Forty-two
BPOV
Edward and I had spent all day Sunday in bed, making love and talking. Mostly making love. Every time I looked at the rings sitting on my left hand, I smiled. I couldn't believe that Edward and I were actually, officially married. When I came driving back into Clarendon almost five months ago, I never thought I would get married again. I never thought anyone would love me, or want me, the way Edward did. Somehow, he made me feel like I was worth it all; love and happiness. He made me feel like I was most precious thing in the world to him. I knew I was. At least until our baby was born and then I would happily share that title.
Of course, Monday morning came all too quickly and we had to leave our bed and go to work. It was much harder than I expected it to be. We showered, dressed for work, made breakfast. All the things that married people do. All the things we had been doing for the last few months but it felt different now that we were married. Normal for us, at least. None of the things that I did with Mike. Well, maybe I did but it never felt the way it did with Edward. He made me feel loved and appreciated. He made me feel beautiful.
"What are you thinking about?" murmured Edward, pressing his naked body against mine early Wednesday morning. I smiled as I leaned into his embrace.
"You," I said, simply.
"Me?" he asked, moving his soft lips to crest of my ear. "Why are you thinking about me?"
"I was thinking about how much I love you," I whispered, looking over my shoulder at him. I felt so vulnerable, like I had just shared the darkest of all secrets with him. Edward smiled as he leaned in and pressed his lips down onto mine.
"I love you, too, my love," he whispered, peppering my lips with his. "More and more everyday."
"Make love to me," I begged, shakily. "Please."
Edward didn't say anything as he rolled so that he was hovering over me, nestling himself in between my legs. I could feel his manhood pressing against me, and I wanted him now. I wrapped my legs around the back of his and pulled him into my body. We both moaned, enjoying the feeling of being as one again. Edward nestled his head into the crook of my neck as he slowly started moving in and out of me.
There really wasn't anything like feeling him inside of me, or on top of me, loving me with every inch of his body. Edward grunted as he slid his hand down the side of my body, reaching my thigh. He pulled my leg up and over his hip, deepening his thrust inside of me. I had no idea how he could manage to go deeper than he already was but he did. My hands slid up Edward's back, gripping his hair between my fingers. He shivered as his skin erupted in goose bumps.
"Oh, Bella," he murmured, pressing his lips down onto my over heated skin. "You feel so fucking amazing, baby. Fucking amazing."
"Edward," I gasped, tightening my grip on his hair. I could feel my orgasm coming, building as my walls started to clench around him. "Edward, please!"
"Oh, baby," he growled, thrusting harder.
Moments later, our bodies shook as we came together, whispering each other's names and pressing our lips together. It was perfect. After several minutes of laying in each other's arms, letting our lips and hands speak for us, we climbed out of our bed and headed into the bathroom to get ready for our very busy day.
This afternoon, Edward and I were going back to Amarillo to my doctor's appointment with Charlotte. I couldn't help but worry that there was something wrong with the baby. Every book I've read and every website that I have looked at, talked about only seeing your doctor every month until you were much further along. However, Charlotte seemed to want me to come in every couple of weeks and I was worried that there was a reason, something she wasn't telling us, that she wanted us to come in so much.
Edward and I finished our shower, dried off, and headed back out to our bedroom. I could feel his eyes on me as I got ready for work, opting to wear a pair of black pants and a white sweater. Every time I looked over at him, he would smile and look down at his feet, causing me to blush. It was intense and highly sexual, even if we weren't actually having sex. I slipped on my black flats and headed into the kitchen, leaving him to get ready for work. I needed to take a breath without him causing me to blush, if that was at all possible.
I made us both some oatmeal and toast, skipping the coffee we both loved and opting for juice instead. I missed coffee but I would do whatever it took to make sure our baby, our son or daughter, had every chance for a healthy start in life. Even if that meant going without the hot, steaming beverage that I craved so much.
"Baby, what are you thinking about now?" asked Edward, slipping his arms around my waist.
"Coffee," I sighed, laying my head back on his shoulder. "I miss it."
"I miss it, too, but one day you will get to have it again," he chuckled, kissing my cheek. "Until then, you can either drink decaf or juice, I guess."
"Decaf sucks," I muttered, turning in his arms.
"It really does," agreed Edward, nodding his head. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. "Hmmm, your lips taste good."
"So do yours," I murmured against his lips.
Edward kissed me again before pulling me over and sitting me in his lap. I laughed at my silly, loving, adorable husband and started eating the breakfast I had made the two of us. Edward had a smile on his face the entire time, one that I couldn't help but match. Everything seemed perfect right now, and deep inside of me, that scared the crap out of me.
"Ok, so, I'll pick you up from school at lunch," said Edward, bringing his hand down onto my abdomen. "Does that sound ok?"
"Perfect," I smiled, leaning my forehead down onto his. "My appointment is at two so that gives us plenty of time."
"Do you want to drive your car or mine?" asked Edward, rubbing small circles on my tummy. It tickled but I didn't stop him. I loved his hands on me like this.
"Mine, of course," I laughed.
"Of course, what was I thinking?" he asked, laughing with me. He leaned up and kissed me again. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I murmured, bringing my hand up and cradling his face. "So much."
After a few more minutes of kissing, I reluctantly headed out to my car and left Edward in the kitchen. It was the hardest thing to do, leave him sitting there like that. You would have thought that I wasn't going to see him in just a handful of hours or something. I sighed as I climbed into my car and drove to the school, preparing for my day with the kids.
I parked my car in the parking lot and headed inside, smiling at all the little faces that passed me in the hallway. The greatest thing about working in the school was seeing all the kids. They made it worth it all. I headed down to my library and found Kate and Lauren waiting for me next to my door. Based on the looks on their faces, they were up to something. I just wasn't sure what that was.
"Good morning," I said, unlocking my door.
"Morning," they nearly sang together as they followed me in.
I went around my desk and put my purse up before sitting down and starting my computer. They both leaned against the counter, neither of them saying a word but both of them smiling like a couple of fools. I sighed as I leaned back in my chair and looked at them.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"What makes you think we want something?" asked Lauren, throwing me her best smile. I just stared at her. "Ok, we want a girls night out and you have to come."
"When?" I asked.
"Friday," smiled Kate. "If you can leave that hubby of yours for five minutes."
I rolled my eyes as I stood up and started clearing out the book return cart. "I am not that bad," I scoffed.
Both Kate and Lauren burst out laughing, which irritated the crap out of me. "Yeah, like you and Eddie aren't attached at the lips or something," snorted Kate.
"Whatever," I said. "Who's all going to girls night?"
"Us, Alice, and Rose," smiled Lauren. I smiled about them inviting Rose.
"Hmm, I'm in, as long as Edward hasn't already made plans for us," I said, quietly. "Thanks for inviting Rose."
"She's cool," smiled Lauren. "Anyone who can keep Emmett in line has to be pretty awesome."
"Very true," I murmured.
The bell rang and Kate and Lauren headed down to their classrooms, leaving me alone. I spent all morning shelving books and helping the little ones in Kindergarten find books in their book level. They were all so sweet and looked like they were scared to death about being given the responsibility of taking care of one of my books. It made me smile to think that one day, mine and Edward's child would be here and I might be doing this for him or her.
Once I had finished my lunch duty with my kids, I grabbed myself a chicken sandwich and headed out to meet Edward. He was leaning against my car, smirk planted on his face, and a large strawberry limeade in his left hand. I nearly broke out into a full run as I crossed the street. He opened his right arm and caught me, pulling me right against his chest. He slowly leaned down and pressed his lips onto mine.
"Break it up, kids," teased Garrett. I pulled back and looked over at him as he was crossing the parking lot toward the school. "You two are so cute, it's sickening."
I ignored him as I turned back to Edward, eyeing the drink in his hand. "Is that for me?" I asked, sweetly.
"This?" he asked, holding up the drink. I nodded my head, softly. "It's for my beautiful and sexy wife."
"Oh," I sighed, dramatically as I stepped away. "Guess you had better go find her, then."
"Come here, you," he growled, pulling me back into his arms. He lowered his lips down to my ear, causing me to shiver. "You know I was talking about you."
"Do I?" I asked, coyly.
"Don't you?" he murmured, running his nose up to my ear. "There will never be anyone else for me but you, love."
"Me either," I whispered, turning my head and capturing his lips with mine.
Our lips moved slowly, cautiously against each others. It was almost like time stood still, waiting for us to have our private moment before starting to click again. Of course, it didn't and we were reminded of that fact when a car drove by the school and honked. Edward and I looked back to see Charlie's police truck driving by. I shook my head at my silly father and turned to face my husband of four days.
"Are you ready?" I asked.
"Yes," he smiled, handing me my drink.
I slid into the drivers seat while Edward ran around to the passenger seat. He was gracious enough to not make it a big deal that I preferred to drive my car, seeing at in a handful of months I would be lucky if I can even fit behind the wheel any longer. I took a deep draw of my strawberry limeade and placed my cup in the cup holder. Once I had my seat belt on, I started my car and headed toward Amarillo.
An hour later, I parked my car in the parking lot of Charlotte's office building. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous and scared to death about this appointment. Logically, I knew I was overreacting and needed to calm down but the other part of me, the less rational part of me, was freaking out. Would it ever get easier?
Edward and I climbed out of the car and headed inside, taking the elevator to the fifth floor. When the doors chimed, I jumped a little. Edward didn't say anything as he tightened his arm around my waist and lead me over to the check in desk. Jane looked up and smiled at me, a real smile like she was genuinely happy to see me here.
"Hello, Bella," she said.
"You remembered my name?" I asked, before I could stop myself.
"Of course I did," she said, laughing a small tinkling laugh. "How are you feeling?"
"Um, pretty good," I murmured.
"Good, well, Dr. Davis will be with you very soon," smiled Jane.
I returned her smile and followed Edward over to the group of chairs, sitting down next to him. He automatically took my hand in his, bringing it up to his lips. Of course, I blushed. Edward and I only had to wait a few minutes before Heidi was calling us back. She, too, was smiling. It felt like everyone was smiling around here. Edward placed his hand on my back as we followed her back.
"So how's everything going?" she asked, pointing to the scale. I handed Edward my purse and stepped up on the scale.
"Good," I replied. Heidi marked my weight; I had lost three pounds since my first visit.
"Based on that sparkling diamond on your left hand, I would say things are better than just good," she smirked, looking from me to Edward. "And the wedding ring on his finger. Are congratulations in order?"
"Yes," I murmured, blushing. "We were married on Saturday."
"Aw, how sweet," she sighed, dreamily. For a moment, she seemed to get lost in her own little memory. She smiled as she shook her head. "Sorry, I was just imagining your wedding."
"It's fine," I murmured. She motioned for me to follow her down the hallway to one of the small rooms.
"Any concerns today?" she asked, patting the table for me to climb up.
"Um, no, not really," I muttered.
Heidi nodded her head as she started checking my blood pressure, temperature, and other vitals. Once she had everything written down, she told us Charlotte would be in shortly and left. Edward stood next to me, one hand laying on my back and the other resting on my knee. I could feel my body relax as I leaned on him, letting my head rest on his chest. It was amazing how just feeling his touch made me feel so comfortable.
"Knock, knock," sang Charlotte, pushing the door open and sticking her head in. "Can I come in? I hear there are newly weds in here and I don't take to seeing the baby making in progress."
"Well, since there is already a baby, I guess you can," laughed Edward.
Charlotte laughed with him as she came in, shutting the door behind her. She went over and washed her hands, pulling a couple of paper towels down to dry them. She tossed them in the trash and looked back at us, smiling as she looked between us.
"Well, you look great," she said, finally. "Much better than the first time I saw you. Are the meds helping with the nausea?"
"Yes," I said, nodding my head. "I feel so much better."
"Good, good," she murmured, picking up my chart. "You've lost a few pounds but that is not unusual in the early stages of a pregnancy." Charlotte placed my chart down and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Any questions? Any concerns?"
"Um, no," I muttered, looking down at my feet.
"Bella," she said, lifting my chin up to look at her. "Talk to me, honey. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
"Well," I started but hesitated.
"Yes?" she prompted.
"Is there something wrong with the baby?" I blurted out.
"What?" she asked.
"Everything I've read says that you shouldn't be seeing me this much unless you are concerned about my health or the baby's," I explained. "Is there something wrong with me? The baby?"
"You both are perfectly fine," she smiled, grabbing my hand. "I wanted to keep a close eye on you because I know that you are scared and nervous, Bella. When a woman goes through a loss like you did back in the spring, it can be difficult for them to believe that everything is going smoothly. It's something I know all too well."
"You do?" I asked, quietly. Charlotte smiled and nodded her head.
"I was a little further along than you were when you lost your baby but I don't think it makes the pain go away. Although, I was and am very lucky to have such a supportive husband. Something you clearly have in Edward, here," smiled Charlotte.
"Can I ask you something?" I whispered, pulling on the inside of my lip.
"Anything," she murmured.
"Does it ever get easier?" I asked. Edward slipped his arm tighter around my waist but I couldn't look at him. "I thought I didn't want that baby, until they were gone." I shook my head as I batted back my tears. "I realize now it's not the baby I didn't want, it was that life, that hell, I was trapped in."
"I…I can't honestly say that it gets easier, just more tolerable," smiled Charlotte. "It's been almost two years for me and my husband, Peter, and there isn't a day go by that I don't think of our son. But at the same time, I know that life can't stop because he isn't here or because it hurts to think about who he would have been right now. One day, maybe we'll give it another try."
"Oh," I murmured, unsure of what to say.
"Ok, let's check you out so that we can get you on your way back home," she said, pushing off the counter. "This is the last place two newly weds want to be."
Edward and I both laughed softly as I laid back on the examination table. Charlotte lifted my shirt up and pressed down on my belly for a moment. Maybe she could sense that I needed to see that our baby was really ok with my own two eyes because she hit the lights and started the ultrasound machine. There sitting in the middle of the little black screen was our baby, little arms and legs flailing around like crazy. Tears filled my eyes as I wanted him or her. They were ok, and I did feel better seeing for myself.
Once Charlotte printed off a couple of pictures, she helped me clean the gel off my tummy and told me she would see me in a few weeks and not to be afraid to call her if I needed anything, emphasizing anything. Somehow, I knew that she would be on the other end of the phone anytime I needed someone to talk to, share my fears with. It was nice to know.
Edward and I headed out to the front desk and made my next appointment for three weeks from now. I slipped my hand into his as we rode the elevator down to the first floor and headed out to my car. We climbed in and I drove us around the park that sat around the small lake behind the hospital. I was in the mood to walk for a little bit. Edward and I climbed out of the car and headed down to the sidewalk and started walking, slowly as we weren't in a hurry. The air was cool but not cold. It was perfect.
"Bella, why didn't you tell me that you were feeling sad about your other baby?" asked Edward, several minutes later. I laid my head on his shoulder as we started walking.
"I didn't want you to think that I wanted Mike," I muttered.
"I know you don't, love," he sighed, slipping his arm around my waist. "I just want you to know that I am here for you anytime you need someone to talk to."
"I know that," I said, looking up at him. "Honestly, Edward, I don't even know what I am feeling. I hate thinking about that part of my life. I disgusts me that I spent so long letting him hurt me, that I almost brought a child into that world. I wouldn't have been any better than David Newton was by exposing that baby to Mike. I never thought I wanted that baby and I feel guilty for that."
"Baby, you shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting to have a child with him," said Edward. "In a lot of ways, that baby set you free. He or she gave you the strength to fight back and leave him."
"Maybe," I muttered, looking out over the water.
Edward and I walked around the lake for a little while longer before we headed back up to the car. We climbed in, stopped and got a drink, and headed back to Clarendon. Back to our small house, our loving home. Back to where it was just me and Edward, for at least a few more months.