CHAPTER 36:

Nothing to talk

Cole huffed softly as his torso rose and lowered in a continuous cycle. His back finally flattened on the grass and he stretched his arms out, resting for a moment as he finished his last set of crunches. Breath slightly labored while he stared up into the sky, wiping the sweat away from his face.

Lloyd sat a few feet away, bent over himself as he lowered his face to study the flowers in front of him and then tracing a few more lines on the paper resting on his lap. Every now and then it seemed like the blonde's mind would disjoin from his body and drift away for a few moments before he blinked and came back to the task at hand.

On the gazebo, Jay leaned his body on the railing, his eyes and mind also lost somewhere in the view of the garden and royal building ahead of them.

Time will tell, time will tell, Cole repeated like a mantra, but he found himself arguing back —We don't have time!

It had been two days since he'd relied the terrifying events of his and Kai's past to their friends. Two days since these boys had been thrown into a confusing reality, two days since Kai had started coming out of his room but never once stopped by the royal spouses' chamber or any of the dining and living rooms. Cole didn't know what to do. He still slept with Kai during the nights but Zane constantly reminded him not to push the monarch to come out of his room unless deemed strictly necessary.

But this is necessary!

Cole cast another look at Jay, the boy's chest swelled with a deep inhalation then released the air in a long, tired sigh.

Lloyd had somehow softened, Cole suspected it was taking the boy some time but that his small friend comprehended this had been a terrible misunderstanding, even if he wasn't all that happy about it. But Jay worried Cole the most. The boy's history of his former quiet and apathetic self did nothing to put Cole at ease. Jay was clearly retracting to his old shy self, if they waited anymore Cole feared Jay would never be able to trust them again, never be able to become a part of their family. Even if he never married Kai in the end, Cole just couldn't risk losing a friend like Jay. The boy was a true gem.

What to do though? Kai was stubborn and wouldn't meet with anyone besides his first two spouses, his sister and the guests regarding any royal businesses. The noirette didn't understand why his husband was so against facing his own family.

Cole straightened and walked the stairs up to the platform, stopping by Jay's side. "Sure you don't wanna 'play' with me for a bit?" Cole nudged him softly on the shoulder.

Jay shook his head, accommodating himself on the railing once again. "No, sorry. I'm not in the mood for exercise."

Cole closed his eyes with a sigh, when he opened them again he gripped the edge of the barrier and hopped onto it in one swift move. He stole one more glance at Jay and rubbed the back of his neck with worry. Cole tapped on the fair marble and squeezed his brain for any possible ways of getting Jay to smile, distract him from thoughts of Kai and all this mess —Cole was sure that was all that filled Jay's mind these days.

"I spy, I spy with my little eye…" He started to mutter eventually and bit his lip. "Something pink…" Cole waited, his friend didn't seem to be up for such childish games though. "And… small..." Cole continued nevertheless, his voice hesitating but trying to keep up with the playful tone.

Next to him, Jay slowly started to turn his head away, the boy was trying to reject him without coming off too rude.

"And it has the cutest splatter of freckles I've ever seen," Cole said finally.

Jay's ears perked up and the boy turned to him, small surprise and confusion in his face. "I'm… I'm not pink," he countered, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, maybe not pink pink but your skin is a lot rosier than most of us," Cole joked, poking at Jay's soft cheek with his finger.

The boy swatted at his hand, but he kept teasing him. Jay grunted when Cole grabbed his wrists and immobilized him. "Cole, come on!" The noirette tittered and they both struggled against each other until Jay shoved him with more force in an attempt to break free and Cole slipped past the railing, falling on top of the flowers that grew around the gazebo.

Jay gasped and quickly walked down the steps, Lloyd rushed from his spot nearby and met with him at Cole's feet. "I- I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed.

"Cole, are you okay?" Lloyd bent down stretching his arms towards the fallen boy.

"Yeah, yeah," he noirette groaned. "I'm fine…" Cole smirked and pulled at Lloyd's hands, bringing him down to the ground with him and rolling over the grass. The smaller boy squirmed and squealed.

"Cole, you dumbass, let me go!"

"No way!" Cole pressed against him and nuzzled Lloyd's neck like a puppy.

"You're getting my clothes all dirty!"

Cole messed with him a moment longer then finally pulled away with a smile, Lloyd grinned at him with a mix of embarrassment and love for the young man. Cole craned his neck back and looked over his shoulder at the other boy who stood still by the crushed flowers. Jay's eyebrows furrowed a little, trying to mask an inner discomfort that had been inside the boy ever since they had gotten him out of the cell.

Cole got back on his feet and walked towards Jay, the grin on his face stretching wider with each step, the gingerhead recoiled hesitantly.

"C-Cole?"

"Time for payback."

"No!" Jay yelped, running away as Cole jumped forward and almost caught his ankle. Cole scrambled off the ground and went after him, Jay moved around the bast extension of grass, hopping like a rabbit whenever Cole managed to get a little closer. The noirette let him escape a few times before he actually launched forward and caught the boy in a tight grip, sending them both to the ground. Jay squealed and tried to wiggle out of his arms as Cole laughed and pretended to tickle him any way he could.

"Cole, please, stop!" Jay cried and Cole halted suddenly. When he drew back he saw the tears in Jay's closed eyes.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He moved away and helped Jay sit up, the boy avoided his gaze as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"No, I'm- I'm fine… Sorry, I just… I'm not in the mood."

Cole's eyes fell slowly, defeat clear in his face. He wanted to tell Jay that he got it, that it was okay —but it was not. This situation was getting ridiculous —even dangerous! He couldn't even play with the boy anymore.

Lloyd walked towards them, brushing his fingers through his hair and over his shirt, getting any dust and dirt off himself. "You're a dummy." He shook his head at Cole with a smile then looked at Jay and all amusement disappeared as he saw the sadness and discomfort in the boy.

Cole took Jay's hand in his, hoping it would drag the boy's attention to him but Jay didn't budge and kept looking away.

"Jay, I'm sorry."

"It's fine…" The other murmured.

"No, it's not. You're not fine." Cole shifted and touched Jay's shoulder and face, gently forcing the boy to turn and look at him. "You don't have to pretend you are fine."

Jay's big eyes shimmered and the boy ducked his head before the tears escaped. Cole hugged him and guided Jay's face to rest on his shoulder, Lloyd tentatively kneeled by their side.

"What's up?" Cole asked.

"Nothing…" Jay murmured, blinking back the tears.

"Jay, what did we agree on? You don't have to do this alone. I'm right here, I'm your friend and I want to help you any way I can. Tell me, what's going on inside that head?" Cole caressed his hair, lovingly.

Jay's chest heaved, Cole cooed him and waited for the boy to breathe until he regained a fraction of composure. "I don't know…" Jay mumbled. "I don't know what I'm feeling… I don't know what to think anymore..."

"What do you mean?"

Jay looked at him for a moment, then sniffed and rubbed his face. "I want to believe Kai is sorry, I really want to! But…"

"But?" Cole pressed, his hand tensed and fingers curled around Jay's shoulder.

"Why won't he tell me? If that's true… why is he staying away from… from all of you?"

Cole blanked, he'd been asking himself the same thing over and over, even tried to get the answer from Kai himself but the boy hadn't given him a clear response he could comprehend. "I… don't know. I don't get it either," he sighed.

"I think it's my fault," Lloyd joined the discussion. "I... called him an ugly monster. He must be upset with me..."

"No, Lloyd, that's not true." The noirette reached for his other friend, grabbing his hand and giving it a tender squeeze. "He's just… he's…" Cole trailed off, unable to find a word that described what was going on with Kai. Nothing quite fit Cole's judgment. Kai wasn't mad, that was for sure, but then why would the boy keep himself isolated? Especially from Lloyd. Ever since the short blonde came to live with them, Kai had displayed a guardian-like nature towards him, wanting to heal Lloyd's psychological scars and make up for all the hurt he'd endured in his life. There was no way Kai could be mad at him, not even after being slapped and yelled at by the adorable green bean, that simply was not their Kai.

When Cole looked up again, he was met with Lloyd's damp eyes. The former warrior pulled the boy closer and kissed his cheek. He wanted to tell them both that things would be okay, that they would find a way to fix this. But was that even possible? If Kai refused to talk to them —or at least to Jay— how was this family supposed to go back to the good old times without their social butterfly?

Unable to keep the boys entertained and away from negative thoughts, Cole gave up and they all decided to go back to their room. Admittedly, all the stress of the recent events was starting to catch up with the noirette, making him feel like he was drowning, battling against an invisible enemy who held all the cards while he, on the contrary, didn't even have a way to shield himself from the attacks. Maybe Zane was right and they just needed to be patient, prepare themselves thoroughly before they could face the chaos. Or maybe… everything was lost already?

Cole was so deep in his thoughts that he barely registered the voices as they reached the landing on the second floor. Turning his head he spotted a group of people in front of one of the studios. Cole recognized a couple of the wealthy men as loyal investors, and between them… there was an all too familiar brunette.

"That should work just fine, what do you think we-?" The Maharaja gasped audibly as he locked gazes with Cole and the two boys next to him. His body went rigid, Cole thought he even saw color draining from Kai's naturally tanned cheeks.

Everything paused for a moment. Kai's pupils shrank with fear, the anxiety that grabbed him was so obvious that Cole was sure anyone around could feel it in themselves as well. Zane emerged from behind one of the men, his eyes as wide as Kai's when he saw the group of boys nearby. The blonde took a step forward and gently but with a firm voice that allowed no room for questions guided the wealthy men to the stairs on the other side. "It's sad to part ways so soon, dear friends, but his Majesty shall get ready for his next appointment."

"Ah, it's totally fine. I'll send a messenger with the reports as soon as I get my hands on them."

The men bid farewell to the sovereign, who quickly rushed into the studio as soon as Zane marched with their guests down the steps.

When Cole finally reacted, he looked around for his friends. Confusion was written all over Jay and Lloyd's faces. Confusion and hurt. The blonde gaped and seemed to have something to say but decided not to at the last minute. Cole, too, was lost for words.

They got to their bedroom and the noirette took both his friends hands before the boys settled on the beds or couch. "Please, don't be mad at him," Cole pleaded, already growing sick of apologizing in the monarch's behavior so much lately. "He's still very stressed." The words were starting to lose their meaning to the two boys, Cole could tell as much.

Lloyd was the first to pull away, softly, his eyes focusing anywhere but on his friend and Cole thought he saw a glimpse of a tear again in the emerald orbs. "It's okay…" Lloyd muttered drawing away and tousling his hair.

"Lloyd…"

The boy reached his bed then hesitated before sitting down on it. "I think I'm… gonna take a quick bath." He pointed to the adjoining bathroom.

Cole's lips opened, he wanted to ask the boy if he'd rather go to the royal bathroom all together instead but the words never materialized. Had things been like just a few days ago, Jay might had considered the possibility of sharing a bath with Lloyd but with the current events, Cole knew there was no chance for that type of bonding at that moment.

They watched Lloyd slip behind the bathroom door, casting a shy, saddened glance at Cole out of the corner of his eye. The noirette released a heavy sigh meant to be a reflection of his exhausted state of mind. Jay soon withdrew as well and sank on his bed, reacquiring that curled up position that made Cole's heart squeeze with fear.

He had to do something, anything! Zane's 'therapy' might or might had not been working for Kai, but Cole couldn't let this situation keep up a minute longer. It just wasn't an option anymore to stand and watch how everything Jay had been building with them over the last month and a half collapsed because everyone was scared to take the first step and be honest with themselves.

An abrupt idea crossed Cole's mind and his eyes fell on Jay's figure then moved to the bathroom door and back to the boy.

Would that even work?

Cole literally had no time to ponder and consider the possible downsides of his improvised plan. For better or worse, this would end now.

••••••••••••

Kai was still shaking as he sat on the couch. Face buried in his hands, taking slow, even breaths. Zane sat by his side.

"Do you feel better, love?"

"I… guess… Sorry, I freaked out for a moment there, I didn't expect to..."

"It's alright, we were done with the meeting anyway. Mr. Arcturus and the others aren't upset. Don't worry about that."

Kai knew Zane wasn't prone to lying but somehow he had troubles to trust his words, wondering if the boy was only trying to lessen his anguish and not make him feel as bad as he already did.

Seeing the guys at the end of the corridor had thrown him off his axis for a moment, he was glad he had someone as understanding and diplomatic as Zane by his side during these dark times when his mind wasn't giving him a single moment of rest. Just a quick glance at Jay had propelled him to the edge again. His heart raced as fear rushed through his veins at the mere sight of the boy, at what was hiding behind those beautiful eyes that Kai would never have the guts to gaze upon one last time.

He knew he couldn't go on with this forever, he had to do something, put a stop to all this pain he was feeling —and most likely his family too. But if he couldn't even face Jay without going all hysterical… how could he fix this? What was the point in keeping the boy there inside the palace even? Inside the one place full of people that reminded him every minute how badly the monarch had treated him. Whatever they might have had at some point, any tiny shred of hope, Kai was sure it had died the moment he threw the boy into the brig.

Yet, the idea of letting Jay walk away from his life tore Kai's heart further than any pain he'd felt before. The Maharaja didn't understand what was happening inside of him; he couldn't stand before the boy for fear of what kind of hateful feelings his eyes might reveal, for fear of himself, of repeating what had happened the other night. But he couldn't turn him loose either, Jay still hold too much power over his heart.

"Why don't you go back to your room and I get you some tea? We can talk about it later when you feel more composed again, if you feel ready for it," Zane whispered, rubbing a hand over his back.

Kai moved his head with a weak nod. The blond kissed his spouse, "You're doing great. Slow, remember? Little by little."

The young men exited the studio, Zane kissed him again on the lips before marching down the steps. Kai took a deep breath and absently leaned his body against the window, staring at the garden below although not paying any real attention to it. Jay just kept pushing to the front of his mind, despite how hard he fought against the thoughts. Their eyes had crossed a brief instant but the sadness and pain Kai saw in them had struck him hard. Was the boy ever to recover from what Kai had done to him?

The Maharaja bit his lip and made the way up to his room, praying for Zane to come back soon and keep him distracted. A body almost bumped into him as he reached the upper floor, Kai gasped unconsciously when he saw Cole by his side, his eyes couldn't help but look further away over the boy's shoulder and inspect if his lover was still in the company of Jay and Lloyd. No one else was around.

Kai felt so stupid, how could he be so afraid of two little boys? Guess dad was right all the times he called you weak...

The Maharaja awkwardly acknowledged his husband with a shy "Hey." Cole mimicked him then looked to the corridor he'd come from.

"Is something up?" Kai asked.

"Uh… Yeah, Nya wants to see you."

Kai arched an eyebrow. "What? Why?"

"I don't know, she just told me to come and get you."

"I thought she said she'd be trying to catch up on her music classes."

"Yeah, well… She's in the living room now. She had some... papers scattered around. I don't know, I guess it's something about the kingdom or important stuff, you know."

Kai stared dumbfounded at Cole for a moment. His lover seemed anxious, constantly looking back to the end of the corridor. Kai didn't quite understand what was going on but figured that with all the chaos his 'little vacation' had summoned, his sister might have been caught up in some big businesses in order to keep him away from unnecessary stress.

Cole urged him down the hallway and Kai followed the young man to the other wing, stopping in front of one of the living rooms.

"Why is she working on stuff here? Shouldn't she be in the studio?" Kai asked Cole as he placed a hand on the doorknob.

The noirette shrugged. "Don't ask me, she's your sister." And moved closer behind Kai, almost as if trying to throw him into the room. The Maharaja rolled his eyes with a sigh —Nya could be so weird sometimes.

Kai opened the door and crossed the threshold, absently asking to the air "Alright, Nya, what's the big de-?"

His heart stopped and sank to his feet at the sight before his eyes. Kai's body was struck with violent shivers that made his hair stand on end as the totality of his skin prickled. Nya was nowhere around the room. In her place though, Jay was sitting on one of the couches, his eyes going wide when they locked with Kai's.

The door slammed shut behind the brunette with a loud sound and Kai quickly spun around and tried the handle. It wouldn't budge.

"What the…?! Cole?! Cole, open the door!"

"Sorry, babe, not happening." The noirette's voice muffled by the wooden boards.

Kai tried the other knob but it was stuck too. "Cole, what the hell is this?!" Kai yelled, tension mounting on him as he cast a quick look over his shoulder and met Jay's eyes a fleeting second.

"Look, I know you 'need time' but I ain't in a patient phase. You guys are going to settle this now," Cole offered from the other side.

"What?! Cole, this isn't funny, open the damn door!"

"I'm not joking, Kai. You seriously need to talk things out and make amends."

Talk?! To Jay?! Face to face?! Was Cole even serious?! There was no way in hell Kai could do that!

He struggled with the handles, twisting both of them at the same, slamming his fists on the door, trying to pull it open but to no avail. Cole must had been holding the entrance with his strong arms.

That's what you get for marrying a buff ex-soldier! The Maharaja scolded himself in his anxious state and started kicking the door next.

"Please, Kai, just talk and-"

"There is nothing to talk about!" His husband screamed, nearly losing his mind.

"Yes, there is!" Cole spoke louder, punctuating each word properly to make them easy to understand even through the barrier.

Kai sucked in a breath, holding his respiration for a moment as his body tensed. Slow and hesitant the monarch turned his head around just a tad bit, enough to steal a glance at the boy that still sat on the couch totally rigid. As Kai suspected, there was no pleased expression on Jay's face, just plain disgust, and fear in his furrowed eyebrows and gaping mouth. And why should the boy feel otherwise?

Kai's jaw clenched so hard his teeth might even had popped out from the pressure. "Cole…" He whimpered.

"Please, Kai, just tell him how you feel. He needs to hear it, he needs to know you're sorry," Cole assisted from outside the room —which might have just become a torture chamber for the young king.

Kai's head shook, his breath unsteady against the door. He tried to argue back but Cole wouldn't dither, reaffirming he would keep the room closed and give the boys no way out unless they agreed to his conditions. Kai slumped down, his back pressed against the door as his knees pushed up against his chest and his head fell forward. He was coming apart, everything was crumbling around him.

Kai looked up, Jay's vision shimmered and blurred in front of him, but he could still see the boy's scrunched up face. He'd gotten up from his seat, a hand clutched up against his chest and he seemed unsure whether to sit down again, walk forward or recoil to the other side of the room for… for what?

For fear… He's scared what you might do to him again. The Maharaja couldn't blame him; last time they had been alone he'd almost choked the poor boy.

Tears streamed down Kai's cheeks and he gripped his hair, pulling at the roots, the pain somehow soothing but not enough to calm his aching heart yet.

'Tell him how you feel, that you're sorry.'

If only it were that easy. If only Kai was certain a simple apology would erase all the hurt he'd brought onto Jay from the moment he stepped into the palace, he would do so straight away. But the boy wouldn't forgive him, not after making advances on him, after trying to hit him and locking him up, abandoning him to the hunger and darkness of a nasty cell meant for the worst criminals. No, Kai didn't deserve such a gift. He deserved to keep suffering for the love that he had crushed like a precious flower. No matter what Zane said; his father's blood ran through his veins and —like the old sovereign— Kai only knew how to hurt people. First Cole, then Jay and now also everyone involved in this mess.

Kai's throat squeezed and he could almost feel the thick blood boiling inside his body as he tried to swallow and just breathe. This wasn't going to be easy and it could most likely put an end to his family as he knew it, but there was nothing else he could do. He just wanted to get out of there, ran to his room, to the only thing closest to a haven he'd known in his life and sleep. Sleep forever, away from the world, from the pain.

His lips opened a small fraction, "I'm sorry…" He murmured not daring to look at Jay. "I'm sorry for hitting you, for… for everything." The words making his whole body tighten, then they spilled with more fury as Kai's anxiety and guilt skyrocketed. "I'm sorry I saved you! I'm sorry for bringing you here, giving you a fucking home and all kinds of luxuries! For thinking we could have something special!" High pitched sobs erupted from him, interrupting his speech. "I just wanted to… to..." Kai's body started to shake badly as his crying became more raw and distressing.

I just wanted you to like me…

With weak movements, Kai turned on his side and pressed his face to the door, fingers rattling on the flat surface, trying to curl into a fist but not finding the strength to even do so. "Cole… Please…" He begged, his words too low to reach his husband. He needed out of here now, out of Jay's sight. If they were never to have a future together, he didn't want to see him ever again, one last glance at his beautiful, vibrant blue eyes could destroy Kai forever.

There was never a future for you two to start with, and you know it, Kai told himself, recalling that day when he had been supposed to let go of Jay and instead forced him into this mess. You just keep ruining everything. You don't know how to be a good prince, a king, a lover, anything...

"Cole…" Kai cried weakly again, his nails trying to dig into the wood.

"Cole, open the door," a firm voice said. It took Kai a moment to register Jay had moved a few steps closer.

"J-Jay?" The noirette asked confused from the other side.

"Open it, please." Kai noticed the slightest bit of desperation in Jay's request. He, too, must had been wanting Kai out of his sight.

A couple of beats later, a tiny click alerted the monarch that the doorknob was working again. The door started to open, pushing his body forward. Kai didn't think it twice, he jumped to his unsteady feet, pulled the door wide open the rest of the way and fled, pushing Cole to the floor with a violent shove. There was only one thing in Kai's mind; to ran away, to find a hole where he could bury himself and cry himself to sleep, or death, whatever happened first.

••••••••••••

"Cole!" Jay gasped as he crossed the threshold shortly after Kai did, he kneeled down beside the noirette and helped him sat up. "Are you okay?"

Cole didn't answer but rather followed the red figure of the sovereign distancing from them, until it disappeared behind a corner. His heart being crushed. It had been a millisecond, but the wet patches around Kai's eyes had been too easy to spot.

"He was… crying…" Cole mumbled. Jay seemed unsure whether Cole was asking him or just stating the truth.

Cole's chest heaved and his eyes itched as they filled with rapid tears as well. "Fuck!" He leaned forward and gripped his hair. What had he done? Things hadn't been supposed to go that way! Kai only had to apologize, not this!

"Cole…" Jay rubbed his arm. Cole could feel the tension in the boy through his touch, adding to his own anxiety and regret for ever coming up with this plan.

"I just wanted to help you... Both of you..." Cole sobbed.

What in the name of Ninjago was going to happen now?

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