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KPOV

Silence.

She had missed the tranquility of silence.

In the dorms there was always someone making noise. Someone getting up to pee. Someone snoring, yawning or talking in their sleep. Someone shifting in his bed, or shooting upright from a nightmare. Even just breathing sounded like a fucking earthquake in the middle of the night. But here, her first night in her own little apartment, it was silent.

Pricelessly silent.

She hadn't known this kind of peace since... Fuck. Why?! Why did her thoughts always come back to him? It was a curse, really, and she had no one to blame but herself. She was the witch that stirred her mind to visions of him, time and again, even when she should forget about him.

Alright, so maybe Mira was to blame a bit as well.

Perhaps if Mira hadn't started asking questions about 'how good he made her feel', and 'if they'd cuddled', she wouldn't be having this problem right now! This problem of yearning for his warmth and comforting embrace as she laid in this dark and silent room alone. This problem of having known just how soothing his mere presence was to her, that she had become attached to it. Silence alone wasn't enough to calm her down anymore, it seemed.

This was crazy!

She hadn't laid in his arms in months! Months! She shouldn't be thinking about this now, after months and months of sleepless nights in the dorms. It was over. Long gone. An experience of the past. Just a memory. An annoying bothering memory of what once was and never could – or should – again.

A ghost.

Good god, where were those distractions of other initiates coughing or sleepwalking through the room when she needed them? And more importantly... Why did even thinking about him hurt her so?

Because you do want to be with him, you fool.

Keena pressed her face into the cushions, muffling the sound of her screams and sobs.

She missed him.

She missed him and it hurt so much. For months she'd been strong. She'd been focussed. Sharp. Purposeful. But right now and for the rest of next week, all of that commitment fell away: She'd already made it into Dauntless and they weren't expected to pick their official new job until next Friday.

It was Saturday now... 2am.

It was supposed to be a week of orientation of sorts. She and the other initiates where instructed to think about their futures here at Dauntless. What kind of profession did they want? What kind of additional training and education did they need for that? What would their career path look like? Where they qualified enough to even apply?

She was. As a top-ranked initiate all doors where open for her.

So now Keena found herself in an unfamiliar situation: She had both time and options. Two things she hadn't had before – especially time – and she didn't quite know if she liked it all that much. What did people even do when they had options on how to spend their time?

Back in Amity, there was always something to be done: The laundry. Cleaning the bathroom. Helping Thomas with his homework (or more precisely: forcing him to spend time on it). Changing the linen. Cooking. Changing diapers. Bringing back a stolen ginny pig. Doing her own homework. Yelling at her siblings to stop fighting. Fighting along with them... The chaos never ended.

And here in Dauntless as one of the initiates, she'd been told what to do for a very long time: Wake up early. Eat your breakfast. Come train with Four. Cardio. Guns. Eat your lunch. Ignore Eric. Throw some knives. Fight. Take a shower. Eat your diner. Shop new clothes. Go to bed.

In the second stage of initiation they had stopped drilling them a little, but she'd pretty much kept to the old schedule anyway... with the additional assignment of going through one's fearlandscape, that is. Which came with the added bonus of nightmares of course. What a bliss.

But now... She had this entire week of 'vacation' ahead of her, and hell if she knew how to spend her time. She had time, suddenly. More precisely: Spare time. Her Christmas wish at last, even if it was 4,5 years late...

Last year she hadn't even wished for anything. Not even for her siblings to have a great Christmas without her. Perhaps she knew. Perhaps she'd known all along. Somewhere in the back of her unconscious mind, she'd always realized they weren't really living their marry lives in Amity. Perhaps that had also been the reason why she hadn't even bothered to go down during Visiting Day. She had had no hope on them traveling all this way to come see her. Instead, she had spend her time on the roof... The roof. Physically the closest place to where she believed them to be: The sky.

It wasn't scientifically proven, or even rationally likely, but for some reason Keena had always felt that the spirits of the dead became part of the universe. The air surrounding them. A warm soothing breeze when you most needed it. Or the feeling of a hand on your shoulder when in fact no one was there.

Spirits. She believed in spirits.

Remainders of one's character, finding ways to get to you at moments you needed them most. No matter how crazy that made her sound, she really believed in that. Alas, at least it was less creepy than the concepts of ghosts: Picturing a bazillion invisible people walking this earth – living amongst us – but not able to touch anything or anyone. If that was the reality of the dead, she felt immensely sorry for them. What a nightmare that must be.

She could relate up until a point, after all. For eighteen years, she'd been a witness to a world that hadn't been hers. The laughter everyone else had found soothing, had sounded empty to her. The smiles everyone displayed regardless of their mood had seemed fake to her, but polite to everyone else. She had existed within a society she had no part in. She'd been the odd one out. The misfit. The ugly duckling... But at least she'd been able to touch her surroundings and make it her own. She'd been able to carry and open books. To turn the page and get lost in worlds outside of her own. Well. It didn't matter now. Her ugly duckling self had grown into a beautiful swan and she now found herself in a pond with other beautiful – albeit black – swans. Dauntless is where she fitted in. Dauntless felt like home and it would be only a matter of time before the members would feel like her family. She hoped.

She had every reason to be happy or feel content for a change – and she had been – this morning, before Mira had interrogated her about that particular person of whom hearing his name spoken out loud was already enough to make her feel things.

Sometimes it was anticipation and hearing his name felt soothing. Other times all she could feel was the anxiety of that heartbreaking ache rumbling in her bones. Knowing that his name alone would never be enough to fully satisfy her. Not if she wanted him in so many ways more.

But that wasn't healthy, was it? Being so attached to someone that you longed for them – yearned for them – with such ferocity your entire being shook with need to touch him, feel him and hold him close.

And never let go.

She'd been independent all her life and had survived just fine without him, thank you very much. She definitely didn't need him now, just now things were supposed to get easy.

But that was just it, wasn't it?

She didn't need him.
But she wanted him.

But why? Rationally there were like a billion reasons not to want him. He was a leader. She hated standing in the spotlight and dating him would definitely put her there. Not to mention he had been overseeing her initiation, which at the very least would stir up some dust amongst the more critical members. If she wanted to apply for a leadership training, she would have to work closely with him for the rest of her life, regardless of things working out between them or not. He was unpredictable. Mean. Ruthless. Snarky. Annoying. Spiteful. Arrogant. A complete and utter asshole! And he'd slept around with a lot of girls and could quite possibly fuck anyone he wanted anytime he wanted to. Would he be faithful? Who knew?! And was that the most important question she should be worrying about right now? Hell no!

She cursed her sleep deprived brain.

Eric was so wrong for her in so many ways. And she for him. And yet, she wanted him. She wanted him more than she wanted anything. Future jobs didn't seem important right now, he did. That moment in the weapon's closet did. His eyes roaming over her face. Watching her. Reading her. Predicting her.

She'd hated it in the beginning, when all they'd been was a leader and initiate. She'd hated the fact that he felt entitled enough to try and decipher her, getting to know her when she didn't want anybody close enough for them to know her...

But she'd been learning lately; learning to let people in. She'd let her friends in, so why couldn't she let Eric? She wanted to let him in – she truly really did – but it was all just so much more complicated. Because, in contrast to her friends, if she decided to let Eric in, there was no doubt in her mind that he would see her.

Really truly see her.
For who she was.
No smokescreens in place.

She always felt naked under his gaze.

He was perceptive and curious. He had a drive to understand things; to know what made them tick. He was always trying to see through her little smokescreens and masks. When she tried to hide something from him, he always noticed. He wouldn't always find out exactly what it was she was hiding, but he surely always noticed. Letting him in would mean trusting him with this...

Did she trust him?

Yes.

She did.

Lara's words had gotten her thinking, but the girl had been right. Rationally, Keena might not be able to trust Eric, but she did anyway. Because... Because...

Because he made her feel safe. His arms were a safe haven. His presence a soothing caress. Yes, he excited her and riled her up, but when she needed encouragement or approval, it were his eyes she was looking for in the crowd. It was his embrace that made her feel like she belonged. Like home.

She wanted him.
She trusted him.
She even needed him.

Because she loved him.

Fuck. Sometimes she really hated her friends.

…

A loud bonking noise had her wake up at 6 in the morning. She hadn't fallen asleep before 5. She was sure of it. Groaning, she realized someone was knocking on a door.

Her door.
Her own very private front door.

Which meant, she had to get up to make it stop.

She swore, if this was any of her friends' doing, she'd kill them – quickly, sufficiently – and then dispose the body in the Chasm, erasing all of her fingerprints.

Forcing herself out of bed, wearing nothing but the oversized T-shirt she'd gotten from Gale – the one that had set Eric off into a fit of jealousy during capture the flag – and some panties.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." She grumbled as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, opening the door, where she found a serious looking Dauntless man with his fist in the air to knock another time.

Thick brows, that stood in a furrow.
Scrutinizing eyes, filled with annoyance.
Clenched jaw.

He was angry with her. Which was odd, considering she'd never even met the dude. She was certain of this, since she had a thing with faces and his face would be too outspoken for her to forget anyway. It was odd looking. Not in an unpleasant way – per se – but odd nonetheless.

"Katharina Hyde?" He asked – or bellowed, to be exact.

"Depends on who's asking." She stated, leaning against the doorframe, crossing her arms to cover up the fact she wasn't wearing any bra underneath this shirt. It was cold out here, in the hallway, and the last thing she needed was for mr. Grumpy to see just how cold her nipples had it.

"Are you or are you not?" The man snapped annoyed, making Keena roll her eyes.

"It's just Keena now." She yawned in her hand, blinking the sleep away.

The man ignored it. "Come with me please, Katharina."

What. A. Jackass.

"Whatever you think I've done. I didn't do it." She said, about to close the door in his face. She was tired and annoyed. This was supposed to be her week off. In her own home, where it was silent and peaceful and quiet. She deserved to be let undisturbed until at least 8 in the morning.

He swiftly forced his foot between the door and the post, making it unable for her to shut it completely. "You need to come with me miss. Orders from the board."

Keena regarded him another time, before rolling her eyes. "Fine. Just let me put something else on first."

…

"What's going on?" Keena asked as they approached the interrogation rooms. She had followed the unpleasant man to the dungeons without question, but if she was about to be interrogated like a criminal he had another thing coming if he expected her to happily walk in there without questioning his sanity.

They didn't know she was Divergent, did they? If so Eric would've said something. Right?

The angry man opened a door and motioned for her to get in. When she refused – wavering in the doorway and repeating her question again – he shoved her inside violently.

"Sit." He ordered gruff.

"Yes, sir." Keena sighed. Whatever it was this man wanted from her, it was probably best not to make him more angry than he already was with her.

"State your name." He told her and Keena had to refrain herself from rolling her eyes. He had literally asked her that question 6 minutes ago, or so.

Instead she smiled her signature sweet smile for whenever she was annoyed. "Keena, sir."

"Full name."

She bit her tongue and deepened her smile. "Katharina Aella Hyde."

"And you were born in Amity? 3:32am on the 10th of June, year 2298, correct?"

"I guess. Can't say I really remember." At the stern look she was given she rolled her eyes. "Yes. I mean yes." She supplied.

"And you grew up with how many half-brothers and/or half-sisters?"

For some reason the 'half' annoyed her enough to crack her smile. "I grew up with four brothers and one sister." She spat only semi-polite.

"I was aware you only shared a mother." The man frowned, glancing at the file in front of him. Was he for real? The lift of his brow told her he simply enjoyed being rude.

Well. Two could play that game.

"With all due respect, sir. Since she isn't around to verify whether or not we shared a father, and she never spoke with me regarding the issue before, who really knows when she slept with whom? I don't feel confident in guessing the issue, and I'd say neither should you. So unless you can provide me with some ample DNA evidence that my brothers and sisters are indeed only half-brothers and a half-sister, I'd prefer you refer to them as what they've always been to me: family. My whole-family."

The man opened his mouth and looked like he was about to snap, but a voice coming from the intercom interrupted him before he could do so.

"Of course, miss Hyde." An elderly male voice said. "Mr. Harrison here understands, don't you Drake?"

Keena's head snapped over to the mirror on one of the walls, eyeing them suspiciously before smiling back at 'Drake'. They were being watched – or, better yet – he was. An interrogator-to-be it seemed.

Drake ignored her smirk and continued with a scowl.

"And you were present when they died?"

Keena raised her eyebrows, blinking at the casual deliverance of the question.

He repeated the question, impatience lacing his voice.

"Excuse me, but what is the point from all of this?!" Keena finally snapped, shooting up from her chair with such force it flew back against the wall. "All of this information is in my file already. You're waisting your time – and more importantly my – time here!"

Drake sighed and looked over to the mirror with a 'Can you believe what I have to deal with?' attitude written all over his face.

"Oh, I wouldn't look so smug, Drake." Keena told him in such icy a voice even Jeanine would be jealous. "You won't ace any interrogation with how smug you look with yourself all the damn time."

"Yeah? And how would you know, Amity?!" He snarled at her.

"Common sense and intellect. Two things I doubt you possess!" She told him, ignoring the voice that was trying to calm the two of them down over the intercom. "There are plenty of pre-war books on interrogation tactics. Whatever you just did was just pathetic."

He leaped at her then, the fury clear in his eyes for anyone to see, but before he could reach her, an older man rushed into the room.

"Stop this nonsense immediately!" He said – rather than yelled – but for some reason both of them immediately lost their fighting stances and turned to the man submissively.

He seemed to be somewhere in his late fifties, making him officially the oldest person Keena had seen in Dauntless as of yet. She had wanted to ask someone about it once, but decided against it last second. She didn't want to make a fool of herself and come across like she thought they were all killed off at a certain age. She would find out sooner or later, she had been in no real hurry.

There was a strange sort of authority to him. Partly because he was older than the both of them together, but also because he radiated wisdom. Experience.

She decided on the spot that she quite liked him.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, miss Hyde. I get this is all very difficult for you, girl, but we do need your cooperation."

"For what?"

"The investigation." The older man supplied at the same time as Drake barked: "Does it matter?!" The irritated sigh that followed it clearly conveyed his annoyance of her. "Perhaps the concept is a bit new to you, Amity, but we're soldiers. Soldiers follow orders and we don't doubt our leaders while doing so."

The older man – and presumably his boss – was looking none too pleased with this spiteful remark, and yet he didn't condemn it. Not in here anyway. Instead he answered her question:

"We got orders from above to open the case to your siblings' murderer." He explained with a stern glance in the younger man's direction who was openly scowling. "Your old files have been classified, so we can't get into them. Only the parties involved at the time can and they never even notified us of the incident when it happened last year."

"Which is against city policy by the way" Drake intervened. His anger at the other factions cleary exceeding the one directed at her. "All crime should be reported to Dauntless as soon as possible, but they conveniently forgot to do so to save their own asses."

The other man nodded his agreement. "So now we started an investigation of our own. It might be way over due, but murderers need to be caught. Especially ones who are capable of killing five innocent children. We swore to protect the city to our best abilities and so we shall." He stated proudly, his eyes glazing over in an untold memory. "But we need to create a new file for that. Hence all these seemingly useless questions."

Keena shook her head in understanding. "Yes, I will... Did you say this was an order from the board?"

"Came straight from Eric himself." Drake informed her, his voice not exactly warm but not unkind either.

There was a glimmer of something in his eyes too. A mixture of pride and something else. Something so familiar and yet so elusive. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. Not that she had the time to ponder on it for long, as the words finally caught up with her brain.

"Eric gave the order?" Keena asked, her voice devoid of emotion. It felt like the air was sucked right out of her longs.

He had known her siblings had been killed for ages now. Why would he wait until now to... Oh, but of course! He had had no legal way to start an investigation before. The files had been restricted and without eyewitnesses to step forward and start asking questions about what happened... But now, with a room full of dauntless leaders to witness her fearlandscape, the fact that her siblings had seemingly dissolved into thin air and her files were restricted... It should be provide ample evidence to at the very least start an investigation.

Keena suddenly felt very stupid. Not only had she not remembered the traumatic incident until a small two months ago, but she also failed to realized she could ask for help in her quest of finding that monster. She had been so focussed on getting into Dauntless on her own – so she might be able to hunt him down herself – that she completely forgotten about the fact she now had an entire army at her disposal to help her do it.

But Eric hadn't.

Eric was... He was... Fuck! She could just cry with relief. She was so relieved she now suddenly had an entire Dauntless team to help her find justice. And all because of him. And just like that any doubts she still had about him – or more precisely them – disappeared from her brain.

She wanted him.
She trusted him.
She loved him.

Perhaps things really could be that easy.

And with a small smile and nod at the older man, Keena went to sit down again.

"Alright." She stated full determination. "Let's do this."