"Master Cadus."
Anakin finally found his voice, coming back to reality, leaving the clarity of his thoughts and returned to a world of muddled color and sound.
He turned to face the older man a little awkwardly.
Cadus observed him for a moment before turning back to the food.
"Anakin Skywalker, no need for all the rigid formalities. We're not in the Jedi Temple. Just call me Cadus. That way I can just call you Anakin. I get enough honorifics back and forth in the Jedi Temple, here we are not bound or restricted."
Anakin found himself puzzled. No Jedi Master would just want to be called by their name, but he knew Cadus would prefer if he just addressed him by name without the honorifics.
"I've come to accept your offer to eat some good food."
Cadus looked him in the eye for a second, then turned back to finishing the rest of his feast.
"In that case you need to relax and turn off the holonet report. Put something else on like a galactic race or football, there's starship mayhem as well you can turn to. If you are here for good food, you have to have good drink with the food."
"Right."
"We're not in the Jedi Temple. We aren't bound by formalities of this and that and the other, just because of ranks and titles. Even as a child, you never really cared about such things and you know I didn't stress those points to you, or any child for that matter."
"True."
Anakin found a seat on the couch, just a few feet from the kitchen.
"I'll change the channel...Soon..."
He allowed himself to sink into the soft cushions, sighing as quietly as he could. He thought about how Cadus always stressed independence and discernment.
Cadus always told all of the youngsters, even Anakin at one point when he had been a brat, to go and experience things for themselves, seek it out, research on their own, go on a journey, and most of all, not be spoon fed everything by the Masters.
If anything, Cadus was telling them to not listen attentively, and to flip it over and over until they found the truth for themselves. Many would argue he trained rebellious Jedi, but in reality they could just think, act, and make decisions for themselves.
His whole body turned to jello. He changed the channel at last, flipping until he got to a galactic football game that was on. Anakin relaxed, pushing himself deeper into the couch, finding the rustic furniture to be more like a grand bed that could swallow him.
"You've been having a hard time lately."
Anakin turned back to look at him.
"It is clear as day." Cadus said, waving his hand at the younger man, putting Anakin at ease.
"I am sick and tired of this war." Anakin was blunt about it.
Cadus could agree with the sentiment. "We all are. It is on everyone's faces. We are all tired. People from both sides of the war are tired, and those not involved are even more tired of it."
Anakin looked off into the horizon, drawing his brows together.
"Even with Dooku being imprisoned, Palpatine is still not going to pursue peace talks. I do not understand his thought process one bit. I trusted him, I believed in him, I thought he was a good man, but I am not so sure now. I think he is prolonging this war. I think he is using me. Now is the time to get the peace talks over with if we are to have them, more than ever it should be right now. I didn't go through hell on Rhen Var just so that old man Dooku can get off easy, dance around, and still cause chaos just because he is alive. He should be executed or there should be a pressure for peace."
"Anakin..." Cadus simply said his name.
Anakin ran a hand through his hair, going through his thoughts, thinking, brooding. He was a man of finality and decision.
Dooku should be dead or the war should end.
"You are a man of finality and decision." Cadus observed.
Anakin waved his hand. "Just as your are a man of resolution and resolve. We're both simple in that regard."
Cadus moved his head left to right, mulling it over. "You have a point, Anakin. But, not everyone has the will that we do."
Anakin finally closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "If Dooku being captured and held right in the center of the galaxy doesn't end this war, what will? What will end this war for good?"
"Nothing. Even if the Separatist Council were to be slain in a single movement, this war would sadly continue." Cadus said, remaining blunt.
Anakin opened his eyes, looking at the viewscreen. "Maybe...It is a means to an end if that is the case..."
Cadus paused, staring at Anakin. "Odd...You are not one to even go down that line of thought, Anakin."
The younger man shook his head.
"I am not. But, Palpatine said something about one's perception of things and how they are different from one to the next and so forth. It's made me reconsider and rethink certain things I thought were certain. It has made me question myself and what I do. Am I really doing good or is it evil?"
The words had left his mouth without his will saying so, without him even being aware of it, perhaps on a subconscious level he no longer trusted Palpatine, not like before, but he trusted Cadus.
Cadus had never done anything to make it otherwise.
"He said that...Evil is only a label placed on something by people. People do evil things for a greater good, but not everyone has the same definition of good or evil. Not everyone believes in the same greater good or a greater good at all. What the Jedi consider evil average beings don't consider evil. What the sith consider evil the Jedi don't consider evil. What the Hutts consider evil, we will not consider evil. It is left to interpretation by the person. If the sith lord Sidious could give Palpatine power to stop the war, he would sit down with him and ask him. He would...Indulge."
It got deathly silent, with the only sound being the pop and crackle of meat being jerked and other foods being fried or steamed.
Anakin had a feeling that Cadus wouldn't report this to the Council. As he had learned the hard way, Obi Wan deferred to the Council, and that's where his loyalty belonged.
Who it belonged to.
Cadus had sat on the Council much longer, and was respected as much as Yoda and Windu for his power and wisdom, but...
Cadus could keep a secret-he was loyal to people.
"Anakin."
"Yes."
"Evil...The dark side...He spoke of both..."
Anakin nodded in confirmation, blinking a few times.
"Cartyg Brandy?" Cadus moved to his cabinet, grabbed the bottle with a clear label in basic and multiple other languages saying 'tame'.
He extended his arm forward and set a glass down in front of Anakin.
"I don't know. I don't really drink."
Cadus poured him a generous amount anyways, then poured himself a glass. He downed it easily, neat, and filled his glass to the top.
Cadus sipped as he spoke. "This is the tame brandy, brewed for off-world buyers. It is more expensive than the one preferred by the Wookiees. I have the bottle preferred by Wookiees, but you may throw up right away if you drink that."
Anakin examined the glass.
Maybe a strong drink would do him some good.
And, there was nothing better than Wookiee brew in that regard.
"Do you have ice?"
Cadus went to freezer and got small spheres of ice with a scooper, setting them in the glass.
Anakin was careful in sipping. If he tried to down the strong drink as easily as Cadus was, he would immediately regret it.
"Jeez..." Anakin grimaced, coughing a little as heat ran through him. "And, this is supposed to be tame?"
"Wookiees like strong seasoned food and drink. Lightweight. You need to drink more, Anakin." Cadus commented jokingly.
"Are you actually telling me to drink?"
"Yes. I can always have a drinking buddy. A good drink is better with more than person. When you pour another person drinks, you become brothers and sisters around a bonfire. Quinlan Vos always drinks with me, but our duties are keeping us stretched apart. But, since Dooku has been captured, they may start calling Jedi back to the Temple."
Anakin sipped more of the strong liquid, trying to adjust to the taste, and he got more down with his effort.
He coughed again, taking a deep breath.
"I'll take you up on the offer, but I can't handle the Wookiee brew like ninety eight percent of the galaxy. This isn't too bad, though."
Cadus maneuvered his way back into the kitchen, starting to sort things out and plate them. After a few minutes he went back into the living room.
"Come and get it."
Anakin drank the ice water Cadus offered him with little reprieve and began to eat the food Cadus had went through the trouble of cooking. He nearly moaned as he finished three plates, savoring the flavor, focusing on the way his taste buds burned, how the spices burned his throat, and he took another drink of water to wash it all down.
"This is so good..."
Anakin devoured a whole plate, making it number five in total.
"Where and when did you learn how to cook like this?"
Cadus tried not to laugh at the reaction.
It wouldn't be the first time someone nearly lost it eating his cooking.
"I never gave my Padawan rations or made them eat rations. I used to make my Padawans yogurt, berry, fruit, chocolate, and nut bars. I'd bake them in rectangular sheets and cut them into strips. I would make them fried ice cream as well, that was always their favorite no matter how rambunctious or stubborn they were."
Anakin laughed, imagining Cadus bribing his Padawans with fried ice cream.
"Did you make them nerf burgers?"
"With hubba chips like all the youngsters are fond of? Of course I did. I would make them Tibanna splits, usually when I had to give them medicine because they got sick."
Anakin imagined Cadus's Padawans tended to be the most stubborn, reckless, hardheaded, bullheaded, emotional, rambunctious, obnoxious, loud, brazen, and the ones nobody wanted anything to do with just in general.
Of course when they got sick, they would give Cadus a hard time.
Of course Cadus had to bribe them with a Tibanna split so they wouldn't fight him when he gave them medicine.
But I don't want the medicine, Master Cadus! It tastes nasty and it's all gross! I don't want to take it! I can't! I won't!
Take your medicine. Then you can eat ice cream.
Anakin smiled as the thought played itself out in his mind, and he filled up his plate with more food, just barely able to keep his laughter in check.
No wonder Jedi youngsters in the Temple loved Cadus.
He spoiled them all rotten.
He probably gave them sweets.
"Your Padawans are really lucky to have a Master like you, and the younglings are even luckier to have someone who spoils them rotten. Obi Wan would never made me fried ice cream. We always had to eat rations, he always said eat rations."
Cadus laughed, keeping his volume down. "Obi Wan could never really cook, but he knows his stuff when it comes to starships, speeders, and stuff like that. No one can put something together faster than him. You'd be better off cooking a boot over fire and seasoning it than trusting Obi Wan to cook you an actual edible meal."
Anakin had the discipline to not laugh and finished chewing.
Then he laughed.
Cadus arched his brow, digging through his memories. "I thought you would make Ahsoka Forrolow berry pie? I remember one time specifically she was upset because Quinlan Vos took the last slice and was eating it in the cafeteria."
"We would bake cakes as well. I know the pain of rations. I couldn't make her suffer like I did for so many years." Anakin half joked.
Nothing compared to real food.
Cadus cleared his throat.
"Listen, Anakin...I don't want to bring up any bad memories...But, your mother told me when I first met her...That from a very young age, you knew the difference between right and wrong. You knew the difference between good and evil, and you always chose to do good. You always chose to do right. You were saving your friends, banthas, droids, and total strangers from danger and being killed. You saved your mother countless times."
"Yeah, but..." Anakin trailed off, looking at his plate of jerked meat.
He never doubted himself, but Palpatine's words from before...
What if he wasn't doing good-what if the good he was doing was actually evil?
What if the Jedi were evil?
What if he...Was evil?
Cadus shook his head, and his eyes grew intense. "No. Don't doubt yourself, don't do it now."
"But, the Jedi aren't exactly good...You know what I mean? They don't always do what is right."
"I agree."
"And, the Sith are only evil from the Jedi's point of view."
Cadus looked Anakin in the eyes, face and expression calm.
"Anakin...If someone immerses themselves in the dark side, and continues down that path...The atrocities and heinous crimes they commit are beyond reason. It is evil, everything that they do to sentient beings and non sentient beings." Cadus chose his words carefully.
Anakin's brows creased for a moment, he thought of how the Jedi laid waste, even if there was a war going on, even if those bases and fortresses were their enemies, the Jedi still, Cadus, himself...They all still sent the whole damn thing toppling down to crush thousands.
"But..."
"I understand, Anakin. Trust me, I understand better than anyone. I get it."
"But, if we could..."
Cadus shook his head, still calm.
"Whoever uses the dark side is bound serve it. You can't think you can control its power, its power controls you, the more you thirst and lust the greater the power becomes, the greater the power becomes the more you become a slave to its will. The more your hatred and fury grows, the more suffering you cause, the greater your power becomes, until you become unstoppable. The more you bring genocide and worse atrocities across entire worlds."
Anakin winced, but looked at Cadus with a strong expression. "And, the Jedi...How they have given themselves to this war?"
"It is our greatest mistake."
Anakin blinked, surprised.
"I won't condone or sugarcoat what the Council and Jedi Order do. My Master was the biggest critic of the Order's hubris, decadence, and inability to do things. Things are not what they once were long ago when it comes to the Order and the Republic..."
Anakin noted Cadus was looking past him, as if he was seeing a moment that was now far away, too far away to even grasp out in vain.
Maybe he was seeing his Master.
He took a deep breath, giving Anakin a careful once over.
"You know...The Council would be wary of you, a lot...These are considered to be dangerous questions."
Anakin knew that, knew exactly what would happen, but he didn't consider it at the moment.
Cadus shrugged a little, filling up his plate once more.
"Okay then. Jedi train so that they become extensions of the force-they let it flow through them. It is like a gentle waterfall or spring, its strength is enduring. Sith, and users of the dark side take it with their bare hands, and channel it through their wills and passions. They use the agony and suffering of others and themselves to make themselves more powerful...It doesn't flow through them, but rages, like an out control fire. Like a disease. It devours them, consumes them, and ultimately kills them. However, Jedi also train in a way that long term effects of force use don't deform their bodies."
Besides shock and horror, Anakin could feel nothing else.
He had no idea the dark side was so rotten and cancerous. The deeds one committed when they turned or fell, just for the sake of power...Yoda, Mace Windu, and the other Masters shunned it, abhorred it, tried to seclude themselves away from it, sheltered the children from it the best they could, at the cost of isolating them forever, but never once would they explain why.
They even refused to explain why.
Fear leading to this, and this leading to that, and that leading to suffering was not a reason, and it was not the dark side.
Cadus was explaining why he, himself, was wary of the dark side. And, if he wasn't wary of it, how and what it does.
"But, when one immerses themselves in the dark side they gain...Oddities? Their bodies begin to degenerate or fall apart? Is that what you are saying?"
Cadus knew these were dangerous questions, even forbidden in some Jedi's eyes.
But Anakin, more than any Jedi in history perhaps, needed to know the nuances of the force. He needed to understand the dark side wasn't power. It was evil. It was a cancer and sickness that ate the individual. Had Anakin been his Padawan, he would know the full scope.
He would know about the Je'daii, just as Sifo Dyas had told him, and just as he shared the same knowledge and wisdom with his own Padawans, but that would be a topic for a different time once Anakin grew.
"The most common trait is sulfur eyes. The eyes can glow red, yellow, it can get to the point where the whole eye socket itself is glowing red or yellow. But, the personalities change. They become twisted perversions of who they once were. They may be totally different from who they once were, a gentle person turns into a monster, a monster turning into something worse. Every worse possible trait and tendency the person or being has, the dark side magnifies it. They can gain a pallor. Some immerse themselves so deep in the dark side that their physical bodies degenerate."
Anakin frowned, then finally asked the question on his mind. "Why would anyone do this?"
"To use the dark side, to use it as one's sole power...The person and people wielding it know the full consequences of what they are doing. For the sake of power and power alone-the ideal, the manifestation, the moment power bursts into reality...For that reason and power alone do they deform themselves, commit atrocities, and do far worse."
"And, the Jedi?"
"Jedi draw their power from calm and serenity. Power is a tool and dispersed through the ranks, it os not contested over or horded by a couple of people. The Jedi train in a way that all of this is prevented, because the physical body can't exert pure dark side energy in one's lifetime. It is in its very nature to rot and consume its wielder, even the most powerful learn they are just a victim to it. They have no power, they are a weapon rather than wielding the power."
"It makes no sense."
Cadus nodded, raising his glass with the tame brandy.
"That is why I told you to drink up. You will lose your mind talking about this shit otherwise. This stuff gets intense, very fast, and if one isn't careful they can slip so far off track they want to put their fist through the whole galaxy."
Anakin looked Cadus in the eye.
"Will you...Explain more?"
"I can build you a holocron if you want?"
Anakin nodded after a second of thought. "Please do. I won't tell anyone, not even Palpatine. I won't tell anyone about this conversation either."
"I will tell you a few other things before we finish our meal. Sith were once a species themselves like human and Twi'lek. Dark Jedi-Jedi who turned to or used the dark side, used their hatred and anger, seeking to dominate, seeking to oppress, and do all of these terrible things were banished to the Outer Rim after a great battle. These Dark Jedi and their followers were like gods in the eyes of the Sith, and they were worshiped as such. These Dark Jedi bred with the Sith through natural means and unnatural means. Since that time, Sith and Dark Jedi have been one in the same, but it always wasn't this way."
Cadus pointed at Anakin, jabbing it with each word spoken.
"However, those people are all long dead, and have been for tens of thousands of years. They have no bearing on you or I...Your priority Anakin, should be what you are feeling, what is going on in your heart, and most of all if your deeds are good or evil."
Anakin looked at Cadus, opened his mouth to speak, but found he had no words. His mind was just racing, going through every single word the man just said. Anakin stuffed himself with every dish in sight until his ravenous hunger no longer clawed at him.
He mulled over the information Cadus had divulged to him, how it felt, how it resonated with him, and what the root of it all was.
How it made him think and space out, and think some more.
It was only then that he remembered he hadn't actually slept in days. Hunger finally gave way to exhaustion, and he wandered from the kitchen to the couch in a thoughtful daze.
Within seconds he went into a deep, dreamless sleep.
He woke hours later, more than half groggy. Anakin forced himself to open his eyes, managing to just open one despite his best effort. He shook off the last vestiges consciousness, ready to go back to sleep, but kept part of his focus outside.
"Cadus..." Anakin muttered, staring into space.
Seated in seiza and watching the viewscreen, Cadus just turned his head to look at the younger man with his usual expression of calm.
"Time...The..." Anakin trailed off, unable to speak.
"No need to bolt yourself up, Anakin. Rest."
Anakin rolled on the couch after a few minutes, putting his arm across his face. "We still have to give our full reports to the Council..."
Cadus looked at Anakin lounging for a second, sighing at the thought of having to deal with Windu and Yoda, and Cadus couldn't help but laugh softly. He shook his head, and turned his focus back onto the viewscreen to fight off amusement.
At least Anakin enjoyed being comfortable.
"Sadly we do. Master Windu wasn't pleased we weren't present with Master Kenobi when he gave his report. Quinlan Vos also wasn't present, but he is currently off world. He doesn't sit in on meetings through a holo-presence most of the time. And, the other part of the time he just doesn't care enough."
"Yeah, well...Being mad is Windu's default while being grim is his usual." Anakin was almost too tired to speak on the stupid man, in his eyes.
Anakin turned to face Cadus after a few minutes of severe concentration, body still tense with fatigue, and mind still reeling to go back to sleep.
"Where is the meeting?"
"In the cafeteria."
Anakin shifted. "Seriously?"
Cadus looked him in the eyes, nodding. "I told Windu we can speak here, in the cafeteria, or I can cook you and I some breakfast, and then we will go to the Temple when we are finished and give our report in the Council chambers."
Anakin was tired, but he managed to laugh.
"And, he chose the cafeteria?"
"I prefer it because I can enjoy some breakfast. Breakfast has always been good at the Temple. Jai is going to be there as well to give his report, so it all fits together. The three of us give our reports, and I can eat and drink. The Jedi Council isn't absolute, nor is it an absolute...No matter what Yoda and Windu want to think or parade around with."
Anakin grinned a little, laughing harder. Cadus really didn't care who he pissed off or rubbed the wrong way, and now that Anakin thought about it, he was the exact same way and had always been that way.
A thought came to mind, just as sleep and full awareness began to mingle.
"Cadus...In layman's terms, if we are sitting in front of a candle...Someone who uses the dark side, would by their logic, put their hand right into the fire. Someone who uses the light side, would by their logic, simply look at the flame..."
Anakin rubbed at his eyes, shifting on the couch so he could sit up, struggling to find the right words.
"We would call the first person a Dark Jedi, sith, or dark something. We could call the second person a Jedi, freedom fighter or, well nothing else really...But...Even more basic...Someone who uses the dark side would gain an animal's or someone's trust, and then kill them. Someone who uses the light side would gain an animal's or person's trust, and then leave them. Both the person and animal suffer from both the Sith and the Jedi. Light and dark..."
Anakin's brows furrowed and he pressed a hand to his forehead. "Light and dark...What would the person be called who focuses on the flame? Who is the person who focuses on light and dark, and the balance between them? Who is the person that cherishes the bond, and doesn't detach themselves from it, or try to use it?"
Cadus was silent for nearly ten minutes.
Well, he was wrong about one thing.
Anakin was going to be diving into the deep end and was already dissecting things.
"Well, Anakin...That person would be Je'daii."
Anakin arched a brow, more than curious.
"And, the Jed-"
"Je'daii."
"Jedai-"
"Je'daii."
"Je...Je'daii..." Anakin trailed off, not even sure if he said it right. "Who or what were they?"
"Do you have a guess?" Cadus looked at him.
Anakin wasn't sure if he should respond, but it was always better to respond to Cadus when he asked a question like that.
"They didn't focus on the light. The didn't focus on the dark. They sought out balance between light and dark, the in between, holding to neither, they understood the full scope of it all...They weren't ignorant like those who came after them."
Cadus fixed Anakin with a stern gaze.
"You can't tell anyone what I am about to tell you, Anakin. Anyone. Not even Palpatine. Not even Obi Wan. This is information only Masters like myself, Shaak Ti, Yoda and Windu get to see and know, do you understand what I am telling you?"
Dangerous and forbidden, even radical knowledge that could swing him so far off into the deep end...
Anakin looked Cadus in the eye, nodding slowly as he came to terms with the magnitude of it all. "I swear I won't tell anyone. This is just between you and I, you are the only person I feel like I can trust without any worry at this moment in time...So..."
Anakin swallowed hard, meeting Cadus's gaze with one of resolve. "Will you tell me more...So I know my place, and..."
Cadus nodded, amicable.
If Anakin blabbed-it would be the end of them both.
They would be expelled and exiled, without question.
He also realized Anakin could be the greatest sith lord to ever live if he was tipped, fell, or pushed so far over the edge of no return. Anakin Skywalker the hero would be dead-the one who brought hope to those who never had it or knew hope, would be murdered.
The butcher, the terror of the galaxy, the murderer, the one who eats hope. Who banishes hope just as he banished the light inside of himself.
He would not be Anakin.
With all of that in mind, Cadus gathered his thoughts. "I have a few minutes before I have to get ready...I can see and feel all of this is beginning to weigh you down, so I will ease your discomfort and burdens..."
Anakin listened attentively.
"We'll start from the beginning with the Pilgrims, long before they called themselves Je'daii...It all began thirty six thousand four hundred and sixty odd years ago on a planet in the Deep Core called Tyhon after the First Migration of Pilgrims from the Tho Yor..."
Anakin listened more than he ever had, or was capable of in his short lifetime up to this point.
This was wisdom and knowledge no one-Jedi or Sith could offer him.
And he knew it in his heart.