Ilex trudged through the ankle-high snow, hands shoved into the pockets of his winter coat. Why did he have to be the one to fetch Aspen? Why couldn't it have been Rhys, or literally anyone else who actually liked her? Was it just because he was from Atlas? He shivered and adjusted his woolen hat. Mantis and Tawny were from Vacuo so, even with their Aura, they could probably stand the cold the least of any of them, Rhys was liable to get distracted and start playing in the snow, and Carmine… At this point, Ilex felt confident that Carmine wasn't making him go out of spite, but to prove some gods-forsaken point. Ilex just didn't have any clue what it could be.

Ilex opened the door to the building housing Beacon's workshops and stepped inside. A part of him expected it to be warmer inside but, given that Beacon was still only partially operational, it didn't seem that heat was being supplied to this building. Not that a rephaite like Aspen would care about something like that. Ilex sighed and shook as much snow off himself as he could. Removing his hat and stuffing it into his pocket, he wandered forth, listening for any sign of where Aspen might be.

It didn't take long for his sensitive hearing to pick up a whirring sound through the silence, and he followed it through the long hallways until he found the workshop Aspen had chosen. This time, when he opened the door, he felt a surge of warmth. Not heat, exactly, but a noticeable rise in temperature, nonetheless. Illuminated by a single lamp above the bench on the far side of the room—the windows had been shuttered—Aspen ground away at something Ilex couldn't see.

Ilex cleared his throat and spoke above the grinder. "Hey, Aspen?"

Aspen continued working. Ilex's ear flicked in agitation but, just as he opened his mouth to say her name again, Aspen turned the grinder off and set it aside. "What is it you need?" she asked, grabbing a wooden block wrapped in sandpaper. She ran it across whatever she'd been grinding.

Ilex scowled. "What is…? What are you talking about? You're the one who wanted to meet with all of us."

Aspen still did not look up. "I did not mean here."

"Yeah, I'm aware," Ilex huffed. He pulled out his scroll to check the time. "You're the one who's forty minutes late."

"I…" Aspen finally stopped working, turning her head to the side. Ilex could make out the profile of her furrowed brow. "What time is…?" She picked up her own scroll from the end of the bench and turned it on. Her eyes lingered on the screen, cluttered with several alerts for messages and missed calls. "I see." Setting the scroll down, Aspen picked up the block and resumed sanding.

Ilex growled. "Come on. I need to get some stuff from the city while its still halfway decent out."

"I am nearly finished," Aspen responded, her tone insistent. "It will only take…" Her words, already trailing off, were drowned out by the further scraping of sandpaper against whatever it was she was working on.

Ilex's patience ran out. "Seriously?" he said, starting toward her. "Are you just going to ignore me, then?"

Aspen hissed, and Ilex nearly back-pedaled before he realized that she only hissed because she cut herself on her project; a sword of some kind, he now saw. She pulled her hand away from the blade, wisps of black smoke rising from a fading line of blood and leaving behind black scarring. After stretching her fingers to verify range of motion, Aspen returned to sanding.

Ilex stood in silence as his heartbeat returned to normal. Before he completely composed himself, Aspen set the sandpaper aside and picked up the sword. It was a short, straight blade, perhaps two-and-a-half feet long with a slight taper in the middle. The majority of the weapon was clearly mechanical with elements that Ilex found familiar but couldn't quite place, while the actual blade and outside edges were made of pure white Grimm bone, just like her armor.

Aspen stood up. "It is finished."

A feeling of unease wormed through Ilex's gut, and he turned toward the door. "Great," he said sarcastically. "Can we go now?"

Aspen paused, and Ilex could feel her looking at him. "What have I done to upset you?" she asked.

Ilex cast an annoyed glance over his shoulder. "You mean besides wasting almost an hour of my time?"

Aspen frowned. "I apologize for losing track of time, but that is not what I mean. I mean the way you have acted toward me since I was released."

Ilex scoffs. "So, this is a rhetorical question, then?" He straightened up, continuing to face the hall. "You're a Grimm, and you kept that from us from the moment we met you. It's as simple as that."

"I am not…" Aspen cut herself off from the tired defense. "It is true that I kept my identity from everyone I could, but you are the only one to not accept it now that you know." She exhaled, long and deep, but not quite a sigh. "I do not know why they forgave me when you cannot. I thought perhaps I may have misunderstood the cause."

A hiss crept up in Ilex's throat. How the hell could she act this naïve? "Well, you didn't. I don't know why everyone else is okay with you, either. Huntsmen are supposed to kill Grimm, not work with them."

Aspen's hiss was much louder and clearer. "I am not a Grimm."

Ilex turned and sneered at her. "You're close enough to it."

The two glared at one another, Ilex just angry enough to not back down. Aspen narrowed her eyes. "You are a liar, Ilex Jae."

"Excuse me?"

"You say you are upset with me because I kept my identity from you, but what truly upsets you is the nature of my identity. You hate me because you see me as Grimm." Aspen gestured vaguely at Ilex with her sword, and his heart skipped a beat. She cocked her head. "You fear me because of this."

Ilex took a step forward. "Well, you haven't exactly given me a reason not to think that!"

Aspen cast her arms aside. "What would you have me do? I have been honest in my intentions to become a huntress. I have fought beside you against the Grimm. I was the one to speak of the rephaim to your leaders. I have nothing left to hide!"

"Are you sure about that? Because you certainly seemed to be hiding something when you were talking with that other rephaim."

"Rephaite," Aspen corrected with a snarl. "I bargained for your life."

"And then you stopped me from taking him out."

"He would have killed you."

"So, instead he gets to go around and kill other people, all because you let him go free a second time!"

Aspen drew in an angry breath, words on her lips. Instead of speaking them, however, she shuddered and relaxed her body. "No. I will no longer allow myself to be bound to him."

Ilex shook his head. "You don't get to make that choice, not for me. You've had gods know how many opportunities to put a stop to him and you haven't."

Aspen's face contorted into a frown. "Do you know what it is like to not understand yourself? To hear the words others place upon you and know instinctively that they are wrong, even though you cannot find the ones that are right?" She placed a hand upon her chest. "I do not seek to absolve myself of my role in Deirean's actions, but he was the only one capable of teaching me about this part of myself."

Ilex jumped on her words. "That," he said, jabbing a finger toward her. "That right there is why I can't trust you because, when it comes down to it, you're Rephaim, and killing humans and faunus is in your blood."

Aspen's lip curled into a snarl. "So you say. Would you have me judge you on the actions of the White Fang, then?"

Ilex drew back. "What? Don't be ridiculous. That's not the same thing at all!"

Aspen took a step forward, pushing Ilex into a retreat. "You are the same species are you not? Did you not just say that was sufficient to condemn me? You speak of violence as though it is somehow genetic. Perhaps it is in your blood."

"That is not how I—"

"Enough." Aspen hung her head and shook it. "I do not know why you seek to persist in this… grudge against me, but I will not allow myself to be bound to it either." She looked up, rolling her shoulders. "Fear as you will, but know that you are afraid of a fiction of your own creation."

Aspen brushed past Ilex, who was still tangled in the sharpness of her words. By the time he turned around, Aspen was out of the room and walking down the hall to the entrance. Growling, Ilex followed after her. A fiction? That was rich, coming from the girl who'd attacked him, who'd admitted to having freed another rephaite who wanted to wipe faunus and humans out, who didn't die when stabbed in the skull, who—

"Ouf!"

—who stood stock still in the doorway, gaping at the falling snow around her.

"What the hell?" Ilex snapped, just barely managing to avoid falling into the snow. "What are you doing now?" Aspen didn't speak. Instead, she reached up and tried to pick a snowflake out of the air. It, of course, immediately melted on contact with her skin, but that didn't stop her from doing it a second time. "Snow melts, idiot. You can't catch it."

Aspen lowered her hand and flipped it over, watching the flakes as they landed and melted. "Snow," she whispered in that way that made it sound like she was dissecting the word. Ilex narrowed his eyes. Aspen didn't appear to notice his reaction. "I… have not seen it before," she said.

Ilex pulled his jacket tighter and looked away. "Yeah, well, try growing up in Atlas. You'll see enough for a lifetime." He grimaced. Right. Aspen didn't "grow up," and coming from Vacuo, she wouldn't even know what snow was.

"How long has it been falling?"

Ilex shrugged. "Since last night, I'm pretty sure." A light breeze blew snow into his ear, and he flicked it in response. He pulled his hat back out of his pocket. The argument still had him feeling warm, but having— "Wait, have you been out here since yesterday?" Aspen continued to stare at the snowflakes landing on her hand. "What was the point? Making that sword? You've done fine without your own weapon so far."

Aspen finally let her hand fall and shifted her focus to the blade. "Perhaps," she said, brow knit tight, "but not against Deirean. I have to be prepared."

"Then why not take one of the swords from the havashah? I thought there were hundreds of them down there."

"Those blades are not…" Aspen shook her head. "They were made to kill."

Ilex curled his lip. "That's kind of the point of a sword." Aspen grimaced, and Ilex looked away. He gestured with his elbow. "Why that sword, though? You were clearly engrossed in finishing it."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Ilex saw Aspen raise the weapon in front of herself. The metal had cooled since coming outside, and the occasional snowflake stuck to it. "I saw the form in a dream," she said, voice distant "It felt… right."

Ilex frowned. "I thought you didn't sleep?"

"I do not," Aspen said. The sword dropped a few inches. "Perhaps 'dream' is not the right word. I see things when I die. Sometimes impossible things, sometimes… things that are far realer than I like."

Ilex shivered. "Sounds like dreaming to me." He meant it as a joke—a bitter and sarcastic one, yes—but it didn't relieve the unease inside him. "What… What sorts of things does a…" He coughed. "… do you dream about?"

"Most often… death. Killing." Dropping the sword back to her side, Aspen walked forward along the rough path Ilex had made on his trip over. Reluctant, Ilex followed. "Before I began meditating, my dreams intruded on reality. I killed Oliver and Laurel twice before we left Vacuo. I killed Mercury when we fought. In my mind, I have killed everyone I know."

Ilex didn't like how casually she talked about killing. "That includes me?"

"Yes."

"You… didn't kill me with that sword, did you?"

"No. I killed Rhys with this sword. You… You were already dead by my hands, I believe."

"I regret asking."

Aspen hummed. "I can feel it."

A breeze lifted the upper layer of snow, filling in the footprints left behind by the two students. Just how many times had Aspen died, Ilex wondered? At least the three times she mentioned, but there must have been more for her to draw such a pattern. His hand drifted to his arm. "Did you dream… when I stabbed you?"

Aspen nodded. "I saw myself, trapped between Light and Dark. I heard you and Carmine speaking. I believe I felt you remove your blade."

"Shit." Ilex definitely didn't like to hear her talk about that so casually. He gripped his arm tighter and searched for a response. "You've talked with Mantis and Tawny about this, right?"

"No. You are the first I have spoken of them to."

Ilex stopped, and Aspen followed suit shortly after, just ahead. "Why not?"

"I love them," Aspen said, hair falling down in front of her eyes, "and I am afraid of losing their love."

Ilex shifted his weight. "Knowing what I know of those two, I, uh, don't think that's something you have to worry about."

"I am aware, and yet I worry all the same."

"That's…" Ilex ducked his head. "That's fair."

They pressed on through the snow in silence. Thoughts wound through Ilex's mind, disjointed but weaving together into something he wasn't quite sure of yet. He was still angry at Aspen. He was supposed to still be angry at her. Why couldn't he make himself feel it anymore? All they had done was talk about normal things; snow, her sword, her dreams, her fears… Why should that change anything?

Ilex nearly walked into Aspen again when she stopped in the middle of the path. Torn from his thoughts, Ilex took a step back. An admonishment rose to his tongue, but he quickly killed it on seeing Aspen staring at a lamppost on the side of the path, her head cocked. After a moment, she walked over to it, seemingly indifferent to the deeper snow she passed through. Ilex watched in silence as she closed her eyes and placed a hand on the lamppost's surface. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "When I feel an Aura, I… know what it feels like," she explained. "I know how to relate the sensation to touch. Some are impossible, and others are very specific. This is only the third opportunity I have had to experience such a sensation directly."

Ilex took a step forward as he eyed the light. "You're saying you've met someone whose Aura felt like a cold lamppost? Who?"

"You."

"Uh…?"

"When we met, you felt of steel and frost. You were dishonest not only to others, but to yourself, hiding… hiding the person you could be behind the façade of someone lesser."

Ilex rolled his eyes and threw his hands to his sides. "Okay, I get it already. I'm a liar! Gods, you really don't pull your punches, do you?" He hesitated, seeing Aspen glancing back over her shoulder. "That was a metaphor."

"I presumed."

Ilex took a long look at the lamppost. Steel and frost, huh? Huffing, he closed the distance to reach out and touch it. The cold was quick to bite at his skin and he flinched away but, after steeling himself, he pressed his hand firmly against the metal.

Ilex was no stranger to the cold, but he also wasn't crazy enough to actively expose himself to it on a regular basis. The initial contact wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as he'd imagined but, the longer he held it, the more the cold stung his flesh. He could feel his heartbeat through his hand, ever so slightly faster than normal. He fought back a grimace until it finally became too much and he pulled away. "Damn," he muttered, shoving his hand inside his coat. "Does my Aura really feel like that? I get why you've never wanted me to touch you."

"That, and I simply do not like to be touched." Aspen pulled her own hand away, flexing her fingers. "You are incorrect to say that your Aura feels like this, however."

"What? You just said this is how my Aura feels."

"I said this is how your Aura felt. It is different now."

Ilex eyed Aspen warily. "Different how?"

"Ever since…" Aspen pursed her lips, and she closed her hand into a loose fist. "Ever since you killed me, it has been warmer. Honest. Before, there were moments when this honesty burned through the frost, but you always shied away from these moments before they could take hold. I never understood why."

Ilex lowered his eyes. Moments where honesty burned through? He hated to admit it, but he knew exactly what she was talking about. She'd given him curious looks during the Battle of Beacon when he'd followed her lead and when he'd gone back for Carmine but, even before then, just when talking with Ruby. She must have been trying to figure him out, then.

Ilex's ears flicked under his hat. "Honestly, I… I think I was afraid of you then, too. I didn't understand you. You came out of nowhere, you didn't act like anyone else, you didn't let anyone tell you what to do. You didn't fit in the world; you made the world fit around you, and that made me feel…" Ilex forced the words past the gnawing pit in his gut. "You made me feel like I could actually be a huntsman, and that scared me more than anything." He sighed. "Kind of silly, looking back now that I've committed to doing it."

"I do not think it is silly." Ilex looked up at Aspen, only for her to turn her own gaze away. "I did not realize the effect my being at Beacon had on you. Had I known… I do not know how I would have acted differently, but I am sorry to have judged you for being afraid of me."

"Yeah…" Ilex muttered. Aspen stepped away from the lamppost to return to the path, but Ilex couldn't summon the will to follow. It hadn't been his fault for being afraid of her, right? He had only been… She'd just… The gnawing expanded, turning into an itch that spread through his entire body at once. "Aaargh!" Doubling over, Ilex grabbed at his hat and furiously rubbed it back and forth across his head. "No! No!"

He stood up to see Aspen looking at him with concern. "You were right!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms to his sides. "You were right about me being afraid of—of nothing! Everything I said back there was just excuses so I wouldn't… so I wouldn't have to admit that I was wrong and… and have to look at you as a person." He scrunched his eyes shut, his voice starting to tremble. "I'm tired of being afraid. Of you, of the Grimm, of change… If I want to be a huntsman—and I… I do—it can't just be with Carmine and Rhys. It needs to be with you, too." He blindly held out a hand. "I want to be a part of Team GREI."

Aspen's cool skin pressed against his as she took his hand, and Ilex opened his eyes to see her looking at him with the closest thing he'd seen to a genuine smile on her face. "You are."

(- -)

Aspen disliked complex emotion. Frustration and annoyance burned hotter than everything else, controlling and consuming her. Pride did not carry enough weight and satisfaction did not live beyond the moment. Worry, though… Worry held on. Worry was a parasite, latching onto her mind and feeding itself on her thoughts in perpetuity.

Gripping her sword, Aspen stared at the door to Team GREI's dorm room. Beyond it, she could feel not only Rhys and Carmine, but Oliver and Laurel as well. She didn't want to see them. She had called them there, yes, but still she had no desire to see them. The worry buried itself deeper. How would they react to what she had to tell them? What would they say? What would she say?

Ilex gently tapped Aspen on the shoulder. "You good?" he asked, his other hand on the door handle. Worry of his own needled her skin.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Aspen's lips drew tight. "No." Ilex stared at her, aura shifting with uncertainty. Aspen shook her head and gestured toward the door. Ilex rolled his eyes and pushed it open, though his worry did not fade.

Rhys was engaged with Oliver on the left side of the room, repeating signs back and forth at one another. Oliver's aura was touched by frustration, Rhys's by amusement. Carmine sat cross-legged on a bed, toying idly with a crossbow bolt. Boredom. Laurel sat on the right with her scroll. Concern.

Everything changed when Ilex stepped inside—no, when Aspen stepped inside. Focus shifted to her, activities abandoned. Concern, intrigue, relief, and excitement in varying parts. Rhys waved to her, Laurel sat up, and Oliver smiled. "Hey, there you are," he said, rolling his shoulders. "Is everything alright?"

Aspen's lips drew tight again. She watched as Ilex walked over to sit on the bed opposite Carmine, though not before flicking his partner on the forehead. Mirth bloomed in Carmine's aura, then faded into a gentle brushing along Aspen's skin. "Yes," she said. She turned to look at Oliver. "I apologize for making you worry. I did not mean to make you wait, nor to ignore your efforts to contact me."

Oliver frowned and hummed quietly. "Well, as long as you're okay." His gaze shifted down to the weapon in her hand. "Were you working on that sword?"

Aspen nodded and held the blade up. Yes, talking about the weapon was easy. She'd already done it with Ilex. "I felt it time to have my own weapon."

Rhys squealed and rushed forward, a gleam in his eyes and excitement bursting forth from his aura. |Ooh, ooh! Did you give it a name? Does it turn into a gun?|

Aspen's breath stopped in her throat. A gun? She had never even considered it. She was aware that such designs were commonplace for huntresses and huntress-students, but the ones she had wielded had never felt right to her. "It is only a sword," she answered, twirling the blade tip through the air to distract herself from the cool drain of Rhys's disappointment. "I had not given it a name, but…" She furrowed her brow. "…I think Sevron is appropriate."

"Is that Rephaitic?" Carmine asked, his curiosity genuine as far as Aspen could tell. "What does it mean?"

"Sword."

Their auras spun together in a blend of amusement, disappointment, and something resembling disgust. Ilex and Carmine both groaned out loud; Laurel raised a hand to cover her eyes, the corner of her mouth pulling upward; Rhys scrunched his face up for a moment, then shrugged; Oliver looked like he felt physical pain. "Well, that's a um…" Clearing his throat, the man crossed his arms. "You mentioned you had something to tell all of us about? It wasn't, uh, Sevron, was it?"

Aspen pursed her lips, tightening her grip around the weapon's hilt. No, she had not assembled them to show them her sword, but she could not have done this without it. She needed it so she could feel ready. She did not feel ready. Stepping to the side of the room, Aspen laid the sword on one of the room's desks. "It is time for me to continue forward," she said, signing for Rhys at the same time. She took a slow breath. "To do that, I cannot remain at Beacon." The statement was met with confusion and sensing the impending questions, Aspen clarified, "That is not to say I am leaving forever, but… there is something I must do."

Ilex's aura drew sharp. "You're going after Deirean," he said, flicking his ears. "That's what you said you made the sword for, right? To be able to fight him."

"It needs to be done, and I must be the one to do it."

Concern swelled in Laurel's aura. "Aspen…"

Aspen shook her head. "I understand how it sounds to place this burden upon myself, but it is not naïveté. There are many capable hunters and soldiers on Remnant, yes. What they are not is Rephaim. I am. Only I can stand against Deirean."

"Only you," Oliver repeated, his aura burning with annoyance. "I take it you didn't come to us to ask us for our help, then?"

"I… I cannot." Aspen stared at the floor between them. "I care for you all. You are my friends, my…" She searched for the word but came up short. "Deirean will not allow any of you to live if he sees you again and I cannot allow that to happen. To lose you would be to lose a part of myself that I do not know I can live without."

"Why are you telling us, then?" Carmine asked. His aura felt much more even than the others, though still heated with agitation. "If you're really set on going after Deirean without us, you should have just gone. Keeping us in the dark would have been much easier."

Aspen turned her eyes to where Sevron lay beside her. "I made a promise that I would tell you and… give you a chance to decide for yourselves to come with me or not."

Rhys scoffed and stepped forward, his aura warmer than Aspen had ever felt. |Well, of course we want to come with you! You're our friend and we care about you just as much as you care about us.| He glanced at Ilex and Carmine. |Okay, maybe they don't care quite as much, but you get my point.|

Aspen shook her head. "Do you not understand? Deirean is stronger than any of you, perhaps even me. You cannot fight him—"

Rhys grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at him. His aura was steady, and he had an unusually serious look in his eye. |This isn't about fighting. We just want to help you. Maybe that means we fight, maybe it doesn't, but that's our choice, isn't it? That's what you said, right?|

Aspen opened her mouth but, before she could say anything, Laurel knelt in front of her and placed a hand on her other arm. Her aura soaked through Aspen's clothes. "I know you're scared, Aspen, but that's part of caring for other people. Being scared they might get hurt, or that they might hurt you. Being… Being scared that they might die. Sometimes they do get hurt or hurt you or die, and it can feel like the whole world is crashing down around you. I know what that pain feels like, believe me. The thing is, that pain will go away. Maybe not right away and maybe not completely, but even if it lingers, it doesn't erase the good things that came from knowing that person. The joy, the laughter, the love…" She sighed. "You can't control people. Pushing us away doesn't keep us safe; it just pushes us away and that's what truly hurts. Please. Let us help you."

"I do not… I do not understand. Even knowing the danger, even knowing that I do not want you to help, still you…" She shuddered. "You cannot. You are not strong enough and Deirean is… I have to protect you. That is what a huntress does."

Now, Oliver stepped forward. "Being a huntress isn't just about protecting the defenseless. It's about protecting the ones you love, too." He wrapped his arms around her and, as much as she might have liked to ignore it, she could feel his aura joining with Laurel's and numbing her senses to the others. "You of all people should know just how much we love you, and that's exactly as far as we will go to keep you safe, whatever it takes."

Aspen dipped her head into Oliver's chest, losing her vision in his coat. She wanted so desperately to push him away and stop the numbness, but that instinct faded the longer she hesitated. When Laurel stood up and joined the embrace, all the fight left her. "As you say," she whispered.

Aspen allowed herself to enjoy the contact for several moments, though a brushing of something she didn't recognize through the numbness led her to pull away. Rhys was smiling at her, but neither Ilex nor Carmine looked directly at her. Their auras were warped into something… jealous. Noticing her looking at him, Ilex cleared his throat and the sensation was recovered by a familiar fear. "So, this is what we're doing, then? Going after Deirean?"

Aspen frowned. "As I said, I would prefer it if you did not—"

"No, I'll do it," Ilex said quickly, enough so to earn a concerned look from Carmine. "I mean, this isn't just about us, right? It's everyone on Remnant and if you're going…" Ilex put on an uncomfortable smile and glanced around. "… the rest of your team should, too, I think."

Rhys nodded emphatically and stuck his fist out, thumb raised. Carmine paused, still looking at Ilex, then nodded at Aspen as well. "I agree. Six-on-one is better odds than one, even against a rephaite."

"It's settled then," Oliver said, placing a hand on Aspen's shoulder. "Did you have a plan on how to get to your havashah, or were you just going to walk?" Aspen dipped her head, a nauseous feeling of embarrassment in her stomach; that had been her intention. Oliver chuckled to himself. "That's not going to work out, not with the lead Deirean's already built. Laurel and I will work something out." Pulling away, he turned to face the group at large. "In the meantime, I would advise the four of you double down on your training. You've got a lot of ground to make up, and not a lot of time to make it happen." He winked at Aspen. "You're in charge. Don't go easy on 'em."