Author's Note: So the fact this is coming out on Christmas is entirely coincidental, its not a happy lighthearted segment for the holidays so don't go in expecting happy thoughts. It probably seems pretty random and it is, life's been sucky the past few months but more and more lately I have been thinking about Gray again (which isn't abandoned, I'd post a final note if I was abandoning it to give people closure) and missing writing. This is a flashback I've wanted to do for quite a while now but was very hung up on whether to do it from Hogan or Logan's perspective (or both), I really wanted to do Hogan's but I wasn't sure if I could capture the awkward way he thinks without it being difficult to follow or frustrating to read so I struggled with that, it wouldn't be a problem for Logan but he's barely conscious for half of it and not completely aware of what's happening so that probably wouldn't be ideal either which made me think maybe it'd be better to do both but that's awkward so I kind of shelved the idea. Until a few days ago when I randomly had a surge of inspiration and desire to write this specifically, no idea why, I made it readable but I'm not entirely sure I succeeded in nailing Hogan's brain but hey I tried and it felt good to write Gray again and writing something is probably better then nothing even though no one gives half a damn about Hogan (if they even remember him all these months later haha) so enjoy, hope 2020 is a better year for us all

January 16th 1967, (Flashback)

The first thing he became aware of was pain, waves of it coursing through every cell in his writhing body but somehow that wasn't even the worst part. Worse than all that was the pain inside his head, it felt as if his very brain was being shredded. Distantly he could screaming, it took him a second – or maybe an eternity, time didn't seem to exist in his agony – to realize he was the one screaming. Somehow had to endure this though, he had to protect his brother.

"You're killing him!" a vaguely familiar voice screamed desperately, he sounded in tears, "Please, I've told you a thousand times!"

"He asked for it, remember?" another voice grunted but nonetheless the waves of pain stopped abruptly, like his body had been in a vice that had just released him. His head though, his head still hurt, "I think we got what we needed though."

He realized he was lying on the floor, limbs trembling from the curse. He awkwardly pulled them around his head as he curled instinctively into a ball, expecting to feel some horrible wound but it was just soft hair around an unblemished skull. Why was the pain still there then? Why did it still hurt? For that matter, why did it hurt in the first place? What was happening? He had to protect his brother, he knew that. Who was his brother though? In fact, who was he? It dawned on him that he couldn't remember, he couldn't remember anything before the pain.

"Hogan?" a smaller voice called out quietly, sounding very afraid and young but closer than the voices. Who was Hogan? Was that his brother? He had to protect his brother.

"What do we do now?" yet another voice asked, how many bloody voices were there?

"Hogan?" the small voice said again in a cracked whisper and he felt a small hand on his arm, gently pulling it away from his head which he allowed because clutching his head did not seem to be helping stem the pain, "Hogan? Are you okay? Please be okay, I'm so sorry."

Was he Hogan? This seemed to be what this person was addressing him as, it was a rather stupid name though he thought but it was hard to think through this pain. He flicked his eyes open, recalling sight was a thing and was met with the frightened face of a boy in blue pajamas. He looked around seven or eight with messy brown hair and very striking cyan eyes, eyes red from crying and the tears from which still stained his face. He felt instant recognition though, this was his brother. He had to protect him.

"Is that my name?" he asked hoarsely, confused for a second as his voice sounded the same as his brother. His brother looked very distressed by this question for some reason, "My head hurts a lot."

"Yes," his brother confirmed quickly, tears leaking from his eyes again as he caressed his head gently. It was soothing even if it didn't ease the pain, "You're Hogan Leebin, and I'm Logan. I'm your brother, we're twins. Don't you remember?"

He didn't answer, instead being distracted by a pained grunt from people behind Logan. There were three people in dark cloaks with wands and one with a sack slung over their shoulder who seemed to have been having a conversation amongst themselves, a black haired man was on his knees doubled over clutching his stomach as if he'd just been kicked and beyond them he saw a brown haired woman lying on the floor with crimson liquid pooled under her head. Blood. That was blood he was pretty sure, it looked kind of sticky. She wasn't moving.

"I told you to stay put!" the cloaked man closest to the injured sneered, his expression nasty. What was his problem? Why was he being so mean?

"Just let me be with my sons," the black haired man moaned from the ground, Hogan felt like he should know him. Was that his father? Were he and Logan the sons he wanted to go to?

"Just kill the kids," a cloaked woman said dismissively and the cloaked man nearest to them smirked.

"NO!"

"Wait!" the first cloaked man called out but the smiling man was already slashing his wand through the air.

Logan leaped up, jumping protectively in between himself and the man. Bu that was wrong, he was supposed to protect Logan not the other way around. Though to be fair, he still didn't really understand what was happening. There was a cracking sound and Logan screamed, staggering back and falling to the ground beside him except now red was splattered across the blue.

"Logan?" Hogan called out in confusion, pulling himself to his knees beside his brother.

"You idiot, that makes it traceable to us!" the first man snapped irritably in the background, Hogan had no idea what they were on about, "We imperise the father to kill the kids, inferise the mother to kill him in case he breaks free and torch this place to remove as much evidence as possible while we get the next Portkey to Mexico."

Logan's pajama top was now ripped across the chest and sleeve where he must've put his arm up to limited success because it had still caught his eye, there was a deep gash gushing blood visible through the tear and across his eye. He reached out in confusion, his fingers brushing the sticky crimson substance and Logan whimpered in pain. What was he supposed to do? How did he make the blood stop? Blood needed to be inside he knew, how did you get it to go back in? There had to be a way, he had to protect his brother.

"How do I help you, Logan? I don't understand," Hogan complained, tears pricking his eyes. Logan was supposed to be bleeding, and his head still hurt, and his five minute long memory wasn't helping, "How do I stop the blood? Logan?"

"It's… okay, Hoag…" Logan said weakly, struggling to push the pained words out and reaching out shakily to take his hand.

"It's not alright, you're bleeding. You're not supposed to be bleeding, I don't have to remember anything to know that."

"Imperio!" the cloaked woman spat, drawing Hogan's attention back to the other people in the room and the room in general.

It was hard to tell what it had been because it was a mess, there were overturned couches and drawers that had been pulled out of their units, ripped books and shattered photographs littered the ground. There was a large ornate fireplace that looked relatively untouched, the fire poker had been knocked down and there was an empty holder where he was sure Floo Powder should be. The lower half of the walls was wood paneled and the upper half was a rich navy, he could see discolored spaces and hooks where pictures must have been. One of the cloaked men was waving his wand over the sleeping woman, the cloaked woman had her wand pointed at the man he suspected was his father and the cloaked man who had hurt Logan was walking past him towards a door in the corner with the sack slung over his back.

"Hey, you!" Hogan barked at the man as he jumped to his feet, the man was very tall and very stocky with a very square jaw and hazel eyes. The man paused and looked back at him, looking rather surprised to have been addressed, "Fix my brother! You're the one who hurt him, you have to know how to heal him."

"I think you drove that kid mad!" the woman laughed.

The man scowled at him and swung his fist around, punching Hogan hard enough to send him to the floor landing painfully on his butt. He blinked a few times to make sure his eye was still working, it was now aching and felt kind of funny but seemed functional enough. That was main concern not the pain, his head was still hurting a lot more. Still, why had he gone and done that? These people were rude and bad, he had no idea who they were but he definitely did not like them. He did still want them to heal his brother for him though.

"Come on, we have to go," the other cloaked man said, urging the other two cloaked people to leave as he started hurrying towards the door the taller man had been going towards, "I'm not very good at this Inferius stuff."

The woman followed immediately but the tall man hesitated, swirling his wand idly and giving him one last nasty look before following. Hogan thought about asking what about his brother but thought better of it, maybe he'd have better luck with the other two. He looked back to see his father was now on his feet, seeing him properly for the first time he was hit with recognition, the man had the same cyan eyes as Logan too. He still recalled no memories but recognition was a relief, and surely he would want to help his own son.

"Daddy?" Hogan called out as he stood up, his father was just standing there staring off blankly, "Logan's been hurt, can you help him?"

His father looked at him for a second before striking him down just as forcefully as the cloaked man had, much to Hogan's shock and anger. What was with people punching him?! He opened his mouth to complain but his dad hit him again while he was on the ground, his head ringing from the blows he tried to back away.

"Dad, stop!" Logan's gasp of shock came from where he still lay, Hogan saw him trying to crane his neck to see what was happening, "What… are you doing?"

His father didn't answer though, instead he strode over and straddled him. Hogan caught his eye, unable to form words as he just gazed in confusion but his father's eyes were cold as he brutally punched him again. He was now close enough to the fire place that his head struck stone with enough force to see stars and he tasted blood, it was coppery and sticky. His dad hit him again and Hogan raised his arms to shield his face, expecting more blows by this point.

His arm ached where his dad hit it but his shield worked, it was easier to think when you weren't being punched even though the pain in his head still hurt more than any of the physical wounds combined. He didn't know why his father was doing this but it was inconvenient, Logan was still hurt and he needed to protect his brother. For a brief second he thought his dad had somehow realized this too as another blow didn't come, instead though he reached under his arms and Hogan felt his father's hands tighten around his throat.

"What's… happening?" Logan's voice called out distantly in confusion.

Hogan tried to push his dad's hands away but he was so much stronger then him his hands could've been made of stone as they choked the life out of him, he tried to push his dad off him but he didn't budge, he tried to tell his dad to stop but his mouth didn't open. He felt his lungs start to ache from their failed efforts to draw in air, he was going to die if he couldn't get his dad off him and then how could he protect his brother? Some part of him – probably the lung part - was panicked at the lack of oxygen, the rest of him had more important things to do though, like think of a way to not die.

There had to be something else he could do, he wasn't strong enough to push his father off but if he could grab something then maybe that would be strong enough. He stopped trying to push his dad away as darkness danced around the edges of his vision, instead scrambling with his hands to try grabbing something to use as a weapon. He was at the fireplace, so close he could feel the heat on his cheek in fact, he recalled there had been a fallen fire poker around there and… he got it.

He swung the poker blindly at his dad's head, it was enough to make him head jolt a bit from the blow but not to release his grip. Hogan looked into his father's eyes again, feeling inexplicitly angry now as his lungs burned from the need to breathe and darkness pressed down on him. He couldn't die like this, he had to protect his brother. He had a weapon, he still didn't have the strength though so he needed a new angle. The poker was very pointy, maybe he could use that to his advantage. He knew he was running out of time though as he gazed into his father's cold cyan eyes…

Mustering the last of his strength, Hogan jammed the fire poker into his father's right eye as hard as he could. The man screamed in agony and rolled off him, trying to pull it out but Hogan leaped up and doubled down, slamming it in as far as it could go. His dad stopped moving, and fell silent.

Hogan stood on trembling legs as he gulped down the much needed air, he was shaking so much he was half-expecting to fall over. Despite the dark corners of his vision receding, he was unable to look away from his dad as he pulled the bloody poker out to see the gory mess he'd made out of his dad's eye which was now more of a void of cruor. His other eye was still open, staring unblinkingly which seemed somehow equally sickening. He felt his innards rolling around his gut nauseatingly as he swallowed the blood in his mouth, what had he done? He wanted to ask if he was alright but he already knew his dad was anything but.

"Daddy?" Hogan called out meekly though he knew he couldn't dwell on this, he had to protect his brother. He put his hand to his head, his face was now aching and his throat felt raw but somehow his head still hurt worse and he still couldn't remember anything, "I'm sorry but you were trying to kill me."

Hogan forced himself to look away, seeing Logan was a few feet away and had managed to prop himself up slightly against an upturned brown leather couch though his head lolled like he struggled to stay conscious. Also, was it just him or had it gotten warmer? His eyes skimmed the rest of the room and he saw flames had sprouted across three of the four walls, all of the ones that had windows. Why was this happening to him? Was his life always like this? It was terrible, he hated it.

"M- Mum…?" Logan mumbled in confusion as Hogan ran back over to him, he needed to get him out of this burning building right now and then he could worry about the bleeding, "But… she's dead…?"

"Come on," Hogan urged him, ignoring that as he pulled him to his feet which had Logan cry out in pain but he ignored it as he slung his brother's arm around his shoulder to support him, "I know you're in pain but so am I, this place is on fire and we need to leave or we'll die."

"Leave me… I can't," Logan whimpered but he was forced to move as Hogan determinedly half-dragged him forwards, he was going to protect his brother whether his brother wanted him to or not.

"You can," Hogan insisted dismissively because he was sure Logan could make it, he just kept focused on the target.

The target of course being the door the cloaked people had left from, it was conveniently on the only wall that wasn't on fire but inconveniently was still near the fire wall but he didn't have a choice. He heard some kind of sound behind him but ignored it, if he stopped he wasn't sure that it would be as easy to get Logan to move again and time was of the essence. He wasn't sure where the door went but it had to be somewhere better than waiting for a building to burn to the ground, hopefully the cloaked figures weren't waiting to punch him in the face when he tried to follow. He still had his fire poker in case they were, he was using it as a crutch now to help support them but that could change.

As they drew closer the head from the flashing flames got more intense, smoke was starting to billow out making him cough as he reached the door. It was a double wooden sliding one and led Logan through into a foyer, there was a large set of double doors to their right which was on fire. Directly across from them was what might've been a dining room he guessed from the table fragment and upturned chairs he could see but that room also looked like it was on fire, then to their left was a stairway leading up and a hall that led to what looked a kitchen which was naturally on fire.

"Where…?" Logan tried to ask, slumping onto the bottom step as a fit of coughing overtook him.

Hogan was distracted though by the strangled growl from back the way they'd came, he had thought it was his dad but it was actually the brown haired woman who'd been sleeping in blood. His mother, he was hit with another delayed burst of recognition though still no memories. She didn't look right though, her body was strangely emaciated and her eyes glassy as she charged at them wildly with claw-like fingers outstretched.

He slammed the sliding doors shut, the hinges shook from the force of his mother crashing into it. Clearly Logan had been wrong about her being dead, she was alive and seemingly very angry, maybe because of what he'd done to his dad. He slotted the fire poker into the door handle for good measure, he'd had quite enough of people trying to hurt him for now so she could just calm down while he got Logan to safety and found a way to heal his wound. He had to protect his brother.

"Come on," Hogan said, coughing again and jumping a little as the door shook again from their mother crashing into it.

He took Logan's arm once more to support him as they started their slow trudge up the large staircase, he thought it was a bad idea but their other options were all on fire and at least it put some distance between them and his angry mother while he tried to think through the pain in his head.

He heard another crash and glanced back down, seeing she had punched her arm through the door. Was that normal for her? Somehow he doubted it, he also was surprised to not hear her coughing from the smoke. He heard the rest of the door shattering as they reached the top of the stairs and hurried them into the closest room, his heart pounding in his chest at the speed he could hear her footsteps racing up the stairs.

He practically threw Logan onto the nearest bed so he could slam the door behind him, not that that would stop somehow who could tear through doors. He tried to push a chest of drawers in front of it but it was too heavy, instead he turned to a wardrobe and jumped up to grab the edge of it. The excess weight pulled it forwards and he jumped away as it started to fall, dropping with a tremendous bang in front of the door. Hopefully that would buy them some time so he could think of something, if not he'd just trapped them in a room to die.

Their room he realized, judging by the 'Hogan' and 'Logan' name plaques over their beds which made him feel strangely sad. Had they been in their own home this whole time? Why was their home so dangerous? And why was it such a ransacked mess? This room was no better with draws of toys and clothes tossed on the floor, Logan sat on his bed which had been flipped and was pulling a picture out of a shattered photograph while Logan's mattress had been flung upright by the window… the window.

Hogan raced to the window and opened it wide, it – like all the windows he'd seen – was large. He peered out while there was a bang behind them indicating their mother had found them, unfortunately there was no tree to climb but the grassy ground was just there under the starry sky. So close but too far to jump, there wasn't really a ladder they could use or rope, maybe they could make one from bedsheets but that would take too long. His eyes shifted to the mattress, maybe something to cushion the fall would work. Maybe was better than just waiting to die.

"What…?" Logan coughed while Hogan set about maneuvering the mattress into the window, whoever had put it upright like that helped tremendously.

"I know what I'm doing," Hogan insisted as he pushed, it was heavier then he'd thought but it was manageable now it was in the window, "Come here."

"Hogan-"

"Now!" Hogan barked as his mother punched her hand through the door, grabbing Logan up and half-dragging him. Logan looked terrified and half his face was bloody from his bleeding eyebrow, he grabbed one of the duvets and wrapped it around his brother to cushion him even more as he sat him on the windowsill, "I'm protecting you, Logan, I promise. You have to trust me."

"I trust… you," Logan confirmed weakly as Hogan saw their mother starting to break through out of the corner out of his eye, "But… I don't under-"

"Good," Hogan told him and shoved Logan out of the window.

Logan screamed all the way down as looked out eagerly, seeing the boy bounce off the mattress and roll over the unfurling duvet. He allowed himself a sigh of relief, hearing Logan groaning and seeing him moving on the ground. He still needed to find a way to heal his brother but he was now clear of the burning house, which was progress.

Hogan climbed onto the windowsill as he didn't think he had enough time to fish up the other duvet, hearing his mother approaching rather than seeing her as he jumped. Not fast enough as he felt claws slicing through his forearm as she tried to pull him back, also too slow apparently since he continued to fall frighteningly fast through the air. He hit the mattress and bounced, finding himself flung on the opposite side to his brother and hit the grass painfully – it was much harder then he'd expected - with enough impetus to make him roll on to his stomach.

He pushed his aching body onto his back, breathing heavily as he gulped down the frosty night air. It still didn't hurt as much as the pain in his head. Before he could even acclimate himself to his current situation to return to the objective of protecting his brother, he was distracted as he saw a female figure jumping from the high up window they'd just came from. To his shock, she landed on her feet in front of him, he heard a crunching sound and her legs wobbled briefly but she seemed completely unfazed as he lunged at him claws outstretched.

He barely managed to get his arms up in time to shield his face from her assault, he screamed in pain as her claws tore through his arms and showered him in a spray of his own blood. Up close he found himself suddenly overwhelmed by a horrible stench so thick he choked as the taste got in his mouth, his mother absolutely stank, and she smelled like the dead. Was she always like this? Why was she even doing this to him? Did she even know it was him? Maybe she didn't remember either or maybe she couldn't see, her eyes were cloudy and glazed.

"HELP!" he heard Logan yell distantly, which he thought was rather foolish. Clearly no one was going to help them,

There was a blinding flash of white light and his mother was thrown off him, he sat up in relief that quickly turned to horror as he saw she'd been thrown back into the fire. The house was still burning after all, crimson flames were now climbing to the second floor but on the ground they were coiling around his mother as body writhed like a silhouette against the light.

"Mummy!" Hogan cried out, forcing his bloody stinging arms to push himself up and run to help her. He didn't want to her to die after all, just to stop trying to murder them.

"No, don't!" a different voice called out and someone grabbed him from behind, "That's not your mother anymore."

"Yes it is! It is and she's burning, you imbecile!" Hogan screamed angrily, struggling to break free of his captor's grip. He bit down as hard as he could on the man's arm, he heard him cry out in pain and found himself being flung back to the deceptively hard ground.

"Fucking brat! I'm trying to help you!"

"I don't need your help!" Hogan spat as he pushed himself back onto his knees, "My brother needs help, he's bleeding and I don't know how to make it stop. And my parents are in a house that's on fire, help them."

He looked back to the fire and felt tears coming unbidden to his eyes as he recognized it was already too late, the shadow of his mother's body was already disintegrating into the flames. He felt a profound sadness sweep through him but there was still just a void and a pain in his head when he tried to remember anything, anything besides her trying to murder him and dying horribly anyway. He had to protect his brother.

"According to my spell there's no one alive inside that house," the stranger told him.

"Well that's wrong, you're a terrible wizard and I don't like you," Hogan spat at him irritably, barely bothering to glance in his direction as he turned his attention back to his brother who also had a man standing over him. Both were in Auror robes, he realized, "Hey! Get away from my brother!"

Hogan was on his feet so fast to run towards his twin that he barely got up enough to reach him, collapsing back to his knees at his brother's side and leaning over him protectively. He may be hurt, tired, small and in pain but he wasn't going to let anything else happen to his brother. His pajama top was soaked through with blood now and his eyes were closed, Hogan wished he knew how to make him better.

"Two for St Mungo's," the Auror standing near his brother said, though Hogan wasn't sure to whom he spoke or what he was talking about though 'St Mungo's' sounded familiar.

"Don't hurt him," Hogan told the Auror fiercely.

"I'm trying to help him," the Auror assured him gently, crouching to his level and giving him a kindly smile.

Hogan remained suspicious though, the other Auror had claimed to help him but he was an incompetent liar who had let his mother die. Or maybe even killed her, someone had to have cast the spell to knock her into the fire after all. Plus everyone seemed determined to hurt him and his brother right now.

"Help him by making the blood go back in," Hogan insisted, "Heal him."

"I can't but this will take you to people who can."

With that, he produced a coin that he held out to him. Hogan eyed it in bemusement, not entirely sure how a coin was supposed to take him to a Healer. He took it cautiously and instantly regretted it, he felt as if he was suddenly sucked into a void as the world whirled around him. Hogan was sure he was going to be sick.

He dropped the coin and it clattered loudly to the ground, ground that was no longer grass but a white floor in a white room. People in lime green robes suddenly swooped down upon them, Hogan managed to recognize they were healers and backed away as his stomach and brain continued to somersault from the aftermath of their journey. Yes, he was definitely going to be sick.

Hogan grabbed the wall to steady his trembling body as he hurled onto the floor, he thought he felt a bit better but kind of dizzy. It was enough to draw the attention of one of the Healers, the other two had lifted his brother onto a bed and were still waving their wands over him.

"Help my brother," Hogan commanded her as he wiped the vomit from his mouth onto his sleeve, "He's hurt."

"Yes, he's being helped," the woman assured him in the same gentle tone the Auror – the one that sent them there with the magical coin not the stupid one – had used as she offered him her hand, "Why don't we come sit down and I can look at those arms?"

"My head hurts."

"Alright but your arms are bleeding, we need to stop that."

Hogan reluctantly took her hand and allowed himself to be led to a bed beside his brother that a fourth Healer had set up, they had him lie down but he kept his head turned to face his brother. Watching in mild fascination as they worked on him, seeing them remove his pajama top and clean up the blood so he could just see the nasty gash going across his chest and forearm like fork lightning, it left a scar across his eyebrow as well. They didn't seem able to fix it completely but they managed to close it somewhat then bathed it in some kind of salve before finally bandaged him up and dressing in white hospital robes, they were feeding him some red potion methodically as well, he could hear them talking about things he didn't understand like 'curse wounds' or 'blood-replenishing potion.'

It was more interesting to see it happening then endure it himself, they insisted on taking his pajama top off as well which left him feeling very cold and vulnerable as they worked on his arms. They didn't seem able to fix them either, just closing the wounds then rubbing on the cool salve and bandaging him, only then did they let him put on the uncomfortable hospital robes but it was better than being cold. He had bruises on his body that they healed completely with an incantation and a wave of their wands, the aches on his body vanished, they gave him something to stop him feeling sick and to ease the pain in his arms. It didn't help the pain in his head though.

They didn't fix that at all, in fact for a while they ignored his complaints completely as they insisted there was nothing wrong and there were more pressing concerns. When they'd finished the rest they finally seemed to listen to him, they started talking about something called the 'Cruciatus Curse' and asking him about it, then about pain, and about his memory and then a bunch of other bizarre questions ranging from basic math to naming things he could see to how he was feeling to basic directions like to follow the wand. And then they still didn't stop the pain in his head.

"We can't," the Healer told him sadly, "It should go away in a few days though."

Just when he'd thought they'd exhausted every possible stupid question the Aurors showed up to ask him even more questions, they also kept asking about the Crucio thing and what the cloaked people had looked like and about what had happened in general so he had to recount the whole damn thing to them- including the part they had actually been there for because apparently they had worse memories than someone who still couldn't remember anything before that night! They also continued to insist his mother had been dead, both of his parents were dead.

He felt thoroughly exhausted and extremely frustrated by the time he was returned to his bed beside his brother and told to sleep, Logan was also asleep though the Healer said he'd woken and had also spoken to the Aurors. Hogan wasn't sure he believed her, he didn't understand why they needed to separate them if they were both going to speak to the Aurors. At least Logan was okay though, they seemed safer here. His head still hurt though, why could they fix everything else except the one thing hurting him the most? People were just stupid.

Hogan tried to sleep – even though it was day by now - but despite his tiredness could only fail miserably, even without the pain in his brain his mind was racing and there was so much damn noise. The wind and rain battering against the window, footsteps from people going back and forth, the echoes of conversations too far to make out but too close to ignore, people breathing, Logan shifting positions in his sleep.

Even in the brief moments of silence his mind provided the noise for him, questions pounding his brain about what was going to happen and what he'd forgotten in between vividly replying the entire ordeal over and over again as he tried to make sense of it, tried to think of what he could of done differently, what he could've done better, the fact his parents were dead. He wished there was some kind of incantation to turn his brain off for a while so he could rest, of course even if that was possible his head still hurt. Eventually he just gave up and sat up staring out the window as he watched the day turn back to night, trying to focus on listening to the rain beating down on the windowpane instead of running circles in his mind.

"Hogan? You're awake?" Logan questioned after the longest time and Hogan glanced back over at his brother, "How you doing? You look tired."

"I can't sleep," Hogan told him honestly and his twin's eyes widened in surprise.

"You can't sleep? Hoag, you once slept through a thunderstorm even though it woke the rest of us up, Dad had to…" Logan started to tell him with an amused smile that slowly died as he trailed off sadly, "You still don't remember anything, do you?"

"Not before yesterday. And my head still hurts a lot."

"They didn't? Did you tell them about the pain?"

"Of course I did! Over and over again but they still didn't do anything, they said they couldn't."

"That seems strange, I-" Logan started to say, scowling in confusion - which made his new eyebrow scar stand out more prominently - before noticing a Healer walking by and spoke up to address her instead, "Excuse me? Could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, sweetheart, are you feeling alright? Can I get you anything?" the Healer spoke to his brother kindly, she was a stout brunette who Hogan didn't recognize.

"My brother has a headache," Logan informed her with a nod in Hogan's general direction, "Isn't there anything you can do to help him with the pain?"

"Oh," the Healer said much less enthusiastically and spared Hogan a glance, "I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do about that, it should hopefully pass in a few days."

"I told you," Hogan insisted irritably.

"Why can't you? And he still can't remember anything, how long until he gets his memory back?" Logan asked her in a pleading tone, sparing him a conflicted look for a minute before lowering his voice though Hogan could still hear his twin struggle to speak, "And when… when he was being t-tortured by those thieves our dad kept… he kept worrying about… about Hogan going insane from it. Will my brother be okay?"

"Your brother can hear you," Hogan hissed at the pair of them, the Healer sparing him another look but it was Logan she addressed.

"It can make people go insane, they lose their memories and their minds if they're tortured long enough," the Healer explained with gentle reluctance and a panicked look of the utmost misery flashed across Logan's face, Hogan only gave a derisive snort at the ridiculous notion he was insane, "Your brother came close to that, that's why his head hurts and why he lost his memories. There's nothing we can do about it though, it's not something physical we can fix- we can't heal the mind. The pain should go in a few days but people who lose their memories like this don't get them back, they tend to have mental problems too but your brother isn't far gone enough that we have to lock him up. He won't get worse, as long as isn't tortured again obviously, but he won't get better either."

"He came close?" Logan repeated, his voice thick and Hogan noticed tears glistening in his eyes, "S- So if… if someone else had been tortured as well as him, like sharing the pain then… then he'd have been alright?"

"I am alright!" Hogan snapped, "I'm not insane!"

"No one said you were," Logan assured him gently, wiping at his eyes quickly though Hogan continued feel insulted while his brother turned back to the Healer, "What's going to happen to us anyway? Our parents… didn't make it."

"He means they died," Hogan provided in case she didn't understand his brother's vague explanation, Logan winced.

"Well you have to stay here for a few days to recover, hopefully the Ministry can locate a relative to take you both in," the Healer explained, "If not you'll both be taken to an orphanage, you might be lucky enough that a family will take you."

"Thank you," Logan offered to the woman with sincerity, "That was all I needed to know."

"Thank you for nothing," Hogan snorted, earning a dark look from the woman.

"If there's anything else you need, just call," the Healer said very specifically to Logan before walking off.

"Why bother? She already said she can't help us with what we need."

"Hogan, why are you being like this?" Logan asked of him, sounding exasperated and Hogan could only blink in confusion.

"Being like what?"

"I don't know, like not being rude to that woman."

"How was I rude to her?" Hogan demanded in confusion, "It's not my fault she wasn't very helpful and she thinks I'm crazy, almost everyone here is useless."

"They saved our lives."

"Well she didn't save anyone, I saw the Healers who saved you and she wasn't one of them. It was a man and a black woman, and they both left hours ago. And my life didn't need saving, you were the one hurt so badly you fell asleep."

"Yeah, those Aurors saved you," Logan confirmed, looking a little in awe, "They were amazing, I thought you were a goner but they blasted that monster right off you, that was the last thing I saw before I passed out. I wish I was strong like they are…"

"That wasn't a monster, that was our mother and that man murdered her!" Hogan snapped angrily.

"No, those thieves had murdered her before they even dragged us downstairs," Logan told him with a shake of his head as he looked away sadly, guiltily, he sounded completely sure of this however, "They threatened to do the same to us if we tried anything but from the way they talked about it, I think it was an accident. I think they tried to torture her but ended up killing her instead, that's why they went and got us."

"Why?"

"They wanted all our valuables, Dad's antiques and stuff so they tortured us to make sure he gave them everything. They didn't stop even when he did, that guy was smiling, he was having fun," Logan continued, his tone darkening and Hogan noticed him grip the blankets tightly before seeming to snap out of it, "Anyway, the Aurors said they just used her body to make a monster, it wasn't her, she was already long gone."

"What about Daddy?"

"They must've done the same to him since he attacked us too," Logan shrugged dismissively though Hogan wasn't convinced, his parents had seemed pretty different though it would explain the murder attempts, "I'm sorry, Hogan."

"For what?"

"Just… for everything. For what happened to you, for not being stronger, for complaining at you for being rude… It's probably not your fault."

"Well yeah, of course it's not my fault that Healer was rude," Hogan snorted dismissively and Logan just gave him a sad look, "And I don't care how strong you are, I have to protect you."

"You don't need to protect me anymore, it's over," Logan pointed out but that was wrong, Hogan had to protect his brother. That was the one thing he was actually sure of, he'd known it as far back as he could remember even if that was only yesterday, "Just try get some sleep."

"I can't get to sleep!" Hogan insisted, not sure why this time in particular had tears coming unbidden to his eyes, "It feels like my brain was ripped out of my skull in pieces then jammed back in all jumbled up, it feels like wrong and it feels like pain and none of these people understand or even care. And I could try to ignore it because I had to protect you and lots of bad things were happening but it never stops hurting, and now I'm supposed to sleep but there's all these sounds everywhere in my ears and all of these thoughts in my head going over and over what happened and my brain won't stop and it hurts even worse, Logan, it hurts and… and I don't even understand why I'm crying right now!"

"Hogan…" Logan started to say gently as Hogan broke into tears, burying his head in his hands. He heard the shifting of blankets and looked up to see Logan was getting out of bed.

"The Healers said you're supposed to rest!" Hogan complained in a sob as Logan climbed into bed with him instead.

"Come here," Logan whispered more confidently, pulling him into a tight hug so Hogan could cry into his twin's shoulder instead, he stroked his hair comfortingly, "It's alright, Hogan, you've just been through a lot. I don't know what's going to happen next but you we'll get through it together, if the pain in your head doesn't go away then I'll find a way to make it go away. Alright?"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise," Logan assured him gently, "Don't worry about any of it right now, don't think about it until tomorrow. Just close your eyes and listen to my voice, I'm going to start counting and you just picture every number is a bird flying away peacefully. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…"