Warning: this chapter aint pretty,
"How's married life?" Amelia asked while the three sisters sat one late evening. Jackson was having a late surgery so Maggie took time to hang out with her sisters. They had been sorting out the costumes for Halloween with the kids. They had all gone to sleep including Harriet.
"Do you feel different?" Meredith added with her eyes now glued on her laptop
"Knowing that this is a legal change that is forever binding, it sure brings up all kinds of feelings and expectations, what are you working on?"
"Just looking at what to get Robert for his birthday"
"Well, I am glad my husband loves sex so on his birthday I will give him double that" Maggie smirked "you know married sex is awesome, I love it"
"You need to cherish that because you won`t be basking in that easy, breezy newlywed glow forever. At some point reality will kick in, I know you are in the honeymoon phase, but you need to know it won`t be always all smooth sailing" Maggie twitched her brow looking at her sister "have you two had your first fight as a married couple?" Amelia asked
"No, not yet"
"Well, it's gonna come and it will make you question all your life`s choices, you will even think you made a mistake" Amelia said putting the kids toys away. Ellis and Harriet had left all their makeup staff lying around "these kids need to learn to pick after themselves"
"Don`t listen to her Maggie, look almost every person imagines they'll be a great spouse one day, but the truth of the matter is marriage isn't as easy as we would like to think but it`s a beautiful thing when it`s done right, just like you and Jackson"
"You mean like you and Derek?" Maggie smiled at her sister
"Definitely not like me and Owen" Amelia chuckled
"That was the tumor" Meredith interjected "I never asked you this, I want you to know that I support you fully but why did you take his name?"
"I also want to know, she actually made Pierce her middle name and took Avery" Amelia took a seat carrying a teddy in her hand "I thought you said you were going to hyphenate?"
"Look, I want the same surname as my future children" she stood up and walked to the kitchen "I want people to immediately associate me with my husband everywhere we go. I'm proud of him. I'm proud he chose me. I want the world to know. I don't want to – to be accidentally seated separately on a plane" Meredith and Amelia looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces "I spent a lot of time trying to think of a way to match the commitment, support and love he shows me daily. This felt like a fitting tribute, besides I like his surname, it's pretty, sue me" she poured herself some more wine and walked back to the table
"And it`s also shitty" Amelia said letting out a little chuckle which made Maggie to roll her eyes
"You two talked about kids yet?" Meredith asked
"Yeah, we want kids, even told Catherine I can`t take the position within the foundation as yet because that would be a lot"
"Oh really, and what did she say?" Amelia said
"Firstly she offered to take care of our hypothetical kids before finally understanding that I needed to be there also"
"Its good to talk about things, especially kids. Owen and I broke up because we didn't talk, we had a non kinda conversation about kids, once we were married it felt like we were not on the same page and our marriage couldn't survive that"
"Well, that was the tumor obviously" Maggie said "we do our best to talk things and right now we are on the same page except that he is way more eager and excited, it`s so cute actually" Maggie said with a smile "I can`t even picture the day we find out we are pregnant, he will go insane I swear"
"I know, you should actually make it extra special, he is so obsessed with your ass, you two be boning all over the hospital its crazy" Amelia said
"Well you gotta get it when you can" Maggie winked naughtily
"Oh I remember that feeling" Meredith winked remembering her time they were trying with Derek "I am so ready to be an aunt" she added with a smile " and if you want the position with the foundation I also volunteer as a tribute to take care of the kids, after all those will be smart kids, they will come out talking about ten blades and scalpels"
"Too much, all that generational Avery, Grey, Fox, Webber and Pierce awesomeness, I will also sprinkle a little Shepard as they grow"
"Who knows maybe they will even find a cure for Alzheimers" Meredith chuckled
"And diabetes" Amelia added causing all the sisters to laugh
…
It was a few days after Halloween, when Maggie and Jackson stopped by their new house to see if all was in order. Everything was going out perfectly and they couldn't be happier. The whole process had been daunting but it was worth it seeing the results. Today they were going to get some of their furniture so they needed to be there. She stood by the window of the master bedroom looking outside at the rain that was soft and calm; the leaves were all over, she made a mental note to get someone to rake it up. He walked towards her and wrapped his hands over her, he kissed her temple while Maggie softly rubbed her hands over his with a smile
"I am gonna need to take care of that" he said noticing the yard from their window
"That would be nice, I was thinking of getting someone actually"
"No need, I will take care of it" he said planting kisses all over her "I cannot wait to fill this house with a bunch of mini Avery`s"
"I know right" she turned looking at him "I can even picture our son with his bow shaped legs"
"You did not just say that" Jackson looked away in embarrassment "I was thinking more along the lines of a daughter with a lisp" he said earning himself a smack on his chest "by the way, Link wants the penthouse"
"What did you say?" Maggie looked up at him "we haven't even talked about when we will move in"
"That I will talk to you about it" he looked directly in her eyes "we could move in next year, new decade new house and hopefully new babies" he reached for her lips and kissed her
"That is so cheesy" Maggie said after breaking off from the kiss to answer her phone
"Just ignore it" Jackson said as he continued to kiss her "we are in the middle of something"
"Babe, it could be the hospital" she said reaching out for phone in her coat,
"Hey" she answered dodging Jackson's advances but Jackson wouldn't let her out of his sight
"I have been looking for you all over, where are you?"
"At the new house, is everything okay?" she said holding Jackson off trying to listen attentively
"Are you pregnant yet?"
"Did you seriously call me to ask if I am pregnant?" Maggie said and Jackson raised an eyebrow
"I am pregnant"
"What?" she pushed Jackson off her and took a few steps away from him as if she didn't hear what her sister had said.
"I am pregnant, as in I got a baby growing inside of me"
"Oh wow" she paused not knowing how to react to the news. She slowly walked out of the bedroom "so are we happy or are we….?"
"I don`t know Maggie, I am freaking out, I haven't even told Link"
"Amelia…." she took a seat by the top stairs
"I can`t" there was a moment of dead silence "you know how militant I am with birth control" she exhaled out loud "but somehow Link `s soldiers managed to march right through" she said causing Maggie to let out a little chuckle
"Hey –"she said softly "you need tell Link"
"I know"
"He deserves that the very least"
"I know" she sighed "so how is the new house?"
"It`s so nice you should come through sometime, but to answer your question, I am not pregnant"
"Well I had to ask, it would be nice to be pregnant together?"
"You are crazy" she shook her head amused at her sister`s idea. It wasn't a bad one but it was a crazy one for sure.
"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine" Amelia sighed dropping the call
"What was that?" Jackson said taking a seat next to her putting his one arm over her shoulder
"It`s Amelia, she is pregnant and she is freaking out" she scrolled through her phone checking her messages and emails
"Oh wow, were they trying?"
"Not at all, I am so afraid for her because the last time she was pregnant she went down a dark path" Maggie paused and looked at Jackson "she told me it would be nice if we were pregnant the same time"
"I am biased so I am down for that" he smiled placing a kiss on her forehead "she will be fine, she is Amelia" he rubbed her sides softly
"I hope so" she curled on his shoulder in his embrace "please don`t tell anyone she hasn't even told Link yet"
"Okay" he nodded "if ever you were to find out you are pregnant, I would like to be the first one to know. I can`t tell you how to do things but it would be nice to know before everyone else" he kissed the top of her head
"And I promise you, you will be the first to know" she smiled now looking at him and then kissed him
…..
After spending the last week in LA, she was now back home in Seattle. With her birthday and thanksgiving fast approaching, the couple had plans to host the thanksgiving dinner. Maggie had told Jackson that she wanted something low key for the two of them on her birthday. As always Maggie was going over everything to make sure their first thanksgiving goes well. The plans were set now, they would move in to the new house the following year. She had made sure to cover everything she needed in LA, Jackson on the other hand was still finishing up in Stanford, they both planned not to take any trips at least until after thanksgiving.
Today she had a surgery with Alex, she also had a late lunch with her sisters and Addison who had visited Amelia for a few days. After learning about Amelia's pregnancy, Addison had decided to visit Seattle just as her way of keeping an eye on Amelia considering her past even though Amelia had insisted she was fine. She had told Link and the two were committed into raising their child together, they were in love more than ever and Addison was happy with how Amelia was.
They say when you're trying to conceive, pregnancy test taking becomes a chore. Like a scientist that she was, Maggie had a stash of all types of pregnancy tests in their bathroom cabinet. She was way late and she had been taking the tests with nothing showing. She knew how the hormonal imbalance worked especially when you were anxious so she wanted to resist testing, she thought of throwing all the tests she had away. She told herself that today she will do one last test and then get rid of them all. She took her test and waited for that second pink line to show up; to her surprise the line was there."Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" She creamed taking her test into the dark closet, under a flashlight, so she could see that she was seeing right. The second pink line was there visibly staring right at her, she gasped for air because she couldn't believe it. She quickly got out looking for her phone to call Jackson, unfortunately she couldn't get through to him. Nevertheless she was so happy she couldn't contain the excitement, all she wanted was to share this joy with her husband, and she had promised Jackson that he would be the first to know.
"What you smiling about?" Alex asked as they finished scrubbing out
"Nothing" she beamed from ear to ear "I am just happy that`s all"
"Whatever" Alex said
"Alex, I need a favor"
"Okay"
"Can you do me a pelvic ultrasound?"
"What? Why?"
"You know, I just want to see the size, shape, and position of my uterus and ovaries"
"Listen I need to pick Addison`s brain before she heads back to LA, she was my mentor at one point and it`s been nice having her around"
"Okay, here is the thing, I am only telling you this because I am desperate here" Alex looked at her "I am pregnant and it`s way too early, I did a test this morning at home, right now I want to see if all is well in there" she pointed at herself
"Oh wow, congratulations" he pulled her in for a hug "does Jackson know?"
"No, haven't been able to get hold of him all morning"
"Okay, you will owe me for this" he said as they walked out of the scrub room "you need to drink lots of water before that"
"I know the drill" Maggie said
…..
Maggie laid on her back on an examination table as a gel-like substance was being applied to her abdomen. Alex pressed the transducer against her skin and moved it
"Considering that you are still early we can`t see anything as yet, I mean for the baby"
"Alex I am a doctor" Maggie smiled as the images got displayed on the screen. Alex squeezed his eyes as if he wasn't seeing clearly at the giant screen in front of him
"Look Maggie, I will need to do the transvaginal one" he said turning the screen away "this one is not clear enough, can you get changed into a gown, will be back in a minute"
"Alex, what`s wrong?"
"I just need to be sure"
Maggie felt her anxiety creeping in, she knew that look, it was that look when doctors found something and then try to not find it again by doing another test. She quickly changed and looked for her phone to try and get hold of Jackson again, but what was she going to tell him exactly. She tossed it and laid on her back with her feet and legs supported. After what felt like forever Alex walked back
"Oh there you are" she said as Addison joined them in the room "what is going on?" she asked Alex who simply walked to be on her side
"Look I found something, I just need Addison to confirm because this is her specialty"
"Don`t worry Maggie, I am good at my job" she smiled at Maggie who was now confused. Addison took a thin transvaginal transducer which was covered with a lubricated latex sheath; she inserted the tip of the transducer into her vagina which caused Maggie a slight discomfort. She gently turned and angled it to bring the areas for study into focus; Maggie felt a mild pressure as the transducer was being moved. Alex`s eyes were now on the screen while Maggie kept her eyes closed
"Damnit" Alex cursed as Addison removed the transducer
"What?What is it?" she opened her eyes and looked at the two of them, she couldn't see the screen herself.
"There is two of them" Alex responded walking to her side
"Two of what? You can`t possibly be seeing that I am pregnant with twins" Alex `s head dropped, he knew right then that he had messed up. Maggie jumped off the bed and turned the screen to see for herself. She studied the images, the other two doctors looked at each seeing that she was oblivious of the situation
"Is that my…."
"Your fetus yes" Addison said softly forcing a smile
"How come? I thought I was way earlier, wow, look at that" she said getting a little teary "wait, if that is the baby then why is it…"
"Maggie, it appears you are gonna need a surgery" Addison snorted a little trying to hold back her own tears.
"I'm sorry, what?" she could feel her knees shaking, she held on to the bed before taking a seat.
"Maggie, you have two completely separate uteruses. They are, joined by a connective tissue. One is too small to ever carry a baby and that`s the one you are pregnant on. I am sorry but if you keep this baby your uterus will burst and you could die" Addison paused for a second trying to see if Maggie had heard her. Maggie zoned out, for a second
"And the other?" she asked
"The other is large enough, that`s the one that is clearly visible"
"Can`t you move the baby to the larger one?"
"Unfortunately we can`t do that, the fetus is still small to be moved and even if it was possible, with your condition it can still travel to the smaller one via the connective tissue, either way your uterus bursts and you die" Maggie didn't know how to process everything. She was overwhelmed by all of it, this was a rare condition and it looked like there was no other way. Maggie wanted to do her own research but she knew all about Addison and how excellent she was. She was a big gun, she thought about Jackson and how excited he was for them to start a family. How she had planned to surprise him with the announcement. She had been trying to get hold of him all morning but she hadn't succeeded because he was assisting on a facial transplant surgery.
"Ok, so I need surgery" she blurted "because either way I am going to lose this baby?"
"Yes" Addison nodded her head "and it has to be soon, I need to remove the smaller uterus and clamp off the tissue"
"Can I still get pregnant and carry my own kid" she rubbed her tummy in circles
"The good thing is your issue is not your fertility but carrying your own baby might be risky" Addison paused looking at a distraught Maggie "how about we have this conversation after the surgery" she said with a warm smile
"I am a doctor, just give it to me straight" Maggie looked at her
"I am afraid I can`t give you the right answer because I won`t know until I get in there" Maggie felt her heart drop "what I can say with your condition is that, you have high chances of having a miscarriage. Looking at your uterus as it is I am afraid your chances of carrying a baby to full term are slim to none, you are more prone to severe complications which could lead to death"
"So there is a chance but there is a risk of me dying?"
"I am afraid that`s true" Maggie felt her stomach churn, this was too much.
"I don`t understand, why didn't they pick this before when I was shot?"
"You can`t easily detect it if you are not looking for it" Alex said
"How long do I have till it bursts, I mean before you could do the surgery" Maggie said lying back on the bed, she couldn't control the tears that were about to stream down her cheeks
"Maggie, don`t you want to call Jackson first?" Alex asked moving closer to her
"Why, so I can tell him that he was going to be a father again? What do you want me to say to him?"
"Maybe because he is your husband and he loves you" Alex said looking at Maggie who curled facing the other direction wiping her tears off.
"Maggie" Addison interjected "I m afraid but that uterus can burst any minute, so it has to be as soon as possible" Maggie said nothing, she pretended like she didn't hear Addison
"Can you give us a moment please?" Alex said to Addison "please don`t say anything to anyone yet"
"Of course" she said stepping out.
"Hey, do you want me to call Mer or Amelia?"
"NO!" Maggie said adamantly sitting upright
"Do you want to be alone?" Alex asked looking at her
"Alex, he is so happy, been trying to get hold of him all morning, maybe it was a sign for me to spare him the heartache. Can't I let him be happy at least? He still doesn't know that I am pregnant so he doesn't need to know that I won`t be pregnant any more" Maggie pleaded with Alex with her glossy eyes "I can`t put him through what he went through with Samuel, I just can`t"
"Maggie this isn't your fault, you not telling him will break him. Give him a chance and let him deal with this as well so he can be there for you" Maggie sighed rubbing off her tears and whispered and said "it sure feels like it is, why didn't I get checked first, all of this could have been avoided had I only did a thorough check before putting him through all this"
"Maggie, Jackson loves you, he will understand and you blaming yourself isn't good for you right now"
"Yeah" Maggie chuckled "he will understand that his wife can`t give him kids without complications, not mentioning miscarriages and possibly losing my life"
"Look Addison is good at what she does, how about we focus on this surgery right now and not dwell on other things" she said as Maggie collapsed in his arms sobbing uncontrollably
"I can`t Alex, I just can't" she said as the sobs got calmer and calmer as Alex rubbed her back soothingly
"I promise, I will tell him before my surgery" Maggie said looking at him with the saddest eyes. She got off the bed forcing a smile "can I at least do my post ops before that?"
"Sure, call me if you need anything"
"Thanks Alex"
…..
She immediately went to her lab after finishing her post op. She closed the door and ploped down to the ground behind the door. She started with the over thinking and over analyzing of things. She felt like the entire future they had envisioned for themselves was crashing down around her. She felt like she was less of a woman. Was this fate, after all she was adopted, she never got a chance to ask her mom why they never had their own kids, she wished she was there to guide her though it all. Was she ever going to feel complete? The guilt of not being able to give Jackson kids overwhelmed her. She felt like the worst human in the world for not being able to give the person she loved so deeply children, the possibility was there but at what cost, at the cost of her own life? Was it even worth it? Maybe if she tells him she had changed her mind about kids it would be easier, it would be better he hates her than for him to know she couldn't give him the kids he wanted. Everyone was looking forward to that baby, just this morning she was so happy to see those two lines on her test, she felt nothing but inadequate. The thought of never going to know what it was like to grow a new human being, deliver them into the world and begin a new life with them hurt her so deep. She was never going to be like other women. She couldn't stand the thought of people treating her differently once they find out, all her life she had hated that and she couldn't stand it. She took her phone out and contemplated calling Jackson. She remembered how he was when he lost Samuel, the thought of putting him through that again became too much. She felt a sharp pain on her back as she sat there, she tried standing up but the pain was unbearable, she reach for her phone and paged Alex 911. She knew it wasn't good; it felt like that of a period pain but it was severe. She rolled away from the door with the excruciating pain, unable to stand on her own two feet hearing Alex knocking before opening the door,
"Oh crap" Alex jumped to her side "Maggie, Maggie, what happened?" he said shaking her face to keep her from closing her eyes
"Jackson, Jackson, Jackson" was all she could utter as everything started to get blurry.
Well that was something!