.

.

"Oh man Rick, you know. That was really nice of you, you know, to help...to help J-19," Morty says. "I-i-i-it was really nice of you to rebuild Sharon."

Morty walks around the workbench, looking at a few metal parts and a few diagrams.

"But Rick, you know...wouldn't it be depressing, you know, knowing your life partner is only with you because she's programmed to be? I mean, w-w-wouldn't that be more depressing? Or what if she becomes, you know, self-aware and stuff? W-w-what if she becomes conscious and she doesn't want to be with him?"

"Not gonna happen," Rick says. He pours a chemical into a flask.

"Oh yeah? How do you know? Y-y-you can't guarantee that won't happen-"

"Morty. Those robots are like the Terminator robots, you know, living flesh over a cybernetic endoskeleton. Yes it's true, she may become self-aware, and realize she's doing it with a buck-tooth dumbass who's literally the stupidest incarnation of the smartest being in all the multiverse. But that's not gonna happen, Morty. You know why?"

"Why's that, Rick?"

"Because of this," Rick says, and he holds up a beaker of liquid. "See this, Morty? I-i-it's that roofie juice you made me make for Jessica. And it's 100% foolproof because robots don't get the fuckin' flu."

"...Oh man."

"See, even if her programming wakes up, the living parts of her will still be irresistibly attracted to him. Voles mate for life, Morty. Even if they pick wrong. They fuckin' mate for life. So stop asking me stupid questions, Morty. I planned for this already."

"Geez."

"Yeah, there's not such thing as free will, Morty. It's all urrp just a bunch of programming and chemicals and fuckin', fuckin' pheromones..."

"It's still really nice of you, Rick. I-I mean, even going that far to help him."

"Nice? What are you, dense? I did it on purpose, Morty!"

"...You did?"

"Yeah! Has he visited recently, Morty? No, he hasn't! You know why? Because he's up to his balls in robot trim, Morty!"

"...Oh man."

"Yeah that's right, Morty. He's too busy getting laid and playing daddy to a clone, Morty. Too busy to go bother me and hang out with Jerry."

"Aw, geez..."

"Yeah, I don't do anything unless it benefits me directly. Does that answer your stupid question?"

"Yes," Morty says. Rick pours a few chemicals into a flask, mixing it.

"Oh shit, dawg, ovenless brownies!" Rick says. Morty sighs and walks out of the garage.

.

-end-