Authors Notes: If the title didn't warn you enough... just know I'm about to commit one of the greatest sins in literary media. I've had this planned for about two years, so this was always coming. I've also decided to can the concept of keeping up of what happened during Sam and Kat's year apart with like month notes. Just italics from now on.

"I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever."
- Charles Bukowski

Louisiana, Ten Months Ago

She'd gotten the hell of the dodge. Somehow she'd found herself on a greyhound eastbound and figured it was Gabriels doing. She'd asked for him to take control the moment she felt herself become delirious in grief, never really knowing what happened after entering the manic state. The ticket said Vermont but there was a transfer in Louisiana and she didn't bother going onto the second bus. Gabriel chided her, he'd had a plan after all. Instead, she put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and walked through the dingy town that the bus had stopped at. There was a rotting motel, one bar, and everything just looked so old.

With a sigh she looked at the bar as she stood across the street from it. Dive. Part of her wished she could be one of those girls that could shoot pool and drink without putting on an ounce. Only Sam liked her better when she was stuck in the stupid cabin, doing stupid research, doing freakin' nothing. The bar was open and she walked in. The bartender was a black guy who seemed friendly enough who shot her a look when she looked uncomfortable drinking the Old Fashioned she'd ordered. She took sips lightly and then ordered a water to prevent her from getting drunk too fast. There was a filtering of natural light as much as it was fading and there weren't many patrons in it.

"Alright, what's the deal? You've been nursing that for an hour like you're not a drinker," he said.

"Ouh, just, thought I'd try to be someone I'm not," she admitted. "My boyfriend walked out on me and I can't remember shit. Thought I'd try the dive bar scene since he never liked me doing that type shit."

"Sounds like an asshole."

"I mean, maybe. He really wasn't though. I mean, not for a long time anyway."

"I'm Prince by the way."

"Buffy."

She wasn't sure why she lied. It was the first name that came to mind. Surprisingly it didn't take her long to feel good in this new skin.

"God, I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered. "He's... he's better off without me and I'm now one of those people that complains to the nearest barteneder about their recent break up. He's right, I'm freakin' pathetic."

"Hey, I can tell you have a head on your shoulders. Drop it," Prince said. "Ain't nothing wrong with talkin to a bartender."

Prince she found, was gay, and he was damn good at giving a pep talk. As she left the bar, she heard Gabriel tell her about where to find Meg.

It felt like a rush taking out the demons that were holding Meg hostage. Meg was surprised that she'd saved her, and saved her without Sam. The demon laughed when Kat had tensed up. And then Kat demanded that Meg train her to fight vampires. They worked better as a team as they found out. After pressing and getting Kat drunk, did she reveal to Meg that her vampire obsession was because of a vision she'd once had that vampires would kill Sam. And even if she didn't know where he was she could never fathom letting that happen to him. And then Samantha had needed help one night and then she became part of their family. And then she found Moose. And even though she had a life outside of Sam now, and people that loved her, and that her hunting against vampires had Meg calling her a pro, it didn't feel like enough. So she talked Meg into helping her corral vampire covens into a larger nest to take out.

"Kat, Kat, KAT!" She heard a voice shout.

She glanced over and saw Dean standing in front of her at the table.

"Sorry, research," she said.

A lousy magazine on recent paranormal events was between her elbows. Sam and Jo had gone out on a grocery run. Castiel wandered wherever. Samandriel was in front of a tv trying to understand humanity better.

"Hey, you wanna tell me why you and your angel pal don't like Jo?" Dean asked her.

"Samandriel's just kinda... he's an angel," she said.

"Ok. But what about you?"

"I'm fine with her."

"You actively avoid her."

"Dean, don't worry about me. You're happy with her and she really... really adores you... and I mean, really don't worry about me."

"You're not jealous are you?"

She crossed her arms and slumped into herself. Dean was happy and she shouldn't ruin it by telling him that she thought his new girlfriend was actually probably definitely a spy for Heaven.

"Dean, you're happy. That's all that matters," she said, looking back up at him.

"You're like my little sister, you matter to me too," he said.

"Well she did try to kill Meg..."

"Okay, so maybe I left out Meg when I was in Purgatory to her because Meg uh... well... you'd know."

"Still."

"And there's something else you're not telling me."

"Okay, fine. I just kinda feel like I'm loosing my best friend, my constant, my anchor. And Sam's been acting weird, and I can't handle that. And it's, well, I'll stay around for you. But then you're like all over Jo. And I love Jo, and I love that you love her, and I get it's unreasonable to think that everything was going to stay the same forever or that you were... I mean, you can't keep someone if they don't want to stay, and people don't belong to people but... It's just been feeling lonelier."

"Do you need a hug?"

"Isn't that a little chick flick for ya?"

"Okay, fine, we're both getting up and having a hug."

They slowly walked around the table to each other. He didn't feel like Sam. He didn't smell like Sam. But this was Dean, and Dean who might be an asshole but made sure she knew that he cared. She forced herself to hold back tears she knew would happen if she let the hug continue. Then the door opened.

"Baabe! I'm home!" Jo shouted.

She avoided looking at Sam and went out for a walk; she could hear Samandriel trailing her even if he made himself invisible. Being without her own angel powers, even borrowed, made her feel useless.

Louisiana was where they had decided to gather the various nests. It had taken a month to get them together and starved. Gradually they started to sound more feral from outside the old farm house. Meg had conjured up the illusion of ghosts at the house nearby. The old woman who lived there realized a demon was nearby. Kat had watched as they left the property. Then Meg had killed the poor new realtor to prevent anyone else from getting on the property. Moose was hesitant to get out of the car whenever they drove down. A little over a month and they could hear all of the vampires screeching.

"Do you really think we should do this? I could conjure up some demon bombs and we'd be done," Meg said.

"I have to do this," Kat said.

"But you've been trying to change the future right? Don't you think Sam could avoid being killed by a load of vamps."

"You didn't see what I saw."

Moose rubbed at her leg when she got out of the car. She kept walking towards the farm house with Meg. Machete down her back and two guns on her waist. The angel blade materialized in her hand. She looked down and saw Moose was in front of her legs and trying to keep her from going closer to the farm house. It was a dark new moon night. The vampires sounded more like animals than anything resembling human. Kat could taste the blood from the back of her throat.

"Can't you let me go?" she told Moose.

He sat down. Then got up again, a little more confident, but his steps were uneasy.

Her phone rang as she got back to the house.

"Sup Meg," she said.

"Hey, so I ran into some demons that were tracking down the tablet and Kevin..." Meg said. "And they might've caught me instead thinking I would know where he was."

"Shit!"

"I think I'm in uh the Kansas side of Kansas City. Freaking bastards left me in a cell by myself."

"Okay, well, rescue mission on the go."

The phone cut off. She ran into the cabin and back up to her room. The duffel was pulled out and she threw in whatever clothes she might need, a couple of weapons, and then ran back down. Samandriel made himself visible at the bottom of the stairs. Her ribs seemed to cut into her but she ignored it.

"The demon Meg is in trouble?" he asked.

"Yes, now I'm going to go in and find her, and you'll stay out of the building I guess, and just be back up. Well not even back up. If we're hurt we'll need a healer," Kat rambled, she was trying to talk as fast as she could but it didn't feel fast enough.

"Megs' in trouble?" another voice asked.

Kat turned her head to look at Sam approaching.

"Yes, she's hostage by Crowley's guys," she said.

"Shit, do you need me to come with you?" he asked.

"I'll be fine with Samandriel."

There was a sharp pain that went through her left side. Samandriel looked at her with a certain knowing.

"I'm fine," she stated coldly.

"Sam Winchester, you should come too," Samandriel said.

"No!" Kat protested.

"Where are we going?"

Samandriel grabbed onto the two of them and they vanished.

Jo watched from the hallway that the trio disappeared. Then Dean walked out of the study agitated.

"The angel just..." Jo started.

"Benny's in trouble, I gotta go," Dean said.

"But your brother..."

"Can handle himself. I'll just text Kat that I'm going."

"And you're what? Just going to leave me behind?"

"Kinda assumed you'd come."

Her pout turned into a smile. She followed Dean to the car. Then a bad feeling lodged in her. She'd never really liked Benny but always made the effort to do so around him and Dean. He was also a supernatural creature, a vampire, and she worried that he would notice that something was off with her. The working with Heaven. Naomi sometimes came to her in her sleep, but never long and never too agitated. The angel had told her that her moment to complete her mission would be soon.

They stood in front of an abandoned warehouse, unsurprisingly. Kat gave Samandriel her bag.

"You're going to stay here until I get back," she ordered.

"I am supposed to protect you," Samandriel said coldly.

There was a high pitched wail from the building. Kat froze and felt her body tense up. There was a hand on her shoulder and she went to turn around and attack whatever had grabbed her. Her body seemed to move slower than normal and she saw Sam behind her instead.

"It's just the pipes to the building," he said.

"I'm fine," she said, shrugging his hand off harshly.

The sun was covered by the overcast. In the distance Kat saw a beam of lightning spark.

"I'm going in," Kat said, she grabbed the angel blade out of her bag.

She closed her eyes and walked forward, trying to ignore the familiar look on Samandriel's face. There was another set of footsteps behind her. Her eyes were watering when she looked over.

"Stay out here with him, in case Castiel shows up," Kat ordered.

"No, I'm going in there with you," Sam responded.

"Why can't you ever trust me to do something on my own!"

"Because I can't loose you!"

Her grip on the blade tightened as her other hand clenched itself into a fist.

"You already did," she said coldly.

She turned around and pushed the door open to the warehouse. The windows were dusted over, there wasn't much light in the building. Even if her angel powers were gone she could tell that something was watching her.

Meg looked at her for the approval of unlocking the door. Kat looked down at Moose. The dog was trying to be strong but he was shaking too much. She knelt ot the ground and set her weapons on the ground. Moose put his face on her shoulder and she stroked him.

"I'll be okay, just wait out here for me okay? I'm gonna need you later when I get outta this," she said calmly.

He whined. She closed her eyes trying to not cry as she buried her face in his neck.

"I'll be back," she whispered.

Moose sat down. Kat grabbed her blades again and nodded for Meg to open the door.

A demon jumped on her. She saw Sam pull it off of her before she impaled it.

"Nice blade," he said, throwing the body to the ground.

"Let's keep going, I have a damsel to rescue," Kat said.

It was a mine of demons. And somehow the two of them worked in sync as they tried to figure out where Meg was.

"You're really putting your life on the line for her?" he asked her as they walked through an empty hallway.

"She'd do the same for me," she responded confidently.

The hallway led to a bridged walkway to the other side.

"Bridge, bridge's are fine," Kat said.

Kat went first, holding onto the rails tightly. There was a feminine scream down the end of the hallway. She picked up her pace, trying to ignore the squeaking of the bridge. As she and Sam got to the other door a demon stepped in the way.

"Well, you're not so super now are you?" he said, looking down at her.

"We'll see about that," Kat hissed.

She dodged the demons punches and went to swinging with the blade. It was shorter now compared to it's eternal state with Gabriel with her. She hit his forearm before going after his mid section. The demon screeched, but she wasn't able to take a deadly blow. The angel grace was only keeping her at human capacity. She dug the blade into the demon as it fell over before pulling the blade out.

"Kat, you should've waited for me," Sam said, walking closer to her.

Then the demon jumped onto Sam's back.

"SAM!" she screamed.

She looked for an opening to kill the demon.

"Taste this Boy King," the demon snarled.

It put it's forearm to Sam's mouth. Sam was gagging. Kat ran around and cut the demon in half. It fell into a pile of sulfur. Sam collapsed. She tried to help him up. The blood was coating his face.

"Did you drink any of it?" she asked.

"I don't think so," Sam said.

She held him in a hug on their knees. He cried.

"C'mon Sam, c'mon we've gotta keep going," she choked out.

The vampires bit at her as she went through them. Meg had her back and she had Megs. The farther into the farm house the went the more starved they were. They didn't resemble anything human anymore. Then she saw Meg go down. She pushed herself to fight harder, even if her body was feeling weak. Then she heard a bark. She looked over her shoulder and saw Moose ripping out a vampires neck. She shot a bullet at a vampire over Meg, it gave her enough time to get up again. More vampires, how were there more. Then there was a painful howl. She saw a vampire trying to feed off of Moose.

"NOOO!" she screamed.

She fell to her knees in grief. An energy pulsed through her. She opened her eyes again. The vampires had been obliterated. Meg ran over to her.

"You just... angel dusted them," Meg said.

"Moose!" Kat cried.

He was lying on his side trying to breathe. She held onto him. There was blood gushing from his neck.

"He'll turn soon," Meg said.

"Why'd you have to try to save me," she told him.

Moose whined, and then gave a harsh growl. It went like that for a moment.

"He was part hell hound, the vampire venom will kill the dog part of him," Meg said.

She closed her eyes and pulled out her angel blade. His eyes turned a milky white as he started growling.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

Sam struggled as they got closer to where they were holding Meg. Kat pushed the door open. Another two demons guarding her.

"Just who we really wanted," one of them grinned.

"You're not... taking her..." Sam forced out.

Kat killed the two demons with a bit of difficulty but she kept them far from Sam. He went over to unbind Meg.

"You seem different Sammy," Meg smiled in a state of delirium.

"I'm fine," he lied.

Kat helped Meg up and the three of them walked out of the warehouse. She saw Samandriel still waiting where they left him. There didn't seem to be any sign of injury on him. Her arms pulled away from Sam and Meg as she ran over to the angel and embraced him in a hug.

"I have not seen Castiel," Alfie stated.

"Good, good," Kat cried. "Now let's go home."

Meg found a car one of the demon had left behind at the edge of the property and hot wired it. Demonically of course. It was nightfall by the time they got to a motel and there was a light rain that was starting. Sam watched as Meg went into the front office. Kat turned around from the front seat to look at him.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're looking a little uh glossy," she asked, hesitating on her words.

"Glossy?" he forced out, confused by the adjective.

"Sweaty, you're breaking out in sweats."

"I'm good."

She looked at him with a frown. Meg jumped back into the car with two sets of keys.

"Two twin beds in each, who you sleeping with?" she smiled at Kat.

"I need you to stay with Samandriel. Cas is uh sorta controlled by Heaven at the moment," Kat said.

"Controlled by Heaven? Seriously? He's like the most free willed angel I know," Meg said in disbelief.

"It's true, likely," Samandriel said solemnly. He looked over at Kat. "Why are you concerned about my interactions with Castiel?"

"He killed you in another timeline," Kat said softly.

"Fine, I'll take babysitting duty," Meg said.

Meg looked at him with a glare. Sam looked at his hands. He was feeling clammy. Then Samandriel grabbed a key out of Meg's hand as she went to pass it to Kat.

"Are you sure, you know what you're doing?" Samandriel asked.

"No," Kat smiled sadly. "Perks of being a human. Try it sometime."

He gave her over the keys reluctantly. The four of them got out of the car. Sam watched as Kat tried to figure out where their motel room was. It looked as if it hadn't been touched since the seventies at least.

"I'm going to run to the convenience store across the street, you need anything?" he said.

"You seriously think that's a good idea?" Kat said, she crossed her arms. The height difference made it laughable for him. "You probably have a fever and, and you should rest!"

"It's just across the street."

He shrugged and walked out the door. She didn't stop him. It made him a little sad. The clerk was a small old lady with white curly hair and horned glasses. He grabbed a six pack of beer, a Tylenol, and then he grabbed something to eat. He tried to remember what it was that Kevin said that Kat liked more nowadays. Powdery. Donuts? His eyes seemed to land on a thing that said muddy buddies. He grabbed it and went to check out. The chills were breaking fast. The rain was pouring now and it only seemed as if he was getting hotter instead.

He got into the motel room again, his head spinning.

"I got you those cavity things," he mumbled, putting the bag on the small table of the motel room.

She walked over cautiously to the bag, and looked at the bag of... whatever that monstrosity was with awe. He felt his legs want to give out as he sat in the chair. He'd lied to her, again. Demon blood had gotten into his system and it scared him. He broke open a beer bottle and chugged it. He looked up and saw that Kat sat on the edge of the bed with the sweet bag between her legs and the beer in her hand. She looked at him anxiously.

"I'm fine," he told her.

She got up, tossed the beer into the trash, and put the bag on the table. Her hand cusped the side of his face and he didn't feel remorse about leaning into it.

"You're not well, Sam," she told him firmly.

He grabbed the Tylenol and chugged it before grabbing another beer.

"See, I'm fine," he said.

She crossed her arms looking down at him.

"Okay, fine, the demon did force some of that blood into my mouth, but I'm fine," he said.

Kat bit her lip looking away from him. She went into her bag and grabbed a small knife.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

She rolled up her sleeve and cut herself. He ran over to her, feeling his legs wanting to give out.

"Stop! Stop! What are you doing?" he yelled at her, grabbing her arm.

Somehow he had let her walk him over to the bed. His body was craving demon blood, and the prolonged soberness had him craving it. Her blood didn't smell like iron, but it didn't smell like sin like a demons would. Not florally, but sweet.

"I don't know if it'll numb the effects of the demon blood being in your system again, but I can try," she said softly.

"What are you doing," he said.

"Drink me."

"No, no, I'll, I'll just lock myself up, detox myself again."

"Drink me."

He laid her down on the bed. Her arm was outstretched for him. Sam wasn't sure if he was shaking from the demon blood in his system or if it was the anxiety of doing whatever Kat was thinking of doing. Her blood touched his lips. Demon blood was like getting high. Whatever was in her blood was like an adrenaline rush but calming at the same time. A small whimper escaped her lips. He couldn't stop drinking.

"Stop! Stop it Sam!" she cried out.

He pulled himself away from her.

"I'm sorry," he forced out.

She put her hands on the side of his face.

"It's fine," she said with a forced smile.

He kissed her. He kissed her and it felt like coming home. Kat readjusted herself on the bed. Her hands went to pull off her shirt. He pulled his off soon after. It felt like they were trying to devour each other, trying to consume the other wholly. She wasn't sure what made her want to suggest trying a different position from behind. In the past she could remember Sam being somewhat upset that she wouldn't try it. He'd been surprised that she did. It started feeling uncomfortable and she'd probably been whining a little more than she would. He pushed her face into the mattress. It had been her idea. And she screamed at him to get off. He said he was sorry, and kissed her lightly, stroking her hair.

They laid next to each other exhausted.

"I had a dog, I named him after you. I had to kill him after he got bit by a vampire trying to save me," she said.

"I'm sorry you had to do that," he said.

"I did the same thing to Sammy. I knew something was wrong with you when we got out of the warehouse and I couldn't bring myself to consider doing it again."

"... Okay."

He pulled her closer to him and put his arm around her.

"I kept worrying about you when we were apart. I wondered if you had someone watching your back because I know you go into things head first without thinking," he said.

"Meg's my friend, and she has my back. Kinda made me sad that it wasn't you," she said.

He gave a small chuckle.

Sam got up to turn off the lamp before holding her again. They talked about nothing and everything. What they did in the year apart. What they were trying to do now. Kat felt herself falling asleep against Sam with her head on his chest and an arm stretched across him.

His phone was beeping. Sam reached over for his phone that was on the nightstand. Amelia. Help, please hurry. He looked at Kat who was curled up close to where he'd been. His heart sank. Sam found his clothes and left the motel room as quietly as he could. Then again...he wasn't sure what he was doing following the draw that pulled him back towards Amelia.

The last day he'd been with her, the morning of, they were trying to figure out what Amelia should do when Don came back. The aussie step they'd taken in was running across the backyard. It would be sensible for him to leave since her husband was back. Instead, he just wanted to stay with Amelia. With her warm smile and curly dark hair. They agreed that they would stay together.

Until Don found him. Until Don convinced him even subconsciously that leaving was the right thing to do. Until he remembered that it would be coming on a year and Dean would return because Kat had never shut up about it. He left her heartbroken. He left.

There was a string of vampire related murders in the area Benny was in. Jo brought up that Benny could've gone rogue being up top again, and Dean was pissed off at her for considering the possibility. They'd arrived to Benny cleaning up a site. He swore he wasn't the one to do it. So it led to them trying to track down another one of Benny's enemies as Dean put it. It almost felt like old times. Then another hunter showed up. Martin. Jo could vaguely remember him coming into the Roadhouse one time and her mother throwing him out. Man had lost some sense since becoming a hunter. He'd been released from the mental ward he'd been staying in for good behavior. Martin was also convinced that Benny was the one that had been killing people.

Jo and Dean had agreed to settle things with Martin while Benny settled scores with the other vampire. Sam had messaged them earlier in the day that he was on a demon hunt and wouldn't be back at the cabin for another day. Dean had refused to tell him that they were helping Benny since Sam had always seemed tense on the subject. Martin had looked at her oddly when they walked out of the bar. She looked at the phone she had. Dean had told her it was a burner phone, spare one they had, and that he'd changed the number in Sam's phone to some girl named Amelia he'd been sweet on. So try to not call him, okay? He doesn't know.

They needed one more day.

Benny planned on leaving the quiet town to keep his granddaughter safe. She decided she'd pick up something from the shack anyway for dinner when Dean went to say goodbye to Benny. Her heart was racing and she knew something wasn't right when she walked in.

"You got cherry pie by any luck?" she asked Elizabeth.

Things seemed to be moving too slow. When she walked out of the shack she felt something hit her head.

She wasn't sure if she was Martins' bait for Dean or for Benny. After all, she'd sympathized with the vampire. He'd helped them out of some rough spots in Purgatory. Martin rambled about how she and Dean had betrayed their own kind... blah, blah, blah. She rolled her eyes during his monologue. Jo told herself she would've fought him on her own instead of stalling for Dean if not for how tight he bound her hands to the chair. Dean finally came in and she'd managed to get one of the ropes loose. Martin was screaming. She prayed to Naomi for strength. A blade through the back. Dean looked at her in horror.

It was at a gas station later that night. Dean went in to pay for the gas and grab some food when her phone rang.

"Dean?" Sam said.

"It's Jo," she responded.

"What the hell."

"Don't tell Dean. I did what I had to do."

She hung up the phone with her heart racing. Then Dean came back into the car.

"You okay?" he asked her.

"Fine," she said, forcing a smile.

Kat sat on the bed, her legs pulled into her, and she was rocking herself back and forth. Samandriel and Meg looked down at her concerned.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she choked out.

"Sweetheart, you're looking sick," Meg said.

"He wouldn't just leave. He wouldn't just leave me..."

Deep down she knew he would. She just couldn't fathom a reason to why he would without saying anything. The echo screamed in her ears. She rolled over, covering her ears while crying. For a moment she could feel Meg stroking her back while she cried. The echo pulsed again.

Why would he leave?

He closed the phone. It hadn't been Dean, it had been Jo. Sam wondered if Dean had ever told her the whole story. He drank the last of his beer. His hand still held his phone and he wondered if he should call Kat. Tell her he was sorry for leaving early that morning. That it had been a mistake. That he was on his way back right now. With a sigh he got up. He'd just call her in the car when he was on his way back. She'd looked up at him with wide hopeful eyes. And he thought, if he had to be stuck in the hunter life, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he was with her. He'd also wondered what Jo had been talking about. If it had anything to do with angels.

"Sam?" a voice said.

He looked in front of him.

Amelia.

Authors Notes: So... Sam is an asshole. I dunno what else to tell you.

This fic is also turning... six years old? Oh my god this is taking forever. At least say happy birthday in your reviews if you've made it this far.