Mei carefully folded her seaweed green onigiri paper to its limit for the fifth time. She lightly trailed the spine of the paper wad with her fingertips before moving back across the section she had just covered in a single sharp movement. Next, with increasing pressure, Mei repeated the disciplined action exactly five more times. Once satisfied, she moved to grip the layered edge of the paper once more, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to fold the sheet any further at this stage. Mei tried and willingly failed for the fifth time nonetheless. Without even so much as an eyebrow twitch, the hard-eyed woman ritualistically unfolded the sheet again, careful not to add any unnecessary crease as she produced the defeat of the original rectangle once more. Mei didn't look up from her working fingers even as she finally resolved to break the dominance of the heavy silence.
"When do you think we should make our move to Osaka? I haven't heard the sirens for some time now."
Despite appearing entirely captivated with her rice ball, Harumi had quietly observed Mei's obsessive paper folding routine for four of the five minutes of strangled silence since passed on the cold hilltop.
Harumi's body had long since recovered from the shock of its near-death experience, and her racing thoughts had complied shortly after. Now, as she sat quietly, the impatience reflected in Mei's compulsive finger movements was not lost on her, Mei's troubling actions having graced the forefront of Harumi's mealtime musing for some time now. She spoke at length as Mei rode, unhesitant, into the sixth battle damned from the outset.
"Neither have I, but I'm not so sure waltzing straight back into Kobe like a couple of free women will leave us in good stead. No doubt they're still scuttling around somewhere down there, just waiting for us to trip up."
Harumi sensed the dissatisfaction in Mei's vague nod and decided to extend her answer, "but as you say, the initial hype has definitely died down. Perhaps it will be safe to slip away in the early hours of morning just before sun up. Though I think we should leave it a day at the very least."
"Do you think they'll come searching up here?"
A lump of rice lodged itself in Harumi's throat as she hurried to swallow the bite she had just taken after misinterpreting the end to the brief exchange.
"Not with visibility as low as this."
Harumi's muffled response caused a few stray rice grains to fly from her open mouth at the second Mei happened to tear her attention from her war with the paper rectangle. Harumi quickly raised her hand to the salvation of her dignity, smiling sheepishly for her lack of table manners as she moved to brush the remainder of the food from her face.
As Harumi swept the final deviant from her lip, Mei's eyes dipped from Harumi's of their own accord. She watched the absurdly commonplace action with an intensity that almost embodied hunger. The sudden dip in her glance was not lost on Harumi. Mei caught the awareness in her companion's cat-like eyes and the merciless ripple across her stomach promptly reminded her of what took place on the hill. Embarrassed at her being caught out and fearful that it would show on her otherwise rigid features, Mei abruptly turned her attention to a nearby pine cone. She bit her lip hard as she acted, knowing full well she did so far too swiftly to pass her behaviour off as anything even remotely close to natural.
Though she had fought hard not to admit it, just like her battle with the paper rectangle, Mei knew her denial was futile. The air between the two of them had become strained and uncomfortable, and it was undeniably her fault. She couldn't blame Harumi; after all, she had been unconscious throughout the whole event that had caused the unwanted disquiet between them.
Mei internally berated herself, thankful as Harumi forged on, doing her best to dispel the unexpected awkwardness of the moment.
"er - I mean, even if they did, the chance of either of us running into one another is pretty low. The guy you mentioned probably walked right past me on his way down the hill."
So, you're thinking about what happened on the hill too then.
"Yes, you're probably right."
Silence inflated once more as the pair watched the thousands of diamond pinpricks glitter down in the city below. From where they picnicked amongst the trees of the hilltop, the black waters of Kobe were now discernible in the ever-thinning fog, reflecting the unchained freedom of a city thrown gratefully into the wilds of its nightlife.
Sitting this far above the city, the most significant vessels gliding through the ebony waters were only audible as a low rumble, only just perceptible at chance intervals when the ruckus of the city would die down in a passing wave. Closing her eyes, Mei focused on the hypnotic hum, somewhat calming her jogging heart.
The moment of her near discovery rolled casually into her mind.
The hum of the boats mixed seamlessly with the static of the police radio, supplementing her daydream recollection with fresh vitality. The incoherent buzz gradually became discernible, and Mei waited patiently for the froggy voice to give her damning description once more. But then again, Mei slowly recalled, it never did. Mei waited as the memory gained further clarity. It was Harumi's description that was given, wasn't it? The stitches of memory were slow to close. 5ft 7 - brunette - roaming Kobe - after her second attempted-. Mei snapped open her eyes as she finally recalled all that was said thereafter, the hum of the boats was once more swallowed by the sounds of the city as she phased back into reality. After a beat, she spoke again.
"Anyway," Mei said, slipping a sideways glance at Harumi as she did so," the police will probably focus the bulk of their search on the area of the inner city. After all, that's where anything and everything worth robbing is."
A definite tension manifested itself in the brief surfacing of a vein in Harumi's neck. It disappeared almost instantly beneath the safety of her skin, but Mei's attentive stare triumphantly caught the minute reaction for which it had been bred.
"Yeah, I guess so," Harumi spoke evenly, taking a measured sip of her calpis soda following her vague response.
"Harumi?"
The woman in question offered a light hum, her mouth still full of liquid.
"Did you rob that convenience store?"
Mei rolled the question into the conversation as casually as asking if her partner remembered to pick up some milk. The small twitch of her nose and barely conceivable hitch before her gulp were the only indicators that Harumi had however found the question at all invasive. Swallowing the refreshingly fizzy liquid, she looked wistfully down at the cityscape below and answered the question in her own time.
"No."
"No?"
"You don't believe me?"
"I didn't say that. But, surely, you had the opportunity when you were recognised."
"Sure did."
"Ok, so… NHK has likely already trashed your reputation beyond all repair, we need the money to get this thing over with, and it would have been so ridiculously easy. So surely..."
"Yeah, that much is true and perhaps you'll shed some of your suspicions if I tell you I sure as hell considered it. I admit that much, but…" Harumi turned from where the reflected street lights cast a ghostly glare across her features and fixed Mei with a look of utter solemnity," but then, I didn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to become - that person."
The dark-haired woman regarded her companion's expression with fierce scrutiny. She took in the slight crease of her brow, the purse of her lips and the hard yet open stare that fought her own doubtful one. To the inevitable death of her suspicion, Mei found no flicker of deceit living anywhere within Harumi's honest features, but instead sensed a new sensation gripping her chest just shy of the base of her ribcage. Shortly, she felt a stabbing surge of guilt rise within her body as she realised the identity of this new emotion to be none other than - disappointment.
Mei shifted her attention from Harumi's honest face, in the moment, it brought her pain and a certain level of disgust to look at it. She stared at the grooves of the familiar pine cone once more as she attempted to find the right thing to say, fighting in vain as her troublingly unprincipled emotions took control of her words.
"Why not?"
Harumi started at Mei's sudden change of tone. She disregarded the condemning notes adorning its usual neutral timber as a mere trick of the wind.
"Well...for starters, there wasn't exactly a fortune to be found amongst two crappy notes and a shit ton of coins. And for another…"
"Yes?"
"What, well, you know...it just felt - wrong."
"I see."
The definite tone of disappointment lacing Mei's uncharacteristically hastened speech could be doubted no longer. Harumi found herself irked as she registered the poisonous fog of silent judgement.
"Why are you giving me such a hard time over this?"
"Am I giving you a hard time?"
"Seriously? And what would you have done, huh? Steal from the old lady just trying to catch a break with her grandkids, for a few dirty yen?"
"Yes," her reply was crisp and unhesitant.
"Exa -'' Harumi was taken aback,'' What?"
"I said, yes. I would," Mei continued, her tone hitting an octave crisper than the most bitter of winter dawns.
Harumi found herself dumbstruck as Mei spoke down to her as though she was a teacher reprimanding a child for disorderly conduct.
"For Yuzu's sake, no cost is too high," Mei continued, now intensifying her glare into the horrified yellow of Harumi's eyes. Mei started to feel herself relax as she absorbed the familiar expression; she could handle the way Harumi looked at her now far more easily," I believed we were of two minds on this matter."
In truth, the way Harumi had viewed Mei from the very beginning when they first met at the Inn was all too uncomfortable for her. To her bewilderment, this enigmatic woman never regarded her with the expression of awe or fear that all the others did who made her acquaintance. In Harumi's eyes, she was no goddess; Mei couldn't flick a glance in her direction and have her whole disposition crumble to dust. Harumi was entirely unaffected by her, one of the only people to see her as just another person and that was it.
Mei could only now admit Harumi's blatant disregard had silently infuriated her; she didn't have the experience to contend with such a woman. This was unbearable for her, and thus, she had unquestioningly and perhaps unwittingly undergone the battle for Harumi's respect, something no one had ever even dared to put her through before then.
It was a slow battle, but Mei knew, ever since the incident on Takamoto's boat, the tide of battle had turned in her favour. When Harumi looked at her now, there was something new to be found. A reward, just for her, was contained behind that golden gaze. Whether it was respect, friendship, or something else, Mei couldn't fathom. Yet, despite her discomfort in a battlefield where she was not the indubitably dominant force, Mei wished to explore the nature of her reward far more than she cared to admit.
But she knew herself too well; she knew the habit she had for destroying innocent ideals with her tainted notions. She couldn't afford such feelings, especially not the wishful ones, they were clouding her judgement, slowing her down when focus was her priority. She needed to lose this war and in doing so throw her reward back to the golden waves that had so achingly slowly gifted it to her. She found her excuse.
"But obviously," Mei allowed the final words to linger painfully, "I was wrong."
Harumi furrowed her eyebrows, attempting to quell her emotions. She averted her eyes as she started speaking then flicked them suddenly back on Mei as her anger began to simmer.
"Get real Mei!" Her mouth partially paralysed with disbelief fumbled the name, "It's all fine and dandy throwing words around, but when you're actually in that situation, faced with a choice, it's a whole different ballpark."
"I know what choice I would have made."
"You are unbelievable. What help would a few yen have been anyway. If that brilliant mind of yours has succumbed to stress, let me just remind you we are stuck, in Kobe, hiding - with no bike, no car, nothing!"
"We might have had something if you would have made the hard decision and just taken the money. Then we would be on our way to Yuzu right now and not hiding out here like cowards."
"Can you not see the situation we're in?!"
"Yes and we don't have time for it."
Harumi mouthed the words' hard decision' with exasperation before regaining her voice.
You know what?! Eight years ago, when I watched you parade around school, riding peoples asses because their skirt was a fucking centimetre too short, I figured you had your head so far up your own rule-keeping ass that you wouldn't dare put a toe out of line. Everyone fawned over you, and frankly, I thought you were boring as hell; I couldn't even bring myself to believe it when Yuzuchi, the one person in that shithole that was actually any fun, even got caught in your cursed web. Even after the things you did to her…"
Harumi's voice broke off as she immediately realised what she'd said.
Mei felt panic rush her body, "You... know about that?"
"I was her best friend, Mei. We told each other things we wouldn't tell our own flesh and blood."
Mei remained silent. Harumi's voice devolved to a strangled whisper.
"She was in love with you…"
Mei watched the ripple of ugly emotion assail Harumi's face as she struggled with the words.
"...I figured you were headed for a long life of misery and boredom and that my dear Yuzuchi was going down with that sinking ship. But, over the past two weeks, I've realised that I was wrong. For the first time in eight years, I've gotten the closest I ever have to understanding her feelings back then. She was right; you're strong, brave, passionate, and even funny at times even though you don't realise it. I actually started to believe, despite all this shit… we could actually be friends."
The swell of emotion in Mei's heart threatened to burst the walls of the cardiac tissue as she watched the other woman laugh sadly to herself. A smile tugged at the corners of Mei's downturned lips in spite of the situation as she relished in the irrefutable confession of friendship.
"But, now I see I shouldn't have second-guessed myself."
Here it comes.
"If by some miracle I could time travel, I'd go back and tell myself that this is what would become of all your morals and principles. And here, it would be an even greater miracle if it took me longer than five seconds to laugh in my own face. I would ask, how would this uptight, walking rule book of discipline and regulation, Mei Aihara, esteemed class president, oh so destined for greatness, possibly have anything remotely interesting about her. The might of a typhoon couldn't blow away that dead fish face expression born from the cane her grandfather shoved so far up her ass. There is no way in hell she could be anything but perfect.
And yet here you stand, a miracle and I'm fucking disgusted."
Harumi half laughed, half scoffed at Mei as she rose aggressively and made to storm off to nowhere in particular.
Grateful for her innately nonchalant demeanour, Mei's steely features remained rigid despite the utter turmoil that churned at her insides. Even now, she knew she was going further than she intended. Mei was angry with Harumi, absolutely furious with her, but not for failing to rob an innocent old lady. Mei needed a reason to blow out of proportion, she needed an excuse to rob her of the dangerous feelings towards this woman that slowly crept closer with every passing night. She'd promised herself, swore it through a thousand salty tears that she would never repeat a mistake like that one. Mei went in for the kill, her bladed words formed before the conclusion of her thoughts.
"Lack of discipline to your commitments is one of the grandest forms of weakness. Letting hesitation sow its seeds and then cultivating them is unforgivable. All those years I spent parading around as you put it, i was nurturing myself to ensure these qualities would never worm their way in to me as they had so many others. I'm almost sorry you were one of the victim-"
This is going too far now; I need to end it here.
"Oh yeah!? Well if you're such an emotionless machine, why don't you go right on ahead and march your pretty little ass right down into the heart of Kobe and rob the nearest jewellery store for all that they have. It'd be easy for you. Afterall you shine so brightly, your perfection has transcended my fragile perception of morality. So go right ahead, you know best oh righteous one. Forgive my blindness and guide me to salvation with your warped wisdom!"
Mei's thoughts warned her vehemently,"Shut up now. She's got the message; she'll hate your guts forever, just call this off."
"Alright, then."
But of course, I never learned how to stop, did I?
"I will."
Harumi gawked as Mei's steadily rising form heeded the insanity of her words. The disbelief that was stricken across her countenance soon dissolved to mockery as she naturally concluded no one as smart as Mei could be dumb enough to go through with something as insane as this for the sake of mere pride.
"Yeah, ok, Mei. I think listening to NHK has fried your brain. Who the hell is going to turn tail and run when they see you coming, what are you gonna do, threaten 'em with detention?"
"Not quite." Mei's cold stare left Harumi's and settled on the grey of the rucksack nestled against the trunk of a pine tree; her eyes trailed up the long wrapped tube that protruded the top of the bag.
Harumi jerked her head unconsciously from left to right as understanding dawned on her, "No."
Mei looked at her companion and felt a piercing glare manifest itself behind her dark eyes," we're not all cowards."
Mei looked away before she could see the reaction her poisonous blade had elicited from the woman who didn't deserve to bear its sting. Now, there was no going back.
Mechanically, Mei took the three agonising strides of earthy ground that made up the distance between herself and the rucksack. She knelt, almost symbolically worshipping the power the instrument of death had over her and all who feared its wrath. Then, slipping her hand beneath the fabric of the rain jacket that covered it, she rose in one succinct motion throwing off the black shroud impressively as she did so. Revealed to the night, the ugly dark wood didn't shine, the dull metal didn't throw off any lustre, and yet the beast revealed was by far at its most malevolent in this coarse state of being. In its promise of pain, it had no equal.
Harumi's heart slipped as she watched Mei's eyes cold and hard, willfully submit to the corruption and raw power of the weapon she now clutched in both her pale hands. Her black hair shifted profoundly in a breath of wind, and then the transfer was complete, she had sold her soul to the demon pulsing through the coarse wood, and the power was now hers to wield as she so desired. Harumi admitted it now, the suffering promised in that diabolical image was more than enough to make any shop clerk meagerly paid or well off, abandon their livelihood without so much as a whimper of protest.
The anti-goddess, head thrown back to regard the heavens, tilted her face to Harumi. A nightmarish trepidation shook Harumi's core as Mei fixed her with those dark eyes; looking deep into them, Harumi felt at the same time, an unmistakable thrill of exhilaration.
"Yuzu and I…", Mei's voice held an otherworldly mist," we'll send you a postcard from Yamagata."
Mei turned and then, she was leaving. She was walking down the hill, willfully headed straight into the lion's den.
Mei felt Harumi's feverish warmth grip her hand a mere six seconds into her miserable crusade. Mei turned purposefully but was confronted by shock nonetheless as she found the face that Harumi fixed her with was not one of anger but such heavy sorrow that she was fighting to hold back tears. Harumi squeezed Mei's hand harder as the first unwanted tear breached her defence; the gun slipped from Mei's weak hand and hit the earth with a dull thud as she watched the scene before her unfold.
"Mei, no. They're still down there. You'll be taken instantly. I don't care what you think about me anymore, ok? Call me a coward if you want, maybe you're right, just- just don't go down there, not alone."
Mei looked into Harumi's pleading eyes begging her to stay; she remembered her purple face, the sensation of her soft lips and then the smile of her sisters face. It was all too much for her.
Mei flickered a ghost of a smile as she finally stopped struggling," You two are so alike."
Mei raised her free hand and unconsciously traced Harumi's cheekbone just as she had on Takamoto's boat. Harumi visibly shivered under her sudden touch, sending Mei's resolve plummeting to worthlessness. She couldn't have stopped herself if she tried, not in the face of those eyes now sparking undoubtedly with that new, enigmatic emotion just for her. She had earned that irresistible expression, and now it was hers to relish in.
Still holding Harumi's hot hand in her own, Mei guided Harumi's lips to hers with twice the sensuality she had done on the hill. The tingle at the base of her stomach slammed her far more intensely than before as she finally felt Harumi's supple lips pulsing with all their promised warmth tremble under her own. Mei held herself against them, shuddering in the final release of all the turbulent desire she held for the other woman. To Mei's guilty relief, Harumi didn't pull back, after her first taste of the irresistible contact Harumi leaned into the unanticipated kiss with unexpected fervor.
Mei knew it then; the other woman wanted her too, now almost desperately. This realisation was enough to send the undulations rushing her body into overdrive. She intertwined her fingers further with Harumi's, deepening the kiss with her mounting passion. Her mind traced velvet, Harumi felt so damn good. But, even then, in the red heat of desire, Mei knew she couldn't do this, not now.
Her body wanted to stay there and explore every crease of Harumi's lips, she felt the urge so deeply now and with such an animosity that her body shuddered with desperation to betray her logical mind. She couldn't. She had to stop for her sister's sake.
With dogged tenacity, Mei mustered all her strength as she finally began to pull back from the honeyed promise of pleasure. Harumi unconsciously bit Mei's bottom lip, her plea for more almost destroying Mei's weak resolve as she finally sensed Mei's reluctance.
Mei, nonetheless, broke the somewhat innocent kiss. Almost instantly, she was assaulted by her body's compulsion to fall straight back into the unmistakable desire clouding the visceral glow of Harumi's now untamed eyes. Mei's lips quivered with exertion as she fought the urge to finish what she'd started. With her last sliver of will, Mei finally withdrew her hand from Harumi's trembling one.
Harumi's hand dropped limply to her side. Mei watched in silent agony as the tear-streaked gaze that had needed her so much ebbed, and all too quickly filled with embarrassment followed by undeniable regret. Harumi broke the unbearable gaze first.
Time had stopped to give life to a moment that should never have occurred, and now it tripped over itself to catch up. Mei stooped to collect the gun and before she knew it, she was walking away again; Harumi didn't stop her.
Mei felt the razor shrapnel of her own regret implode within her as she descended into the thinning fog. The amber eyes that looked at her with too many emotions to understand haunted her every step down into the treacherous city of Kobe.
/