She pauses and brightens like you've caught her eye from across a room.

"Hey," she smiles. Throat tight.

You cup her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." She cracks a grin at the same time. "Sorry this is the lamest sex of all time."

"You're doing fine," you laugh. "Don't overthink it."

She kisses you. You slip the band from her hair, letting her curls spill over you. "It's so good just to feel you like this," you murmur, sliding your fingers into her hair and pulling her mouth to your neck.

"How do you feel?" she asks, breath warm beneath your ear. It's a real question.

You smile hazily. "Full."

She settles into a rhythm more subtle and manageable, something born of affection rather than an attempt to perform. That's what makes it work better for you.

It takes time, but you get there.

On its own, your head goes all the way back and your eyes squeeze. That's how you know this isn't going to be quite like any other time. It isn't supposed to be.

You cry out, squeezing all around her, clinging to her. A shuddering, flinching mess, whimpering her name more helplessly than either of you have heard. And that is how you feel: helpless. In the most beautiful way.

This was never just about wanting a certain orgasm. This is about showing her all the vulnerability she can't give you. You know she's listening and watching and committing every detail of this to memory, and you mean for her to. It's your gift to her. Your complete and trusting surrender. And you hear her receive it with whispers of adoration and disbelief.

The last of it seems to go on and on. She'd never rush you. She knows you well, and she is good to you.

She brushes away those tears that sting the corners of your unopened eyes. She covers your exposed throat with feather-light kisses. She stays right where you want her, letting you hug you against her and savor every last ripple. You don't want it to end.

But when it does, neither of you has to say anything. You see it all in the way she smiles at you with wet and awed eyes, in the way she cradles you against her, and in the way just one forehead kiss will not do.

I see a lot of you in the reviews looking to get your kink on, but here's my thing with strap-on rizzles stories... A) someone always puts this thing on for the very first time and is immediately a pro pornstar (yeah right) and B) it nearly always comes with a certain kind of OOC roleplay I don't like, so we're not doing that. For those waiting for "the chapter", you make it sound like there's going to be just one? ;)

PS - before anyone reviews to tell me Jane's fun here would only be psychological: I assumed that, but hoping not to sound totally clueless, I took a spin around the internet and learned that products do exist that enable some stimulation for the wearer. There is, wow, some stuff out there. I fear for what kind of marketing lists I've gotten myself on in the course of researching for this. Help me bleach my browser history.