Chapter 45

Guidance

"Love does not define our kind. Love crosses all bounds where it may. But it can do so much when it comes."

General (ret.) Jigme Dorji Wengshuk

Harriet slept later than normal, but still felt she'd had far too little sleep. It took her several minutes to fully convince herself that the events of the night had not been a dream. They had gone to Rathlin, they'd found Frank, and encountered a freshly escaped Professor Howe and Doctor Watkins.

She rubbed her head as she sat up. By the light from her enchanted window, it was well into the day. She looked to her clock and saw it was quarter to noon.

Harriet groaned rubbing her face. She slowly swung her legs out of bed, dressing comfortably before stepping into the hallway.

She immediately heard singing and laughter coming from the study. She peered inside to see Finn standing beside the portrait of Frank (who'd replaced an old still life) crooning together.

Rosie was sitting on the sofa, listening with rapt attention. Harriet could tell she was yearning to sing as well. As Harriet had only ever heard her sing more classical tunes, she assumed Rosie didn't know the words to any of the songs.

Nan was on the floor, sprawled out prone as was her habit as she sketched. She kept stealing glances up at Finn and Frank, her face scrunched up as she studied the two singers. Harriet moved into the room enough to see that she was drawing the pair singing. She'd added some artistic license to the scene, depicting the duo on a stage, dressed in old fashioned suits and wide-brimmed hats. Harriet glanced up at Finn. She had to admit, the look suited Finn rather nicely.

Harriet moved to the sofa to sit beside Rosie. Her imagination was starting to wander. She kept watching Finn, crooning along, picturing him in the sharp suit; the stylish hat. Her whimsies started to imagine him as a gangster, dashingly robbing a bank. Harriet worked there: the quiet, unassuming teller. The perfect captive to run away with.

And they would. He would spirit her away. They'd be chased. He'd be the dashing rogue taking his coin from the system. She the pretty maiden to show him a better path. Together they'd fight it all. They'd fix it all.

Harriet started. She'd been nodding off. No one seemed to have noticed. She supposed she was still tired.

She thought on the little revelry she'd just had. Something about it was appealing to her, other than the cut of a well-shaved Finn with slicked hair in a fine suit.

Just running away.

They could do it. Her eyes drifted to the fireplace. They could sneak out in the middle of the night. A pinch of Floo Powder and they'd be in Avalon. One bit of sneaking under the invisibility cloak later and they'd be free in France. Finn had picked up French quite well with his fresh mind and time at Avalon.

From there, anywhere. Harriet still had some shopping coin. They could find cheap passage to America. The war in America was almost over people said. There was a branch of Gringotts' there. They could live easily. They could be happy. There'd be no Umbridge. There'd be no Voldemort. There'd be no Solomon Kinney.

There'd be freedom.

There wouldn't be her family.

Harriet jolted to reality again.

"You alright, Dove?"

Finn was sitting beside her. Harriet kept her head low, slipping her hand into his.

"Yes," Harriet apologised "just tired still."

"Can't believe you two got to go on an adventure and we didn't," Rosie sniffed.

Harriet did her best not to raise a sarcastic eyebrow at that. Of the twins, Rosie talked the most, but generally proved to mostly leave it at talk.

Harriet's eye twitched with guilt and she lowered her head farther. Her cheeks began to warm. She shouldn't think such things.

Guilt overall began to grip her. It wasn't like she ever did anything out of particular bravery, herself; more often stupidity, or no choice. Harriet ran a hand through her hair.

That wasn't all she was feeling guilty for.

She thought of running away. How could she think that? Not even a full night's sleep ago she'd been off and ready to go resist the Ministry at Hogwarts. Now on a whim she was imagining abandoning her friends? Her family? Oh Merlin, she'd thought about abandoning her family.

"Dove?"

Harriet shook her head. Finn gently brushed back her hair. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm just so tired…"

She gazed upon the fireplace again. Merely hours ago, Professor Howe had stepped through that very fireplace. He'd told her to remember. He told her to remember her strength. That she was someone people wanted to follow. Reminded her she'd defeated a dragon, driven off hundreds of dementors.

And now she was thinking of running away.

She was spared any further thoughts on the matter by a knock on the door frame. Daddy was poking his head in, smiling that smile that Harriet hated so much. That smile that tried so hard to say everything was okay when it clearly wasn't.

"Everything okay?" Daddy asked, spying Harriet. She was sure there were still the marks of tears.

"Yeah," Harriet said. "Just a lot of emotions…"

Daddy's lips tightened a little and he nodded.

"I got you… anyway, um… would you all mind if I borrowed Harriet for a bit?"

"What's up?" Harriet asked.

"Just need to pop into the shop for a minute. Just some things to talk about…"

Harriet chewed her lip a little. Daddy's smile grew more sincere.

"Nothing terrible, I promise."

Harriet nodded. She squeezed Finn's hand again and rose. Finn gave her an encouraging smile, the kind she usually reserved for him when he was uncertain of something new.

Harriet returned to her room dressing in proper clothing for an outing. Daddy was waiting by the doorway for her. His maddening forced smile was gone. It'd been replaced by a grim look. Harriet realised that for once, the smile hadn't been for her that time.

They stepped out the front door into the crisp air. It had snowed during the night. The valley looked spectacular, a winter wonderland.

Daddy took her hand. Harriet wondered what this was really all about. Daddy's eyes were different as she looked up at him. There wasn't the wall behind his eyes that most wizards had when she looked at them; that subconscious barrier that magical people had on their minds.

Not like her Finn. There was never any wall there. No barriers. Nothing was hidden.

"Don't worry," Daddy said. "Everything's just… a little grim right now."

"Yeah, I can't argue that…"

She realised how tired Daddy looked. He had heavy bags under his eyes, which were thoroughly bloodshot. He clearly hadn't slept.

"Are you alright?" Harriet asked.

Daddy smiled in earnest.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I've been through worse."

Harriet grimaced a little. That was certainly true. She had to remember that this was the start of his second war with Lord Voldemort.

Daddy drew his wand, and with a twirling flourish, they were off. As they were only going to Hogsmeade, it lasted barely a second. That didn't stop the feeling of being compressed into a thin shaft by the charm from being distastefully uncomfortable.

They returned to normal just inside the front door of the faux house. The sight always jarred her. She had so many memories of the real home. Her first, proper home. She wished they'd leave the place set up as the Order headquarters.

"'Lo, Daniel. Potter," came the rough voice of Mad-Eye Moody from the sitting room.

Harriet and Daniel poked their head into the room. Mad-Eye was sitting in an armchair by the fireplace, staring into its flames.

"Hey, Mads," Daddy said.

Mad-Eye said nothing. He just kept staring into the fire. Harriet was certain even his magical eye was fixed upon it.

Harriet furrowed her brow. Something was different. Something was wrong. It was as though a cloud was totally obscuring Mad-Eye's head. She thought she could see the weight on his shoulders.

Slowly, Mad-Eye turned his head. Harriet couldn't look away. The cloud was pain.

It was a cloud, yet she saw straight through it. She saw a young Mad-Eye. At least a younger one, with a whole face.

She saw another young man. A handsome young man, with an easy smile and a twinkle in his eye that seemed almost blinding. His black hair was shaggy and somehow unkempt yet stylish at the same time.

There was pride in the younger Mad-Eye's face. The name was written in his beaming eyes as his protégé accepted his place as a member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. She felt the joy as Mad-Eye embraced the glowing youth as a surrogate son.

Sherrod.

Oh, Mad-Eye…

He didn't know. They'd all heard the news of the break-out and Professor Howe's death. They didn't know the truth. They didn't know because Professor Howe knew it would be safer for them if they didn't. It would spare their lives, but not their hearts.

"Sorry to barge in," Daddy said. "On our way to the shop. Remus and Sirius are there."

Harriet looked up at Daddy quickly. Sirius was there? Shouldn't he still be at St Mungo's?

"Right," Mad-Eye muttered, looking back to the flames. "My regards."

Daddy simply nodded and turned to the front door. Harriet wasn't paying attention. She was studying Mad-Eye. Ever since the previous year, she'd never quite been able to feel comfortable around Mad-Eye Moody. She kept expecting to see Crouch, Jr hiding behind his one good eye.

That was gone. All she could feel for his pain. He was no longer a cunning, soon to be former Death Eater. Nor was he a grizzled ex-Auror who saw deceit behind every corner. Before her was just a sad, tired old man.

Harriet looked around at Daddy. He was standing in the doorway, looking down on her sadly. Was he really not going to tell the Order? Was he going to let them suffer like this?

She couldn't ask that question now. Instead, she distracted herself by looking out the open door.

"Shouldn't I have my cloak?"

Daddy grimaced. "Not necessary…"

Harriet raised an eyebrow. Daddy merely opened the door and stepped through.

"There's a new order in Hogsmeade, it seems," Daddy said under his breath.

Harriet kept her eyebrow raised but stepped out with him regardless.

"Yeah… things have changed…" Daddy muttered.

Harriet glanced up and down the street. Nothing looked different as far as she could tell. The shops all looked the same. The people passing in the street paid no one any mind.

At least, they didn't at first.

As the pair started down the street towards the shop, Harriet started to notice. The eyes followed her as the pedestrians passed. The recognition lit in their eyes. Some began to nod in greeting. Others touched the brims of their hats. One lady curtsied.

The White Lady.

White Lady of the Raven Hair.

The Green-Eyed Saviour.

Harriet pressed a little closer to Daddy's side.

"They've been steadily moving in. Moving in and converting," Daddy whispered, barely moving his lips.

Harriet glanced around. Crouch, Jr's people had taken over Hogsmeade? Why hadn't anyone done anything about it? What was the Ministry doing?

"Everyone's thrilled they're here," Daddy kept whispering. "The town's booming. The inns and shops are swimming in coin."

"So, the Ministry has no idea?"

"No idea?" he scoffed. "Not a clue."

"I don't want this…"

"I know…" Daddy grimaced. "But keeping you in the dark isn't going to help anything, either."

The shop came into view. They turned into the alley leading to the rear employee entrance. Harriet rarely came in this way. The only time she could truly remember was the time she snuck into Hogsmeade and almost literally got run over by Sirius as Daddy chased him.

They entered, Daddy locking the door behind them. She looked around for Remus and Sirius. She also wondered if Hyland were here. She had to admit, if she were to lead some sort of resistance, having Jerrad's abilities on her side would be an immense asset.

She kicked herself. She couldn't think like that. She had no idea what Jerrad really was, but she couldn't think of Hyland that way. He was a person, not a tool.

Harriet was spared further mental berating by the door to Daddy's office opening. Remus stepped into view; his expression defeated. It was somehow seeing Remus' face that truly made it clear to Harriet just how dire their times were becoming.

The Order of the Phoenix was standing almost alone against the Ministry and Lord Voldemort, and possibly against Crouch, Jr's army. No one was entirely sure what was happening there, apparently. The only external entity really trying to help them seemed to be Captain Kane, who had to contend with the fact his superiors were apparently more interested in making a show of punishing Britain over Rathlin Island than actually doing anything.

Harriet pushed those dark thoughts out and hurried to Remus, hugging him tightly. She expected him to tense and only give her the vaguest semblance of a hug back. It didn't happen. For once, Remus was too hurt to care for propriety, or to be bothered by his normal anxieties over people coming into contact with him, a werewolf. This time, he just bent down low enough to hug her back.

"Hey, Kiddo," came Sirius' growl after she and Remus broke the hug.

Sirius was sitting just inside. He was in a wooden, old-fashioned wheelchair. She was hugging him only a second later. His hug was still more proper than Remus' had been, but she was still secretly cherishing the fact that Remus for once hadn't acted like he was going to be struck dead if he showed anyone affection or accepted it.

"Hello, Mistress Potter."

"Hello, Kreacher."

Harriet couldn't help but smile at the sad, aged elf as he stepped out from behind Sirius' wheelchair. She knelt on both knees and hugged him tenderly as well. The elf returned the hug as the others had.

"Kreacher is sorry for Mistress Potter's loss…"

"Thank you, Kreacher."

Harriet gave Daddy another look. He and Remus had entered the office and shut the door behind them. Daddy saw her look. To her surprise, he gave her a tiny wink.

A thunk from Daddy's desk made Harriet look around. Sirius had wheeled over and set a bottle of fire-whisky on it. Kreacher held up three tumblers which Sirius took and set beside the bottle.

"Seemed appropriate…" Sirius muttered, taking the bottle again and uncorking it.

Daddy drew his wand and crossed the room. He flourished the wand, and Harriet felt a tingling as the magic sphere she'd seen Professor Howe and Madam Irene cast sealed off the room from all sound escaping. He took the bottle from Sirius, tilted his head back, taking a hearty swig, before lowering the bottle and taking a deep breath.

"Fifteen years ago, almost sixteen… we let mistrust and secrets come between us. We mistrusted each other and hid the truth from each other."

Remus and Sirius nodded solemnly. Harriet remained kneeling beside Kreacher.

"We can't let that happen again. Not to us. Not to the last Marauders."

Daddy poured into the three glasses. He handed a glass to each Sirius and Remus before taking his own and raising it.

"To the Marauders, to Howe, and to Watkins."

"To the Marauders, to Howe, and to Watkins."

The three men drained their glasses. Daddy hissed through his teeth.

"Because the sonsofbitches are still alive."

Remus choked and coughed though he had already finished his drink. Sirius almost dropped his glass. Harriet nearly fell back on her haunches.

He did it. He couldn't let his true best friends suffer alone.

"This has to be kept between us," Dad explained. "I hate putting the burden of this secret on you, but I can't lie to you two, either."

"How… how do you know?" Remus asked, having cleared his throat fully.

Dad sighed. "Because his grand escape didn't go quite as planned. He ran into Harriet last night."

Dad gave Harriet a little nod. She stood, took a deep breath, and launched into her story. She left out most of the unrelated details, such as the strange events in the castle's ruins. Sirius shook his head, chuckling with admiration. Remus looked torn, as ever, between disapproval, relief, and approval.

Harriet glanced at Dad. She was sure that a 'talk' was coming soon about last night as well. She wasn't really looking forward to it.

"Merlin's beard…" Sirius muttered after Harriet finished.

"That is… truly the most Howe way it could have gone…" Remus shook his head.

"The rest of the Order can't know," Dad continued. "Both because it was Howe's wish, and for their own safety."

"Yet, you're telling us?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Howe said he didn't want the Order to know," Dad replied, pouring himself another glass and raising it, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. "But he never said a damn thing about the Marauders…"

Harriet and Dad made their way to the Hog's Head next. It was busy as ever inside, but the barman Aberforth ordered a backroom be set up for the pair to sit and eat together in quiet.

Harriet knew the 'talk' was finally coming. Dad ran a hand through his hair but said nothing on the matter at first. Meredith, one of the graduated Americans, took their orders for lunch. At last, Dad sighed.

"I'm not mad."

"No…?"

Harriet was having a difficult time meeting his eyes.

"I'm… annoyed. But not mad. And not with you. I'll get over it. Mostly, I'm annoyed with myself."

Harriet glanced up.

"You're growing up. In a year and a half you'll be of age, and you'll be on your own living your own life."

Dad leaned back in his chair.

"And it occurred to me last night… if people are afraid to tell me things, the fault is mine…"

"Oh, Dad…"

Dad smiled a little at last. "I suppose it is high time for 'dad' to stick, huh?"

"Guess so," Harriet shrugged, returning her attention to the bare space on the table in front of her. "Just… I guess seeing you today you know… doing what was right… standing with your friends…"

Dad kept smiling, but had become deeply interested in his fork.

"Anyway," he continued at last. "Your mother let me do some soul-searching and… I'm sorry…"

Harriet looked on his pained face once more.

"I'm sorry I'm… I'm sorry for not… for not being the dad I should be… should have been. There's just so much I haven't been… I wasn't prepared for. Not just in terms of responsibilities… but emotionally. Especially emotionally…

"We never had… You were already so grown up when we first met. Proper met. Yet still a kid. You'd already been through so much and I just… I couldn't stand the thought of anything else happening to you. Of you suffering anymore. My whole reason for existing became your existence. And I didn't have the first damn clue what I was doing. Aurora helped, but… I've just been so lost. I lay awake at night thinking about… kicking myself over my mistakes. When I went off on Dumbledore last year… when… well…"

"Dad…"

"The thing is, I have to accept that however I feel… you're not a little girl anymore, and… no matter how much I die inside if you so much as stub your toe on the nightstand… your life isn't a normal kid's. This is going to be hard. And I can't save you from all of it… All I can really do is be here."

Harriet was having a hard time focusing.

"Be here for you and tell you the most important thing is… I'm proud of you. I'm so damn proud of you. There's so much you've been through that no one should have ever had to go through… but to still be the amazing person you are in spite of it all."

Harriet rose. Dad rose, too. They met halfway, in a tight embrace.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Harricane."

Harriet didn't know nor care how long they held the embrace. It didn't matter. Neither even heard Meredith return with their food, nor noticed her sneak quietly past them to put their plates on the table and sneak back out again.

Tomorrow. It had finally come. She had to return to Hogwarts. Her talk with Dad had been bolstering, and she'd badly needed it, yet it didn't tell her how to fix anything. It wasn't the solution to how to get the Ministry out of Hogwarts.

Harriet wasn't ready. She wanted to bring down Umbridge, but she didn't feel ready. She had no idea what she was going to do. She wasn't the leader type. She wasn't meant for this.

Harriet stared at the ceiling. Something was wrong. Something was different now. What was it? She'd never been the most proactive person, but she always knew how and when to act when things went wrong.

No, not always. Skeeter had similarly incapacitated her. Harriet gripped her sheets. The problem hit her like a Bludger.

Worries. She had people to truly worry about now. She worried about her friends, but they'd constantly proven they were going to be by her side no matter what.

It was her family. She was terrified not just of them getting hurt, but by her actions harming them. She was afraid of costing her parents their jobs, or worse. She was terrified of Umbridge going after her sisters, particularly with that quill.

The worry was debilitating. It was as though her mind was shutting down rather than even attempting to deal with it. Not to mention the traumas she'd endured. She'd been through the hell of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. She'd been sent to the graveyard and seen Lord Voldemort return. She'd nearly been raped and possibly would have even been murdered. It was all just too much.

Harriet tossed and turned. She was in a spot and a half. What was she going to do about it? What was she going to do?

She couldn't put her friends in harm's way, either. She never wanted that, despite how often they kept right by her side. She curled up, remembering Hermione, first made half a cat like Sebastian, then petrified. Scott had nearly been killed the same year.

Still, the fact of the matter was she had no idea how to do any of this alone. She always just took life as it came to her, but that wouldn't work anymore. The last time she'd tried to deal with something alone, she'd ended up needing to enlist Finn's help, anyway. Not that he hadn't been maddeningly dashing while doing so. Even he'd needed his brother Colm's help to pull off bringing down Skeeter.

Harriet took a deep breath. She'd have to think about it. It was almost the Christmas holidays. She'd have time to plan then. Besides, Professor Howe was back. He would fix it. Harriet just hoped he'd keep his temper in check. As much as Harriet loathed Umbridge, she knew the toad was no good to anyone dead.

The kicker was the quill. Harriet needed to get her hands on it. Even more, she needed evidence Umbridge was truly the one forcing students to use it. Harriet needed a confession. If only she could pull off the same trick Finn did with the microphone at the gala. Somehow, she knew that wouldn't work. Umbridge would probably suspect Harriet of trying something similar again.

Umbridge was certainly going to be a harder nut to crack than Skeeter, even if Skeeter was almost as twisted. Umbridge left little to chance. Umbridge had studied Harriet too well.

What was she going to do?

Harriet barely knew anything about Umbridge; only that she was evil and power-hungry. She knew the basics, but she couldn't help but feel there wasn't any context to what she knew. She knew what Wengshuk would think. He would tell her she was at a disadvantage, one that needed to be overbalanced into her favour instead. But how?

Professor Howe seemed to know a lot, which wasn't surprising, but now he was off at Avalon, preparing for his secret mission. At least he would be at Hogwarts. Surely she would be able to contact him, somehow.

Harriet sighed. Maybe she should just leave Umbridge to Professor Howe? He seemed hell-bent on destroying her, possibly even more than Harriet. She supposed that was fair. Umbridge had obliviated his students in front of him, had him and his best friend arrested, and his beloved school shut down.

It is a pickle…

Harriet nodded, bot at her situation, and the comforting voice. She needed it.

It is… Harriet replied in her mind.

You need your friends.

I know… Harriet forced herself to admit. It was funny how well Finn knew her mind. It was almost as though they were really talking.

Then why always spurn their help? They're all talented in their ways. Take Hermione; experienced with organization and movements.

That's true…

Or Kieran, so kind but charismatic. Were he one of the prominent faces of your movement, your opponents would be hard pressed to attack you.

Harriet contemplated that.

And it puts him in no danger. Then there's your cunning friend, Dora. She has inside access to some of Umbridge's closest supporters within the school. Likewise, your friend Scott has proven himself capable in mind and body. It was so very impressive hiding himself from a basilisk at only thirteen.

True…

Your friends Ronnie and Marcus. Both are fit with experience in physical fitness. They could help you train a worthy force of other students to help. You've seen for yourself you are not alone in your opposition.

But…

Harriet trailed off in her thoughts as she mulled it over. It was true enough. A lot of students didn't like Umbridge. And she had the Americans. They were determined to stand against her.

Consider Finn's friends. His brother has excellent experience speaking to the public. Holly Cambridge has strong connections outside Hogwarts and the Ministry, and within.

I hadn't thought of that… Harriet knew that Holly, in particular, wanted to get a movement started against Umbridge. Why the hell wouldn't they want to be part of this? Portia surely.

"Think not of this fight as your own. You are not making others fight with you or for you. That is not a leader. These souls already want the fight. They merely need someone like you go guide them. That is a leader. That is a hero. That is what you are."

Harriet bit her lip as she considered those words. That was certainly true.

"You have options, Harriet Potter. You are not nearly as trapped as you have been tricked into believing. The enemy wishes to weaponize your family and friends against you, then you must allow them the agency to fight back against it. Enlisting the help of the willing will not make you anything like the Dursleys."

Harriet would have been frozen, except for her trembling. Cold sweat had broken out across her body. Reality was sinking in. She wasn't alone in her room. Her eyes were locked on her wall, but she could feel it. She could feel the presence in her room. The voice was no longer in her head. It was in her ears. Whoever was in her room was speaking to her.

The voice had been so soft and gentle before that she hadn't recognised it. It wasn't Finn, nor was it Dad or Professor Howe. She knew that voice.

He was here. He was in the room with her. He was conversing with her.

Harriet couldn't bring herself to look. To look would be to make it real. She closed her eyes, wishing it would go away. Leave… leave… leave…

Harriet didn't know how much time passed. She lay there, shivering and listening. Just go away…

Light swelled into her eyes. Harriet furrowed her brow. Hedwig gently shifted one of the hairs on Harriet's head, lifting it out of her face. Harriet slowly opened her eyes.

It was morning. Harriet sat up, rubbing Hedwig's fluffy head, scratching her own cheek. She fumbled around for her glasses. She tried to remember. She still felt exhausted. She looked at her bedside clock. It was time to get up. She would be heading back to Hogwarts soon. She needed to spend as much of the remaining time with Finn as she could.

Harriet swung her legs out of bed. She thought about Umbridge. There was nothing for it. She was going to have to enlist the help of her friends. Even Finn's friends. Umbridge had the whole Ministry at her disposal. It was silly of Harriet to think she could take that on by herself. Besides, other students deserved the chance to bring down Umbridge's regime.

Harriet was about to hop off the bed when something stopped her. Her desk chair was no longer at her desk. Rather, it was pulled up right beside the head of her bed. It was facing her, as though someone had been sitting there.

Harriet shook her head but smiled. It must have been Dad. As much as he was promising to trust her, to accept she was growing, she knew he wasn't going to adapt overnight. He must have sat and watched over her for a while after she fell asleep.

Harriet slid out of bed and dressed. Despite all her dread, and despite not wanting to leave Finn, Harriet wanted to get back to Hogwarts. Now, she truly had a resistance to lead.