Chapter Forty-One: Passion

Neither Gray nor Jack budged on their stances following the confrontation on the night of the auction, so the cessation of race preparations was not averted. Gray's compassion compelled him to privately ensure Crutcher was well feed and in good spirits while Jack was away working, but that was the extent of his covert assistance. He couldn't help but feel bad for the horse, as Crutcher was set to be humiliated at the race at no fault of his own. Hopefully Jack would be so embarrassed by his second consecutive defeat that he would hand Crutcher back over to the Green Ranch, where the colt would find a household far more invested in his success.

Upset as he was with Jack, Gray wasn't interested in broadcasting their conflict to the whole town. As his ankle continued to heal, Gray spent long hours working on various projects back home so he could pass off his own workload as the reason he was unable to continue supporting Jack. Avoiding interactions with his friends also minimized the likelihood of coming into contact with Jack incidentally; even though Jack was too busy with the construction project to waste hours socializing, it was better to be on the safe side.

During those days, Doug, Ann, Cliff, and Popuri were among the only people Gray interacted with on a regular basis. On one particular evening, Ann asked for some free time with her friends, so Cliff and Gray were left alone together to close up the barn for the night.

Towards the end of their chores, Cliff slid the heavy barn door open and stuck his head inside just as Gray threw down a dirtied shovel and brusquely removed a face mask. The former jockey hacked violently several times before finding his composure.

"I know you said you're fine doing it alone, but I really am willing to help with that," Cliff offered.

Gray shook his head until he drew enough breaths to feel properly ventilated. "It wouldn't speed things up much. Only one person needs to suffer through this."

Gray had taken charge of cleaning up manure in area, which required him to shovel as much of the mess as possible into a chute on the back wall of the barn. This chute dropped into a chamber where an auger would carry the contents away to the slurry pit, which was conveniently hidden out of sight behind the barn and the surrounding shrubbery.

"Besides," Gray continued, "Having two chores done at once is far more efficient. You've gathered all the animals, right?"

"Yes. But it still doesn't seem fair that my job was so much easier."

"I'm not that worried about being 'fair', just that the job is done right. Besides, I've had to deal with worse crap than this lately."

"What do you mean?"

Gray was not expecting Cliff to inquire into his personal life, but he was willing to answer since the vagabond could probably be trusted to keep mum. He sighed and slumped against a nearby stall. "It's just... I've been let down hard by someone I trusted... I guess even admired. I don't think I'm one to normally hold grudges, but... I don't see how I could ever look at this person the same way again... Have you ever been there?"

Cliff nodded, "In a way, yes."

"And how did you deal with it? Did your judgment turn out to be a temporary flash of emotion? Or was the person really not who you thought?"

"... I'm still trying to figure it out... Sorry, but I don't think I'm the person to ask for help."

"I guess not. Forget I mentioned it; let's get back to work. If you'll bring in the cattle, I get everything else."

"No... I'll go ahead and do it all," Cliff mumbled as he squinted at something outside.

"Just because I got manure duty doesn't mean I'm going to bail early."

"It's not that," Cliff said as he motioned his head towards whatever it was in the pasture that had his attention. "I think you have a visitor."

Gray joined his coworker at the barn door and looked out. A familiar young woman was waiting on the pasture fence spending her time gazing at the full moon.

"Popuri," Gray said to himself. He then began to instruct Cliff, "I'll see if she can wait unti-."

"Gray, it's fine. I can take care of the rest."

"... Alright. Thanks."

It was an unusual time for Popuri to drop by. They commonly either shared a meal or spent time together in the afternoon, but a nightly visit meant she had something on her mind beyond boredom or loneliness.

"Umm... Popuri?" Gray beckoned when she continued to stare at the moon, causing Popuri to start.

"Sorry! I was concentrating so hard I didn't hear you," Popuri said as she jumped off the fence and walked closer to Gray to get a better look at him in the dark. "Boy, you're sweating a lot. Is there no air flow in there?"

"... I wouldn't get close if I were you."

Popuri freezed in confusion, perhaps even concerned that she had somehow upset Gray.

"I've been carrying manure... if you catch my drift."

"Oh, I don't mind!" Popuri exhaled in relief. "I spread fertilizer all the time. It's the same smell."

"I guess. Still, I'm going to wash my hands off before doing anything."

Popuri accompanied Gray as he walked towards a nearby facet attached to the guesthouse. Though he didn't want to subjugate her to any odd smells, he was still proud to see the side of Popuri that was tough in the face of adversity and willing to get her hands dirty.

"What did you have in mind, anyways?" Gray asked as he washed his hands.

"Nothing exciting. I just wanted to go on a walk out in the countryside, and I was hoping you'd join me since we haven't talked at all today."

"Fair enough. I'd like to get out more before it gets too cold. I'm already annoyed my leg kept me from doing much for as long as it did."

After Gray dried his hands on his pants, the two walked together out into the countryside in a comfortable silence. They had reached a point in their relationship where they no longer felt obligated to fill time up with needless conversation to maintain the other's attention. They could simply appreciate their partner's company while immersing themselves in the sight and sounds of nature.

While commonly referred to singularly as "the creek", there were actually two rivers that converged outside of Flowerbud before dumping into the ocean- one arriving from Moon Mountain's gorge, and another that cut through the dense inland forest. Not wanting to approach the mountains where Jack was possibly working, Gray encouraged Popuri to follow the other branch upstream along a thin bank that acted as a buffer between the river and forest.

Eventually, they strolled along a stretch of the creek wherein the bubbling of the water over the riverbed's worn pebbles rose to a pitch that it provided a veil of seclusion from outside ears. It was at this point that Popuri spoke up.

"I'm glad that the moon is out, but I still hate when it gets dark like this so early. It makes curling up under a warm blanket and going to sleep as soon as dinner is over too tempting."

"Can't say it bothers me. I can walk around without garnering attention."

Popuri sighed and tugged on her boyfriend's arm. "You know, attention isn't always a bad thing. I'm not saying you have to always be in the spotlight, but how will people ever know who you are if you aren't willing to show them? You have so much to offer, and I want people to know you like I do."

"What, are people saying I'm not good enough for you?"

"No! It's just... I know you've done a lot to grow closer with people here and all, and I'm proud of that, but I still want to help. Expressing yourself more is a good thing."

As they continued to walk, they came across a small chute of water where overflow from the nearby Goddess Spring dropped into the river. Rather than try to cross the spill, they turned to proceed up into the forest towards its source.

"I try to, but it's nice to have some time away from all of that. It's... exhausting at times," Gray explained.

"Yeah, but surely you aren't exhausted from it right now! You've been working all day, so it's not like you've been socializing... you're working pretty much all of the time right now, for that matter."

"I saw plenty of Cliff."

"It only counts if you're actually socializing. Did you talk a lot?"

"Umm... a few sentences here or there. I don't think he's passionate enough about anything to talk for longer than that."

In a somewhat abrupt change of topic, Popuri asked after a pause, "Is that why you don't like your sister spending so much time with Cliff? Because he isn't passionate about anything?" When Gray looked at Popuri in astonishment, she stated, "It's obvious you don't approve."

Gray frowned, not excited to talk about one of his least favorite subjects. The timing could not have been more coincidental, either, as they approached the pond where Gray had once quarreled with Ann over the very same subject. The area felt much different now that the leaves had fallen.

"I don't know. I guess he's passionate about animals in his own way. He's done good work at the ranch, I won't argue that. With Cliff, though… it's just that he's not reliable. He's like a bubble always an instant away from popping. I'm worried that one day he'll just disappear. Maybe he gets uneasy if he stays in one place too long, or someone upsets him, or he gets too scared of where things with Ann are headed. Or he might just mentally break down, and she'll be stuck babying him for the rest of her life. So I guess you could say he doesn't seem passionate about building a future. I'm not sure about my sister falling in love with someone like that."

"We don't chose who we love, Gray. I'm glad you want her to be happy. But do you really think she'll be happy if you push her away from someone she cares about? Either way her heart would be broken. At least this way she has a chance at something."

"And what if they marry and he leaves her? What then? She would have a difficult time coming back from that."

Popuri nodded to acknowledge Gray's concerns but also furrowed her brow. "Cliff is a complicated person... but I think that if he ever reaches the point that he's willing to make vows, I honestly believe he'd keep them."

Gray sighed, pulled off his hat, and ran his hand through his hair several times. "I know you're probably right. The way they argue sometimes doesn't seem right, but I guess those two were never going to have the simplest relationships. It's why I've tried to stay out of it. Honestly, I was beginning to forget that I even cared until you had to bring it back up."

"Hmm... if nothing else, try not to forget that you care. It's one of your best traits."

Once they reached the Goddess Spring, Gray stopped for a moment to gaze at the moon's reflection on the surface of the water.

"Why ask what I feel about Cliff now? I assume you've known about the... difficulties involved with that relationship for some time."

"I knew, but I didn't want to make you talk about something you were uncomfortable with. But since we needed to talk about something else similar tonight, I figured this would be as a good of a time as ever."

Gray's eyes closed and head sunk as the motive for Popuri's visit became clear. "Something else uncomfortable that we need to talk about? … Let me guess, it's about Jack."

Popuri exhaled loudly. "Gray, you can't just ignore what happened."

"Why not? It's not like with my dad where we live in the same house."

"Well… I guess that's true, but it's still a dumb idea. Avoiding him won't be easy once he's done with the project. You're already spending less time with your other friends, and it's not going to get any better. Not to mention that this whole argument seems silly."

Gray snorted, "Emphasis on the 'seems.'"

"It's not just me. Everyone else is confused why the two of you aren't getting along."

So the others were aware that Gray was upset, despite his scheme to hide it. Disappointing, but not surprising. "I already told you why I broke off the partnership. There's nothing more to say."

"Well… yeah… Something, something about him saying something snooty. But I don't get why him saying one thing you don't like needed such a harsh reaction, and if you allowed me to tell the others your explanation, I think they'd still be just as confused, too."

"That 'one thing' that came out of his mouth exposed that his entire worldview is toxic. And unlike my dad, I don't even know how to explain why Jack is the way he is. Going into details won't help, and I don't like gossip, but I would avoid getting too close to him if I were you."

Gray walked away, ready to start the trip back. Popuri followed him closely. "Are you best friends with everyone in this town, Gray?"

"No."

"But you don't actively hide from their presence, right?"

"True."

"Well, that's where you need to get with Jack! Maybe your relationship won't be the same, but completely running away is going to affect all of your friendships, and you know it."

Gray had no response since Popuri was obviously right. He let out a sad groan, causing Popuri to reach for his hand. "Please. Please try to talk things out. If not for yourself, do it for me. I want things to be normal again."

Knowing what was needed to steel his resolve, Gray turned to face Popuri directly. Her forlorn gaze, pitiably cast against the moonlight, transformed into a smile as Gray secured Popuri's hand within his own. "Alright. I don't think it will work, but I'll try."

Tired of walking and out of topics to discuss, the two continued homeward. They held hands the entire way, with Popuri leaning against her boyfriend's shoulder. Gray offered to drop Popuri off at the florist shop, but she insisted on accompanying him back to the Green Ranch. Gray discovered why upon their return.

Jack stood outside Gray's house, pacing about with his hands in his pockets and kicking around any small rock he saw on the path. He looked up when his old trainer spoke.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding," Gray muttered. "You recruited my girlfriend to soften me up?"

"It was my idea after he and I talked the other day," Popuri interjected before Jack could accept the blame. "... But yes, that was the basic plan."

Not sure whether he should be indignant or impressed by their schemes, Gray shook his head in exasperation. "Fine, come inside, Jack. And good night, Popuri."

Popuri said goodbye while Gray led Jack inside. No one was home, so the two men were able to sit across from each other at the family dining table and say whatever needed to be said in total privacy.

Jack spoke first, his voice subtly quivering. "So, umm, my work on the bridge finished up today. It sounds like the rest of the remaining work is specifically skilled labor that I'm not needed for."

"Convenient that you think to come and apologize to me just as soon as you finish. Didn't think to straighten up before?"

"I already told them I would help, and I wasn't going to go back on my word. I'm not even exactly here to apologize for that. I'm here about your accusations against my character, and how I judge people. The truth is... you're right. I've been an arrogant jerk."

Gray crossed his arms and ordered, "Go on."

"After that conversation, I spent a lot of time thinking about what you said. I've never been called out like that, so it came as a total blindside… but I deserved it. Listen, I still think the world would probably be more content and united overall if everyone tried to live like I do. You know... investing completely in relationships instead of work. That said, we'd also probably still be living in caves trying to master the art of making fire. My lifestyle isn't one of innovation. It isn't going to win me any horse races, either. I don't have that kind of discipline on my own. We need people who really dedicate their lives to their work or to learning, and dedication certainly doesn't make anyone a bad person. I don't mean to say that I've lived life wrong or anything like that. It's just I was wrong think to think that my way was the only way. We all have lessons to teach each other. I thought I'd found the perfect recipe, when in reality it was just a uniquely flavored flawed one. And I hated it when no one wanted a taste."

"And where do you think the chip on your shoulder came from?"

Jack clasped his hands together and pondered the question. "... Growing up, I always wanted to spend more time playing with my parents, but my father always treated me as a passing thought. And I worked hard in school but never seemed to make it to the top. You already know about the whole thing with Lucy and Matthew, and trust me, I've never had any more luck in love elsewhere." Jack cleared his throat and shamefully shook his head. "I think somewhere along the way I decided that this world had wronged me and that I'd never find happiness for myself. So I dedicated myself to just live for the sake of others, and maybe build a fairer world by being a positive example. Almost like some kind of misunderstood, mistreated champion of purity. I was prideful and jealous, and I guess very naïve. I haven't changed anything."

"I wouldn't go that far. But you know what I think? You need to stop worrying so much about being a perfect person."

Jack looked out the window, unable to meet Gray's gaze. "I know what you mean. Living in constant fear of making a mistake, of being a bad person... I think it's left me constantly on edge. And when all of that effort doesn't amount to any results, well... you get what happened earlier." Jack's voice broke, and his eyes began to water. "But was it wrong to try?"

Few things could annoy Gray as quickly as fake tears, but the genuine variety were always effective at dropping his guard. Jack's tears were genuine. His increasingly hunched posture and ragged appearance as the seasons wore on were those of a man who was above all else alone, in large part self-inflicted. What made Gray angry before now directed him towards pity.

"Of course there's nothing wrong about trying to be best person you can be. I'd like to think everyone tries. But you've got to face the fact that you'll never be perfect. Accept the mistakes and learn instead of trying to cover them up." Gray advised in a supportive tone. "It's kind of like how I always tried to be the perfect jockey, even though it was never possible... Well, that might not be the best example. I was more of a sore loser than I care to admit."

Jack laughed between sniffles. "You know, we're like the perfect dichotomy. You're worried about winning games and competitions, but you don't care as much about what other people think of you. I'm obsessed with just the opposite."

"I guess so. And you're right that we have lessons to teach other. Like how I've realized it's not my place to force you into training for the race as hard as I would. It's ultimately your life. And while we're on the subject, I've got another lesson for you- it's okay to be honest with people and think of your own interests every once in a while. Tell me, Jack... what's something I say or do that you don't like?"

Jack didn't respond immediately, obviously uncomfortable with the question, but he eventually exhaled, "Well, for one I hate it when you try to regulate my diet."

"See? That's good for me to know. I wish you would have said somethings sooner." Gray snickered at first, which soon gave way to full-on laughter. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so completely and genuinely. "I promise I was only trying to help, but I'll keep that in mind," he eventually conceded.

"Not sure if I see the humor, but... I guess I need to learn to laugh at myself a bit." Jack tried to smile. "While you're in a good mood, can I ask... are you willing to help with me with Crutcher again for the time we have remaining?"

The former trainer calmed himself, crossed his arms again, and asked seriously, "What are your goals for the race?"

"I want to win. Whatever it takes." When Gray remained unconvinced, Jack insisted, "I don't blame you for not believing me. But after seeing how strongly you feel about this event... I really want to try, for you and anyone else who loves it as much as you do. Maybe it's too late, but you've put in far too much effort for me to throw it all away without trying. I'm sorry my actions have already put us behind."

Gray was silent, making sure he didn't jump to a decision too quickly. But it was as he told Cliff- he wasn't one to hold grudges. True, he was never going to see Jack in the same way again. But he would be able to instead see the real Jack, and that was someone he could embrace.

Gray stood, walked to Jack's side, and reached out his hand. "Well, I don't think it's a lost cause yet. But if we're going to pull this off, it's time to get to work."