"You're leaving?!" Sun's eyes were wide and searching. Searching for what? Blake knew not. She doubted he'd find it anyway - whatever he was looking for. "What do you mean you're leaving? You can't leave!"

Blake wanted to point out that technically, yes, she could, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. But she didn't want to break his heart more than it was already breaking.

The room was awfully large and chilling. Blake hugged and told herself it was because of the cold. It was an excuse she didn't buy.

"There has to be a way to–" Neptune choked, slamming his fist into his keytar. A string of incoherent noises popped out. Notes, played out with different intensity, holding no real chord, no real meaning, only anger. Anger and betrayal. If this were any other circumstances, Blake would've winced. "They can't just pull you away like this! We need you!"

"Nep," Blake started, but saw the grim look on Weiss' face, and swallowed.

She knew.

Weiss, ever so graceful, leaned into her fur-sewn chair. Her ruby earrings dazzled in the yellow lighting. "It's not them, is it?"

Sun looked at Weiss, and Weiss looked back. His face paled as he donned in realization.

Neptune stayed clueless, looking back and forth between all three of them. He understood that there was some kind of communication, but couldn't comprehend what it was. "What's she saying?" All eyes turned to Blake. Neptune looked stricken. Blake had to look away. "What's she saying?"

"I think you know," Blake said, barely keeping her voice from cracking.

Neptune's mouth was open and trembling. His blue hair swayed as he shook his head.

"No."

Blake's shoulders and ears sagged. "Nep–"

"No!" Neptune stood from his chair, the intensity causing it to fall. With how harshly he threw his keytar on the table, he might as well be throwing it straight to the ground. An instrument was supposed to be a musician's body part, they said. It was supposed to be as vital as their heart. "Tell me this is a joke! Right here, and right now!"

Oh, if only it were that simple.

Blake limped into her chair. The figure of her friends loomed over her, and she feared they might scowl at her and tell her to get lost.

But no.

Reality was almost worse.

Reality was always almost worse.

Sun, usually equipped with wit and jokes, stayed silent. Silence didn't suit him.

Weiss' posture was stiff. Too stiff. It was as though she'd reverted back to how she once was before they were her family. Before she knew what a family was.

And Neptune... Well, the poor boy looked utterly defeated.

Time to end this.

"I've talked to Glynda about it for months. Managing the paperwork, I mean. It's being finalised as we speak."

Silence.

She used to crave it, once upon a time, like how a cat would chase after a red dot. But when it had gotten the dot, it wished it'd never known it, because the red dot was empty, and nothing. A red dot. That was what silence was; nothingness.

"When will you..." Weiss seemed to struggle in finding the right words. "When will you take your leave?" was what she ended up saying, the scarred eye twitching as she did so.

"Tonight is my last show."

Was it possible to feel empty and too full of too many things at once? Because that was how she felt. And from the looks of it, they felt the same way.

This time, not even Weiss could contain her emotions, eyes blurring and mouthing the smallest of "no"s.

Blake's ears flattened, and her eyes lowered to the ground. She wished to comfort her, comfort them all, but her body wouldn't move. She was too frightened to do so. Too worried that the broken, cracked barrier of quietness that protected them from making this a reality would break.

Blake knew she had to break this barrier, but she couldn't. She didn't want to.

And Blake wasn't the one to finally break it.

"It wouldn't be leaving," Weiss said, voice cracking and pretending that it wasn't. "It's not like you'd disappear to the face of the earth. You'll still visit, still watch our shows, and vice versa. We'll still be us. Nothing will change."

Blake stared. For the first time ever, Weiss was being illogical.

Of course things would change.

Of course her leaving would have an impact on the band as a whole.

This wasn't a vacation.

This was permanent.

But hearing Weiss' words, even when it was a lie, filled her with warmth. It made her smile and chuckle and shake her head.

Sun threw a fist in the air. "Yeah!" He laughed. "We'll give you VIP entrance! It'll be dope!"

"Infinite access!" Neptune still looked shaky, but he was trying, clearly, and that was all that mattered. "Both before the show and afterwards!"

"And meet and greets too!" Sun winked at her. "I'd even give you one autograph~"

These knuckleheads.

Blake couldn't contain her laughter even if she tried. "Only one?" she asked, pouting and batting her lashes. "Are you sure you wouldn't give me more?"

He scratched his chin and pretended to think it over. Behind him, Weiss looked as though someone had told her E7 was the same as E Major.

"Well," said Sun, squinting, "I'd maybe give two, if you're nice."

"Whatever did I do to deserve this?" Blake sighed in her best 'Woe Is Me' voice, which was basically an imitation of Ruby when Weiss and Yang forbade her from eating another cookie.

"Enough, you buffoons!" Weiss, fuming, glared. Though, there was a small quirk on her lips that told everyone what she was truly feeling. "We have a show in at least three minutes."

Right at that moment, Glynda opened the door. "You have two more minutes." All her curtness disappeared once she properly looked at them. At each and every one of them. Her eyes landed on Blake's own eyes, hesitance in her voice as she asked, "Have you told them?"

"Told us what?" Sun was as sunny as his name. "That Blake's being promoted to a fan?"

It was Weiss, surprisingly, who lost her composure, breaking into an unladylike snort. She clamped her mouth shut in embarrassment immediately afterward. But Glynda didn't seem to mind, smiling warmly at her and the rest of them.

"I..." Blake swallowed and stood up to look at her better, to be on a more equal footing. "Thank you, Glynda. Thank you for everything."

She wished to say more. A simple 'thank you' wouldn't be enough. Not to her. Right as she opened her mouth, heartfelt words ready to be disposed from her tongue, Glynda raised her hand.

"No need to thank me," she said. "Just..." She bit her lip, and looked more vulnerable. "Take care of yourself, and don't be stupid. If I ever find you lying on a hospital bed again..."

The healed wound on Blake's stomach sent her a small pang of ache and pain and buzzing.

"You won't," Blake said and meant it. She held her gaze with Glynda in hopes of showing so. "I promise. I have someone to protect me now."

"You should be able to protect yourself." Some of her stern nature returned only to melt away when Glynda smiled. "But yes. Miss Xiao Long has proved herself to be... somewhat decent."

Blake snorted at that. That was as good as she was going to get when it came to Glynda. It was a miracle she ever approved of Yang in the first place.

"It's time."

Blake tried to savour every little detail, every little moment. The jitters from the fear of failing in some way or another. The excitement of revealing herself in front of hundreds, if not thousands of people. The happiness in knowing that she wasn't alone in this. That her family would always have her back, and help her with any slip-up, and vice versa. The sheer wonder that all these people had gathered just so they could see her–see them. Because their fans adored them and what they'd created so much they put in all this effort.

The show was as great as it could be. Everyone put in more effort to each tune, each beat, and it showed. Sun whooped and cheered with each class of the cymbals. Neptune had more groove in him than ever before. He proved everyone that he wasn't messing around with his keytar.

And Weiss... well...

The perfectionist sounded even more perfect. It was impossible how amazing she was. With every word, every key, every breath, every hold of the breath, Blake felt as though she was speaking to her. More honest than she'd ever spoken. Not caring, for once, about her cold persona, and laying her heart out for Blake to feel, and for everyone to hear.

It was as though Weiss was saying goodbye.

It was as though everyone was saying goodbye.

I guess that's because it IS goodbye...

The song stopped, all of a sudden.

The music stopped.

The world stopped.

It was pitch black.

And then it wasn't.

And then one light shone - an icy blue light descending onto Weiss like an ethereal aura.

And Weiss wasn't looking at the audience anymore.

Blake's breath caught in her throat.

The final song had begun.

Thank you

Weiss' mouth trembled. Blake saw a haze in her blue eyes, which showed nothing but rawness in her gratitude.

I'll say goodbye soon

And that was when it hit her; she was leaving. Oh, Dust. She was leaving. She was leaving, leaving forever, leaving for good, never to come back. She didn't want to do it. She'd never wanted to do it. Why was she doing this?

Though it's the end of the world

Weiss had this chastising look on her face, as though she knew exactly what Blake was thinking and was shaking her head in disapproval because of it.

Don't blame yourself now

And there it was again, the helplessness and soul-crushing realisation.

And if it's true

Weiss tilted her head, and she looked almost teasing.

I will surround you

As if Blake wasn't really leaving, and everything would be okay.

And give life to a world

And maybe it would be okay, one day.

That's our own

Even if it wasn't today.

The light shining upon her dimmed until there was no more.

And then there was a new light.

Dozens of little lights, shimmering and sprinkling all throughout the audience like stars.

At first, Blake thought this was Weiss' doing. Her and Glynda both.

Then she saw the color.

The audience, her fans, her supporters, perfectly showing the light from their glow sticks, hanging them up in the air, showing their declaration, their love, their gratitude, and more, more than words ever could say.

All in yellow.

That was when Blake cried.

She choked, she sobbed, she hacked, and she'd never felt so loved.

It was a chaotically wonderful feeling.

Together, they all sang.

Thank you

I'll say goodbye soon

Though it's the end of the world

Don't blame yourself now

This was a goodbye. But this was more than a goodbye.

Blake couldn't place it back then, what this was. But she would. Soon.

And if it's true

I will surround you

And give life to a world

That's our own

And Blake Belladonna's last show ended.

Blake took a long look at her bass.

To say it was only an instrument to her would be degrading.

She ghosted her fingers through each part, each little nick from the years she'd honed her skills, each little scrapes and dents; because an instrument was only as perfect as its wielder. Each part she'd come to know so well. Each bump and smear, flaws and all. They were marks that showed years of experience, of hard work, of love, of loss, of everything, everything. They were scars, yes, but weren't scars proof that she was no longer the musician she once had been? That she'd failed, and struggled, and been in pain, but she'd grown from it, learned from it, and survived.

In the end, all she could be was thankful.

"You can take it with you, you know," said Yang, lingering in the back. It shouldn't surprise Blake that she'd been here the whole time, at such an important moment in her life, but it did. "You don't have to leave it behind."

Blake gulped, and Blake shook her head. She gave no verbal answer. There was no need to tell her everything. She kissed it - what was as important to her as her hands and feet - and turned, never to look back.

Yang was wearing the same clothes as the night they'd first met.

Blake smiled, and wondered if it was intentional.

Yang offered her hand; a wordless invitation to leave her everything behind and build a new everything.

Blake let one last tear fall. "Thank you." She took Yang's hand. "And goodbye."

(Even now, editing this one last time, I'm considering deleting this stupid author's note, and "sweeten" the truth so none of you will worry, but... I'm tired. I'm so tired, guys. I'm sorry, in advance. I'm sorry that you're about to read this. Please don't read this. I don't want any of you to read this. I won't blame you for ignoring this.)

So, yeah. In case the message wasn't clear enough: I'm leaving the fan fiction community for good.

I wish I could say that it's because I feel like fan fiction isn't enough for me anymore, and I'm pursuing original fiction simply because I want to truly spread my wings. Or maybe it's because I've burned out all of my creativity, and I need a break from writing in order to find my inspiration again.

But that would be lying, and I'm tired of lying.

It's not safe for me to... like girls. Not where I live. Not with the kind of people that are close to me. It's never been safe for me to be who I am, but recently, I'm beginning to realize just how unsafe I am. I have to constantly look over my back and check if anyone's looking before I read cute Bumblebee fics or save White Rose fanarts. I have to keep biting my tongue from telling anyone that my story involves a romance between two girls. I have to lie awake every night wondering if my behavior is normal enough for everyone not to suspect anything.

Do you have any idea how it feels to have a crush on a girl then be very afraid of the smiles and hugs and pats you give to that girl, not because you don't want anyone to know you have a crush, but because you don't want anyone to know you are "the devil"?

How it feels to hear your father say how much he hates "faggots" and not being able to do anything about it?

How it feels to be relieved when you harbor an attraction towards a guy because it means that you're somewhat normal, and there's an alibi to use, to make everyone think that you're no different from they are?

It hurts.

I've been in this constant state of worrying, and panicking, and being afraid for over 3 years, and I'd like for it to stop. For good.

It's not safe for me to do this anymore. It's never been safe to begin with, but back then, all I thought were how nice it was for girls to kiss girls. I didn't think I'd end up this deep in the rabbit hole. It never occurred to me why I liked seeing girls kiss other girls, and why it felt so right. I went with my instincts, and wrote, and ended up writing about how nice it was to be in love with another girl, and to have that same girl love you back.

I was so deep in the closet, I myself had no idea that I was in it.

Once it did occur to me, what it meant, I had a breakdown. A nasty one. So nasty I decided to change my name because I was that afraid of anyone finding out. (I already have a W A TT PAD account under the name Clementine Davidson. And there was a possibility, small as it may be, of someone searching that name on this site, and finding out about this. I couldn't live with that small possibility. I couldn't, no matter how stupid it was.) It was stupid, but I felt relieved when I changed my name.

I need you all to understand that the only reason I'm doing this is out of my own safety. Both my real safety and my mental one. It's exhausting, having to lie and deny and keep quiet all the fucking time. Having to bite your lip when people are degrading boys who like boys, and girls who like both boys and girls. Pretending to be indifferent when you hear news about how badly "the wretched gays" have been beaten up. I can't stand it anymore.

I want to have a normal life. A life where I don't have to life in fear. I don't want anything bad to happen to me, or to anyone. And yeah, maybe it is cowardly of me to want to hide who I am, but I don't care. Not anymore. I just want all this pain to stop. Is that too much to ask?

So, yeah.

I'm quitting fan fiction.

But it doesn't mean I'm quitting writing fully.

And yeah, I get that 99% of the reason why you follow me is because I write the "girls liking girls" stuff, and I understand if you won't continue to follow me outside of fan fiction. But if you wish to read more of my work, and see how I'm doing, I hav TT PAD account. I barely use it, and I've never written anything as great there as I have here, but I plan to change that.

My username's C{double underscore}v{double underscore}D, and my profile name is Clementine V Davidson.

But if you do want to check it out, or comment, please, I beg of you, don't make any references to what I used to write. Don't bring up the pride flags. I'm scared that someone will suspect. I... don't want to get into any trouble. And I know this may be going overboard, but this is more than just my reputation at stake.

I know it won't be enough for you, though. You're here the same reason why I'm here: for the forbidden romance. And there won't be any forbidden romance in my original stories.

It means I'm parting ways with many, if not all of you. So... I'd like to thank you.

Thank you all for everything you've given me. Each and every one of you are special to me. Whether or not your comments are long and simple, or even if you never comment at all, doesn't matter to me. You guys have no idea how much you've helped me just by those simple "LOL"s or "good chapter!"s. Keep commenting, not just on my work, but on other's. Trust me, they may seem like they don't need it, but they do. They always need it. Everyone needs support.

Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for sticking through with me. I'll miss you all. I'll miss this. W A TT PAD won't be the same. Nothing will compare to this. It'll be okay, though. I'll be fine. Don't worry. I've always been able to push through my pain. This won't be any different.

To those of you dealing with the same situation as me, please, please, please, I urge you; be safe, be smart. Your closest friends and family can betray you in a heartbeat.

Thank you, and goodbye.