Chapter 44: Fishing Trip
Carol was thankful the kids weren't early risers the next morning. They were all sleeping curled up in their sleeping bags when she and Daryl came downstairs with Luke to let Dog out. While Carol kept Luke from getting underfoot by putting him in his booster seat at the table, Daryl helped her with breakfast.
"Any plans today?" Carol asked, whisking the eggs at the counter.
"Was gonna go see if Merle wanted any help today."
"He's going on a run?"
"Nah, just goin' hunting. Lots of deer in the area. Thought maybe we could cure the meat, make jerky and save it up."
"Sounds good," Carol said with a smile. "Been a while since I had deer jerky." She thought for a moment. "Oh, that reminds me. Can you go down to the cellar and get me a jar of the pickles we canned last year?" At Daryl's look, she made a face. "Hey, it's a craving."
"How'd you get from deer jerky to pickles?"
"Because they would be delicious together." Daryl made a face, and Carol laughed.
"Hey. Don't judge me. Your child is hungry." Daryl smirked and leaned in to kiss her before rubbing her belly and leaning down to kiss it.
"You're makin' your daddy crazy with these cravings, kiddo." As if on cue, the baby kicked, catching them both by surprise. "Yep. Definitely a girl. She's got her mama's attitude."
"Hey now," Carol warned, giving him a playful nudge on the shoulder, and he straightened up and leaned in to give her a kiss.
"Anyway, I'm thinkin' we never had a honeymoon."
"What?" Carol asked. "Where did that come from?" She poured the whisked eggs into the frying pan.
"Well, we didn't have one, did we?"
"We didn't have a wedding, either," Carol laughed. "I'm definitely not complaining. It was perfect, just us." She smiled then. "Besides, it's not like we can drop everything and go on a cruise somewhere."
"Nah, I was just thinkin' maybe we'd have Merle take the kids for a couple days, and it'd just be you and me."
"So, not a honeymoon. Just home alone so we can screw around?"
"I can bring ya flowers and chocolates if ya want."
"So romantic," Carol giggled. "You don't have to do all that. I'd be happy to screw around with you anytime, Pookie." She caught the blush in his cheeks, and it made her smile. He didn't blush as often as he had in the early days of their relationship, but it still warmed her heart.
Carol turned her attention back to breakfast, while Daryl started set the table and went to wake up the kids. She couldn't help but chuckle to herself thinking about how much had changed since the beginning of the end. Sometimes, it felt strange to reconcile the image of Daryl Dixon playing with his kids and reading them bedtime stories with the image of Daryl Dixon, bloody and exhausted, walking through a field with a string of walker ears around his neck. In the scheme of things, it hadn't been that long ago, but it felt like two lifetimes ago.
Sometimes, it took her breath away when she stopped and thought about everything they'd been through and everything they'd created in the last few years. Sometimes, thinking back on life before the farm was like trying to recall a dream or a distant memory. Sometimes, it felt so strange, like peeking into a past life. And sometimes that feeling made her heart sink, because she'd healed and moved on. And while she could still remember the softness of Sophia's skin and her tiny little feet that first day in the hospital after she was born, and she could still remember the sound of her voice and the sound of her laugh, the memories almost felt like someone else's. She wondered if her daughter knew that, wherever. She wondered if she even believed in an afterlife anymore.
It had been a comfort at first, thinking of Sophia in a warm, bright place like Heaven. But the more time passed and the uglier the world got, the more she wondered what the point was. Life was brutal, and death was messy, and what was the point? She wasn't that woman who sat in a church and begged God to spare her little girl. That woman was a ghost of her past. But still, Sophia was with her.
Every time she looked at Luke, she saw Sophia. And she thought about what kind of a person she'd be now if she'd lived. The strange thing was, Carol couldn't picture her daughter grown. She could only see that sweet face of the little twelve year old that went into the woods and never came out.
Every time Daryl held her hand, she remembered those early days after they'd found Lydia, when Carol's nightmares plagued her nearly every night. She remembered how good it felt to sleep next to him and feel like everything was going to be alright.
"You alright?" Daryl's voice broke her train of thought, and she turned to see him standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. Just in my own little world." Daryl stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her belly in his hands. He kissed the back of her neck, and she closed her eyes, leaning back against him.
"Glad you said yes all those years ago," he murmured. "Don't know what I woulda done if ya hadn't."
"Well, that's something you'll never have to worry about," she murmured, turning in his arms and draping her arms over his shoulders.
"Love you," he murmured, kissing her softly. She grinned against his lips.
"Me too."
...
"Anything you want me to look for out there?" Merle asked as he tossed a couple of shotguns in the crowded back of the old pickup truck. He'd packed enough hunting and camping supplies for what was only going to be a three to four hour hunt at most. But, he knew as well as anybody that it was better to be prepared.
"No, I think I'm good," Andrea said with a little shrug. "There's plenty of canned goods in the cellar."
"C'mon. There must be somethin' you got a hankerin' for. Rabbit? Squirrel?" Andrea shuddered.
"I could go the rest of my life without eating another squirrel."
"Beggars can't be choosers."
"Thankfully, I don't have to beg anymore, do I?" Andrea said with a little smirk from where she sat on the porch steps of her home. Merle sighed. She wasn't making this easy. "I do like rabbit, though."
"Rabbit. I'll bring one back for ya. Nice, juicy, fat one."
"You know what I miss?"
"What's that?"
"Fish. Do you know how long it's been since I've had catfish or even trout? Amy and I used to catch them by the boatful. The problem is, every fishing hole I came across out there was filled with walkers. Didn't want to chance it." She put her hand on her growling stomach.
"I'll find ya some trout," Merle offered. "There's gotta be some streams out there in the woods that ain't clogged up with walker guts."
"Thanks for the visual," Andrea groaned. "Don't waste your time for me. I was just talking."
"Now wait a minute. I seem to recall seeing a nice, secluded spot last time I went hunting. Didn't have my fishin' pole with me, but the water looked clean. If I find it again, I'll see what I can do."
"Thanks, Merle."
"Maybe I can catch enough we can have a fish fry tonight."
"Uh, maybe…not. Just dinner is ok." At Merle's questioning look, she sighed. "We had a fish fry the night Amy was killed."
"Hell, I didn't know."
"No, you wouldn't have known. It's ok, really. But you're welcome to come for supper tonight, with or without fish. Dylan likes the stories you tell. And I appreciate your restraint when you tone down the language." Merle chuckled at that.
"He's a good kid."
"He is. He's the only thing that kept me going the last five years. I'd have probably died a long time ago if it wasn't for him."
"Yeah, them young'uns have a way of changin' you and makin' ya see things different."
"That they do," Andrea agreed with a smile. She looked past him then and nodded. "Looks like you've got company." Merle turned then to see Daryl heading over toward them, and he narrowed his eyes at his young brother.
"Mornin'," Daryl greeted him. "Andrea."
"Hey, Daryl," she smiled.
"Need somethin' baby brother?"
"Was just wondering if you wanted some company today," Daryl offered.
"Always hunt better on my own."
"You can't shoot for shit anymore," Daryl pointed out.
"Still shoot better'n you," Merle laughed. Daryl smirked, and Merle clapped him on the back. "Second set of eyes might not hurt. Alright. Go get your shit. Grab a fishin' pole."
"We're fishing?" Daryl asked, squinting into the morning light. "We ain't fishermen." Merle leaned in close.
"Just play along, for Christ sakes. The lady wants fish for supper," he whispered. Daryl's mouth twitched into an amused grin, and he nodded his head.
"Sure thing. Think there's an old fishin' pole in the attic. I'll go blow the dust off it." Merle glared at him, but Daryl just nodded his head at Andrea and headed off toward the house.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll meet in ten minutes, and we'll head out!" Merle turned back toward Andrea, who was getting up off the porch steps.
"Be careful out there," she said with a nod. She turned toward the door but stopped herself. She looked back to Merle with an amused grin on her face. "When's the last time you went fishing?"
"Oh, ain't been that long, really. I'd say...a year maybe?"
"Hmm. Well, don't go out of your way or anything."
"You want fish? I'll catch you a fish, Blondie."
"Sardines out of the can don't count," she laughed. Merle scoffed, and Andrea waved at him. Just before she turned, he could have sworn he saw something in her eyes. Maybe it was the slight lift of her brow, the genuine smile, the way she actually didn't seem repulsed by his presence. Whatever the case was, his heart did a little dance in his chest, and it nearly knocked him on his ass for a second. This was a new feeling.
For the first time in his life, Merle Dixon had a goddamn genuine feeling for a woman that wasn't fueled by drink or drugs or just desperation for a quick fuck in the bathroom of a stale old bar. Oh, he was attracted to her. He'd been attracted to her since he'd first seen her all the way back at the quarry all those years ago. But that was a lifetime ago, and he was a different man. Back then? She despised him. But now? Now she was actually smiling at him. Laughing. Inviting him to dinner? Christ, she was even teasing him, and the old Merle wouldn't have needed much more than that to seal the deal, but for the first time in his life, he felt a little afraid.
He wanted what Daryl had. He wanted the wife and the kids and the whole fucking picket fence picture. He'd never been good enough for any of that. But the way Andrea had just looked at him had frozen him right in his tracks. And he was scared shitless that maybe, just maybe there was something there, and he'd be nothing but a goddamn fool if he messed it all up.
...
The kids were playing outside when Daryl came back into the house to grab a few things to take on the trip. When he came down the stairs with a fishing pole, Carol couldn't help but grin.
"What?" he asked, her slinging his fishing pole over one shoulder and his crossbow over the other.
"You, uh, planning on catching some fish today, Daryl?"
"I don't fish," Daryl snorted.
"Oh, I know you don't. I've seen you fish. For a skilled hunter, you kind of…"
"You can say it," Daryl muttered.
"Okay. You kind of suck at fishing." She giggled when Daryl attempted a glare, but he shrugged it off. She had a point.
"I ain't that bad."
"No. No, you're not that bad, but trust me. Stick to hunting."
"Aw, Merle's got a burr up his ass about it."
"What?" A laugh fell from Carol's lips, and Daryl rolled his eyes.
"Andrea wants fish. Merle's gonna break his fuckin' neck tryin' to get her one."
"Oh. Oh, can I come? I have to see this. Too bad it's the end of the world, because this would be great for one of those funny home video shows. You remember those?"
"Merle's got a thing for her, I think."
"That's not supposed to be a secret, is it? Because it's pretty obvious." Daryl leaned in to kiss her.
"Don't tell him that. He'll get weird about it. He ain't never had a relationship before that lasted more than a half hour. If I know my brother, he's about to shit himself, 'cause he don't have a clue what he's supposed to do."
"Aw, I think it's sweet. He wants what you have. Don't give him a hard time."
"You kiddin'? That's all he ever gave me growin' up. Ain't right if I can't have some revenge." Carol giggled at that, and Daryl kissed her again. "Love you."
"Love you," she whispered against his lips, grinning when he kissed her again. When he pulled away, she eyed him. "Did you get my pickles?"
"Two jars, cabinet by the stove."
"You're the best," she swooned. Daryl chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze.
"See you tonight." He turned and left then, and Carol followed him to the foyer, peering out the window as he climbed in the pickup with Merle and they headed off toward the gates. She noticed him peeking through the mirror on the passenger's side door, and she waved. He caught sight of her and waved back before Merle turned off out of sight.
She started tidying up around the house, picking up Luke's toys before heading upstairs to check on him. He was playing quietly in his room, which sometimes spelled trouble. But, in this instance, he was building towers with his blocks.
It wasn't often the house was so quiet, but with Luke playing nicely by himself and the other kids playing outside, Carol had a moment to just stop and take a breath.
It wasn't long before the screen door was slamming shut for what seemed like the hundredth time that week, and Carol cringed at the sound. The kids were always in a hurry to go and to come back, and they always forgot to let the screen shut quietly.
"Lydia?" Carol called down the stairs. "Please don't slam the door!"
"Sorry, Mommy!" Lydia came rushing up the stairs.
"Slow down, honey. What's the rush?"
"I came to tell Henry to hurry up. Me and Dylan want to see the horses." Lydia started toward Luke's room.
"He's not in there," Carol pointed out. Lydia frowned and peeked in, seeing Luke playing by himself.
"Well, where is he?"
"You three were just playing outside."
"He came inside to find a toy a while ago. He got bored playing tag, I think." Carol felt her heart sink in her chest.
"How long ago?"
"I don't know," Lydia shrugged. "A while. Before daddy left, I think."
"Lydia. This is important. When was the last time you saw Henry?" She knelt down in front of Lydia an and gently put her hands on the child's shoulders. "Think, Lyddie."
"I think it was when Daddy was with Uncle Merle and Andrea."
"Are you sure?" Carol asked.
"Uh-huh." Carol stood quickly, and Dylan came rushing up the steps.
"Lydia, let's go see the horses!" he urged.
"No, no, you two need to stay inside. Dylan, have you seen Henry?"
"Not since we played tag a little bit ago." Carol swallowed hard, feeling a little dizzy. Her heart began to race, and she closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her ears. But she took a deep breath and told herself he couldn't have gone far. After all, there were only so many places in a walled community that a child could go. Still, something felt wrong.
"Okay. I need you two to listen carefully. I need you to stay with Luke. I need you to look for Henry all over the house."
"Like Hide and Seek?" Lydia asked.
"Yes, baby. Just like Hide and Seek. But I need you to watch Luke and make sure he holds your hand the whole time. Don't open the baby gate unless you're holding his hand. Do not leave this house."
"Mommy, is Henry…"
"Just do what I asked, ok?" Carol asked sternly. Lydia nodded, her eyes going wide with worry.
"C'mon, Lydia," Dylan urged, taking her hand. "We'll find him." They hurried off to start in the farthest bedroom, while Carol headed down the stairs, being mindful of the baby gate, and with each step, she felt a cold panic settle in her heart.
She pushed outside, taking a few deep breaths as she looked around for any signs of the boy.
"Henry!" she called, getting the attention of Jerry and Tara who were close by.
"Everything ok?" Jerry asked.
"Jerry, have you seen Henry?"
"No. Sorry, I haven't."
"I saw him playing with Lydia and Dylan a little bit ago," Tara offered. "Maybe he's playing hide and seek?"
"Maybe," Carol murmured, her voice wavering with uncertainty. "Henry! Come out. The game's over!" Nothing.
"What's going on?" Denise asked, stepping out of the infirmary as a few of the survivors came hurrying over to see what the commotion was about.
"Has anybody seen Negan's boy Henry?" Jerry asked. A few murmurs from the crowd were in the negative, others mentioned seeing him playing with Lydia and Dylan.
"Carol?" Carol turned quickly to see Andrea coming over. "What's going on?"
"Henry. We can't find him. The kids were playing, and…"
"Where's Dylan?" Andrea's hand flew to her chest.
"He's fine. He's inside with Luke and Lydia. You haven't seen him around your place?"
"No. No, but I'll go look."
"It's the only home he knew before Negan left," Carol said quietly. "Would you look?"
"Of course. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. We'll find him." Andrea reached out and took Carol's hand, giving it a squeeze, and for a moment, Carol felt like she was back on that old highway fretting over Sophia.
"We'll find him," she whispered, placing her hand over her heart. "We will."